How do you guys summon the 'balls' to go for it!?!?!?

Why

Why

Well-known member
im confident there are some guys/gals here that took a bold step to approach some1 or do some terrifying thing and succeeded, but how did you brg urself to do it?

i was in NY over the weekend for my cousins graduation and i saw many of my cousins (newlyweds with babies) and was envious how good their lives seem. They got loving spouses, cute babies, great careers and generally very happy with their lives. i want that

but of course they had to take risks, take initiative and work hard to get there and i realize i really have to start changing my life.

Today when i stepped onto the bus to school, i saw an empty seat next to a very attractive girl id seen a few times before! Before i would never choose to sit by an attractive girl and instead sit next to some random dude because of anxiety but today i musta been on jet lag or somthng and sat by her.

Boy i was so nervous, and i noticed she was a lil nervous too. Could she possible be interested in me? she mainly looked outside and i sorta looked straight on and occasionally looked in her direction. I really really wanted to say somthing because opportunities for me to meet girls are so rare but i couldnt think of anything. Everyone is quiet on the bus.. seems like some1 talking to a stranger would disturb the peace.

but i dont know her! so who cares if she is weirded out by me?!?! at least i went for it

^^i wish i thought of that and just said "hi"^^

As we were gettin up for our stop, she turned to me and i looked at her face straight on (on accident) and was frozen by that gorgeous angel-scultped face and just froze. i quickly looked down and sorta smiled a bit.

Now she knows im a wuss.


so


to you brave ppl out there, any tips on how to overcome the anxiety? I think once i do it a few times, ill learn that its no big deal and then it'll be one baby step closer to being normal!
 
fudgy

fudgy

1
i was in NY over the weekend for my cousins graduation and i saw many of my cousins (newlyweds with babies) and was envious how good their lives seem. They got loving spouses, cute babies, great careers and generally very happy with their lives. i want that
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firstly can I just say that things are not always as they seem and as you are viewing their lives through rose tinted specs right now , I can assure you that its not a glorious as you think.......it just is to you, because they have managed to progress further than you ! Never view someones life with envy , especially as others haven't had the same hurdles as you , and you are not privvy to their day to day challenges and upsets either.


I don't think many would attempt to chat someone up on a bus where they could be heard , and you may have caused her some embarrassment as well, so don't set your goals and standards to high ...

but the fact that you thought about doing it is fabulous !!! :D

I hope you see her again ...smile , let her know your interested and been friendly and see how she responds.

be easy on yourself , your walking in the right direction :D
 
Why

Why

Well-known member
fudgy said:
firstly can I just say that things are not always as they seem and as you are viewing their lives through rose tinted specs right now , I can assure you that its not a glorious as you think.......it just is to you, because they have managed to progress further than you ! Never view someones life with envy , especially as others haven't had the same hurdles as you , and you are not privvy to their day to day challenges and upsets either.


I don't think many would attempt to chat someone up on a bus where they could be heard , and you may have caused her some embarrassment as well, so don't set your goals and standards to high ...

but the fact that you thought about doing it is fabulous !!! :D

I hope you see her again ...smile , let her know your interested and been friendly and see how she responds.

be easy on yourself , your walking in the right direction :D
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well i can honestly say that their lives are near that level, ive traveled and lived with them for some extended periods of itme. i look up to my cousins as my role models. of course their lives arnt perfect but after seeing my family; i really felt its time for change (ive been saying this for so many years = = )
 
fudgy

fudgy

1
fair enough ..I don't know your cousins ...I just know when you see something you want and haven't got , and don't know how to get because life is harder for you , then everyone elses life seems so fab !

I have been shocked over the years to find out that behind closed doors life aint what it appears to be .

good for you though to still have the passion in your soul to want these things ... please follow this need for a change and see where it gets you .
 
madness_lover

madness_lover

Well-known member
Be careful about that. Things aren't always what they seem.

With experience and maturity usually a person's confidence grows. That's my case at least. Nothing is ever set in stone in life. My approach varies depending on how likely the chances are of me getting it.

I do try though. Just think 'I don't really have much to lose anyway'. I recently confessed my feelings to a friend of mine I used to crush on. I was absolutely certain that I was going to get laughed at or something, that our friendship would turn awkward. Something from very deep inside me told me "Do it! Take the plunge with no fear. No regrets". Despite being a little wary I listened to that voice. It was bittersweet but I do not regret doing it at all. Made me realize that at times things aren't nearly as difficult or complex as we make them out to be. Just take that first step.

Honestly, I think it was too brief of an encounter to jump to any conclusions. She might've been a little embarrased. If you ever see her again try talking to her again and be friendly. If she reacts well, that's a good starting point. Good for you for taking the risk! ;). 'Hi!' it's the best ice breaker.

Maybe this wasn't the response you were looking for but I hope it helped at least a little :).
 
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Luna1740

Luna1740

Well-known member
The strange thing about having SP or an anxiety disorder is that you forget that perfectly functioning people get anxious too, I say just get on the bus tomorrow and hope that there is an empty seat next to her again, that's your best bet, otherwise if you see her and she smiles or anything just picture that you are some guy (insert whoever you think is cool/ look up to, real or imaginary) and pretend that you are them and just go with the classic "Hi" and a smile, once you just say that you are in, because nothing else about talking to her will be anywhere near as terrifying as the initial word, good luck, let me know how it goes :)
 
Why

Why

Well-known member
for me, the hardest thing to do is

smile and say hi to a complete stranger

not sure why, seems like i can only smile when something is funny or with a friend

the few times a stranger smiles at me or says hi im pretty surprised why they would

but they make me feel wanted on this earth for once.. so i should return the favor

=.=
 
U

userremoved

Guest
Why said:
for me, the hardest thing to do is

smile and say hi to a complete stranger

not sure why, seems like i can only smile when something is funny or with a friend

the few times a stranger smiles at me or says hi im pretty surprised why they would

but they make me feel wanted on this earth for once.. so i should return the favor

=.=
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I know what you mean honestly. I'm working on this too. I can say hi to strangers now but smiling is so much harder. The only thing I've found that can help it to be ready for it whenever you go out. Expect that you're going to eventually meet people that are genuinely friendly or maybe they just see something about you they like. Also another thing that helps me is the knowledge that some people aren't even aware that I'm nervous. Some more focused on how they look instead so that will take some of the pressure off of you to make you're smile and stuff "perfect".
 
Ignace

Ignace

Well-known member
I use the spell "Ballsoncommand", really good actually.::p: Ok, now serious, I would never sit to someone I don't know on a bus, and def not next to a pretty lady. I had 2 times a beautiful girl sitting next to me, and the first one was surely not afraid of body contact.::eek:: When that happened I didn't know what to do, maybe if something happened now, I do could try to say "hi" or something. I mean, it's the best thing to do, such a chance is not everyday knocking on our door. Think about that and take the shot !
 
agoraphobickatie

agoraphobickatie

Well-known member
ahhhh! i just posted a thread about doing something out of my comfort zone!! :)

basically... last night, i didn't give myself time to panic, and even when i did panic, i MADE myself do what it was that i WANTED to do... i forced myself to let my WANT to do something overpower my FEAR of doing it... i kept telling myself that nothing bad was going to happen, i forced myself to drive to mellow mushroom for trivia night with my friends.. i knew that once i got over the panic, i would have fun! and i did! i didn't feel great for 30 minutes or so, but i made myself stick through it.. i tried really hard to just think about other things, and eventually i was sitting there and was like 'hm.. i don't feel so bady anymore...' and just went with it! i ended up driving to my friend's house afterwards with everyone for another hour and a half!! man it felt grrrrrrrrreat to drive home at 12:30am with my music blasting smokin' a cigarette!!! haha, it felt so good, because for a little while, i felt 'normal' again...

nike doesn't know how effing much "just do it" really means... JUST. DO. IT. ..go for it! don't worry about what may or may not happen!
 
U

Understood

Active member
Weird question and not really to your point, but did you cousin happen to be graduating from West Point? Out of curiosity.
 
SoulSeeker

SoulSeeker

Banned
Those situations used to hurt me real bad. Even thinking about them for weeks or months later..a total stranger as vivid as can be in my mind. Im so weak like that. Im not shallow...i just think and dream up 'what could possibly be'...if i or that person had of said something. When you make eye contact more than once..or several times..it makes it all the more difficult to 'let go'.

For years and years this never happens now..because i dont leave the house, therefore killing all opportunity and 'chance'.
 
Richey

Richey

Well-known member
i think because you don't know her or her circumstances and so forth then dont see this is a chance to meet a girlfriend ..put it this way, she could have a boyfriend, you may not be that compatible with her, its a nice thought and its exciting but think about it realistically ...the world doesn't work like this normally unless you both have a mutual physical/personality attraction based on first impressions...

start talking to her and see if she likes you first. just be yourself and try to be a friend..

i've studied courses where its taken nearly a year before getting to know people and what i've noticed is in terms of crushes based on first meeting someone, it rarely works out. you really have to build up a genuine down-to-earth relationship that is based on making that person laugh or just being there as a friend for a while first before thinking about dating. but that is my experience. even then they may only want you as a friend unless you fit into their idea of what they want for a boyfriend.

the best place to go-for-it is at a nightclub on a firday night if you feel you are cut from the right cloth to actually do it with confidence..

i'm a bit nerdy though so this is purely from my perspective..
if you look like johnny depp or have a distinct physical attractiveness that is obvious and you inject a bit of attitude and humour you'll be right as rain.
 
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Dronee

Dronee

1
Why said:
im confident there are some guys/gals here that took a bold step to approach some1 or do some terrifying thing and succeeded, but how did you brg urself to do it?
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Just practice I guess. Like any other skill set, mustering up courage gets easier the more you do it... That said though, you probably wouldn't want to take on far more than what you can handle. Small steps at a time.
 
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