Hate being friendly

[Etbow23]

Personally i think you did the right thing.The more you start standing up for yourself and the things you beleive in the stronger person you will become.Keep it up i say but this is just my opinion

Thanks .

 

[Facethefear]

I think it's a social anxiety situation; managing and living with strangers gives me more anxiety than it would other people. I posted on this forum because I needed help sorting out different variables that have come up.
I think you're taking it a bit too seriously. I don't really need any references about tenant rights; and you're not really helping me at all so why don't you stop posting on my thread.

I disagree with everything you wrote in this post. ^ Goodbye.

 

[Etbow23]

okay...? What's to disagree with? How I feel...?

You can't expect to post the way you do and have everyone not get offended. If there's something to criticize about something or you disagree with it, you're supposed to do it in a constructive way. Saying you disagree with someone and dismissing them really has no substance and really shows you don't have the maturity to discuss something. The issue you seem offended about...didn't offend my roommate. I can understand why it was wrong, but that doesn't mean I need to go to jail for "violating his rights". You're taking it too seriously. Really. What's relevant in my thread was simply working out the various issues I'm having and the anxiety I have asserting myself in these situations, and not obsessing when I make a mistake.

moving on...

 

[cosmosis]

That's a hard situation. It sounds like you fear being taken advantage so much so that you make sure to control the situation so that can't happen. The problem is control like that it usually backfires as most people resist it at all costs. At the least it creates a difficult / unfriendly environment. I've dealt with situations like that and found that it works better if people are given the chance to fail on their own. My advice is just make sure the rules are fear. Don't go overboard, keep it simple and fair. I think the best is to enforce the rules with a warning system. Create a system where you give them 1 or so warnings and if they go beyond that, get rid of them and move on to the next person. If the rules are fair and you don't actively force them (much easier on you as well), most people will respect it and there's very little you need to worry about or try to control.

 

[MikeyC]

wow. you just walked in? what if he was *********ing?

omg reason 236248634 why i don't have roommates. they might walk in on me.

I disagree with everything you wrote in this post. ^ Goodbye.

It's fine to disagree but I these replies are very unhelpful. ::

Etbow, I don't believe you've done anything wrong. You knocked on his door, he didn't answer. You knocked again, he didn't answer. For all you know, he may have been passed out/unconscious. If he heard the knocks, he would've asked you to come back later if he was busy. I wouldn't fret too much about this because you did the right thing.

It's difficult having roommates. I can't speak from personal experience at all, but everyone living together has to come up with rules and ways to share a house that won't drive each other crazy. Sometimes these rules are compromised - like what you're doing through in terms of them bringing people over and being loud - so discussing it or airing your issues with them is a must, otherwise you will go nuts.

Your roommates are obviously allowed to bring people over and have friends, but you have a right to your own headspace, too, and they should realise that. Having your needs brushed to one side time and time again will ensure nobody will live harmoniously in that house.

 

[dottie]

And I can't afford, like you Dottie, to live on my own. I'm not a bad roommate like you've said repeatedly.

ok this comment made me mad.

1. i work hard to live on my own. it is not a stroke of luck.
2. i didn't call you a bad roommate repeatedly.
3. what the hell.
4. ignoring this thread furthermore.

 

[Etbow23]

That's a hard situation. It sounds like you fear being taken advantage so much so that you make sure to control the situation so that can't happen..

Yes that is probably true, because I've been taken advantage of in the past.

It's fine to disagree but I these replies are very unhelpful. ::

Etbow, I don't believe you've done anything wrong. You knocked on his door, he didn't answer. You knocked again, he didn't answer. For all you know, he may have been passed out/unconscious. If he heard the knocks, he would've asked you to come back later if he was busy. I wouldn't fret too much about this because you did the right thing.

It's true, because in the past when I've ever knocked he has always responded. Since I knew he was home and wasn't responding, in some respects I was wondering if he was okay.

 

[Etbow23]

ok this comment made me mad.

1. i work hard to live on my own. it is not a stroke of luck.
2. i didn't call you a bad roommate repeatedly.
3. what the hell.
4. ignoring this thread furthermore.

Okay, good. You haven't really made me feel the best in your responses, so to be honest, I'm glad.

I didn't say it was a "stroke of luck," but you're at a different phase in life, probably older than I with a full-time job. If I were your age, my situation would probably be much different, and I'd probably (hopefully) have the choice to live without roommates. You kept saying you choose to live alone, reiterating that in most of your posts, and i just wanted to clarify that in my situation, it's not really a choice. I wish it were, because I frankly can't stand it.

I will say though that I'm sorry if I offended you in any way.

 

[Etbow23]

It's difficult having roommates. I can't speak from personal experience at all, but everyone living together has to come up with rules and ways to share a house that won't drive each other crazy. Sometimes these rules are compromised - like what you're doing through in terms of them bringing people over and being loud - so discussing it or airing your issues with them is a must, otherwise you will go nuts.

Your roommates are obviously allowed to bring people over and have friends, but you have a right to your own headspace, too, and they should realise that. Having your needs brushed to one side time and time again will ensure nobody will live harmoniously in that house.

I will say that I probably have been too anxious about the entire situation regarding what was mentioned in past posts. But you're right in that certain ground rules need to be set in order to make sure everyone feels happy & respected.

One issue in this whole dilemma is that I simply did not screen applicants well enough. I felt rushed by my mother and no one gave me direction/advice about how to go about it. I didn't know, for example, until I looked it up online, that you're ideally supposed to interview candidates to find out about their personality and whether they would be compatible with you. I think I just simply didn't choose people that were the best, most compatible roommates to be with, and this has been part of the problem. Also, people are often different if you're living with them vs. knowing them as a friend. But it's a learning process. I guess a lot of times you have to learn the hard way.

 

[knowledgeofself]

yea I get this problem too, everyone expects me to be happy and chirpy all the time when around a person I dislike. if i'm polite and talkative I feel like i'm lying by being false which then makes me feel like an idiot. if I don't say anything then I feel awkward and people are always prompting me to start conversation,won't leave me alone.If I ignore people permanently and not talk then people talk about me and make up their own negative false judgements about me which then really pisses me off. I just really don't know how to deal with people I dislike other than permanently avoiding them and never speaking or being around them in the first place.

 

[gustavofring]

I didn't know, for example, until I looked it up online, that you're ideally supposed to interview candidates to find out about their personality and whether they would be compatible with you. I think I just simply didn't choose people that were the best, most compatible roommates to be with, and this has been part of the problem.

At interviews people often pretend to be different then they really are, I found, myself included. There's the adrenaline rush and excitement, and the need to get a room or a job which results in trying to portray yourself in the best possible manner, it's hard to keep your head cool and just act like you.

But I will agree, maybe if you had interviews you could maybe have picked people with more similar interests and common ground.