How are you feeling?

[Graeme1988]

Well, had an argument with my mum for the first time in a long time. Mainly over how I'm constantly expected to help her every time she asks. Yet, she rarely does the same for me. She always has an excuse at the ready, regardless. That I almost always regret even asking for her help.

So, I had to do what I'd asked her to help me with by myself (which was moving my TV so it was more central in my bedroom). Then, after hearing noise coming from my room, she comes and asks me how I managed to, I just shrugged and said:

"Ah just did it. So much for me being useless, huh?" *

* This was a not so subtle, spiteful reference on my part to my formative years, when my mum and older sisters frequently told me that I was unless. Yet, ironically, I'm the one in my immediate family who actually tries to makes sure things get done.

 

[Graeme1988]

Ah! Let down by family yet a frickin' again! And I'm just supposed to "forget about it".

 

[lily]

I'm not feeling too well today. The psychiatrist told me I could try going down my medication by 0.5 per week but once I went down after 5 days and another time after 9 days and today I felt like going down after 2 days and now I'm just not feeling well

 

[lily]

Oh I see, I think I was able to go down again after 2 days, that feeling inside me telling me I could do so was because I only reduced a quarter, 0.25mg, not 0.5mg so that why I was allowed to according to the psychiatric book.

 

[PugofCrydee]

Better.. what a shitty week. I had an epidural, which caused a spinal fluid leak.. spent mon- Friday laying down because when I stood up it felt like my head was being crushed.. ended up in hospital where I learned it's a pretty serious condition. Fentanyl is such a shitty drug, I don't get how people become addicted to it.
Anyway, had a blood patch done and am slowly improving. Can't wait to get outside and exercise again

 

[Phoenixx]

Lonely, irritated as usual, and anxious about tomorrow. I was feeling pretty good this morning, then had to go out to pick up my new glasses and go to the store to grab a few things. The store set off my anxiety and irritability like crazy today. So many god damn people and it wasn't hardly 10am. So many people just standing in the way, just poking along without a care in the world, or running through the store so fast they nearly run into everyone else or the poor workers that are trying to do their jobs and have to deal with their bullshit, so many people driving through the parking lot not bothering to look and just run stop signs or fly by other people walking. How are people so freaking ignorant to their surroundings all the time without giving two craps about anyone else? I just don't get it. The ignorance is astounding. The older I get the more I find I absolutely hate being around other people, moreso than usual.

On another note, I have to go to a birthday party tomorrow and visit with my husband's family. I'm not looking forward to it. I thought I was looking forward to seeing some family, but no. I really don't want to see anyone honestly. My in-laws have been treating me differently this year. Or at least my FIL has been. He's changed so much in the last year I no longer can stand to be around him honestly. I know he's been through a lot, but that's still no excuse to be as ignorant as he's being lately. But alas, I can't say anything so I don't. I keep my distance and leave it at that. If he wants to talk, he'll talk, otherwise I don't exist. I'm just an accessory. My SIL is also the same way. Can't stand to be around her either. I doubt she'll even be there tomorrow though. She never goes to any family function nor talks to anyone unless she needs something.

I also don't want to be bombarded with questions about my job from other family members. I don't want to talk about work when I'm not at work. But heaven forbid if they talk to me about anything else. I don't want to sit around listening to my husband babble about his job either as everyone always asks him question after question since his job is a lot more interesting than I am anyways. Again, I'm just an accessory at these things. Makes one feel really good about themselves, you know?

I have to stop in to see my family while I'm in town too tomorrow. Again, not looking forward to it. I already talked to my mother for over an hour on the phone yesterday, as it always is with her phone calls, listening to her complain about my father and other random stuff she's been up to. Probably will have to listen to the same thing again when I stop in tomorrow.

 

[lily]

I'm on 4.5 mg of one of my medications now. Yay!

 

[Graeme1988]

Just... really frustrated. I feel I can't rely upon anyone. My right foot has been really sore lately. I told my mum, yesterday, that I think it might be due to my cerebral palsy finally starting to get worse, and she immediately, without expanding upon it, said: "Nah! Ah don't think so". Then, when I pushed for explanation as to why she was so sure, she just ignored me. D'ye know how that feels? What it's like to live with someone like that? Where, every time you speak yer mind as far how ye feel, you don't get a — for lack of a better word — normal, or even empathetic response. Naw, instead, you get yer f__kin' words thrown back at ya and gaslit into always feeling unsure of yerself. What a great feeling! Almost like there's a link between my feeling stupid for saying something, or asking what might be to some a simple question, my anxiety, and the negative perception I tend to have of myself.

So, I'm wrong as always. I don't know my own body, even though every doctor, since I was a teenager, has told me that my condition will eventually get worse as I get older. Then again, what would I know? I mean, I'm only the guy living with the aforementioned disability n' all.

Also, my mum had a fall in the kitchen a few days ago, and she never told me about until Thursday when she asked me if there was a bruise on the back of one of her legs. Which there was. So, aside from feeling like I'm always wrong, I also feel like a failure. Because I'm forever being told by my oldest sister to look after our mum.

 

[lily]

I like being on socialphobiaworld.com, it's so peaceful

 

[lily]

I'm on 4mg of one of my medications now 'cause my body just told me I cannot take any higher after a while

 

[lily]

Not feeling too well. I've got a particular sort of headache from a medication and it making me sleep too much unfortunately. I can't wait till I can go out for a good walk. I am also bored and would like more friends.

 

[Graeme1988]

Pissed off that the only time I'm ever listened to by my family is when I'm really pissed off enough that I swear at them.

Like today, I just wanted to rest my sore right foot as it's painful to walk on when I try to weight bare. The sensible thing to do, right? But no, despite that, my oldest sister insisted that I get out the house today. Sore foot n' all - limping. Ah even telt her my foot was still really sore, which it is. Guess it's just asking a bit much to have my decisions respected when I make them, eh? It's not as if I had other stuff to do around the house or on my computer — like making music.

I'm sick of constantly having to stop putting myself first. Or being made to feel that, if I say "No" to something, I'm a horrible, selfish person.

 

[Sarah_M]

I feel shitty about myself today. I feel very physically unattractive. I am experiencing a lot of familial pressure to get married or inquiries of if I have met someone. It makes me feel 10x worse because I don’t think I will ever get married. Like no one will ever desire me in that way. I would be crushed if I never got to have a family of my own. I can’t even focus on my school work because I just want to cry

 

[lily]

I still feel a bit of a headache but I don't feel much bad. tomorrow will be raining, thunderstorm and sun though so it'll be ok. I'll call my doctor for an appointment though. My friend is not feeling so well though but I hope he will be feeling better soon and another friend. I miss him already. Now I'm on 3.75 mg of one of my medications so I just hope this hurries up and turns out fine as it is so far

 

[PugofCrydee]

I feel shitty about myself today. I feel very physically unattractive. I am experiencing a lot of familial pressure to get married or inquiries of if I have met someone. It makes me feel 10x worse because I don’t think I will ever get married. Like no one will ever desire me in that way. I would be crushed if I never got to have a family of my own. I can’t even focus on my school work because I just want to cry

I've seen pics of you Sarah, you're actually quite attractive. Don't let those negative thoughts get to you.

 

[Sarah_M]

I've seen pics of you Sarah, you're actually quite attractive. Don't let those negative thoughts get to you.

Thanks, Pug. You’re too nice to me. I’m just in one of those “I wish I could peel my face off and exchange it for another one” type moods

 

[MollyBeGood]

The world has gone to hell in a hand basket.

 

[MollyBeGood]

Thanks, Pug. You’re too nice to me. I’m just in one of those “I wish I could peel my face off and exchange it for another one” type moods

Hi Sarah I can so relate. Sorry you feel bad, too. Maybe you need a change of scenery? That helps when things seem really stagnate.

 

[PugofCrydee]

Thanks, Pug. You’re too nice to me. I’m just in one of those “I wish I could peel my face off and exchange it for another one” type moods

I could introduce you to a good friend of mine.. Jaqen H'ghar..

 

[Sarah_M]

Hi Sarah I can so relate. Sorry you feel bad, too. Maybe you need a change of scenery? That helps when things seem really stagnate.

Hey Molly, good to hear from you . I’m sorry you feel like this too. Being a human kind of blows. That’s a good idea — I actually have a trip lined up in couple weeks, I am flying out to California for a few days. Maybe I will come back a new person lol.