I don't need you touching me!

[Imogen]

Oh gosh, I was unsure where to put this, so just hit me if it's not supposed to be here. I'm super nervous about posting a thread. D: I just need a little advice maybe? Or someone who knows what I'm talking about?

As my lame thread title suggests...does anyone else get this when it comes to a partner or significant other? Like sometimes, they don't mind being around a partner and other times they just NEED to be alone. And I don't mean for a few hours, I mean a few days or weeks?

Like for example, I have a boyfriend, my very first actually, and he is very very VERY clingy. (Like to the point of texting me over 70 times a day and constantly having a need to touch or, and my god I hate this word, grope me when we're together.)And at times I do not mind him being around me, but then other times I just can't handle being touched at all? Not even an arm around the shoulders, or a pat on the arm or a hug. Like I just do not want touching at ALL and I need to shut myself away from him for weeks at a time. Does anyone else get like this with a partner? Like they just don't want to be touched? I find that sometimes it's so bad that being touched actually hurts. Like my skin becomes hypersensitive, and the more my boyfriend touches, the more it hurts and stresses me out. He could be stroking my arm, but to me it's like running sand paper over my skin.

Am I totally alone in this? Or does anyone kind of get what I mean? I know it's not exactly well described.

Perhaps I'm just being odd. But like right now? I've severed contact with my boyfriend for two weeks, because I just can't handle him being around me and constantly touching. I get panicky and upset and hyper aware and sensitive of things and people around me and the more he touches me when I'm in this state, the more it makes my thoughts jumble into panicky mush and the more it hurts.

It makes me terribly unhappy and kind of makes me wonder if I need to break it off with him due to needing so much space. As I say, he is very clingy(and he openly admits that he very clingy and likes to be) and perhaps this feeds my anxiety, as I do need personal space and a lot of alone time. I'm the type of person where, if left alone for two weeks, not a soul to talk to, I'd be perfectly fine. I'd not miss people. Or talking to them.

I hope people don't mind me asking this, I know it's personal to ask. I just feel like I'm alone in feeling this. I mean, I am having doubts about my relationship with this guy, as he's pushing me into situations which I do not like or want to do, so perhaps this is making me so...twitchy.

So yes, anyone get this at times? Mayhaps if you do not have a partner right now, then with friends? Or family?

 

[Silatuyok]

I know what you mean, and you're not alone. My boyfriend used to be what I might describe as clingy, but in the past two years he's done a very good job of learning to give me my space. Still, there are times when he goes out of town for the weekend and I breathe a HUGE sigh of relief. Sometimes I just don't want to be touched or kissed or hugged at all, and it's hard not to feel bad about not letting him show his affection physically. I think if you talk to him about your feelings and explain that it's not personal, but you do need your space sometimes, that hopefully he will understand and you two will be able to work it out!

 

[Moa]

Wow, I wonder if this is common for those of us with SA?

I've dealt with that too. Telling my boyfriend I don't want to be touched never turns out to be a pleasant conversation either. Former boyfriends used to get mad at me for it as well. I haven't had it happen to me in the past few months though. My boyfriend does get very physically affectionate, and when it's starting to drive me crazy, I just remind myself that he's doing it out of love, and that I'm lucky to be loved. If we didn't love each other, there's no way I could deal with this.

 

[Remus]

I get this, down to a combo of OCD and PTSD.

70 texts a day! Sounds like your partner has issues too, as your description makes him sound far too needy. Is he borderline or something?

 

[Imogen]

Thanks for the replies guys, I've been a tad lax in logging on in the past few days.

I've had words with my boyfriend before about his very clingy nature and he simply said, as always, that he likes to be clingy because I'm 'his property' and this means he can do what he pleases when he sees fit. I've been thinking long and hard about it and have decided we need to go our separate ways and split, as I don't like being referred to as property, as well as a whole other multitude of problems we've had. Not sure how I'll tell him this, as he hates listening to me. (He literally just ignores what I say and then goes 'What?' when he finally stops ignoring me. :/ )

I don't think he's got anything wrong with him per se, but he is very possessive and since he sees me as 'his', that this gives him a right to do what he likes. I'd like to say it's love, but it's definitely not normal or loving to treat a person as an object and refer to them as an object to others.

I tend to get this feeling of 'Just leave me alone, don't touch!' with quite a few people, and only my mum and my very close friend are the ones I don't get it with. Sometimes I just do not want to deal with anyone and I can feel myself getting tense around people and if they touch me I'm torn between moving away or standing there and letting them pat, poke, hug or whatever else they are doing. But then part of me thinks, 'why should I have to let people touch me all the time?' I'm still a nice person (I think/hope!) and it doesn't make me bad just because I'd rather people weren't all over me. There are times where a person can touch my arm and I just want to jump right out of my skin. Not because the person disgusts me or anything, but people touching me makes my skin crawl. Which sounds terrible, it's not the person, just me being me I guess.

 

[MikeyC]

I've had words with my boyfriend before about his very clingy nature and he simply said, as always, that he likes to be clingy because I'm 'his property' and this means he can do what he pleases when he sees fit. I've been thinking long and hard about it and have decided we need to go our separate ways and split, as I don't like being referred to as property, as well as a whole other multitude of problems we've had. Not sure how I'll tell him this, as he hates listening to me. (He literally just ignores what I say and then goes 'What?' when he finally stops ignoring me. :/ )

He literally said that you're his property? That's lame.

People like to touch other people, whether it be a hug or incidental touching. Just be aware of that, and if someone's getting too close, don't be afraid to explain that you don't like being touched.

 

[Remus]

I've had words with my boyfriend before about his very clingy nature and he simply said, as always, that he likes to be clingy because I'm 'his property' and this means he can do what he pleases when he sees fit. I've been thinking long and hard about it and have decided we need to go our separate ways and split, as I don't like being referred to as property

Property?!?! I don't blame you for dumping him, what a jerk!

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

Originally Posted by Imogen
I've had words with my boyfriend before about his very clingy nature and he simply said, as always, that he likes to be clingy because I'm 'his property'

Property?!?! I don't blame you for dumping him, what a jerk!

Yeah, the 1800s just called. They want their attitude towards women back.

 

[Lea]

Property?!?! I don't blame you for dumping him, what a jerk!

I agree, it seems to me like he doesn´t really love you, he just needs you - out of selfish reasons - like a property, a fetish, a thing.. That´s why you developed some allergy to him without consciously realizing why. But it´s not your fault, it´s just a symptom that something is wrong, a warning sign which should be paid attention to.

 

[Silatuyok]

Thanks for the replies guys, I've been a tad lax in logging on in the past few days.

I've had words with my boyfriend before about his very clingy nature and he simply said, as always, that he likes to be clingy because I'm 'his property' and this means he can do what he pleases when he sees fit. I've been thinking long and hard about it and have decided we need to go our separate ways and split, as I don't like being referred to as property, as well as a whole other multitude of problems we've had. Not sure how I'll tell him this, as he hates listening to me. (He literally just ignores what I say and then goes 'What?' when he finally stops ignoring me. :/ )

Yikes. That's no good. And more than anything else, it means he will be completely unaccommodating to your needs, so things never have a chance of getting better between you two.
Congrats on your breakup, it sounds like a good move.

 

[Sartana]

Property?! Wow... that's shocking. Some guys can be real jerks. :-|

 

[Imogen]

It's kind of sad that people can be quite mean to each other. Especially when concerning relationships. I'd like to think people can be mature when ending them or being in them, but sometimes it's just too hard for folk.

You're right, MikeyC, people do like to touch, I guess it's such a simple thing to do and can convey a lot of meaning. I always feel so terrible telling people I'm not fond of being touched a lot, as people tend to pull away then, even though I can still talk to them and such. It doesn't mean I wont sit near them or something, I just don't like being super physical with people. :3

I see what you mean Lea, because I'm at the point now where even seeing a message from him irks me and I have to delete it. He's being blissfully ignorant to the whole thing at the moment, even when I said we need to talk. I think in a way, he's using me to get over his Ex, who he broke up with a few months before going out with me.

I think the thing with my boyfriend works differently to how it works with others for me, looking at it now. It feels different. When other people touch me and want to hug and so on it stresses me out on a different level to my boyfriend, and it's actually not as high on my radar if that makes sense. It still stresses me out, but with my boyfriend it's more that I feel threatened and the fact that if I pull away, literally and figuratively, he'll just keep on coming because he thinks he's got a right. I think at the moment he has the right to a swift kick in the groin.

Thanks for the replies guys and gals, I admit this thread has taken a bit of a turn about me moaning and I do apologise about that.

 

[MikeyC]

You're right, MikeyC, people do like to touch, I guess it's such a simple thing to do and can convey a lot of meaning. I always feel so terrible telling people I'm not fond of being touched a lot, as people tend to pull away then, even though I can still talk to them and such. It doesn't mean I wont sit near them or something, I just don't like being super physical with people. :3

If someone was to pull away from me, that would indicate they don't want to talk to me. If that happens, explain to them you want to continue talking, but you dislike being touched. If they're decent, they won't try to keep touching you out of spite. If they do continue, it's probably best to walk away.

He's being blissfully ignorant to the whole thing at the moment, even when I said we need to talk.

Oh. In your boyfriend's defense, when a girl says "we need to talk," it's never going to be a good thing, so he's probably avoiding the situation until you're over it. He knows he's in for an awkward conversation. ::

I think at the moment he has the right to a swift kick in the groin.

We need video of this!

 

[Hoppy]

I think the touching is disturbing for any sensitive person. I do not easily touch people myself and really hate being touched.

I've always thought I would marry the first woman that I don't mind kissing. That would probably never happen.

 

[Agent_Violet]

my nickname as a child was littlemiss.touch-me-not.

I want to be touched but I want to be touched on my terms.not just because someone feels i'm their property.

 

[coyote]

i'm a toucher

i enjoy public displays of affection

but i don't consider anyone else property

and i'm not clingy

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

my bf is clingy too but i like to cuddle nonstop when im with him.. but i dont mind really i just text less or ignore the phone (unless it's a real emergency) not like answering hey whatcha doing every hour when i want to be alone and if he really loves you he wont get mad.... some guys are less clingy though but theyre usually players so yeah.. >.>

 

[Kiwong]

I am not comfortable with touching or being touched. I really love my personal space and idependence, and that is why entering into a relationship would need to be a big improvement on the current idependent status. I would be reluctant to lose that.

 

[MikeyC]

I have no issues with being touched - in fact, I kind of welcome it - but if I'm not touched for a long time it doesn't particularly bother me, either.

my nickname as a child was littlemiss.touch-me-not.

Uh, cute name! ::

some guys are less clingy though but theyre usually players so yeah.. >.>

That's a bit of a generalization but you're not totally wrong.