I don't know whether she likes me or not...

[Haruhiist]

In what way is she saying you're paradoxical? Give an example?

It's all in small things. For example, I'm saying that I like to tease friends. She remembers this, and brings it back up when some guy teases me and I call him an annoying bastard, as a joke.

She then replied: you hypocrite, you do it yourself too. And it's not only once, or in a friendly tone, sometimes she would even get irritated about it. What have I done to deserve this? It's not like I lie when I say stuff, I'm constantly different, and when I name a scenario, it does not apply to me all the time.
According to her, that's paradoxal.

You love her and that's why the little things are bugging you about her, because now that you have these feelings for her every little thing she does has more of an importance to you.
It sounds like you both get irritated with each other slightly. Imagine if you ended up losing her as a friend.
If I were you I'd just bite the bullet and tell her your feelings, because otherwise you could end up falling out permanently. At least if, in the worst scenario, she tells you she doesn't feel the same way back at least you will have provided her with an understanding on why you act the way you do.
Just do it - you started this thread a while ago so maybe now its time you find a proactive resolution to the problem. Otherwise it will just continue like this for longer and longer and you'll get more worn in as a result.
I know these things are hard to do, particularly for us with SA, but its the only way you'll get an answer to the question.

I wanted to ask her out after the examinations. We're really busy with our projects at the uni. I'm just scared that I chicken out when it really is time. And I don't know any excuses to ask her out. Also, does she even want to go out? Lately, I don't feel confident about our relation anymore. Also, I want to thank you that you're so concerned with this matter, even to a stranger like me. I don't want to waste your time, even though you gave me advice. I'll try to overcome my fear.


To everyone: thanks for the support. I know what my problem is, I've already known for the longest time. I'm just a chicken when it comes to love. I've never dated anyone before, and I feel really inferiour. I have a feeling that she doesn't want to get stuck with someone like me, because there are a lot of fun guys out there who would do fun things with her and make her feel good. I'm scared that I'm boring, I don't like to go out and party. Then I get depressed thinking why she would like someone like me...

 

[Haruhiist]

So you think she isn't "over" me already? If I read your post, it seems that people get tired of someone after a while. I really don't want that to happen...

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

I have to say either you should ask her out or move on. If you love her so much then there should be really nothing stopping you from taking a chance. Sure she might reject you, but wouldn't her saying yes to your offer be a lot better than anything else?

But on that note, I do also think that maybe you should just move on. You shouldn't be in a relationship of any kind when you are already questioning every little thing she does before you are even dating. If you are having these insecurities and doubts now, they are only going to get worse if you start dating. You should wait until you are confident and have a healthy mind set before you start pursuing any girls.

Also, editing to add something else.

People come and go. Relationships don't work out, it happens all the time. You need to develop confidence so that if something doesn't work out, it doesn't completely crush you. You can't rely on this girl for your happiness. If she doesn't like you, it isn't the end of the world. It's the first girl you've had strong feelings for, but that's basically all it is. It's not something magically special and different from everyone else in the world. Someone else will give you those feelings too.

 

[Haruhiist]

@MsBuzzkillington

Things won't change if I keep waiting for myself to get confident. I want to handle things step by step, and maybe this will help. I don't want to give up on anything. Yes, maybe I will still be insecure in the relationship, but I'm willing to change, even in the relationship.

That being said, you're right. I never believed in "the one". It's just that my emotions for this girl are so strong, that I know I'll be pretty overwhelmed when she rejects me. I know I'll eventually get over it. But I don't want to face it now, during the examinations and stuff.

 

[Haruhiist]

Hi guys, I'm back and more awkward than ever.

Things have been gotten worse, or at least not better.
I couldn't do much during the exams, and we couldn't see each other that much, of course we got a bit more seperated.

I don't know how it is right now, a week ago, I gave her a present she really likes. It was her late bday present because we couldn't do stuff during the exams. That surprised her, and after that, she started to act a bit more friendly again, poking and teasing me.

That only lasted a few days, because yesterday, we had a "date". I call it a "date" because it was due to coincidence that we were the only ones. We watched a movie, drank and ate together, it was fun I suppose (though I'm still awkward sometimes, and that really ruins moment).

Today, I actually tried to ask her out to do the same, and she was reluctant. Asked her for a movie, she said "maybe in group". Then I asked directly, so you don't want to go with me alone. The reply was "maybe later, this week is quite busy". What the hell do I make up with that? Is she trying to not hurt my feelings so she postpones it, hoping that I would forget about it?

I don't get her at all, because she asked me to go to the movie first... Then it turns out she asked other friends, including her ex... It confuses me so much, maybe I'm at fault in the beginning for not reacting when it was the time. But it still pisses me off a lot, now that I actually do try, it's like it's too late. I just don't know...

 

[IGotSeoul]

If something is causing you continual anguish, it makes no sense to pursue it.

 

[Haruhiist]

I hope you understand my situation. As I mentioned before, it's the first woman whom I have such strong feelings for. She made me happy. Now she doesn't, and I understand where you're coming from, but I know she COULD if she just acted different. That's why I'm still clinging on little details.

I used (and maybe still am) to be very rational about love. When someone doesn't like you back, just give up, she's not worth it, right? I know that, and I still do think that. The only thing is, I learned what "love" is, and I just can't give up on her, especially when she did so many things that showed interest. No, she's not playing around with me, I know that.

She's reluctant because things have gotten awkward. I wanted to fix that, but it could be that I'm too late and she simply lost interest. Hormones won't work forever... I was planning to give up to, like you said: why is she worth it.

But at least try to understand why I'm doing this.

 

[drganon]

This sums up my feelings about females...
YouTube - ‪Women Are Insane‬‏

 

[WantToHide]

It could be that she really likes you and just said "maybe in a group" to protect her from being rejected by you again, and to stop her getting her hopes up again.

It could be that she's gone off you or perhaps wasn't interested in the first place, and so doesn't want you to get you hopes up.

There's no way of guessing why she's less receptive towards you at the moment.

It was sounding quite promising at the start of this thread. The update is less promising. People's emotions fluctuate. Maybe at the moment she's annoyed at you or something. Before you take the plunge of asking her on a date again, maybe win her affections back a bit first, make her feel a bit special. She responded well to the birthday present, so continue with what she appears to like, and don't do the things that make her become distant. So do sweet gestures, like if you see her eating particular sweets, a week or so later you could have those sweets and offer her one. The important thing is making her feel pretty and special, laugh at her jokes, compliment her, occasionally touch her arm. If she responds well, continue with that thing, if she responds badly (moves away when you touch her, doesn't smile when you compliment her) then stop.

Keep us updated!

 

[drganon]

You might be better off just saying ***k it and cutting your losses.

 

[carecrab]

think about it.

you want to know if she likes you right? I don't think you want to live in unknowingness
just be honest with her, girls appreciate a guy who can be serious about his feelings.
And if she doesn't return the feelings, either try to stay friends with her.. which you will be if she respects you or you won't

but doing nothing is THE WORST. ive been in the same situation, done nothing
and years later i hear that i missed the chance of my ****ing life.

so my opinion is just do it.

 

[we_r_eternal]

just from reading what you wrote i'd be willing to bet you are prob very young- and when you are young, things change very rapidly. feelings towards another person is a fluid emotion until you,ve been with them for many years- there is usually not a good reason or a reason at all why people stop "liking" eachother at that age.. people meet other people, get to know you better and just don't "like" the person like they thought they did.. And i know this is little consolation at your age but as you get a little older you'll realize that relationships just don't work out the majority of the time.. and that shouldnt discourage you to keep trying... (just with other people)..

 

[Haruhiist]

maybe she is shy, i think you should confess to her. and then your know what shes really thinking. i used to be like that, i could be comfortable around someone, and once i developed feeling for him, i tend to shy away. maybe she is the shy type.

but if not, then she is wrong to led u on... its just curle to mess with someones feelin like that. there are those type of girls out there.

She's not like that, she's quite mature and consider other people's feelings. I think she's confused herself too, because I'm so awkward.

just from reading what you wrote i'd be willing to bet you are prob very young- and when you are young, things change very rapidly. feelings towards another person is a fluid emotion until you,ve been with them for many years- there is usually not a good reason or a reason at all why people stop "liking" eachother at that age.. people meet other people, get to know you better and just don't "like" the person like they thought they did.. And i know this is little consolation at your age but as you get a little older you'll realize that relationships just don't work out the majority of the time.. and that shouldnt discourage you to keep trying... (just with other people)..

I think you have it wrong. If you consider 21 young, then yes, I'm young ;-).
I'm not naieve, but inexperienced. I know there is no "true love". But I just happen to have strong feelings for her, I've known a lot of girls, but she's the first one who could do that. I know if she doesn't like me, I'll get over it, maybe not fast, but it will happen sometime.

I actually know a lot: I know I'd better confess, act like a man and that's it's better to regret doing something than to do nothing. But I'm simply too scared and have no confidence whatsoever to confess... I was trying to get closer to ask her on a date, so MAYBE I feel a little more confident to tell her my feelings. But in the end, she turned me down (or was it not an excuse?).

 

[Sial Axetder]

She's not like that, she's quite mature and consider other people's feelings. I think she's confused herself too, because I'm so awkward.



I think you have it wrong. If you consider 21 young, then yes, I'm young ;-).
I'm not naieve, but inexperienced. I know there is no "true love". But I just happen to have strong feelings for her, I've known a lot of girls, but she's the first one who could do that. I know if she doesn't like me, I'll get over it, maybe not fast, but it will happen sometime.

I actually know a lot: I know I'd better confess, act like a man and that's it's better to regret doing something than to do nothing. But I'm simply too scared and have no confidence whatsoever to confess... I was trying to get closer to ask her on a date, so MAYBE I feel a little more confident to tell her my feelings. But in the end, she turned me down (or was it not an excuse?).

Stop playing these games with yourself. Accept what was for what it was. You'll only go through what I call circles. They're everywhere. Does she, does she not? Excuse or truth o.0 Leave it be.

Stop.

Someone here said it, focus on yourself. Focus on keeping busy. Cleaning, exercise, build a penny tower.

She turned you down, accept it. Grieve your loss but don't let it consume. Try and stay clear of anything that reminds you. Sever the connection that you want to keep.

What happens when you fall? You get up, brush yourself off and continue on your way.

 

[Haruhiist]

Little update here for people who are interested (are there any? ).

So I wanted to stop thinking about her, because I got a bit hurt by her rejection (which I don't even know it was a rejection or not).
I'll quote her litterally, so you guys can judge "Maybe later, because I'm too busy with working on my dorm, and the movie will probably still be running in a month". You judge.

Anyhow, there's a little something that made me happy again today. I'm not the guy who chases around the girl, because I simply am not good at it, and I don't want to be the loser who grasps air and keep stalking someone. Another thing is, I've always wondered why men always had to make the move, even though the woman's interested too. So lately, I've been neglecting her. I don't go on msn anymore, (that's our only way of communication, because courses are over), and when I do go online, I don't start a conversation with her.

But today, she approached me, asked me if I play a certain game. I told her no, and she said that I had to go over and play it at her house.

I assume that she has in fact been missing me these days, and she wants to make it up by inviting me? Who knows, but I'm happy either way.

 

[HeadFace]

Little update here for people who are interested (are there any? ).

So I wanted to stop thinking about her, because I got a bit hurt by her rejection (which I don't even know it was a rejection or not).
I'll quote her litterally, so you guys can judge "Maybe later, because I'm too busy with working on my dorm, and the movie will probably still be running in a month". You judge.

Anyhow, there's a little something that made me happy again today. I'm not the guy who chases around the girl, because I simply am not good at it, and I don't want to be the loser who grasps air and keep stalking someone. Another thing is, I've always wondered why men always had to make the move, even though the woman's interested too. So lately, I've been neglecting her. I don't go on msn anymore, (that's our only way of communication, because courses are over), and when I do go online, I don't start a conversation with her.

But today, she approached me, asked me if I play a certain game. I told her no, and she said that I had to go over and play it at her house.

I assume that she has in fact been missing me these days, and she wants to make it up by inviting me? Who knows, but I'm happy either way.

Yeah... I'm pretty sure this is just going to turn into those "just friends" things. Unless you change, I guess, and keep pushing her. But then it'd seem like she doesnt like you for who you are and it's not like you'd want to keep pushing someone you love like that.
But hey, if you're happy with this then go ahead. I'd suggest finding someone else. Though you should tell us how the game at her house goes!

 

[Haruhiist]

I want to set a couple of things straight.

I know I'm a hypocrite, but I think I do have a chance. I know it's stupid for posting here and asking what you guys think, and don't want to believe you when it's bad. I guess I only want to hear good things... Idiot me.

But there are a lot of things you guys are not aware of, for instance, you don't know me or her. Actually, one time, she kind of admitted she likes me, it was when she said I should go to the lessons (I tend to skip it a lot).

I replied to her that I'm glad she thoughtful about that. She kind of misunderstood it and thought it was about me instead of going to the lessons. So she said "Well, thoughtful...", I was being annoyed with the answer so I said "yea yea I know you don't think about me".

She then said on a shy tone: "well, keep it a secret, but I do think about you".

Another thing is, she keeps making excuses to play games with me. One time, she asked me that if I want to buy an MMO so I could play with her. I didn't show interest, then another time she said she found the perfect game for 2 players to play.

Once, I was a bit sad, and working on the computer. She noticed this, so she stared a bit to see if I'm sad or not. I'm pretty self-conscious, so I noticed her doing that and I looked back. She then turns away her gaze, and started to look red (which was pretty cute I must say). Later on, she returned with chocolat to cheer me up.

It's stuff like that makes me have hope. Right now I keep waiting for enough events like that to make myself feel confident enough to make the big move. I'm so stupid right? I'm going to try again when we're on better terms. When a girl really says no, I give up and I don't care. The point is, she never really turned me down litterally, that's why I'm still pondering.

 

[Mickery]

It sounds to me like she does have some degree of interest in you, but is too confused or unsure or busy or something for anything to happen. Sometimes these things do require a push before somebody will do something about it... we're all in that position ourselves, right? Certainly I think you've got enough evidence to assume you're not already doomed to Friend Territory forever.

She then said on a shy tone: "well, keep it a secret, but I do think about you"

If that isn't supposed to be blatantly flirtatious then she phrased it very badly indeed.

 

[doubleM]

have you ever seen the movie "Million Dollar Baby"? well theres this scene where hilary swank tells clint eastwood, "im workin the bag, boss!". clint then says, "no youre not. that bag is workin you." that is what is happening to you. when people are emotional they are more easily manipulated. she is playing on your emotions, keeping you for when she needs you. you are an option.
trust me ive been where you are. it seems you have feelings for her and you cannot accept that she does not return them. you have already spent time and money on her. just let it go. you can keep your hopes alive....she may initiate a relationship of convenience with you, but if she does not return your feelings, it wont last. you are still an option to her.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

^Hmm? I disagree with you. I don't understand this whole thing about her being manipulative or using him because she doesn't give in easily. Even if he has to wait 4 years to end up with her, she is in no way a mean or manipulative person. She seems to like him. All that the OP described in this thread appear to me just like normal reactions of an unsure human being.