I have never had a girlfriend in my life

[AddictedtoChaos]

20 and no GF

The testimonies on this post are quite a revelation to me. Im 20 years old and also never had a girlfriend. It just hurts me to type these words, so you have no idea how much burden this places on my life. I'm a good looking, intelligent guy and I was completely comfortable with girls in high school. I had nice looking girls flirting with me on consistent basis, however i have never been out on a date with one. Problems within my family kept me from doing so. Im in my second year in college now, and Im going through tons of stress and anxieties trying to build any some kind of social life, while concentrating on my studies. I have lots of potential friends, but due to my awkardness and shyness I'm very hesitant on trying to establish any kinds of social relationships. I dont know what happened to me during the past 5 years, but my confidence with girls has plummeted. I often notice good looking girls looking and/or smiling at me, but I'm simply to self conscious to approach them. I also have an accent of which ive become very insecure as of late, which doesn't help the cause. Due to the fact that ive never had a gf, I'm very insecure when talking with my guy friends, and become irritated when a conversation about girls arises. I dont drink or do drugs, and have no way of suppressing my anxieties, and at times feel like there is no hope. I feel very relieved seeing that I'm not the only guy with these issues, and there are individuals in this world I can relate to

 

[Johno]

I have suffered from most of those problems as you care to mention. It is a common problem amongst men whom suffer from SP. I want you to hug yourself and realise that you are not alone. Guess what, from the latest research I have read, girlfriend problems are the most common complaint amongst all men. meaning you are not alone....

 

[Johno]

Ignore all women, especially the girls you are trying to attract. He told me to ignore them all. Just go about your business. Love yourself. Get yourself a life. Love your life and focus 100% on it. Once again love yourself. Get yourself a life. Just don't need anyone. Don't be needy. A friend told me this. I think it still makes sense. It is a difficult thing to do when you have SP. But it is still possible and does make some sense........

 

[tpdarlo]

I moved out when I was 21, I think partly because I always hated talking to my distant grandmother on the phone. Every weekend my dad would come into my room and ask me to come talk to my grandmother and every time it was incredibly awkward. I'd go through the same repertoire of small talk - "How is the weather?", "How is the garden?" - it made me incredibly anxious. It sounds utterly ridiculous, but I have a phone phobia.

The other reason I moved out was that I figured I'd never get a girlfriend living with my parents. The thought of introducing a girlfriend to my parents was just too awkward, I just imagined muddling up the introduction and standing their awkwardly trying to think of something to say. And I'd imagine my dad making some dad-joke that I wouldn't know how to respond to. SA at it's finest.

Anyway, my advice to you is to jump in the deep end. Move out, live on your own for a year and then move in with some friends. If you have the guts, move out straight away with some others. Exposure I think is the only way forward. You need to confront it.

 

[redski]

Guys,
I am just like the original poster. It shames me.
I registered here to seek advice and to try to learn why I am this way.
I really appreciate all the honesty.

Thanks guys!

 

[I-saw-my-lonely-death]

First of all, - this is the greatest forum thread that I have ever read in my entire 25 year old girlfriendless life. Oops! So, here it goes… I live in London, we moved here many years ago from a country near Caspian Sea. When I was young and aimless life was so colourful and filled with joy. As a kid about 12 y.o. I experienced my parent's horrifying divorce that qualified me as an ACODP. Later on my mother had an abusive boyfriend who used to hit her and I remember like yesterday hiding my head under a pillow and crying powerlessly. I fantasized about killing him on many occasions, as my blood boiled in my veins like Hell's flames. I never fitted in my old country and almost the same thing is happening here in UK, its like some people think that they are above me and others think that they are below me and there's never someone like me on my level. These and other school related semi-traumas left me now struggling with SA and depression. Sometimes for no reason I have panic attacks and I break down.

I'm so happy I came across this site and have read all the heart touching stories of everyone here, I feel like I found an old best friend. Just like “Lonelyheart” I, too, no longer believe that a relationship is possible, like “SqueakyGibson” pointed out I am really a 12 year old boy and like “sadday” I feel so lonely all the time. And like” bentnbroken” mentioned my life is a nightmare that i would do anything to get out of. And yes “Kien” you are 100% correct sir life is shit. I'm so sick of being reminded of what I'm missing out on everywhere I go I wish there existed a Singles City exclusively for solo people!

As far as the top tips go – the last time I tried pickup techniques and tricks I got my face broken in half by some obnoxious nocturnal party creatures and the only thing I was left picking up that night was myself of the ground. Lately I've been staying away from fun activities like nightclubs, house parties, movies and concerts. Its hard because I have to lie to people who care about me enough to call me out for some fun stuff. The only real tip I give myself is to give up! I say to people with girlfriends or boyfriends to stop whispering on and on that someone will find us and that theres hope for love on this godless planet – just pack up your mumbo-jumbo now!

 

[iamthenra]

Okay I will add my post to this too... I'm 41 and in the same boat as the rest of you... SA, depression etc...

 

[mitchellb999]

I've ruined the few opportunities that I've had all because of fear. Oh well, I guess win the Darwin Award.

 

[Mack_Berserk]

I'm 21 and I've never been in a relationship. I've been on a couple of dates... but all involved drinking alcohol beforehand, and none went past the first date. Unfortunately, I find it impossible to be expressive or humorous with anyone I don't know too well unless I am buzzed (because of fear).

Fear IS a raging, all-consuming current inside our heads for which there is often no escape. It clouds rational thought, impedes logical analysis, and unreasonably intensifies emotional uncertainty. And I ****ing hate it.

Anyway, best of luck to everyone else out there.

 

[mr coolness]

I'm 26 and never had a girlfriend.I know how it feels but i'm going to put forth effort this year.I've had girls approach me and just started giving me a shoulder massage.i mean and i don't even know them.yes i feel upset that i let social phobia hold me back but no more!!I'm just going to put myself out there and do my best to talk to them

 

[klytus]

I've had girls approach me and just started giving me a shoulder massage.i mean and i don't even know them.

Where did that happen? Were they drunk?

 

[eXact]

Hey, for sure theres hope, maybe youll find someone on here, dont give up bro, keep at it

 

[cyberboy82]

I’m 28 and never had a girlfriend, and there is 99% chance I never will. I’m very afraid of dying but cant wait to be dead…

 

[TheLittleMermaid]

I'm 21 and have never had a boyfriend or been on a date or been kissed. I've only ever been asked out twice in my life (recently) yet I don't consider myself ugly...i think guys are put off by my shyness and mistake it for disinterest or think of me as a very boring person. I also have high standards- i know i shouldn't but i can't help it. Looks are not as important to me as personality and intelligence. As i am fairly intelligent myself (not to sound bigheaded) i want to be able to have fairly intelligent conversations with guys and most of those i have met either cannot do this or are already taken! I also haven't had much interest in many guys i have met but i think this is because i grow to like someone after i get to know them and this rarely happens due to my shyness.
For me i would much rather go out with a guy that has never dated as i think it would make me feel special and be less awkward around them (plus no ex gfs to worry about!). I think girls are more interested in who you are than who you have been with so don't worry about that aspect.
I wouldn't describe myself as having SA (though i am not entirely sure what the requirements are?) and i have 5 extremely close friends who are also challenged in the dating area 2 of them have never dated either and another 2 have never had a proper relationship.

It makes me feel sad and lonely that i have no one but just think there are many many single people out there and just because they have dated in the past doesn't mean they should have any more success in the future than people like us. You never know what will happen in the future and i will not give up on love and a family.

 

[danstelter]

This used to describe me until about 21 (I'm 26 now). It was a very long and hard road, but what I eventually learned is that instead of sitting around with my head between my knees in defeat, I learned that the best thing to do is to work on what is under my control...me. So, I decided to work on every aspect of myself to make myself a better and more desirable person for others, while simultaneously staying true to my inner core and not changing who I am.

In your late teens and early twenties, the anxious find themselves single because they are looking for someone, generally a pretty decent person, which is taking dating more seriously than others that age. Most people that age are looking for sex or some other form of manipulative relationship that is not a mature one....like it or not, that is just the way that it is it seems.

The good news is that once your mid twenties roll around, most people are getting more mature and are looking for a solid partner, which socially anxious people generally are.

The other thing is that you have to believe that there is somewhere out there for you because there is, and if you don't believe that, you will find yourself to be a lonely person. There is somebody for everybody.

And hey, I've got proof...I just got married a month ago at 26 and the average age for marriage for men is 27, so I ended up a little ahead of the curve. Good luck and I hope that I've helped in some way with what I have said.

 

[exquisite]

rko74 I feel for ya. Im 24 and feel like Im rapidly approaching your situation I moved out of moms house at 22, but only to move in with my brother, so its still like Im living off someone else. Im so poor I could never afford my own life.

As for the womenz deal, I have no clue dude. Ive tried internet dating services, crying my eyes out, talking to god, wishing I was never born, looking down the barrel of a gun, hell I even tried asking some girls out.

I think Im beginning to become "militantly single". Im almost pissed off about it now. THE HELL WITH IT!!! :x Stupid bitches, I dont want nothing to do with you either you shallow ****ing idiots!!!!! Just leave me the **** ALONE! like you have been........

SCREW THEM ALL, EVERYBODY!

Hey now, that's a little harsh, don't you think? Not all girls are stupid bitches & shallow ****ing idiots. I'm a girl, & believe it or not, I suffer from being single. In fact, I suffer from not being able to be with anyone at all, because I can never get comfortable enough with someone to get intimate, & I'm not talking about sex. I'm talking about kissing, hugging, holding hands, cuddling, etc. I can't do any of it, I feel like I'm being suffocated, and I have no diea why, even if I'm head over heels for the guy. And you have no idea how many times I've been told that I don't care about the guy, or I'm such a bitch that I'm playing with their emotions. That's not always the case. Please don't generalize & put every single girl into one category. Guys aren't the only ones that have these problems.

I'm 21 and have never had a boyfriend or been on a date or been kissed. I've only ever been asked out twice in my life (recently) yet I don't consider myself ugly...i think guys are put off by my shyness and mistake it for disinterest or think of me as a very boring person. I also have high standards- i know i shouldn't but i can't help it. Looks are not as important to me as personality and intelligence. As i am fairly intelligent myself (not to sound bigheaded) i want to be able to have fairly intelligent conversations with guys and most of those i have met either cannot do this or are already taken! I also haven't had much interest in many guys i have met but i think this is because i grow to like someone after i get to know them and this rarely happens due to my shyness.
For me i would much rather go out with a guy that has never dated as i think it would make me feel special and be less awkward around them (plus no ex gfs to worry about!). I think girls are more interested in who you are than who you have been with so don't worry about that aspect.
I wouldn't describe myself as having SA (though i am not entirely sure what the requirements are?) and i have 5 extremely close friends who are also challenged in the dating area 2 of them have never dated either and another 2 have never had a proper relationship.

It makes me feel sad and lonely that i have no one but just think there are many many single people out there and just because they have dated in the past doesn't mean they should have any more success in the future than people like us. You never know what will happen in the future and i will not give up on love and a family.

I honestly think that you just about described my life, minus the 21 y.o. part [I'm 19]. I definitely can say that I'm pretty positive I have SA, especially in the dating spectrum, as I've never been able to have a normal, long-lasting relationship. I believe my longest was 2 months? And that was a pseudo-relationship when I was 16. My 3 best friends are exactly the same, 1 has never been remotely close to being in a relationship [since I'm pretty sure she has some kind of SA like I do, as well], and the other 2, they've just had relationships where the guy gets what he wants from them & then drops them the second it's over. And I've had multiple guys accuse me of screwing around with their heads, being "abrasive" & "hostile", because I seemed disinterested & simply like I didn't care either way. Ugh...life sucks sometimes.

 

[tired_of_starting_again]

I wish I could reach out & hug some of you right now, I love knowing that I'm not the only friendless wonder in the world. Of course, if we did hug we'd cringe & or run away, lol.
Oh well, **cyber-hug**

I'm 16 & have never had anything remotely close to a relationship with a guy.
I mean, I get freaked out & uncomfortable if I see a guy looking at me, or checking me out (which the the closest I've ever gotten to anything).
It's not that I dislike men, not at all, it's just that in a romantic relationship would be so much more intense & I'm so paranoid that I'd just be used. So I prefer to avoid the whole thing all together.
I also hate being touched, like I just hate it, it makes me mad.

Being homeschooled doesn't help, but it's not as if there is no chance for socialising, I have just always been less than thrilled to do it.

You know what else I can't believe? That my parents are in such denial about my social problems, my mom tries to normalise it by saying that she never had boyfriend until she was 16 & that she was "shy" & can get over it & bla bla bla.
Yeah well the difference there is that she had a best friend throught her whole childhood (only one though! oh, please).
There is a major difference between shy & PHOBIC, she was also just a reserved person, not shallow like so many other people at her school, so naturally there'd be less people to be friends with.

Everytime I read over what I say about my social "issues" I notice how often I use the word avoid, "I'd just rather avoid all that..." hmmmm isn't there a personality disorder diagnosis for that? Hmmmmm, more than shy mom. Lol.

 

[exquisite]

I wish I could reach out & hug some of you right now, I love knowing that I'm not the only friendless wonder in the world. Of course, if we did hug we'd cringe & or run away, lol.
Oh well, **cyber-hug**

I'm 16 & have never had anything remotely close to a relationship with a guy.
I mean, I get freaked out & uncomfortable if I see a guy looking at me, or checking me out (which the the closest I've ever gotten to anything).
It's not that I dislike men, not at all, it's just that in a romantic relationship would be so much more intense & I'm so paranoid that I'd just be used. So I prefer to avoid the whole thing all together.
I also hate being touched, like I just hate it, it makes me mad.

That's exactly my fear, what the guy's intentions would be, whether he's just playing around with me, or if he actually cares. Yet, I find it impossible to believe that a guy I like would actually care about me & like me. I daydream about it all the time, but I can't imagine that to be reality.
And being touched? Ugh. Only by my 3 best friends. That's it. Not even by my mom. In fact, I can't even stand it when someone gets really close to me, I start feeling paranoid & almost claustrophobic.

But you know what? Maybe that's exactly what a forum like this is for, for the people who have such a hard time meeting people & actually opening up to them, since they're [or, at least, I know I am] terrified of being ridiculed & rejected. So maybe our friends are here. Friends are friends, no matter where you meet them, or how you meet them. This crazy anxiety brought us all together so we can relate to each other. Trust me, I thank my lucky stars that I found this site, because before, I just thought I was the only one & I have absolutely no one to turn to. But I found people on here that actually understand me. It's such a GREAT feeling, I forgot what it felt like to be understood & not told that I'm just crazy & it's all in my head.

 

[Jesushasomeoneforme]

Jesus did not create us for failure. Let's all believe matthew. 18:19 If two of you shall agree in touching anything in my name it shall be done of them by my father which is in heaven. I come into agreement with who reads this and says it in their minds. BELIEVE BELIEVE BELIEVE Speak words of faith not defeat. Life and death are in the power of the tongue. those who speak will reap the benefits

 

[Jesushasomeoneforme]

But I will Jesus has a christian female bodybuilder wife for me.