Nanita
Well-known member
Yeah.. pills pills. They never really worked for me in the long run, except making me gain weight. But I heard of different natural remedies though, some herbs that have a calming effect, maybe I will try that.
How are you feeling?
- Thread starter Remus
- Start date
Yeah.. pills pills. They never really worked for me in the long run, except making me gain weight. But I heard of different natural remedies though, some herbs that have a calming effect, maybe I will try that.
KiaKaha
Banned
I have a laptop. The screen is flickering, and in the bottom left of the screen there is black mark that forms slowly and gets very hot. I think its got something to do with the backlight inverter... but like I said I cant afford a replacement part....at least not right now.
Thanks Nanita for your kind words also.
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MrJones
Well-known member
It's not that my voice shakes. I can clearly say what I want to say, the problem is the reaction.@mrjones
Whenever I express something, here or irl, if anyone even bothers in listening they don't give a ****. I just feel like an attention whore, and maybe it's what I am. I don't know, but since I started expressing my feelings in here I can't hide them anymore. For a long time now I've been always open about how I feel and everyone who is interested knows how I feel. What should I do? Lie? I don't want to lie. Shut up? I can't! I tried and it's impossible for me to live like that. My stomach starts hurting whenever I can't express myself, whenever I feel guilty or whenever I make others feel bad. Which means that my stomach always hurts, and it's being like this for months already.
I am confused. I don't have a clue on how to live life, as I never did. I ask people for help, but everyone says something different, so I still have no idea what to do. I just don't live life. I don't know what to do. So I think I will just end up doing what I can do best: screwing up. Everyone I talk to seem so intelligent and wise.... I wonder why they even waste their time with someone like me. I am so stupid, and everything I do or say proves it. This post itself is a clear example of stupidity.
So yes, I feel awful. I've never felt so bad, everyday is worse. I feel worthless, pathetic, a loser, ugly, unloved, unliked, unaccepted, unwelcome, just a piece of **** everyone wants to spit at and kick to death. And yes, I wondered about leaving everything behind a lot of times, and I still do, I don't know what the **** am I doing here if no one wants me here.
And my family doesn't like me, and I have no friends, and I have no girlfriend, and almost no one knows me, and when they start knowing me they just think of me as that freak in the corner who everyone hates, and if someone starts getting to know me a bit better, for whatever reason, they fade away from my life, as it's been happening since I was a teen, and it still happens and it will happen again.
What am I going to do? I can't even trust myself. I'm so stupid I never learn and I make the same mistakes again and again and again. And everything I do is wrong, and everything I say is wrong. And when I try to do something good, it always ends up going bad. And when I try to fix something, it goes worse and I have more people who hate me.
And I can't stop crying, and I'm crying right now, and I cried before and I'll cry later. And I cried yesterday, and the previous day and the other, and will cry tomorrow and the next. And I've been crying for months, and even before I came here, and I don't remember the last time I was happy. And I don't remember the last time I felt okay being myself. And I don't know what proud feels like. And I don't know what success feels like.
My future is dark, I can barely go outside the house without taking meds for it. I can't even stay outside without my hands starting to shake, without my eyes starting to cry. Maybe I can talk to people now but everything else is much much worse. I cannot live. A lot of times I wonder why I even try, when nobody would care about me giving up.
And I don't want to be a burden anymore, but I'm too weak and coward to do things on my own, as I cannot go outside to do stuff that normal people can easily do. And I'm scared. I feel I'm scared of everything, but especially I'm scared of life and myself. I don't know what is going to happen.
I just want to live a simple life. I want a ****ty job that pays the bills and then go home and be happy. It shouldn't be a dream, it should be something we all could get.
I am a freak, I'm different than anyone else, but in it's bad meaning. A lot of people are very different, probably even more than me, but those people have, for some reason, a lot of good qualities that makes them even better than most normal people. I don't, I have absolutely nothing.
But how could I ever get to that point if I am so ****ing insane? I may die before get to that, then what was all the effort I've been making? Worthless, just as everything I ever did and had and been.
And that's a clear example of what I was talking about. I wanted to write a short reply, but I couldn't... because I'm a ****ing attention whore, and I deserve nothing. I don't even care,... . and I know I shouldn't even write this...
1BlackSheep
Well-known member
^^^ Hugs, Mr. Jones - I feel so much like you do so understand exactly what you're saying! I always seem to say the wrong thing...
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Mr. Jones, you're not alone in how you're feeling. I know that might not be of any help. But, I empathise with you, and totally understand. I really do, because I've been feeling the same way as well, lately. Not much else I can say, really.
Hugs. Stay strong and try not to be so hard on yourself.
Hugs. Stay strong and try not to be so hard on yourself.
lilmutegirl
Well-known member
I am very anxious right now. In 20 minutes, I have to go pick my son up from school, then go to work. I have not done anything productive today except dishes and laundry. Every time I have to pick him up from school, I get this way...I hope that next year, when he's in Kindergarten, it's different.
I feel weird, I hate when I don't have my contact lenses on and I need to go outside, just some minutes ago someone in a car was waving at me but I have no clue of who it was, I sort of ignored it at first and then waved back, felt really weird doing that in my blurry world.
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MsBuzzkillington
Well-known member
Can you just not take them and say you did?
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Yeah, I could. But I'd feel a bit guilty about lying, though. To be honest, I actually wish I could talk about my problems with my mum but she's not really interested, always seems to ignore me. But that's another issue altogether.
MikeyC
Well-known member
I don't know about others but I certainly don't think this way. Big hugs for you, Jones.
Well, I'm depressed a little bit. I have to go to a family get-together today, and I couldn't be less enthusiastic about it. I barely know these people and now I have to make small talk with them. My anxiousness has now manifested itself into depression. What a great Australia Day this'll be....
this_portrait
Well-known member
Conflicted, and I have a headache.
DeadmanWalking
Well-known member
Hey, why do you feel grotesque Phoenixx?
Phoenixx
Well-known member
Just one of those days where I feel uglier and more awful than usual.
And it may or may not be that time of the month.
DeadmanWalking
Well-known member
You won't believe this, but Deadman's going to pretend that he has no idea what's it's like to be a woman and....... well, "that":
:.I don't think that you're ugly and awful. You're really nice and helpful and I'm absolutely positive that you're very attractive. So sure that I'd be willing to bet on it.
Invisibleman
Well-known member
Ive felt that way all day,I couldnt wait to get home where nobody could see me.
Phoenixx
Well-known member
^ And I'm going to wish that I was a guy right now so I wouldn't have to go through "this." :You won't believe this, but Deadman's going to pretend that he has no idea what's it's like to be a woman and....... well, "that":
:^ How much would that be exactly? I wouldn't bet much. You'd lose it all.
SeasonalBlues
Well-known member
Feeling pretty worthless.
I'm 19 next weekend. I hate birthdays, these days they're just an unwanted reminder of how badly i'm screwing up.
I'm 19 next weekend. I hate birthdays, these days they're just an unwanted reminder of how badly i'm screwing up.
KiaKaha
Banned
I know how you feel. I dont like birthdays either for this reason. Not that anyone notices *cries*
My beloved laptop finally died today. RIP. We had some good times... my constant companion...
The library will be seeing a lot more of me.
megalon
Well-known member
I know what you mean. I'm going to be 25 next week and I can't help but think about how my life has gone nowhere since high school. I feel like I'm running out of time to make something of myself.