How to Deal with Guys on the Rebound?

Feathers

Well-known member
#1
Just curious. Does anyone have any good tips?

I've been approached by a few divorced dads and some have been sympatico...

I know it's not good to date someone too soon after break-up/divorce, some can be darn cute though lol! I don't want to completely rule out anything, in the future, how to react if the person is not 'ready for dating' but maybe they think they are?? Or that dating might 'fix' things? (And might jump into things too soon...?)

What to do if you don't really think there might be a future together? (But you like the person and talking to them etc.) It's just harmless banter so far so maybe I'm just imagining things, maybe not tho!! (I think I may have killed any inclination for more by posting about healthy nutrition and bad music, but don't want the person to get hurt with other people...)

Is it appropriate to send links to advice sites? :)
(I'm probably gonna send info anyway, don't want to ruin the friendship though, hm?)

Coyote, any help?? :)

PS I hate Facebook. Maybe I just won't go there anymore. LOL
 

Feathers

Well-known member
#2
PS I should totally be doing other things instead of getting distracted by guys not appropriate for me right now, or me for them!! Yikes!!

So maybe this is just me venting about things. Why me? Why now? lol!!!

How to get focus on other, more important things?? :) LOL!
 

coyote

Well-known member
#3
yeah, they are really irresistible, aren't they?

dating someone doesn't have to be a life-long commitment

go on a few dates - you'll be better able to determine their suitability

it's hard to know alot about a person until you get a little closer

if it looks like he's not right for you, then tell him so - end of story
 

Aletheia

Well-known member
#5
you're not over one guy until you're under the next

I say give it a whirl. Having fun is important too. Relationships don't have to be forever or nothing.
Yeah give it a go. Que sera sera.

Different people will deal with their pain in different ways; there's no hard and fast rule as to when they'll be "over" their break up.

Even if it doesn't last, you might help them recover, and how is that bad?

Even if it doesn't last, you might have some fun while it does.
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
#6
It also depends what you're after. Do you want a future with these men or are you just looking for a little bit of immediate fun? Nothing wrong with either, I reckon.
 

MollyBeGood

Well-known member
#7
Just curious. Does anyone have any good tips?

I've been approached by a few divorced dads and some have been sympatico...

I know it's not good to date someone too soon after break-up/divorce, some can be darn cute though lol! I don't want to completely rule out anything, in the future, how to react if the person is not 'ready for dating' but maybe they think they are?? Or that dating might 'fix' things? (And might jump into things too soon...?)

What to do if you don't really think there might be a future together? (But you like the person and talking to them etc.) It's just harmless banter so far so maybe I'm just imagining things, maybe not tho!! (I think I may have killed any inclination for more by posting about healthy nutrition and bad music, but don't want the person to get hurt with other people...)

Is it appropriate to send links to advice sites? :)
(I'm probably gonna send info anyway, don't want to ruin the friendship though, hm?)

Coyote, any help?? :)

PS I hate Facebook. Maybe I just won't go there anymore. LOL
I think like everyone else says, Feathers.. Go into it lightly and try to be level-headed about things. You deserve to have some fun and be happy with someone who understands you. Try not to forget that. He is lucky to have you in his life and should appreciate you and your excellent advice, beauty, and kindness.

Good luck and keep us posted!
Happy Holidays to you and your family too, sweetie xo
 

MercySparx

Well-known member
#8
Unless you're looking for a fling, avoid it. What it out until they're out of the rebound phase and pick it up from there. If a person jumps from big relationship to big relationship with no time in between there are issues there, and you don't want to be involved with someone like that anyway.
 

ObiWan

Active member
#9
maybe its not all about chasing booty or a relationship. Imagine a guy that is recently divorced with kids whose been married for a while then suddenly his life is left vacant. I was in this situation once and was just lonely and just needed some company.
I could imagine most recent divorces are like that also. And why not just go have some fun instead of exploding it into a relationship mess. Take it slow and careful.
I can however see most men getting attached to the first woman they get a chance to be. But again i feel for those guys , it gets lonely.
 

Moa

Well-known member
#12
In my experience, it's best to avoid guys for at least a year after their divorce. During that time, they seem to be rediscovering who they are, getting used to their new lifestyle, and if the breakup was emotional for them, they need that time to heal. Especially if they have kids from their marriage.

I started dating my boyfriend just a few months after his divorce. Granted we are still together nearly 2 years later, but he wishes he had waited before he started dating again. Too many changes, too quickly.
 

Feathers

Well-known member
#13
Thanks everyone!! :)

I think I'll stay out of this as much as I can! :)

If even just 'harmless flirting' can be so confusing, imagine how more confusing anything more could be, lol!! (I've read some articles online about this too, they say uncertainty is a 'given' and possibly high drama, guys can even go back to exes etc, don't really need that in my life right now!)

Maybe it's just before-Christmas crazies too!! :) It’s JUST Christmas/The Holidays – Stay off the Relationship/Drama Crack | Baggage Reclaim (I have nothing to do with that website, just thought this useful!! and funny!! but will erase if needed..)

I've learnt to embrace and enjoy sollitude, maybe it's important that other people learn that too...

Not against casual dating as such, think I just don't have the nerves for it!! lol! (especially with this guy, maybe he's just too 'intense' hm? It's been making me uncomfortable, I guess..) With a tendency to over-analyze everything, how casual could it be? :) lol!

It's true that if you hang out in RL you can sometimes see the flaws which makes it easier to 'deal' with it (and stay away), sometimes hanging out/'dating' can make things more difficult too, at least in my experience...

Realized I may sometimes worry way too much about other people (who may be in fact better off than me yikes!!)
How to put this from theory to practice is still a perplexing concept though!
 

Kinetik

Well-known member
#14
I don't think being on the rebound is such a bad thing necessarily, it's something of a buzz word to me. In the past I was often on the rebound, but I was still a good man to whoever I was with. I look at it like, if a person's past relationships weren't meant to be, then there isn't much to heal from. I think it's normal to want to keep trying, to keep being promiscuous for love, as I call it. The truth is, you can't map these things out perfectly, nor can you predict when the love of your life will show up.

I also think women need to be careful not to assume that every man is looking for sex. They may seem to be initially, but for a lot of men it's a case of testing the waters, it's not the ultimate goal. Most men really do want to fall in love and find a suitable woman to devote their lives to. My ex broke up with me about almost a year ago today, and I was devastated; I was overwhelmed with lovesickness and felt like I was going to die. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. But within a few weeks I was back out there, and within 9 months I was with someone else and we're now engaged. And I just know I'm going to give her my everything, regardless of how long people might think I need to get over my ex.

In short, if a man's able and willing to date again, then he probably is ready to. Not everyone can be trusted, but we have to trust as much as we reasonably can if we want to find happiness, because it's only when we fully give ourselves that we can hope to get the same treatment back.
 
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Aletheia

Well-known member
#16
Do you want a future with these men or are you just looking for a little bit of immediate fun?
Well the thing is, that's going to be true of anyone you meet, newly divorced or not. Maybe it's a night, maybe it's forever. You won't know unless you try.
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
#17
Not against casual dating as such, think I just don't have the nerves for it!! lol! (especially with this guy, maybe he's just too 'intense' hm? It's been making me uncomfortable, I guess..) With a tendency to over-analyze everything, how casual could it be? :) lol!
Obviously if it's going to make you too nervous for casual dating, don't do it. There's plenty of time for that when you're ready for it. :)

I also think women need to be careful not to assume that every man is looking for sex. They may seem to be initially, but for a lot of men it's a case of testing the waters, it's not the ultimate goal.
With the amount of jerks out there who are looking for sex and nothing more, women do need to be a little bit careful.

I'm also not suggesting men who are only after sex are jerks by nature - maybe that's all they're after at such a point in their lives, but they're otherwise great dudes. It still does mean women need to be extra vigilant if they're after something more long-term and the man isn't.

Well the thing is, that's going to be true of anyone you meet, newly divorced or not. Maybe it's a night, maybe it's forever. You won't know unless you try.
This is true. There's only one way to find out (and it's a fun way of finding out, too).
 
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