How are you feeling?

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Still upset about what my mother said yesterday, during a conversation with my oldest sister. :sad: My mum was going on about how she can't put up with the way things are much longer, how she wants to pack up and just leave. But any time ah say the exact same thing, the story changes to...
"PLEASE!! :praying: Dinnae leave me, ah wouldnae know what tae do without ye!" :crying:​

Funny how they never seem to care about how I'm doing in all this. Well, aside from having an excuse to use my own problems against me and make me feel like shit. Ooh, gossip! Summit else to chat about over yer tea n' biscuits. :thumbdown:
 
Feeling sorry for myself...again. Everyone in my life keeps reminding me of my singlehood. I lie and say that I don't want a boyfriend - maybe I'm trying to convince myself, but the truth is: that's all I want. They say love will find you when you're not looking, but how can I stop looking when it's something I really want?

It's frustrating how complicated this is for me because it's not as easy as just finding someone I'm attracted to - it's far more complicated than that. I am insecure about my appearance and push people away to avoid getting close because I don't want them to see my flaws - how ugly I actually am. I know I have BDD because it is all consuming sometimes. I keep telling myself that I will die alone and never be married. I know I am sending mixed signals into the universe by doing this stuff...

I went to the zoo on Sunday and saw all of these families with children/couples and I have never felt the void so much - it's painful to think that may never happen for me. Especially considering that I am getting older and have a finite number of eggs - men will never understand this fear. The loud ticking of your biological clock - like Captain Hook and the crocodile. I hope this isn't forever... :(
 
Put yourself out of your comfort zone, travel. Even if its a day trip to the next town. You might find you enjoy it...

Go on slowest, I dare you!! ☺

It's hard to go out of my comfort zone, as it's a habit (of staying in my comfort zone) i've had my whole life, and it's only gotten stronger as the years went by.
 
i know, it's hard to find that partner where the energies r just closing in on you two putting you guys together. i hope you and i find that. i feel like a loser b/c i have obstacles in the way but I'm working on it now and starting next month. i know people r probably going to judge me on this as i talk. lol

I'm sorry you feel like I do, Lily - I know it sucks. I wish you nothing but the best as you try to overcome your obstacles - I am trying to do so, too. It can be very hard sometimes, but we can't give up.
 
I'm home. need to clean up before I can move back in.
Clean up? Do you absolutely have to? You just got out of hospital - your body needs rest in order to finish getting back to full health. Could you ask or offer to pay your sister to help with any necessary cleaning for a while?



I am right down the bottom of the well again.
Don't even care this time, which is new.
Finally fully realising what it means by it not being my fault.
If any stranger wants to criticise me, then I should offer to swap lives with them.
They would not last a month if they attempted to live in my life.
 
What a complete waste of a mother-f*cking c*nt of a day i've had. :thumbdown:

Mind's f*cked-up today, therefore i made dodgy choices, as you do. Junk in, junk out, etc.
 
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grapevine

Well-known member
Im just finding things a bit overwhelming atm. All the stress from the rugs stuff is hard and in my face everyday. Also im dealing with changing my diet and aiming to shift some bulge - which when you mindlessly eat like mostly everyone- when you turn to consciously eat- your not numbing yourself with foods and all that stuff your feeling. So im feeling it and internalising things and getting quite quiet and tired. I feel depressed a bit and just want to sleep. I think I need some vitamin D lol.
 
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