How are you feeling?
- Thread starter Remus
- Start date
theslowesthand
Banned
Yep. I'm not really sure if what i feel at times is loneliness, as i too have spent my entire life mostly alone.
theslowesthand
Banned
I've been drinking since noon (now it's 7pm).
I've got 3 brews on the go right now - camomile tea, can of beer, glass of vodka/lemon_softdrink/fruit_vegetable_juice/milk (i like how the milk "curdles" cause of the fruit juice).
I've got 3 brews on the go right now - camomile tea, can of beer, glass of vodka/lemon_softdrink/fruit_vegetable_juice/milk (i like how the milk "curdles" cause of the fruit juice).
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Well, just got yet mair confirmation that I'm just... part of the family that deserves to be taken advantage. Lied to frequently, having keep my 3 years niece occupied when her f*ckin' mother comes to visit. Aw the time... Cannae even huv a day to myself. :kickingmyself:
And today, ah asked simple question about when a pack of biscuits were bought, and my Mum gave an uncalled for smart-arse answer.
As if I'm in habit of scrounging about the kitchen, looking in every cupboard. :thumbdown:
Yet she'll go in the huff if ah don't tell her when ah buy something. Then she all worry...
It'd be nice, for once, just tae be treated like ah mattered to them, y'know? Instead this f*ckin' manipulative, resentful, love/hate attitude my mother n' older sister have towards me. My oldest sister is the only one who actually treats me like family.
Ah think I'll just go back to being selective mute, walking with a hunched back n' a limp? Ma family seemed to treat me better afore I had my sugery to help me walk a bit better, at least then they actually told me things, instead of leaving me outta the loop.
The only positive of the last few days is that my older sister and her kids will finally be moving into a permanent house, by the beginning of next month.
And today, ah asked simple question about when a pack of biscuits were bought, and my Mum gave an uncalled for smart-arse answer.
"You got eyes, don't ye..?! Look yerself.."
As if I'm in habit of scrounging about the kitchen, looking in every cupboard. :thumbdown:
Yet she'll go in the huff if ah don't tell her when ah buy something. Then she all worry...
"Oh, ye should've bloody telt me ! Why'd ye dae that fur ?! Ye dinnae git yer disability benefit money this week"
It'd be nice, for once, just tae be treated like ah mattered to them, y'know? Instead this f*ckin' manipulative, resentful, love/hate attitude my mother n' older sister have towards me. My oldest sister is the only one who actually treats me like family.
Ah think I'll just go back to being selective mute, walking with a hunched back n' a limp? Ma family seemed to treat me better afore I had my sugery to help me walk a bit better, at least then they actually told me things, instead of leaving me outta the loop.
The only positive of the last few days is that my older sister and her kids will finally be moving into a permanent house, by the beginning of next month.
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theslowesthand
Banned
Dread for the future
> 'Death will overcome the future, eventually'
> 'The pain, suffering, torture will CONTINUE on as it HAS BEEN these last few years - you can RELY on that. Your FRIEND "misery" will REMAIN faithfully by your side. It will not desert you. Do not fear PEOPLE, as your misery "trumps" them & all their petty attacks'
> 'Death will overcome the future, eventually'
> 'The pain, suffering, torture will CONTINUE on as it HAS BEEN these last few years - you can RELY on that. Your FRIEND "misery" will REMAIN faithfully by your side. It will not desert you. Do not fear PEOPLE, as your misery "trumps" them & all their petty attacks'
FountainandFairfax
in a VAN down by the RIVER
Sheet gettin' dark.
theslowesthand
Banned
My future is dark, dreary, gloomy. So much so, that death/doom metal actually feels POSITIVE & OPTIMISTIC to me (it cheers me up). 
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theslowesthand
Banned
I'm struggling tonight ... struggling to find rock/pop music which can equal the fine quality of the Anzac Day compositions i've heard this afternoon on classical radio station. Just listened to some Elgar, and i'm wondering what "modern" music (more "action" is what i want) has a similar fine/warm feel to it. Jethro Tull? Cream? Eric Clapton? Jimi Hendrix?. It needs to be lovely & flowing & gentle, yet also have a bit of "kick" to it. I guess i'll have to try out a few bands, and see how it goes. Thing is, i'm scared to turn the radio off, as the classical music is so good today. Maybe i'll keep it on for another hour or so.
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theslowesthand
Banned
What does it mean when a woman tells a guy he has a lovely smile?. And the aforementioned woman is married, with children? :question:
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Ah cun relate to that. :sad:
theslowesthand
Banned
Me too. But i think i'm used to it, and have resigned myself to being in "prison" for the rest of my life. So, there's no more frustration & rage, like i used to have. But i still am fighting against it in small ways everyday, but i don't expect much relief, or just temporary relief via alcohol. Society has played a large part in my isolated stay-at-home lifestyle, as i have a significant fear of "what's out there" people-wise, and still expect to be poked fun at somewhat, or "targeted" by [groups of] youths - that fear is still there from the past. All those past bad experiences of being bullied have stayed with me. But i'm older, have a different look (beard), tanned, and are less anxious about being riduculed/etc as i've been working on my anger & reactions, eg turning the negatives of insults into positives, or at least trying not to blame them (anger) but accepting the blame myself (being sad/passive is better than being angry, much less likely to escalate into a dangerous/violent situation), but also trying to "make a point" with them (to "even the score" or "make things right").
theslowesthand
Banned
The "UNKNOWN" thing that's affecting my mood now (nothing i can SEE is affecting it) :kickingmyself:
theslowesthand
Banned
Been reading online about "incels" (involuntary celibates). Just one more of my many issues.
SilentAndShy
Well-known member
So as I need a car I took what I thought was a brave step in going to see a dealer about it on my own having no strong knowledge on cars. And I asked questions that were woeful and I made myself look and behave like the rookie I am. I was afraid to even open the car bonnet as I didn't know how to open it. I was glad to get out of there. I haven't got the courage to ask for help from anyone as a 31 year old they just assume I should know it...
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Cannae believe how ma older sister speaks to our mother... :kickingmyself: If ah swore n’ shouted at her repeatedly for 15 minutes straight, she huv ma f*ckin’ throat slit... probably? Having been, twice, on the receiving end when my Mum loses it, she definitely get physically violent to some degree. Enough to make ye go: “Right... Am no daein that again!”
Yet I’ll ”told off” for outta frustration at having to repeat myself at least 3 times before my Mum actually responds to me, cuz she rarely ever listens to me.
Ah’ll be glad when ah heard back fae ma local housing department about a place that suitable for a disabled person, cuz I’m starting to realise more n’ more my Mum’s just using me. Ah mean, I’ve known that for years, it’s just lately the wee things that huv made me truly see how little she cares about me.
Me neither. But I’ve been comfy with asking for help due to the fact that, growing up, my family would berate me for do so. As I was expected to just know stuff inherently. :sad: :thumbdown:
Having been, twice, on the receiving end when my Mum loses it, she definitely get physically violent to some degree. Enough to make ye go: “Right... Am no daein that again!”Yet I’ll ”told off” for outta frustration at having to repeat myself at least 3 times before my Mum actually responds to me, cuz she rarely ever listens to me.
Ah’ll be glad when ah heard back fae ma local housing department about a place that suitable for a disabled person, cuz I’m starting to realise more n’ more my Mum’s just using me. Ah mean, I’ve known that for years, it’s just lately the wee things that huv made me truly see how little she cares about me.
Me neither. But I’ve been comfy with asking for help due to the fact that, growing up, my family would berate me for do so. As I was expected to just know stuff inherently. :sad: :thumbdown:
BlueDays
1
^ I have been too. I was curious about what they suggest might have motivated the Van driver to kill all those poor people on the sidewalk.
Those "Incel"sites are freaking scary stuff!
If you want to kill attractive guys and attractive girls, choosing a public sidewalk is a bit illogical, because the chances of the people you run over and kill being only attractive adults is pretty low.
h:I wish I could still go for relaxing drives like I did 15 years ago. It seems my anxiety about being in a car crash (and being painfully injured) has stolen relaxing drives from my list of things I can do to unwind.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Can’t sleep... not due to any health issues. But the fact I’m likely to have the house to myself for much of tomorrow, as my Mum’s going to my older sister’s new house.
You’d think huvin peace for the constant boring, predictable, paraphrase-and-you-still-be-accurate arguments would be great, but no. How thing have been lately huv me longing for that peace to permanent. :sad: Cuz I’m sick fed-up with getting either a defensive reaction or the silent treatment whenever I ask my Mum something. Can’t just get a bloody normal civilised response, always has be some f*ckin’ underlying, suspect reason why I’m even bother to speak. :thumbdown:mg:
You’d think huvin peace for the constant boring, predictable, paraphrase-and-you-still-be-accurate arguments would be great, but no. How thing have been lately huv me longing for that peace to permanent. :sad: Cuz I’m sick fed-up with getting either a defensive reaction or the silent treatment whenever I ask my Mum something. Can’t just get a bloody normal civilised response, always has be some f*ckin’ underlying, suspect reason why I’m even bother to speak. :thumbdown:
mg: