Hate being friendly

[Etbow23]

Do you ever find it difficult to be friendly to people, especially if you feel resentful to them? Right now I heard that my annoying roommate brought some person..or people in to my house. One of them (if there are two, not sure) is an annoying sound totally white and preppy guy. I have nothing in common with this girl. I don't know why i let her live here. It makes me feel totally confined to my room. If I happen to run by them I would want to be unfriendly. I don't know why.

Maybe it's resentment, I don't know. I actually gave this roommate a notice to move out because she's a little rude b*tch. But I hate having people intruding into my house. I feel so confined.

I just need some advice on how to deal with this situation. The only time I feel at peace is if none of these people are home. I just want my own apartment. I'm also afraid to leave my things alone here, and my pets. She hates the dogs I'm taking care of (not the cat, but I'm still afraid my cat will get out of the house because of negligence)

 

[MikeyC]

If you gave her the notice, she'll be moving out shortly, right? Then you won't have to worry.

I do know what you mean, though: forced politeness to people you hate. It happens. You don't have to have a massive conversation with them. Just a quick greeting and being on your way can be enough. No reason to be outwardly hostile, because that could make things a whole lot worse.

 

[dottie]

do you think they are intentionally/consciously disrespectful to you? not everyone is cut out for roommates and it sounds like you are ready to have your own space. nothing wrong with that. just don't take it out on them.

to answer your question... yeah, i find it extremely hard to be friendly to people i resent. i've a supervisor who created a hostile environment when i first started working there. she would gossip about me, roll her eyes, sigh, say nasty things to me under her breath so others couldn't hear... basically because she didn't want the burden of training the new person. anyway, she's since made progress and has cut the crap for the most part. BUT. i know who she is and the shoddy ways she treats people when she thinks no one is looking. knowing this, i have a hard time being friendly toward her. i can laugh and make jokes sometimes, but for the most part i have nothing to say to her.

 

[laure15]

I get what you're saying. When I feel depressed or just not in the mood, I don't like faking friendliness. I also don't like being friendly towards people who hate/dislike me but act like they don't. So, I used to ignore them when they try to interact with me, but now that I think about it, I probably shouldn't have done that. There's a reason why etiquettes and manners exist in society, and that's to ensure that people behave properly. If everyone were to show their true colors to each other, the world would've been in chaos by now. So, I guess to preserve peace in society, some amount of faking is required.

 

[dottie]

well put, laur15

 

[Etbow23]

yeah.

It also makes me mad though that they don't really follow my rules. I made a chore list because I was doing everything. I had to remind one of them at 12 than at 6 on Saturday night to do his week's chore. Hes sposed to take the trash out tonight (his chore this week; trash comes monday morning) and still hasn't. UGHHHH
And I have the feeling she brought the guy home again and I don't allow overnight guests.

 

[Etbow23]

I think I'm done literally. Trying to manage. The girl obviously has some guy sleeping in her room without asking me and I texted her and she never responded.

I reminded the boy roommate to take out the trash (his chore) and he said he totally forgot and he's at home 4 hours away. I told him part of being an adult is doing things without being reminded constantly and that I don't have time. just remember next time. He responded saying "that's so rude!" and explaining how he always takes care of things and it's "the first week" of having chores and he's getting in the swing of it.

I reminded him yesterday to do his last week's chore and a few days ago that his chore this week was trash. I don't know what to say :/

 

[dottie]

this is what roommates do. i'm way too controlling to deal with it. why i live alone. highly suggest it.

 

[Sarah_M]

I know exactly how you feel! My ex-roommate was horrible! She was messy, inconsiderate, irresponsible and we had nothing in common. My best advice is for you to move out ASAP. Life is so much less stressful when you're not living with someone you hate. Trust me.

 

[Etbow23]

The only way I would be able to is public housing! I have no idea how to get it

 

[Etbow23]

this is what roommates do. i'm way too controlling to deal with it. why i live alone. highly suggest it.

I feel like everyone thinks I'm being too controlling. Maybe so. But it's my house! I am wondering if I should apologize to him for what I said since he told me it was "so rude!"

i really need to get out of here for my health

 

[dottie]

I feel like everyone thinks I'm being too controlling.

i'm the same way. that's why i live alone.

Maybe so. But it's my house!

not anymore, it's not. it's also their house since they pay for it. unless you set strict ground rules when she signed the lease i wouldn't bother her about her boyfriend.

I am wondering if I should apologize to him for what I said since he told me it was "so rude!"

i really need to get out of here for my health

how can you afford a house but public housing is your only other option? keep an eye out on craigslist for studios. lots of houses have separate cottages in the backyard that people rent out. they're inexpensive, private, and usually well maintained since the homeowner lives on the property.

 

[Etbow23]

i'm the same way. that's why i live alone.



not anymore, it's not. it's also their house since they pay for it. unless you set strict ground rules when she signed the lease i wouldn't bother her about her boyfriend.



how can you afford a house but public housing is your only other option? keep an eye out on craigslist for studios. lots of houses have separate cottages in the backyard that people rent out. they're inexpensive, private, and usually well maintained since the homeowner lives on the property.

Well they never signed a lease. We just have a rental agreement. We just have a rule list.

As for the house, it's not mine. It's my mother's and her boyfriend's. She wants to move to Texas and her and her boyfriend bought a house here. I'm going to school here, but she's still living back where i am from. Until she moves here (no idea when that will be), I'm the impromptu manager of the house.

Because I'm married I am technically an independent and seeing that I have no income currently and receive pell grants, etc. to go to school, I would probably (hopefully) qualify for public housing.

 

[dottie]

yikes. how long have the roommates been living there?

 

[Etbow23]

yikes. how long have the roommates been living there?

Well no more than a month I think. Well one of them about a month and the other a little less. I'm like you though. I'm probably too controlling with the whole thing and in combination with my sa it's horrible. Just hearing somebody walking in the door, etc. makes me tense, especially if I don't get along with them. I feel like people don't really take me seriously. Maybe my general rules are too much I don't know. I just got tired of doing everything myself, so I made a chore list.

I knew someone my age whose parents sucked, and so he got an aprtment that the government paid partly for. I know it's not the best, but I just feel like it might be the right thing for me while I finish school. And while I'm taking 15 to 18 credits theres just no way to make enough to live on. It's just a crazy amount of schoolwork. We'll see though

 

[Srijita52]

I can totally relate to you since I'm in the exact same situation myself. I hope you can work things out somehow, I'm sorry.

 

[Flanscho]

Normally I like being friendly. It's important for me.

At the same time, sometimes think annoy me too much, to be friendly, but that doesn't happen often.

 

[KiaKaha]

I am friendly.

I am just too shy to be friendly.

 

[Lea]

I like being friendly, but unfortunately have little reasons or opportunities for it.

 

[gustavofring]

I know what you mean Etbow.

I feel the same towards most of my roommates and often I have absolutely no will to interact with them, but have to anyway. I don't care for them, and rather avoid them. I don't like isolating myself, but at home, I just want to be left alone and have private space when I go to the kitchen to eat and whatever. Not the forced awkward interaction with people I don't particularly like or care for.

Deep down though I know if I felt better about myself and my life I would be more sociable with people, but alas. Social anxiety and depression is a bitch.


Hopefully gonna be able to move out soon.