girls... this is a question for you

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Minty

Well-known member
Nice guys, everywhere:

You are not really being nice if you expect something in return for your nice actions. You are being manipulative.

Girls do not have a hidden attraction switch that they can turn off and on to fall in love with you. If they don't feel it, they don't feel it. And to say they like you just because you're nice when they are not at all attracted to you is not only fake, but wrong.

It would be the equivalent of a gay guy befriending you and being nice to you only to become bitter that you haven't turned gay for them.

So what's your solution? Look around. Lower your standards. There are plenty of nice girls who are compatible with you and who will find you attractive. You just can't stick to that one girl who won't give in like glue, expecting something to change. It won't happen.
 
R

Rembrandt Broam

Well-known member
Minty said:
Nice guys, everywhere:

You are not really being nice if you expect something in return for your nice actions. You are being manipulative.
Click to expand...

I don't think I've ever met a "nice guy" who expected anything in return for his niceness. I have met quite a few who were very frustrated that a lot of the women they've met claim to want the very traits that they possess (and I mean actually possess, not put on in a fake manipulative way) and yet continually date guys with traits which are the exact opposite.

I'm not saying all women do this, but I'm afraid there are a non-trivial number who do, and I can totally empathise with the frustration of the nice guy who encounters such women and cannot understand why he seems to be exactly the sort of person she says she's looking for, yet is overlooked for someone completely different.
 
Remus

Remus

Moderator
Staff member
Minty said:
Nice guys, everywhere:

You are not really being nice if you expect something in return for your nice actions. You are being manipulative.
Click to expand...

I agree, being truely 'nice' is unconditional.

e.g. 'I was nice to this girl but she didn't want to date me!' isn't being nice.

I've never claimed to be a 'nice guy', I'm just me, I do good deeds and bads deeds, I have motives for good or ill. Everyone is like that, just some do not have the balance and lean towards saint or sinner.
 
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NGP

Active member
Minty said:
Nice guys, everywhere:

You are not really being nice if you expect something in return for your nice actions. You are being manipulative.

Girls do not have a hidden attraction switch that they can turn off and on to fall in love with you. If they don't feel it, they don't feel it. And to say they like you just because you're nice when they are not at all attracted to you is not only fake, but wrong.

It would be the equivalent of a gay guy befriending you and being nice to you only to become bitter that you haven't turned gay for them.

So what's your solution? Look around. Lower your standards. There are plenty of nice girls who are compatible with you and who will find you attractive. You just can't stick to that one girl who won't give in like glue, expecting something to change. It won't happen.
Click to expand...
I feel like you misunderstood my question. I am not talking about the person who wants a pretty girl so he is super nice to her, men who see that are usually pretty disgusted by that behavior. I am talking about a person who in general is quiet and, like many people rightfully said, not assertive, but a guy who really cares about the girl. Yes i know that people are a mix of all the above, but this is the stereotype, and many girls also think with this stereotype. "hes a really nice sweet guy, and i could see myself being good friends with him, but nothing more." Just for the record, no one actually ever said this to me, its just an example. But people who are like that, especially when they are younger, have a really hard time, because though girls like them as a friend they do not find them attractive. They like the funny guy, the spontaneous guy, etc.
And i am am not talking about high standards or low standards. I am talking about that girls confuse them, really take them on a roller coaster ride.
Excuse the language but quiet guys feel just as horny as everyone else . :eek: And for their record, a nice guy might be listening to all your stories and woes, but if you are a girl, why are you then so shocked if they want to have a relationship? The nice guy always gets screwed over. And Remus many people who complain about being too nice really are too nice, they are not trying to brag or something, they really just are that way, usually they are also passive.
 
Felgen

Felgen

Well-known member
Minty said:
Nice guys, everywhere:

You are not really being nice if you expect something in return for your nice actions. You are being manipulative.

Girls do not have a hidden attraction switch that they can turn off and on to fall in love with you. If they don't feel it, they don't feel it. And to say they like you just because you're nice when they are not at all attracted to you is not only fake, but wrong.

It would be the equivalent of a gay guy befriending you and being nice to you only to become bitter that you haven't turned gay for them.

So what's your solution? Look around. Lower your standards. There are plenty of nice girls who are compatible with you and who will find you attractive. You just can't stick to that one girl who won't give in like glue, expecting something to change. It won't happen.
Click to expand...

This post contradicts itself. You write that girls do not have a hidden attraction switch, yet you expect guys to lower their standards.

Most people do not have standards, but red flags. Also, what does anyone (not just "nice guys") do if they get nothing in return? Nothing.
 
Remus

Remus

Moderator
Staff member
NGP said:
And Remus many people who complain about being too nice really are too nice, they are not trying to brag or something, they really just are that way, usually they are also passive.
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I'd have thought 'nice' people would be modest.

You started this thread asking a question, the answer maybe not what you want to hear but you certainly should not dismiss it.
 
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xxaimsxx

Well-known member
There are some 'nice guys' who cheat too you know. Dont make out that all girls go for the loud douche and then for their punishment they get cheated on.
 
Dronee

Dronee

1
Remus said:
I'd have thought 'nice' people would be modest.

You started this thread asking a question, the answer maybe not what you want to hear but you certainly should not dismiss it.
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They're also humans. I don't consider myself a nice person, but I know a couple of people who are... There comes a time when there's desperation and they will honestly ask if being "nice" is actually an insane thing to do. Almost like no good deed goes unpunished. Not just in relationships, but elsewhere as well.
 
F

Feathers

Well-known member
Who is more likely to attract a girl and have a romantic relationship...
a good hearted, sweet boy, charismatic and with a good sense of humor :)

I'm still looking for one! :)

And yes, there are some... there must also be compatibility, life goals & expectations & values & that sort of stuff in sync...

People are different, and may have different expectations and values...
 
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ripewithdecay

ripewithdecay

Well-known member
You can be all of those things at once and attract any woman. In fact, you should! Women love an unpredictable guy with a colorful personality. You don't want to be an arrogant ******* though. There IS a fine line. The only exception is money - the more money (or social value) you have the more you can get away with being a genuine prick.
 
M

Minty

Well-known member
Felgen said:
This post contradicts itself. You write that girls do not have a hidden attraction switch, yet you expect guys to lower their standards.

Most people do not have standards, but red flags. Also, what does anyone (not just "nice guys") do if they get nothing in return? Nothing.
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You're right. I don't know why my brain made that contradiction; I'll have to think about it for a bit longer.

I'm confused about your second point. What do they do if they get nothing? A friendship is nothing?
 
Felgen

Felgen

Well-known member
Minty said:
You're right. I don't know why my brain made that contradiction; I'll have to think about it for a bit longer.

I'm confused about your second point. What do they do if they get nothing? A friendship is nothing?
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I didn't say that a friendship was nothing; friends of the opposite sex are underrated anyway. My point is that we want friendships because they make us feel good, which is why we pursue them. If nobody appreciates what you do (unless it's really fun), then you stop doing it.
 
M

Minty

Well-known member
NGP said:
I feel like you misunderstood my question. I am not talking about the person who wants a pretty girl so he is super nice to her, men who see that are usually pretty disgusted by that behavior. I am talking about a person who in general is quiet and, like many people rightfully said, not assertive, but a guy who really cares about the girl. Yes i know that people are a mix of all the above, but this is the stereotype, and many girls also think with this stereotype. "hes a really nice sweet guy, and i could see myself being good friends with him, but nothing more." Just for the record, no one actually ever said this to me, its just an example. But people who are like that, especially when they are younger, have a really hard time, because though girls like them as a friend they do not find them attractive. They like the funny guy, the spontaneous guy, etc.
And i am am not talking about high standards or low standards. I am talking about that girls confuse them, really take them on a roller coaster ride.
Excuse the language but quiet guys feel just as horny as everyone else . :eek: And for their record, a nice guy might be listening to all your stories and woes, but if you are a girl, why are you then so shocked if they want to have a relationship? The nice guy always gets screwed over. And Remus many people who complain about being too nice really are too nice, they are not trying to brag or something, they really just are that way, usually they are also passive.
Click to expand...

I dunno dude. I just feel girls like that are a low percentage. High enough to be significant and effect a lot of guy's lives but definitely not the majority. I'm wondering why nice guys get hung up on those types of girls. Why not go for the kind that has self-respect and is looking for a guy who treats her right? They exist. We're not unicorns.
 
Sea Bass

Sea Bass

Well-known member
You sound like you have really low self esteem dude. You're thinking about and asking a question regarding a woman's fidelity. I'm really leaning towards the idea that you think consciously/subconsciously that you have nothing to "offer." Try to work on your self esteem. You kind of sound like a guy who uses delusions as a self defense mechanism. Not to insult you, but showing off or telling your self how good you are (if this is what you do) is your way of keeping your feelings of not being worth some one's time at bay. I used to be like that. Really take the time to think about your good traits. If you can't find any, think harder, they're there dude trust me. Getting a pretty girl is hard work my friend, and you want it to be that way. If that isn't the case, the girl you're going for is sleazy.

It's kind of funny, but this post reminds me of a particular instance of an episode, in a show, I was watching. The show was about match making... I can't quite remember the name of it. Any way, there was this guy who hired a women who specialized in matchmaking because he wanted to have a serious relationship. The matchmaker suggested he go see a therapist to aid in the matchmaking process. The guy did what he was told and saw the therapist. The therapist and the guy had a discourse, one thing led to another, and the conversation led to the therapist, who happened to be a little old lady who was a retired psychologist, asking the guy what he wanted in a woman. In addition to this, the therapist also wanted him to list what he wanted in a women in order of most to least desired. The guy answered: I want a woman to be motherly, caring, understanding,-- and was then interrupted by the therapist. The guy was kind of stunned, and then little old lady said: "what do you really want David (I think that was his name)?" The guy then listed some other traits and he was once again interrupted. This time she said: "what you want is sex." She then went on to say that she had lived a decent amount of years on this earth and went on to talk about how men emphasize on looks. Guys definitely go for that pretty girl, take it from me, I'm a guy. If you want what you want, you're going to need to work hard on your self esteem my friend. If you want her to love you, you're going to have to love yourself.

I used to feel like such a pig, but after a while I realized that chicks just as us guys have their own wants and desires as well. Many girls want a confident guy that can provide. Work on your confidence and social skills. Chicks care a lot about that stuff dude.

Well, that's my take on all of this. Good luck my friend.
 
A

AGR

Well-known member
What I think about cheating,there is no profiling,all kinds of people will cheat,dont believe excuses like he wasnt giving me attention,broken home or etc,its all a excuse to cheat and rid their minds of guilt or that they are backstabbers,I think if you see a red flag walk away,I have turned down girls who cheated with a married man,who were ok with guys who cheated before and similar things,I dont regret that much because I know it would be worse if I didnt turn them down.
 
Liam17

Liam17

Well-known member
Not saying this is true for every girl

But most girl's i see/know go out with pricks, who think there better than anyone and get cheated on :/ and it's obvious there like that.

They say theres no nice guys around, yeah there is. They just rather just the loud mouth prick, instead of a nice quite guy. All well, what can you do.
 
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