PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
Groggy... got a few days off work, slept in.. funny how when you sleep more than usual you can feel more tired when you wake up.
How are you feeling?
- Thread starter Remus
- Start date
vj288
not actually Fiona Apple
Yes, quite a few times I have been exhausted so I would go to bed early and then let myself sleep in hoping to "catch up on sleep" only to continue to be tired. Then I would take another approach, and decide to wake up early in hopes of being tired all day and then fall asleep easy the next night. Instead, I wake up and am wide awake, realizing I had been sleeping too much, not too little as I thought. It really is an odd thing.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Just trying to come to terms with the fact that I’ve never really had much of a life. Never been allowed to, really. :sad: Told what to do, how I should be... that’s no much of a life, is it? :idontknow:
I wish last year had turned out different for me, cuz I’m finding it increasingly difficult to find any joy in what few hobbies I have anymore. Ah don’t even feel at home in the house I spent most of my life living in. Ah feel like am just paying to keep the bit running at this point. Stuck with a co-dependent who seems to forget I’m her son and not her f*ckin’ carer...
Ah wish ah could time travel back to April 2017 and just reliving that month up until July 2017. Everythin’ seemed to go well then. I was genuinely happy, doing something I actually enjoyed. Not bogged down by other people’s problems. :thumbdown:
I wish last year had turned out different for me, cuz I’m finding it increasingly difficult to find any joy in what few hobbies I have anymore. Ah don’t even feel at home in the house I spent most of my life living in. Ah feel like am just paying to keep the bit running at this point. Stuck with a co-dependent who seems to forget I’m her son and not her f*ckin’ carer...
Ah wish ah could time travel back to April 2017 and just reliving that month up until July 2017. Everythin’ seemed to go well then. I was genuinely happy, doing something I actually enjoyed. Not bogged down by other people’s problems. :thumbdown:
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
If you don't mind me saying bud, your life is in your hands. You've never had much of a life? Start having one! you don't seem old yet, but Father time is working away at making you just that. Each and every day.
I would suggest by starting with something simple - doing something simple that you've always thought about doing, but for whatever reason never have.
Are you happy being stuck in a household with p r i c k relations that make you unhappy? (Of course I know that answer already).
Do - you- need- them? :idontknow:
I can feel for you mate, because I was once stuck in a house living with my mother and 2 sisters and was treated like a POS because I was a male.
Well I fking showed them. Now they are the ones stuck mooching off each other, b i t c h i n g about each other. I'm so glad I made the decisions to leave.
And yes - it wasn't easy. But each and every road block to leaving I came across I eventually found a way over, around, under or through it.
I haven't looked back since. Well actually I have, but only to remind me what I left behind. I have no regrets to this day about that.
I write this because I feel genuine concern for you and your situation. I wish I could help you. But in reality all I do is offer some well meaning advice.
I really, really would like you to think about my next point. In depth.
When you are laying on your death bed, thinking back on your life, will you regret not making choices that could have possibly changed things for you?
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Thanks for having empathy with my current situation, Pug.
I might not be that old, in terms of age, but ah sure as f*ck feel old. :sad:
It’s not been easy having to take on way more responsibility than ya should when yer disabled.
Do I need them? No, if anything, the last year has shown just how much my mother and sisters need me more than I need them. From fixing laptop, to drop everything to help out, to making sure things get done. It’s always me who takes the reigns when it comes to aw that. I guess that’s why ah feel like I haven’t had much of a life? Constantly being bogged down with having to be relied upon.
And the prospect of me leaving home would be easier for me if they’d stop making me feel guilty about it. And see that I’m doing it to get away from having to listen or try and resolve stupid, petty, immature arguments aw the time.
Though, part of me, feels ah’ll git called a selfish ______ for moving out? Not to my face, but once I’m gone. I can just see my older sister going off at my mother. “Huh! Whit did we do? Why? Eh? Whit d’ye mean?”
Of course, on my death bed I’ll regret not making decisions that could’ve changed my life. But only because I allowed myself to be talked outta go through with most of them. Ah mean it’s not been easy living with a parent who, amongst other things, always perceived my independence as a disabled person as a threat to her well-being.
But I’ve always suspected there’s gotta be some resent towards me from both my mother and siblings, because I never fit that stereotype of a disabled person who always needs help doing things. That’s why I’m somewhat dreading the prospect of moving out. Cuz they’ll aw put a negative spin on it, somehow.
h: The whole “How will me cope?” argument. :crying: Even though my oldest sister reluctantly acknowledged that I’d probably managed okay with minimal support.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
If only I could piss off somewhere else for Christmas this year. Ah really don’t fancy spending it with ma family. Last year wus tense and awkward enough...
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
Aye, if I had the money, I would come collect ya, and spend Xmas with just you and me being bro's. Maybe we could belt out some tunes, you being some what proficient on the guitar, and me on the drums. Maybe even collect some of the others, Sarah, Loyalxenite, Mollybegood, just to name a few. More there would be.
Sounds like a great Xmas.. :thumbup:
We can dream huh?
I'm tellin ye, if I ever get the money, thats what we'll be doin.
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
Just a thought for someone special, you know who you are.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHRyPjXeKZ4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHRyPjXeKZ4
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
That’d be cool. But me being proficient on the guitar implies that I know what I’m doing. Which... :lol: I barely even know the notes on the fretboard, never mind all the chords. Diminished and whatever tha f*%k else yer supposed to know when learning music theory. Unless you consider knowing how to the rhythm guitar parts to Metallica’s Creeping Death proficient? :thinking:
:bigsmile:
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Well... ah got my bedroom uncluttered, finally. 2 years in the making, and I was constantly doubting it would ever happen. :bigsmile: Not a massive achievement, but it’s something.
FountainandFairfax
in a VAN down by the RIVER
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
Yea you're not fooling anyone Graeme, I found some footage of you and your 'clean room'..
Kiwong
Well-known member
Birds have to fly.
you're a poet Fountain
MollyBeGood
Well-known member
Ugh I could be so much happier....
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Hard to say really. Ah mean, aside from coming to sad realisation that I’ve only had myself to rely upon since age 12. And the fact I’m always given excuses and self pitying BS - “Oh, ah cannae... ah don’t know! Dae it yerself!” - whenever I ask my family to help me with, or do something for me. Or they attempt to discourage me...
It’s a different story when I say I don’t know how or can’t remember summit. though. :kickingmyself: Oh, things escalate quickly when I say tell them to something themselves instead of depending upon me aw the time...
But then the perception of me that I’m “smarter and know best”. This is what’s said whenever I ask my family, either, for advice or helpmg: Like I’m some sorta ”Encyclopaedia Spasticus”. Aye, cuz really smart folk are prone to bouts of asking for advice, or questions when they’re unsure. All those years of them belittling me and calling me “useless”. Acting like they were superior to me...
Except in my experience I’m almost always met with a response of: :idontknow: And maybe a 3 or 4 word response, depending on whether a certain four letter word is used.
It’s a different story when I say I don’t know how or can’t remember summit. though. :kickingmyself: Oh, things escalate quickly when I say tell them to something themselves instead of depending upon me aw the time...
But then the perception of me that I’m “smarter and know best”. This is what’s said whenever I ask my family, either, for advice or help
mg: Like I’m some sorta ”Encyclopaedia Spasticus”. Aye, cuz really smart folk are prone to bouts of asking for advice, or questions when they’re unsure. All those years of them belittling me and calling me “useless”. Acting like they were superior to me...Except in my experience I’m almost always met with a response of: :idontknow: And maybe a 3 or 4 word response, depending on whether a certain four letter word is used.
FountainandFairfax
in a VAN down by the RIVER
Good... tired, but good.
I bought a bicycle Wednesday night and tonight I went for my first real ride. I haven't exercised in a looooong time and I haven't been on a bicycle in at least fifteen years. It went well, I kept up with my cousin for the most part but after a while my knees turned to jelly and I had to go back.
I bought an orange hoodie to wear for visibility since we're mostly gonna be riding at night, I probably looked like a big pumpkin coming down the road. They had one with a jack o' lantern face but it was only for kids, nothing in size XXXL heh, heh. Oh well, whatever keeps me from getting squashed.
It felt good to get out and do something again.
I bought a bicycle Wednesday night and tonight I went for my first real ride. I haven't exercised in a looooong time and I haven't been on a bicycle in at least fifteen years. It went well, I kept up with my cousin for the most part but after a while my knees turned to jelly and I had to go back.
I bought an orange hoodie to wear for visibility since we're mostly gonna be riding at night, I probably looked like a big pumpkin coming down the road. They had one with a jack o' lantern face but it was only for kids, nothing in size XXXL heh, heh. Oh well, whatever keeps me from getting squashed.
It felt good to get out and do something again.
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Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Hoping I’m rehoused within the next 6 months, otherwise ah might do summit ah regret and tell ma family whit ah really think o’ them to their face.
I’m getting so fed up with my older sister attitude, coming to visit n’ f*ckin’ swanning aboot like she f*ckin’ owns the joint. Dreading the overreaction ah’ll git when ah refuse to sit at the table for Christmas dinner this year.
I’m getting so fed up with my older sister attitude, coming to visit n’ f*ckin’ swanning aboot like she f*ckin’ owns the joint. Dreading the overreaction ah’ll git when ah refuse to sit at the table for Christmas dinner this year.
