rko74 said:
Ok there i said it, and im really embarassed.I'm 31, is there hope for me? Its not that im ugly or anything its just the social phobia me not overcoming it. Im trying to do something about it, im going to see a therapist this month and he told me to read "Dying of Embarassment".I wish i had more motivation.I think i have let it go on so long because im so comfortable living at home with my parents.
Wow! You just described me my friend. You just described me to a t. I am currently 31 years old and I still live with my parents, and I have never had a girlfriend either. I have been struggling with Social Anxiety Disorder along with alot of depression and loneliness for years now. As I write this, I am currently in a very bad frame of mind. It seems as if the depression has worsened ALOT over the past few months - alot of it has to do with the holidays and seeing people around me so happy - and I feel like I am reaching the breaking point. I feel really really helpless and really really ashamed and disgusted with myself. I honestly wish that I could be someone else.
I am glad that I registered with this site and it's helpful to read other people who are going through the same things as I am. However, I feel like I am reaching a point with my depression that is scaring me. I keep having persistent fantasies and thoughts of ending my life and checking out of this world. I drove around in the car earlier today going absolutely nowhere - just driving around town, and I was literally crying as I was driving. I was going over in my head how bad things are and how so damn lonely I feel, and I couldn't stop crying. It's been a bad, bad time and I am tired, tired, tired of this condition and of all the things that go along with it: depression, loneliness, shame, missed opportunities, tons of regrets, e.t.c.....
I look around and I see guys and girls who are 18,19 years old who are outgoing, happy, who are dating and having relationships, and I get really sad. I never did any of that. I realize that because of this SA and because of all of the depression and the self-esteem issues that I have blown a large portion of my life; I virtually wasted my youth because of SA. And you know what? It really hurts! I will never know what it was like to date as a teenager, to kiss as a teenager, to have sex as a teenager because I was too busy being afraid. Damn guys, this really really hurts. I don't know what to do. It's hard to press on and to continue on with life when you feel like there is no way out or no better way. I'm not sure what is worse: the social anxiety disorder itself, or the god-awful depression and loneliness that results from the SA.......Not to mention the serious blows to a persons self-esteem and self-concept.
