How are you feeling?

[GraybeardGhost]

Anxious as all heck. I think I may have done myself a mischief.

 

[Graeme1988]

Recently read that antidepressants switch the order of motivation for things, so that there's only motivation once you have started doing the activity. Makes sense, as my motivation for everything has vanished into thin air.

My mum tends to be like this, and she been on antidepressant for years. Or so she tells me. Though, she's only less motivated when it's me asking her to help me do something. But my immediate family tends to give that "Ah cannae be bother..." excuse anyay :idontknow:

They've got no patience, either - like most feminists. Yesterday, my mum wanted something printed off, I agreed to do that for her. She's standin' next to me, then she started giving me guff because ah wus taking too long. Despite my laptop being slow to load. :kickingmyself: Yet that's some how my fault, eh? :confused

 

[Graeme1988]

Not doin' too bad the day. Still got a bit of a sore throat and hellishly painful inner ear infection on ma right side. Which ah f**ks off soon cuz ah cannae hear properly at the moment.

Other than that, feelin' quite proud o' masel'... Ah walked from ma front door to my sister's car this afternoon - without ma crutches! YASSS!!

Big grin on ma face as ah walked - f**kin' magic!

Though, I'm a bit feart ah'll give ma consultant surgeon a heart-attack at ma next appointment - or she'll probably faint. Cuz ah know ma sister will blurt it out what I did today. And my consultant wus fair taken aback at the speed of my recovery 6 months ago when she saw me back in May.

 

[defiance]

I'm just so angry right now. So much rage. I don't like this feeling and yet I can do nothing about it. Hopefully it will pass soon.

 

[Graeme1988]

Nothin' ever goes right for me. Nut, not an effin' thing!

Not tryin' to gain sympathy here, it's just a fact!

My family aw look at me like I'm super brainy, so smart enough to figure stuff out on my own, apparently... Great parenting, innit? :kickingmyself:

D'y'know how face-punchingly frustrating it is to have yer immediate family acting like brainless eejits and laughin' at ye when you ask a simple, straight-forward question? Feigning late-stage dementia, while their eyes don't even break the gaze o' the telly tae even f**kin' look at ye! :veryangry:

See why ah drink and spend so much time alone, folks...

 

[theslowesthand]

My family aw look at me like I'm super brainy, so smart enough to figure stuff out on my own, apparently... Great parenting, innit? :kickingmyself:

D'y'know how face-punchingly frustrating it is to have yer immediate family acting like brainless eejits and laughin' at ye when you ask a simple, straight-forward question? Feigning late-stage dementia, while their eyes don't even break the gaze o' the telly tae even f**kin' look at ye! :veryangry:

Could it be that they alter their view of you & how they act, according to what they think the situation requires?? Eg they play dumb & say 'you can do anything cause you're smart and more capable than ye think' whenever you ask them for a favour. And whenever say, you criticize them, they laugh at you, making out you to be the dumb one, & them the smart ones?? :question:

 

[defiance]

More stories of teenagers and people in their 20's dying because of some freak accident or diseases. I didn't know these people but if I had to put money on it, I'd say they wanted to live and enjoy life as the stories described them as good hardworking people who were outgoing and friendly. Yet here I am worthless, useless, a good for nothing piece of trash and I get to outlive these people? I know there is no such thing as fairness so saying "IT'S NOT FAIR" means absolutely nothing in my opinion. It's sad really because I do have good intentions, but when your intentions don't translate into action then people mistake your lack of action as your true intention. This is a common misconception and a big problem. Will my suffering ever know an end? Maybe one day the universe will give me what I want. Sorry if my ideas are a bit here and there.

 

[GraybeardGhost]

Crushed, deserted, angry. Probably a few other things I can't quite sort out at the moment. My place in the social universe was made very plain to me today: out with the garbage, discarded, disdained, forgotten. I no longer have value to people. I no longer exist.

 

[theslowesthand]

It's sad really because I do have good intentions, but when your intentions don't translate into action then people mistake your lack of action as your true intention. This is a common misconception and a big problem

Same with people labelling others as "lazy", thinking that that person deliberately intends to be idle/hopeless/etc. The fact of the matter is that laziness is never the goal, but it is a symptom of other issues.

 

[theslowesthand]

Will my suffering ever know an end? Maybe one day the universe will give me what I want

My sentiments exactly. All i can do is wait, and wait, and wait....... (and get drunk to pass the time, and to help me endure the suffering)

 

[BlueDays]

Crushed, deserted, angry. Probably a few other things I can't quite sort out at the moment. My place in the social universe was made very plain to me today: out with the garbage, discarded, disdained, forgotten. I no longer have value to people. I no longer exist.

Well I value your presence in here very much, Graybeard!
I can't speak for anyone else, but you and your insightful and beautifully written posts in here are valued very much by me.

Same with people labelling others as "lazy", thinking that that person deliberately intends to be idle/hopeless/etc. The fact of the matter is that laziness is never the goal, but it is a symptom of other issues.

^Exactly! :thumbup:

 

[Graeme1988]

Just wondering if most wimmin are as pushing and overbearing as ma mum and sisters are towards me? Jeez-oh! F**k me! They don't like to be telt "No". Everything's gotta be done on their terms... and f**kin' NOW!! :kickingmyself:

Yet when I display that same behaviour, I'm a domineering c*%$^ - cheers!

Could it be that they alter their view of you & how they act, according to what they think the situation requires?? Eg they play dumb & say 'you can do anything cause you're smart and more capable than ye think' whenever you ask them for a favour. And whenever say, you criticize them, they laugh at you, making out you to be the dumb one, & them the smart ones?? :question:

It certainly seems that way, doesn't it? Though, they constantly tell me I'm intimidating to around. So ah just keep to masel'. That's what ah get for being a big lad, and I probably get that from ma dad. Since he wus exactly the same. :sad:

But it's hardly fair on me being burden with the expectation of knowing everything and knowing when I'm doing right when naebuddy's bother to tell me... Ah think they view asking for help as a sign of weakness or stupidity? Plus, they tend to leave me outta things, mainly because ah hate feelin' obligated, pressured or manipulated into doing things, just to make them happy. Yep! Still single, as ye cun probably tell...

But I'm even left outta the loop when summit affects just me - like ma mum opening mail addressed to me, when it wus nae o' her business. Using the excuse that she forgot so she can snoop intae my privacy.

 

[defiance]

Same with people labelling others as "lazy", thinking that that person deliberately intends to be idle/hopeless/etc. The fact of the matter is that laziness is never the goal, but it is a symptom of other issues.

I couldn't agree more man. People can't see these mental wounds and society is still in that mind set that if there is no physical wound then there is no wound at all. I mean what do you tell these people?

 

[Graeme1988]

Don't really see much point in living anymore... Ah mean, why bother? :idontknow:

My mum seems intent upon keeping me co-dependent til she f**kin' dies! Because I can't do anythin' without her spouting the same ol' shite about me hurtin' myself or possibly falling.

Ah yelled at her for this last night before going to bed. Am I in wrong for berating her for this, because she does it constantly? :kickingmyself:
Perhaps ah should just end it now? I've been miserable for years, anyway. And it's not like anyone would miss me that much. :sad:

 

[defiance]

I feel like my existence is a slap in the face to all of those who truly wanted to live and died way too young. Quite frankly because I don't want to be here anymore and haven't for the longest time.:sad:

 

[Graeme1988]

I'm slowly realising that all the wimmin in my family are all the same - as far having little patience for anything goes. So, there's that.

Oh, and my mum likes constantly reminded me of my own physical limitations as far as what I can and can't do, which just makes my disability define my life all the more. Which is grand...

Personally I don't see much point in doing anythin' anymore - except die. At least there's a higher chance of success there - more so than in my life, currently. Since my life is devoid of any joy, happiness or passion. :sad:

 

[hidwell]

Very sad, my Dad passed away this morning, he was only 74.

 

[BlueDays]

Very sad, my Dad passed away this morning, he was only 74.

Omg hidwell! I am so sorry your Dad has passed. :sad:

You must be struggling to breathe right now, do you have any close family members - that are not emotionally immobilised by his passing - that can provide some support for you? If not, you can PM me if you need to talk to someone.
(((Hugs)))

 

[Graeme1988]

Very sad, my Dad passed away this morning, he was only 74.

Sorry to hear, hidwell. :sad: **Hugs**

 

[defiance]

Very sad, my Dad passed away this morning, he was only 74.

I am so sorry for your loss.:sad: