How are you feeling?

[Hot_Tamale]

My diet from the past day:
- chips
- chips
- brownie
- soda
- another soda
- snickers bar
- chips
- tuna salad with crackers

I'm starting to feel like crap. Serves me right. I need more soda to keep away the nerves!

 

[theslowesthand]

Just wishing that my life turn out better than it has. But too late to make up for lost time and missed opportunities now. :alone:

You're not alone in that respect mate.

And, y'know, the usual soul crushing despair that comes with being the smartest spastic in the room. Constantly getting grief for correcting how my mum pronounces certain words. Which is now sexist, apparently?! :idontknow:
Nonetheless, great to see feminists have their priorities in order

Or so she says, anyway. But I've kinda learnt to not challenge my mother's dumb opinions. Since she just ends up throw a tantrum and accusing me of being a narcissist and difficult to live. Says the women who always has to get things her way. Ocassionally there's the odd empty threat of violence from her towards the heavyset lad who's also her son. What with my mum being more unhinged than a swinging door. But it's just something I've learnt to live with, I guess. :sad:

Do you think she/they are "good feminists", or are they doing it wrong? Are all extreme/orthodox feminists like them i wonder? :question:

 

[theslowesthand]

Boring day. What a drag. Such is (my) life.
At least there's hardly any people strife.

Had enough of all that jazz (music on radio)
Lost it's novelty it has
...
(PiP, Poetry in Progress ... <NOW LIVE-ish>)

 

[theslowesthand]

Having a VAN HALEN night!!! :bigsmile:

erfect:

 

[Graeme1988]

You're not alone in that respect mate.


Do you think she/they are "good feminists", or are they doing it wrong? Are all extreme/orthodox feminists like them i wonder? :question:

A "good feminist" doesn't call a man sexist for correcting the pronunciation of a word. That's called being a bitch. She probably only calls herself a feminist because she has a ****** and can't think for herself.

Eh, Doogle, there, just gave ye the answer, theslowesthand. That, and my mum's obvious bitterness and anger towards my dad, and the fathers of the 2 step-siblings I grew up with. Since those men were abusive arseholes. A lotta that anger being project onto me because I'm the spitting image of my dad, even though my mum says otherwise. But ah know the score...

And, y'know, last time I called my mother a bitch, she flow into a rage. Why? I tried to her, but she was having none of it. Which caused me to angrily point out that she's "... supposed to be tha f**kin' parent, ya bitch! Try acting like it for once, eh?" Yet, I'm more mature and more civilised, it seems. And I ended my wee tangent by looking down at her and yelling in her face: "In future, show some f _ _ kin' maturity, ya dumb c*nt! Acting like that. Nae need for it. Ah wus only trying tae help!"

I might be a few inches taller, weighing more, and look intimidating cuz ma size, huge arms, piercing and tattoos. But, f**k me, man! I'm a big jessie, ie. Big softie, compared to the mafia mentality my mum and sister display whenever I do or say anything they perceive as wrong. Slamming door, swearing n' shouting; threatening me a knifepoint. As if yer gonnae frightening a child who experienced bullying throughout their school years. Aye, if ye lunge at me... it's a different story.

 

[BlueDays]

.......threatening me a knifepoint......

^ Whoa , how often do they do that to you, Graeme!?

 

[Graeme1988]

^ Whoa , how often do they do that to you, Graeme!?

Oh aye! This is only common with ma mum, though. Didnae happen that, but since I'm the only yin o’ her kids whom she's actually physically stabbed when in a rage for not getting her way, cannae afford to chance ma luck. Granted, she just stabbed in the left hand with a manicure scissors for refusing to let her cut my fingernails. But still...

Anyway, half the time she'd say she's "... only joking" - a phrase she's uses frequently to justify this irratic behaviour. Because pointing a small kitchen knife at yer ain kid, smiling and saying: "Wanna git stab?" That's a good yin, innit? Yet, if some psychotic Scottish c*nt - imagine Francis Begbie - with flick-knife said to ye, you'd shite yerself! And rightly f**kin’ so.

Mind you, my mum said and did the same to my oldest sister recently, a few months ago, and got a sweary response:

“Don't you... Dinnae f**kin' dare! It's no funny! Naw, dinnae even joke aboot that”​

. Y'know, there's saying in gist as word. But saying it, knife or pointed object in hand... Different story, then, right?

But I do remember a specific incident where my mother lost it, physically trembling, and she gets a wee knife fae the kitchen. Ah wus shirtless. So, I was either going for a shave or a shower, but my mum insisted I didn't. And I frustratingly asked why she constantly does this, contradicting and controlling me. Well, she didnae take that well, knife in hand, she goes:

“Urgh! Ah could f**kin' stab you! Ken that?!”​

And me, having a death wish, I just snapped and went:

“Pfft! Really?! Well... Mon then! Think am joke, d'ye?! C'mon, f**kin' stab me! Goan, pit oot ma misery! You'd be doing me a favour, saving me tha hassle. You'd huv tae live with it, mind? Go fur tha heid! Naw, the lungs or neck. Better make sure ye get it right this time! Got it wrong last time, despite me sitting beside ye”​

There's a long, tense wait, as I looked from the knife, to her pissed-off face, back to the knife, waiting for her to react. After no lunging forth from her, I just yelled at her from the stair landing - where I'd been standing the whole time - about how I hated her due this behaviour and how I was at my wits end and fed-up putting up with it. Gave the whole "action have consequences" speil. And finished by angrily saying:

"Don't you EVER f**kin' threaten me like that again!"​

Which might seem a bit harsh, considering it's my own mother I'm saying this to, but I didn't care in that moment. Since I'd have to defend myself one way or another .Luckily, nothing has happened since. Though, since that incident, I've started lifting 20kg dumbbell weights and working out more regularly. To keep in shape, mostly, but also to ensure I have the physicality to defend myself. Just in case someone does decided to threaten or start a fight with me.

 

[theslowesthand]

I'm in a spiced-rum and Bread/bread and bed kind of mood.

Now playing Chicago, a classic 70s band

Now, the ultimate 70s band, The Eagles

Now, a good 80s band, Huey Lewis & The News

Now, another great 80s band, Daryl Hall & John Oates

Now, a great Australian band, The Little River Band

And lastly, before bed, another great Australian band, Cold Chisel

Encore, another good ol' Australian band, Australian Crawl

Today/tonight i'm playing some romantic, feel-good music! I'm feeling the love! (even tho i know it's all in my imagination)

 

[Graeme1988]

Can't sleep, but feel physically drained. :thumbdown:

At least I've got June 18th to look forward too. Be nice having the house to myself for a few days. No having to put up the stress of my mother's constant complaining, and being a bitch to me. Nor do I have to overhear daily phone calls between her and my older sister, wherein my mum give the usual relationshit advice and spouts her usual pro-women, feminist mantra that: "All men are b@$%@#"s - except you, son" :kickingmyself:

Which exactly the kinda contradictory statement you give yer only son, innit? Since I'm only ever considered a b@$%@#! whenever I do summit for myself, or dare to question or criticise why the women in my immediate family feel this constant need for validation and approval. Or what good comes from perpetuating the idea that all women inherently good, do no wrong and know everything; therefore, are superior to men. :sarcastic:

Sorry, just venting there. I've had a shitty week all week. :sad:

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I think your mom is just mad that she isn't a man, Graeme.

Piecing things together, she seems to suffer from a whopping case of penis envy. Everything she does reads like an abusive father/husband - right down to writing-off her stabbing of you as "only joking" (!).

Isn't that what abusive men do? Blame the victim and dismiss their valid concerns and protests as mere petulance and overreacting?

I think maybe her whole "Men are crap" angle boils down to simple jealousy.

Of course, I don't think I'd tell her that.

 

[Graeme1988]

I think your mom is just mad that she isn't a man, Graeme.

Piecing things together, she seems to suffer from a whopping case of penis envy. Everything she does reads like an abusive father/husband - right down to writing-off her stabbing of you as "only joking" (!).

Isn't that what abusive men do? Blame the victim and dismiss their valid concerns and protests as mere petulance and overreacting?

I think maybe her whole "Men are crap" angle boils down to simple jealousy.

Ye think so? :thinking: Though, now that ye mention it. My cousin is quite aggressive when telling off her own son as well, whenever she pays us a brief visit. I don't witness it, but overhear this, what with my bedroom being directly above the living room.

Granteed he's only a few years old. But my cousin expects him to be just like me, as far as being smarter than the parent who raised me. 2 dumb parents turnout an intelligent child, according to her. Until I kindly pointed only one of my parents fit that description, and it sure wasn't my dad. Abusive? Aye. Dumb? Far from it...

And, as for the stabbing incident with manicure scissors, my mum has recently said it was my fault, saying: "It wus'nae ma fault! You moved yer hand away!" Despite tha fact stabbed my hand after I forcily pulled it from her grip.

Which isn't that surprising she burdens me with the blame. Since she rarely takes responsibility for anything she's does wrong. Better to lie, place tbe blame elsewhere and make up a false version of events that makes me look bad. Mind you, my oldest sister was present when I brought that incident up again, for reasons I can't recall.

And exaggerating and misquoting me is another thing my mum does exceptionally well. Because then I have defend summit never said, or quote myself then explain what I meant in context. :kickingmyself:

My oldest sibling's just as bad when it comes to blaming me, instead taking responsibility. Like the time I called her out for making the same ignorant, harsh joke about my appearance. And it wasn't even the joke I had an issue with. It was the fact she assumed that, me laughing at it one time meant it suddenly became an in-joke and thus acceptable to just blurt out when in public. Not loud enough for hundreds to hear, certainly, but hardly appropriate. Unless, of course, you're on stage in comedy club. But instead of apologising for this faux pas, she cried and said I was ungrateful for all the things she'd done for me over the years. h:

 

[Graeme1988]

Of course, I don't think I'd tell her that.

Well, I probably would, were my mum to ever react in childish, petty or aggressive manner to me trying be helpful, as she did once before. But I'd be more tactful and phrase it as a seemingly genuine question. Since I dread how she'd react if I said that to her, sarcastically.

 

[Graeme1988]

Family's falling apart. :crying: And I feel as useless as ever. :sad: Not sure how to cope with all that's happened, lately. But, yet another burden of caring for those around me when things are going to shit - stressful as f**k - has been placed upon me.

Funny how it always comes to me to comfort them, yet, naebuddy ever stops to consider the strain I'm under. Doesn't really matter, does it?

But ah learnt over 10 years that Scotsmen don't talk about our issues, openly. Naw, we put on a front, lie and say everything's fine, while drinking heavily or take drugs to escape oor troubles. Therapy? Forget it! Waste o' time. Then, eventually, we end up deid - seeing no other option or way outta the endless despair. And those friends and family are left behind with the guilt, not just of your death. But the fact they didnae care enough to take what you were saying about feeling depressed seriously, and were quick dismiss it. :alone: ::

 

[BlueDays]

Can't sleep, but feel physically drained. :thumbdown:

At least I've got June 18th to look forward too. Be nice having the house to myself for a few days. No having to put up the stress of my mother's constant complaining, and being a bitch to me. Nor do I have to overhear daily phone calls between her and my older sister, wherein my mum give the usual relationshit advice and spouts her usual pro-women, feminist mantra that: "All men are b@$%@#"s - except you, son" :kickingmyself:

Which exactly the kinda contradictory statement you give yer only son, innit? Since I'm only ever considered a b@$%@#! whenever I do summit for myself, or dare to question or criticise why the women in my immediate family feel this constant need for validation and approval. Or what good comes from perpetuating the idea that all women inherently good, do no wrong and know everything; therefore, are superior to men. :sarcastic:

Sorry, just venting there. I've had a shitty week all week. :sad:

^ It sounds like your mother and sisters are just extremely immature people who have never really bothered to GROW UP.
They act like teenagers.

Btw......true Feminists don't actually believe "all men are b@$%@#s".
Your mother and sisters are not true Feminists, Graeme. They just use that as a cloak to cover their immaturity, just as some people use religion for the same reason.

 

[kilojoule]

I'm going through a rough patch. I can't remember a day where I didn't cry.

 

[Sarah_M]

Totally ****ing hideous. My crush came close to me today and holy shit he is gorgeous and me, well, I am ****ing gross and he will never like me back. People are treating me different today and it's bumming me out

 

[BlueDays]

I'm going through a rough patch. I can't remember a day where I didn't cry.

While I am very glad to see you here joule, I am also very sad to read that you are going through a difficult time right now. :sad:
I hope things can improve for you soon. (((Hugs)))

 

[theslowesthand]

Therapy? Forget it! Waste o' time

What makes you say that about therapy graeme? I know i'm sceptical also of therapy working, but i'm actually in therapy now, and using it as a "last resort" - it's good surely for that at least? :question:
Don't give up mate, things aren't as bad as they seem.

 

[theslowesthand]

I'm going through a rough patch. I can't remember a day where I didn't cry.

Well it's actually a good thing that you can cry, amidst this depression/etc. When i'm depressed, i can ALMOST NEVER cry, so the pain just gets compressed further & further into the bottle, which believe me is NOT the way to go.
So, DON'T "harden up" is what i say. :thumbup:

 

[theslowesthand]

Been bored & restless out of my mind today, so i'm "treating" it with booze, chocolate, crisps & awesome kick-@ss heavy metal. You gotta do what you gotta do, to survive, eh - to survive the WAR. :thumbup:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syRH4SxyWl0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=im78cAVDyfQ