I don't know whether she likes me or not...

[Haruhiist]

Prepare for a very long story...

I knew this girl from the beginning of this school year. She approached me, because we had the same interests. We started to talk to each other on msn, play games with each other etc. Then we started to talk to each other more and more irl. Things seemed to go well.

I felt some romantic feelings when we talked to each other till 3 am both in real life and on msn. It felt so good, like we were meant for each other. I loved to tease her by poking her, and she reacted in a positive manner. But lately, things have changed because she seemed so stressful with the assignment.

I also confessed to my friends, because they kept bothering me with the question whether I like her or not. There once was a girl who said "she secretly likes you", and I was truly happy.

Like I said, things have become worse. She's stressful, she doesn't talk as much anymore. And to make things worse, I asked the friends whether she feels the same as I do with her. The same friend who said that she secretly likes me said that it was only something random. I got totally confused.
And she told me "I don't think she likes" you. Another friend said she sees me as a friend.

I don't know anything anymore. I'm really hurt right now. I wish someone here would just tell me how this works. I know you guys probably don't know enough, but I just want to be a bit sure about this whole nonsense...

 

[deleted user 1]

How it works? If only it were as simple as whipping out a manual. My last girlfriend's close friend informed that she did not see me as anything more as a friend. That delayed us eventually getting together by a good eight months! It really is hard to say, you mention her stress regarding an assignment. Maybe she has a lot on her plate right now, so in that case, just backing of a little might be a good idea until she has tended to her other commitments. It wouldn't hurt to be a little more direct. I'm not known for being direct, but in these matters I would definitely approach her. That might scare the hell out of you, but I can't handle working through second hand sources. I'd rather get it from the horses mouth, so to speak. Fortune favors the bold, all the best man!

 

[Haruhiist]

Thanks for the courage man.

I know there is no manual for love. But I want to be more sure about stuff. I'm even willing to tell examples where I thought: wow she really likes me. But lately, she stopped doing stuff like that. And she even said stuff like "I don't like short boys", (which I totally am).

Likes:
-She approached me first
-She talked to my till 3 am at a party, only the 2 of us
-She asked for my phone in the beginning, and messaged me the day after
-She hums the song "loving you", everytime I'm near, and swallows her words when she sings it out loud
-She asked me to go with her to a convention

Dislikes:
-Says stuff like that I'm annoying lately
-I don't see signs like that anymore
-She said that I don't have the right to know her private matters
-Doesn't talk as much as she used to, both irl and on msn


I'm totally confused right now...

 

[deleted user 1]

I don't know what changed, but yeah, those are not the most encouraging signals! Have you asked her what's changed? I would personally ask her, it's just very odd that she was pulling you in, then went cold.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

Sometimes people just change there mind - not your fault, not her fault - and there's nothing you can do about it

 

[deleted user 1]

Sometimes people just change there mind - not your fault, not her fault - and there's nothing you can do about it

That's very true, but I still think it's worth checking out what is actually going on in her head. What's he got to lose? If it proves that she is just immature and fickle, then at least he'll have peace of mind knowing that's it's not him. Just a thought.

 

[¿¿¿]

I think I understand you completely. I have difficulty "getting the hints" as well -- I have never had the ability to properly decipher people's motives, intentions, or desires, and it's recently led me to friendship troubles (I literally ran away from a girl with whom I'd established a friendly relationship and who was nice enough to invite me to take classes with her because I was afraid I'd done something terribly stupid and creepy).

It's probably going to be difficult for you to do this, but it'd likely be best for you to find out if there's a reason for her recent behavioral oddities. You mentioned yourself that she's under stress because of schoolwork -- perhaps all she needs is a bit of space to get that cleared up before she goes back to socializing normally with her friends (including you).

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

I'd say just give it some time. If she is really busy and stressed out right now she doesn't really need the added stress of a love life. If she mentioned that you are annoying her right now, I would back off and give her a little bit of space. Wait until things have cleared up with school and her schedule and then you can ask her about things.

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

I think I understand you completely. I have difficulty "getting the hints" as well -- I have never had the ability to properly decipher people's motives, intentions, or desires, and it's recently led me to friendship troubles (I literally ran away from a girl with whom I'd established a friendly relationship and who was nice enough to invite me to take classes with her because I was afraid I'd done something terribly stupid and creepy).

It's probably going to be difficult for you to do this, but it'd likely be best for you to find out if there's a reason for her recent behavioral oddities. You mentioned yourself that she's under stress because of schoolwork -- perhaps all she needs is a bit of space to get that cleared up before she goes back to socializing normally with her friends (including you).

Give her space yeah. I'm confused by these hints and games. lol. I've overdone it tho when I realized most likley a girls liked me; you can change and not even realize it and turn her off esp when they're busy or stressed. Then again, a lot is ALL in head without a concrete YES or NO... esp if dont ask out or anything. But what is clear is she needs some space, that's not negative really, I'd be the same way. =)

 

[Haruhiist]

I feel really bad. It's been like that for weeks. I've never experienced love before, because I never befriended anybody before falling in love. Before, it was just "hmm, this girl seems pretty cute", or I just simply wasn't interested because I set my bars too high.

Now, it feels so painful, to think that she might not like me, and that I had my chance and let it slip. Then again, is it correct of me to asume she doesn't like me because some other people said it?

She didn't say anything herself.

 

[Haruhiist]

Thanks, it really helps to have a personal advice from someone. It feels like I'm having a cold, but mentally: I can only taste everything for a half.

Whatever I do, I keep thinking about her, and it feels so painful. I can't even watch a movie or play games properly. I just don't enjoy it anymore.

 

[Haruhiist]

I just don't know anymore. Lately, she would say things in group like "why does nobody ask me out, I want to have a date", "I like tall guys" (I'm kind of short) or "that guy in the distance seems like a handsome guy", it just hurts me when she says that in front of me.

A few weeks ago, I was kind of sure she liked me. She would even go as far as to thank me with a cake she would make herself, she would message me when I'm not at school, ... These little things made me happy.

But that doesn't happen anymore, it's like I'm being friendzoned because I didn't take any action. It all started when I got mad at her, because she told me to not to butt into her business. I really regret not doing anything while she was still interested. I don't know if she's still interested, and I'm afraid of getting rejected...

 

[WantToHide]

I think she does like you. I think she’s just hurt because she put so much effort into showing you how she felt, like making you cakes, texting you, talking to you til really late. And maybe, and I’m just guessing, maybe you weren’t so affectionate with her. Maybe you didn’t make her feel as special as she made you feel. Maybe your SA prevented you from returning the attention and instead of her seeing this as a product of your shyness, she sees it as you not being interested.

If i was as affectionate to a guy as she was to you and he didn’t respond in the same way, I would assume that he doesn’t like me. I would then act in exactly the same way that she seems to have acted towards you. I would try to save my dignity from my perceived rejection, and reject the guy back. I would make a point of showing him that I don’t need him and that I find other guys attractive. I would do it because I was hurt and embarrassed by the rejection and wanted to claw back a bit of dignity by saying “well I don’t like you anyway”.

If I didn’t like the guy or if I got bored of him or went off him (like you suspect she has done to you) then I wouldn’t act like she has, I would try to be kind but gradually see him less. It would be gradual, not abrupt like she has done.

If I were you, I’d make her feel special. I think she’s hurt. And she’s only hurt because she likes you so much. Make her a cake or send her texts or invite her places with you.

Just my opinion though

 

[Haruhiist]

I think she does like you. I think she’s just hurt because she put so much effort into showing you how she felt, like making you cakes, texting you, talking to you til really late. And maybe, and I’m just guessing, maybe you weren’t so affectionate with her. Maybe you didn’t make her feel as special as she made you feel. Maybe your SA prevented you from returning the attention and instead of her seeing this as a product of your shyness, she sees it as you not being interested.

If i was as affectionate to a guy as she was to you and he didn’t respond in the same way, I would assume that he doesn’t like me. I would then act in exactly the same way that she seems to have acted towards you. I would try to save my dignity from my perceived rejection, and reject the guy back. I would make a point of showing him that I don’t need him and that I find other guys attractive. I would do it because I was hurt and embarrassed by the rejection and wanted to claw back a bit of dignity by saying “well I don’t like you anyway”.

If I didn’t like the guy or if I got bored of him or went off him (like you suspect she has done to you) then I wouldn’t act like she has, I would try to be kind but gradually see him less. It would be gradual, not abrupt like she has done.

If I were you, I’d make her feel special. I think she’s hurt. And she’s only hurt because she likes you so much. Make her a cake or send her texts or invite her places with you.

Just my opinion though

Your post made me kind of happy. Maybe you're right. I said some nasty things lately. I was kind of stupid, I jokingly said that I liked another girl better. Even though I didn't mean it, I should have NEVER said stuff like that. She would also ask for my birthday, but I never replied because I didn't want people to make a fuss about it. Then another girl revealed that I just told her right away. Stupid me.

Thanks, I'll keep your tip in consideration.

 

[WantToHide]

I said some nasty things lately. I was kind of stupid, I jokingly said that I liked another girl better. Even though I didn't mean it, I should have NEVER said stuff like that. She would also ask for my birthday, but I never replied because I didn't want people to make a fuss about it. Then another girl revealed that I just told her right away.

Yea you should never have said stuff like that. But it's easy to undo, what you said wasn't THAT bad, you just probably made her feel unimportant. So go do the opposite

 

[Haruhiist]

I really like her a lot. It's the first girl in my whole life who's in my mind all day. It's like this for a half a year already.

Whether I have good times or bad experience with her, she's stuck in my head, I feel horrible.

Previous week things went back to normal, we laughed, we talked. I just made a silly joke that made her realize that I like her. She suddenly acted friendly again. Then before I know, I got a bit pissed at her, because she's also pointing out how paradoxal I am, or when some other guy physically teases her, she doesn't oppose to it. Then when I do the same, I mess something up and she complains about it.

It's so unfair, I hate her and like her at the same time. When I'm mad at her, the only one who gets hurt is me. Now things are getting awkward again, even though there's no real fight, I notice her body language. She doesn't feel at ease next to me, when she talks to me, she keeps her distance. She acts nervous... I don't think she likes me the same way I like her... It's really unfair. I hate myself for not taking action, back then when she obviously liked me. **** all this...

 

[WantToHide]

In what way is she saying you're paradoxical? Give an example?

 

[chris11]

How it works? If only it were as simple as whipping out a manual. My last girlfriend's close friend informed that she did not see me as anything more as a friend. That delayed us eventually getting together by a good eight months! It really is hard to say, you mention her stress regarding an assignment. Maybe she has a lot on her plate right now, so in that case, just backing of a little might be a good idea until she has tended to her other commitments. It wouldn't hurt to be a little more direct. I'm not known for being direct, but in these matters I would definitely approach her. That might scare the hell out of you, but I can't handle working through second hand sources. I'd rather get it from the horses mouth, so to speak. Fortune favors the bold, all the best man!

My god. That would be absolutly wonderful (the existance of a manual for socialization).

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Just stop talking for a bit and then just say what's up casually. I don't think she knows how to manage her time right now, so give her time If it's meant to be it will be ok

 

[SXT]

It's very possible the reason she keeps pulling back is because you haven't acted on your feelings and just come out and told her how you feel about her. Maybe she's tired of waiting around for you to make your move.

I went through that with a girl back in 7th grade. We actually did date for a few weeks and I hesitated to take things to another level and I ended up losing her just for that. I never made that mistake again.

Anyway, just call her up if you can't do it face to face and let her know that you like her in the way that you do. Tell her you're sorry for not telling her sooner and that you're sorry for acting weird sometimes and make sure that she understands why you do act weird around her. You don't have anything to lose. If she liked you a year ago, she'll still like you now (if she's not taken by anyone else). If you don't tell her, you will regret it for a long time.