How are you feeling?

[Graeme1988]

Like I just want to go to sleep and never wake up... :sad:

I'm so f*ckin' fed-up with how every time I tell my family how I'm feeling or ask if they know what it's been like for me putting up with the arguments, being made to feel like the bad guy; somehow it's a comedy routine. But the moment they see me nodding off and barely able to keep my eyes open.

Then, suddenly, it's aw: "Oh, what the matter, Graeme? What's wrong?" :kickingmyself:

D'y'know what it's like having to be the son, carer and surrogate father figure within yer ain family? D'ye ken how f*ckin' irritating it is to always have to make up for someone else's laziness? Anyone else got family like that? Always making excuses and forcing you to take care of 'em? My family don't even mean it when they thank me. Or rarely does. It's always said passive aggressive, as if they resent me for stepping up and doing what needs to be done. :thumbdown:

Ah rarely give maself a break... cuz every time I do it feels like I don't deserve it.

 

[Graeme1988]

Depressed. Numb. Bored. And completely unfocused.

Currently revaluating every supposedly “correct” decision I’ve made in my life up until now. Wondering what I should do... is it even worth having any goals for the coming year? :idontknow: Getting rehoused doesnae even look like it’ll be a reality for me in 2019. :sad:

As much as I’d like it to be...

Not that I’ve had the many opportunities to make most of my own choices and do as I want without having to, first, justify my reasons for them. :kickingmyself:

 

[BlueDays]

Getting rehoused doesnae even look like it’ll be a reality for me in 2019. :sad:

As much as I’d like it to be...

Oh my god no! are you serious?
I am so sorry to hear that, Graeme. :sad:
That must be a kick in the guts for you - as that is the only way your life is going to become bearable, it seems.

Is there no way you could talk to a professional and mention that being rehoused is extremely important for your mental health etc? Maybe they could assist in stating the urgency of your case?

 

[Graeme1988]

Oh my god no! are you serious?
I am so sorry to hear that, Graeme. :sad:
That must be a kick in the guts for you - as that is the only way your life is going to become bearable, it seems.

Well, Blue, it’s be exactly a year, come the last week of October, when I sent away my application form to my local housing department. Then submit them some additional information about my disability to get my placed higher on the priority list for rehousing.

Is there no way you could talk to a professional and mention that being rehoused is extremely important for your mental health etc? Maybe they could assist in stating the urgency of your case?

While I get what yer saying, I don’t want to go through having to get another referral for counselling cuz I don’t know how you change therapists. As the one I got referred to (a woman) completely overlooked my point about upbringing influencing one’s anxiety and depression. Despite knowing nothing about the extent to how dysfunctional my mother and sisters are.

So the childhood neglect? The physical, mental and emotional abuse from both mother and siblings. The unhinged, man-hating rants that constituted my mother’s idea of relationship advice, which informed most of my teenage years. All personality traits of a loving, caring mother, supposedly. h:

Oh, and the fact my mother made my orthopaedic surgery less about my gaining independence and more about how she’d cope if I leave home. Saying she’d kill herself was a nice touch. Something she told me to do once when I was feeling depressed. But it’s me who doesn’t care, apparently... :kickingmyself:

Ticking the box marked “fleeing domestic abuse” on my housing application would’ve probably got things moving a lot quicker. Something my oldest sister jokingly suggested. And she’d have been right, considering the loud, $h!tey arguments I’ve had to just put up with for over a year now.

 

[PugofCrydee]

Got a whole day to myself! No work, no annoying relatives.. and I got nothing to do.

Now what can I do.. hmm...

I'll definitely have a go at the drums

Might ride to the beach

hmm... might have a couple of drinks this arvo

Apart from that, I'm not sure.. It's a beautiful day here, sunny, 24 degrees..

 

[Graeme1988]

Full of the cold. Kinda glad I didn’t go out the other night there.

Other than that just pissed of that I have to replace the XLR cables for my monitor speakers. Don’t really want to part with 20 quid, mainly because am still struggling money wise. Hate that I’ve to wait til the end o’ the months for my disability benefit to get paid into my bank account. :thumbdown: But ah don’t know anyone who owns a soldering kit so... :idontknow: So ah guess I’ll need to part with ma money.

Could really do to get back into the my old routine. Huv’nae woke up in the morning feeling happy in over a year. :sad:

 

[Kiwong]

A bit confused, it's be great to getting out and exposing myself to social situations and having some wins. But being around is like swimming in deep water. It is good to know I can do it and survive. In the end I am the kind of person who enjoys there own company more.

 

[Graeme1988]

Well, let's see...

Just had a mini nervous breakdown. D'ye know what it's like being expected to know everything? To constantly be perceived as a f*ckin' geek when yer nothing of the sort? :kickingmyself:

And my mother just told me that that wee trip I took to Edinburgh back in August... she hated that because she doesn't like being in the house by herself. So, there ye go! It's official: I. Have. No. Life. :sad:

 

[Graeme1988]

Anxious, nervous and worried... F*ck know why I’m laughing, though. :lol: :idontknow:
Aw wait, it’s rare that I’m the one who cause an argument in my family, there we go. :bigsmile:

 

[PugofCrydee]

To constantly be perceived as a f*ckin' geek when yer nothing of the sort? :kickingmyself::

I will fight them on the beaches, in the landing feilds.. in the streets and in the hills... I wear my geekiness as a badge of honour..and I will never surrender!! :thumbup:

 

[Graeme1988]

I will fight them on the beaches, in the landing feilds.. in the streets and in the hills... I wear my geekiness as a badge of honour..and I will never surrender!! :thumbup:

As if me laughing about the prospect of getting into another verbal altercation with ma older sister wus’nae bad enough... And, despite taking my question out of context. Thanks for that, Pug. :bigsmile: Ah need a good laugh. My mother and oldest sister had laugh at my expense, after my mum told of what happened this past Friday, when ah telt the middle sibling to, eh... :shyness:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJMqdTr7IQM

But what d’ye expect...? I wasn’t feeling well, and just got woken by a phone call asking me where a particular folder was located on my older sister’s smartphone after she hooked up to her laptop. Ah probably shouldn’t have gone with my first answer that came to me, though. Which was: “Eh... on the phone”. mg:

 

[PugofCrydee]

Ahh good ol' Mr Connolly.. seen him on stage in Adelaide some years ago. Was a great night.

 

[Graeme1988]

Ahh good ol' Mr Connolly.. seen him on stage in Adelaide some years ago. Was a great night.

^ This is the tour I managed to get 3 tickets for - on the 2nd night of his run of shows in The Big Yin’s hometown. My oldest sister and I decided to our mother should tag along. :bigsmile:

 

[Graeme1988]

I wish I could get rid of this flu so I can get a decent night’s sleep. :kickingmyself: Being kept awake is starting to irritate me.

Ah also need to get back to do stuff I haven’t done in awhile, mainly writing music and keeping in shape.

 

[Graeme1988]

Well, today wus $h!te. :thumbdown:

Got woken up at just after half past 11, having been told my older sister and her kids will be coming round. And they didnae bother showing up... :idontknow: Ah hope that incident the other day hasn’t suddenly made things go back the usual day to day routine where it’s just me and my mother? :question: :bigsmile:

 

[FountainandFairfax]

Sad.

My 95-year old aunt's going to live with her daughter in Florida.

She has a sister who's 97 that lives down the street from her and when my aunt called to tell her she replied "I guess I'll never see you again."

 

[Graeme1988]

^ Damn ! That is sad. :sad: Sorry to hear that, Fountain.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

^ Damn ! That is sad. :sad: Sorry to hear that, Fountain.

Thanks, Graeme.

At least she'll be close to her daughter now. So that's good.

 

[Graeme1988]

Thanks, Graeme.

At least she'll be close to her daughter now. So that's good.

Yeah, that’s definitely a positive. :thumbup:

 

[Graeme1988]

Nearly back to my usually self... in terms of being nocturnal and wanting to do summit creative in the wee hours.
Weird what telling yer older sibling to eff off will do for yer mood. :bigsmile: Especially if neither of ye get along that well.