I can't stand when people say, "We should get together soon and catch up!"

[PhantomPod]

When they very clearly have no intention of actually hanging out at all!! I get that they're just trying to be nice or something, but I think it's a lot nicer to just say "Hi, hope you're doing well" and leave it at that. You don't have to be fake and phony and act as if you really want to hang out.

A girl who I haven't seen since college started a game of Words With Friends with me and there's a chat feature where you can IM the person. So she IM'd me and told me how she moved and is living in my area now. Then she says that we should meet up sometime soon to catch up. I just said "Yeah, for sure" not really thinking too much of it because I know people say that damn thing all the time with no intention of actually meeting up. But then she started asking me what my hours were at work and when I was usually free, etc. I ended up trying to take the initiative (I do like her and wouldn't mind catching up quite honestly) and asked what she liked to do in her town and said maybe we could meet up somewhere in the middle to get lunch or dinner. And she just dropped the conversation. Like, she still plays the game with me but she never responded again to our IM conversation after I said that. WTF, man?

Honestly, I never say, "we should hang out soon and catch up" to people because I know that it is never going to happen. I just go for a, "Hey, hope you've been doing well" type comment.

That issue happened three weeks ago now, but I just thought of this again because now a girl who I haven't seen since high school just friended me on Facebook asking how I was doing and was I still in town and saying that we should get together soon. It's just a pet peeve of mine because never have I ever actually gotten together again with the types of people who say this phrase.

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

Re: I can't stand when people say, "We should get together soon and catch up!"

People say those things with the best of intentions. I have a couple of friends in my home town that I grew up with. We have lost touch over the years except for the occasional hello on facebook.

When I say "We need to get together when I am in town." I mean it. I want to do it more than anything. Things just don't work out sometimes. It sucks when people grow apart, it sucks when life happens and you can't actually get together. People want to get together.

I know it's easy to say, but I would try to not let it bother you. People aren't trying to be intentionally fake.

 

[Srijita52]

Re: I can't stand when people say, "We should get together soon and catch up!"

^I agree. Maybe people truly mean it sometimes but there's a lot of things going in their lives at the moment or they're just very busy, they also maybe insecure/shy who knows? And maybe sometimes they're just being polite. We can never tell the actual reason. Its just a part of small talk which can really get under you skin if you let them get to you too much.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

Re: I can't stand when people say, "We should get together soon and catch up!"

It's just a pet peeve of mine because never have I ever actually gotten together again with the types of people who say this phrase.

It is a pet peeve of mine too! This happened with a couple people once I joined FB. I thought they actually meant it when they said "we should hang out." Now I know that is not what they meant at all, and they just say it 'cause they feel that is what they should say or something. Still annoying. Should I follow along next time someone says that to me? Or just ignore it? I feel really silly replying back all excited that "we totally should hang out!" to have nothing come of it, 'cause when I say I wanna hang out, I mean it.

 

[MikeyC]

Re: I can't stand when people say, "We should get together soon and catch up!"

I always know it's something people say and I already know it's never going to happen. I have a female friend who says that but I know we never, ever will unless I take more of an initiative to get it going, which I won't because clearly she doesn't want to.

PhantomPod, we should get together soon to catch up.

 

[Shyangel]

Re: I can't stand when people say, "We should get together soon and catch up!"

PhantomPod, we should get together soon to catch up.

Geez, your such a little stinker. You just can't help it can you?::

Did your mother ever teach you any manners?!

 

[MikeyC]

Re: I can't stand when people say, "We should get together soon and catch up!"

Geez, your such a little stinker. You just can't help it can you?::

Did your mother ever teach you any manners?!

I'm a little brat, so...no. ::

 

[Kinetik]

Re: I can't stand when people say, "We should get together soon and catch up!"

Sometimes we have to read between the lines a little more. To me, a phrase like this means "I enjoy your company, and I'd be happy to see you again in the future" rather than "let's pick a time and date to do something together."

 

[this_portrait]

Re: I can't stand when people say, "We should get together soon and catch up!"

Yep, it annoys the living hell out of me when people do that, too. What's even worse is when they actually do make plans to hang out and then they never follow through.

 

[Nathália]

Re: I can't stand when people say, "We should get together soon and catch up!"

Since when did this become normal?

I have have old friends that say "Lets meet up" and we have met up with each other. I can see why you're annoyed because people are playing with you. There is no line to read between. If someone is lying then they are just straight up lying no matter what.

It's just a rude thing to do and it's to bad that many people have to done that to you. If I REALLY wanted to hang out with someone I keep the updated on my life and contact them at least once a week. I don't have a car and I tell them that from the jump and they can decide if we can get together due to that fact.

You're playing, I rather someone to say I can't hang out because of ____. Than to keep egging me on.

 

[schist]

Re: I can't stand when people say, "We should get together soon and catch up!"

You wanna make something happen ... YOU have to take the reins and make it happen.

If you really wanted to hang out with her ... YOU should've been the one following up on it, don't worry about what she thinks and whether she's making the effort or not.

 

[Nathália]

Re: I can't stand when people say, "We should get together soon and catch up!"

^^ That's true too Schist ^^ It could take a while before you're able to hang out with someone sometimes. You have to keep the conversation up and eventually it happens. Try to stay updated on what they are doing.

 

[Feathers]

Re: I can't stand when people say, "We should get together soon and catch up!"

Yeah, it can take a while before anything happens sometimes.. People may just be polite OR may just be busy/unexpected events can happen etc...
So if she said 'lunch time' you could say something like, 'Would lunch time be okay then'? (And you could suggest a time & date & a cool place to eat, and ask if it's okay?) Maybe something happened though....
(Sometimes people meet a significant other or there might be deaths in the family...)
People can get tired of always initiating things too, and if you didn't sound immediately interested (?)
or they may get a bout of depression (or flu) or such too...
It's odd you haven't talked for three weeks though... Maybe you could check with a mutual friend, or just ask if everything's okay?

I've sometimes expressed an interest in meeting up/doing things/e-mailing etc too, and then sometimes just got too busy/overwhelmed with things etc. I still REALLY LIKE those people, mostly!! (except if there was a tiny grudge inbetween, in a few cases.. eg if someone wanted to hang out but was then rude to me, then I just didn't get tempted to hang out with them...) If you were allright to her, then just assume she's busy or such? (Until you meet/talk again?)

 

[OceanMist]

Re: I can't stand when people say, "We should get together soon and catch up!"

Yes, it seems like most people aren't a man (or woman) of their word anymore.

What that girl did to the OP was weird, though. It sounded like that girl was shy, the way she just ended the conversation when the OP proposed to meet.

I've had problems with the same thing and it also irritates me and i think I know why. I'm an honest person and almost always a man of my word. If I say I want to meet up with someone, I'm being sincere and I will show up to meet them.

The problem is that a lot of people aren't like that, so we don't understand each other. I'm a literal person, say what I mean, won't always say things just to be nice. It seems a lot of people are non-literal, and will say anything to be socially courteous. I mainly wish people would not say what they don't mean. If you don't want to meet up with me, then don't say you want to meet up with me. Say good to catch up with me or something. There are nice things to say besides "we should meet up some time."

 

[this_portrait]

Re: I can't stand when people say, "We should get together soon and catch up!"

The problem is that a lot of people aren't like that, so we don't understand each other. I'm a literal person, say what I mean, won't always say things just to be nice. It seems a lot of people are non-literal, and will say anything to be socially courteous. I mainly wish people would not say what they don't mean. If you don't want to meet up with me, then don't say you want to meet up with me. Say good to catch up with me or something. There are nice things to say besides "we should meet up some time."

You pretty much hit it on the head.

 

[PhantomPod]

Re: I can't stand when people say, "We should get together soon and catch up!"

The problem is that a lot of people aren't like that, so we don't understand each other. I'm a literal person, say what I mean, won't always say things just to be nice. It seems a lot of people are non-literal, and will say anything to be socially courteous. I mainly wish people would not say what they don't mean. If you don't want to meet up with me, then don't say you want to meet up with me. Say good to catch up with me or something. There are nice things to say besides "we should meet up some time."

Yes, this is exactly what I mean. I feel that the large majority of the people who say, "we should catch up sometime" only say it because they feel it's the polite thing to say in the moment. If you really have no intention of meeting up with me, there is no need to say that. Just as you said, there are plenty of ways to say that it was nice to see the person and that you hope they have been doing well.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

Re: I can't stand when people say, "We should get together soon and catch up!"

You wanna make something happen ... YOU have to take the reins and make it happen.

I have tried doing that myself...doesn't work if the other person is not into it. What bothers me, and as others are saying, is that they are the ones suggesting meeting up in the first place.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

Re: I can't stand when people say, "We should get together soon and catch up!"

Yep, it annoys the living hell out of me when people do that, too. What's even worse is when they actually do make plans to hang out and then they never follow through.

That is worse! Flakers suck ::

 

[Azael]

Re: I can't stand when people say, "We should get together soon and catch up!"

On a few occasions this has caused confusion for me. When you are very paranoid and unsure of yourself these cues lead you to believe something that will only set you up for a low. Can be very discouraging.

 

[PhantomPod]

Re: I can't stand when people say, "We should get together soon and catch up!"

I have tried doing that myself...doesn't work if the other person is not into it. What bothers me, and as others are saying, is that they are the ones suggesting meeting up in the first place.

Yeah, I mean, I fully admit that I am afraid of rejection and that I always feel like the person doesn't mean it and doesn't want to meet up with me anyway. So yes, I do fnd it hard to try and initiate things like this.

This same girl did this to me before. She texted me saying she was in the area and that we should meet up. I just said "yeah, definitely," and then she didn't take the initiative to say when and where we should meet up, so I just let it go. So this time when she said the same thing I figured that I would actually try to take the initiative myself and ask what she liked to do in her area and trying to suggest that we should meet up for lunch or dinner. So I do find it odd that she didn't respond to that. I mean, she is the one who initiated contact to begin with. She texted me. She started the game with me and IM'd me. I'm not saying that she's not busy. I certainly don't expect her to be sitting around twiddling her thumbs all day just waiting for me to make plans with her. I just feel that it is unnecessary to say, "we should meet up sometime" if you don't really mean it. There are plenty of other way to still be polite without making a false statement like this.