How are you feeling?

Invisibleman

Invisibleman

Well-known member
Just had a really awkward time at the sports store. Trying on cleats and the really attractive girl helping me was making conversation which I wanted no part of so I was being kind of rude. I felt bad but she was pissing me off.
 
MrJones

MrJones

Well-known member
Like a useless piece of **** and I don't care about what others say, because they don't care about me. I'm tired. I'm really, really, really tired. I can't stand this. I can't change it, I tried and tried and tried and failed all the time and I'm tired. It's just so frustrating. Hopelessness. Yeah, I'm desperate. Yeah, I'm pleading for mercy. I'm crying for everything. There's constant pain, it's a living hell. I feel beaten up every time I show up. I better hide forever or just go away. Or fade away.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
MrJones said:
Like a useless piece of **** and I don't care about what others say, because they don't care about me. I'm tired. I'm really, really, really tired. I can't stand this. I can't change it, I tried and tried and tried and failed all the time and I'm tired. It's just so frustrating. Hopelessness. Yeah, I'm desperate. Yeah, I'm pleading for mercy. I'm crying for everything. There's constant pain, it's a living hell. I feel beaten up every time I show up. I better hide forever or just go away. Or fade away.
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Hey, you're not a useless piece of **** and I don't care about what you say! What is it exactly that you're trying to change?
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Well, back to reality for me. Can't say I'm all that happy, to be honest. And by that, I mean how things have been for me for the past 12 years. I know things aren't exactly getting worse, but they aren't getting any better, either.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
Graeme1988 said:
Well, back to reality for me. Can't say I'm all that happy, to be honest. And by that, I mean how things have been for me for the past 12 years. I know things aren't exactly getting worse, but they aren't getting any better, either.
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Is it the fact that it's your birthday bringing this out? I know that's what happened to me a few days ago.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
MikeyC said:
Is it the fact that it's your birthday bringing this out? I know that's what happened to me a few days ago.
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Oh, yeah, it is. Big time. I think it just the realisation that my life is going nowhere at the moment, and has been for a few years. My life is like the movie Groundhog Day. I know I shouldn't really dwell on things that are getting me down, but it just that feeling of always being on the outside looking in. I think my cerebral palsy has alot to do with that feeling, or the physical limitations of my disability do, anyway. I think I've tried to overcompensate mentally for my physical disability to the point where I'm stuck inside my head all the time. Not going to lie, it gets me down alot of the time, especially the lack of social life. But then again, SA doesn't make matters any easier.

Even the idea of me being in a relationship with a woman at this point doesn't seems likely. Sometimes I think I'd be better off being that stereotypical disabled person - either gay or asexual. Personally I'd go for the latter catagory (asexual), because, given how I felt about myself lately, I can't even imagine a woman who'd want to actually spend time with me, let along, have sex with me. Sorry, this post could get more cynical, and depressing as you read on.

Not that I hate women or anything. It's just that I have unresolved trust issues, which go back a few years, even to my childhood. And my mum's negative point of view on relationship - which I heard almost constantly from age 15 onwards - has kinda made me feel I don't deserve to be in a loving, happy long-term relationship. Now... I'm aware all that is bull$#*, of course. But, still, it does f**k with your confidence and self-esteem. It's definitely made me cynical about relationships. (Certainly isn't easy for me to talk about, especially being this honest about it. ::(:)

I even feel like an outsider with my own family, sometimes I feel I don't fit in with them either. I mean, my older sisters and cousins all went to either college or university - I'm the one who didn't because I dropped out of school at 17. Meh! That just about covers all the issues I'll talking with my therapist about. Hope my sessions start soon.

Sorry for the really long post or if all this jsuy sounds like a bitter, angry rant, Mikey. But, then again, that's what this threads for. Anyway, thanks for listening, mate. And having empathy with how I'm currently feeling.
 
WeirdyMcGee

WeirdyMcGee

Well-known member
poopy.
If health is beauty- beauty is health; I am absolutely hideous, just as I had suspected.
haha

So tired. Almost time for bed, I think. My eyes are burning and it's hard to move without hurting.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
Graeme1988 said:
Sorry for the really long post or if all this jsuy sounds like a bitter, angry rant, Mikey. But, then again, that's what this threads for. Anyway, thanks for listening, mate. And having empathy with how I'm currently feeling.
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I don't really know what to say to any of that, dude, but I do know that birthdays make you think a lot more. In fact, mine made me think about my last 12 months more than any other.

Your relationship with your mother is hurting you more than you think, I reckon. Hopefully your therapist can help you along with that in due time.

WeirdyMcGee said:
poopy.
If health is beauty- beauty is health; I am absolutely hideous, just as I had suspected.
haha

So tired. Almost time for bed, I think. My eyes are burning and it's hard to move without hurting.
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No hideous evar.

Enjoy your sleep. :)
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
MikeyC said:
I don't really know what to say to any of that, dude, but I do know that birthdays make you think a lot more. In fact, mine made me think about my last 12 months more than any other.

Your relationship with your mother is hurting you more than you think, I reckon. Hopefully your therapist can help you along with that in due time.
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Yeah, pretty messed up, huh? I keep most of that $*#t to myself too, by the way. Which is really sad, because I shouldn't really. But, I'm more aware of how crap our relationship has gotten. My mum just prefers being in denial about it, and just not face the reality of the situation.

Do you want to know the irony of it all? My oldest sister actually said to me in October last year that she believes our mother did a good job raising the 3 of us (2 older sisters, and me, the only boy and the youngest). And I didn't have guts to ask her this, but in my head I hear myself saying: "If that the case, how come I can't even f--in' talk to her half the time?"

Have to say, though, I think I might be overly optimistic about these therapy sessions, whenever they started. It's certainly take more than the 3 one-hour long sessions which I'm entitled too in order for me to overcome all my depression, anxiety, angst and frustration. It's going to emotional and akward, but here's hoping...
 
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Vampayah88

Well-known member
Woke up in the middle of the night feeling scared for some reason. Tried to fall back asleep for more than an hour and couldnt so I just opened my laptop.
 
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Silatuyok

Well-known member
Vamp said:
Woke up in the middle of the night feeling scared for some reason. Tried to fall back asleep for more than an hour and couldnt so I just opened my laptop.
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My anxiety frequently wakes me up in the middle of the night. Sometimes I just lie there and worry about things, but sometimes I am scared to death of things that don't normally scare me (like approaching thunderstorms). It's rough, so I know what you're going through.
 
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Vampayah88

Well-known member
lol no, tried thinking of favourite music, nice things, and yet I would hear random sounds in my room, I got scared and couldnt fall back asleep. It didnt help that images from the movie Insidious kept coming to my mind even tho i only saw the trailer and that was a long time ago.
 
V

Vampayah88

Well-known member
Absolutely_Sweet_Marie said:
My anxiety frequently wakes me up in the middle of the night. Sometimes I just lie there and worry about things, but sometimes I am scared to death of things that don't normally scare me (like approaching thunderstorms). It's rough, so I know what you're going through.
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I know, I kind of have the worst thoughts during the night, its strange, Im much more positive during daylight.
My mother is going to another country in a few months, and I'll be left home all alone. When i think about this at night I realize how fvcking scary it'll be for me to know I'm in the house alone, i wont have that sense of protection anymore..I'll probably sleep with the tv on every night.
 
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Silatuyok

Well-known member
Vamp said:
I know, I kind of have the worst thoughts during the night, its strange, Im much more positive during daylight.
My mother is going to another country in a few months, and I'll be left home all alone. When i think about this at night I realize how fvcking scary it'll be for me to know I'm in the house alone, i wont have that sense of protection anymore..I'll probably sleep with the tv on every night.
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I'm not ashamed to admit that I sleep with the lights on when I am home alone.
 
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