theslowesthand
Banned
I'm also indifferent, but can't say i'm glad about my indifference - just indifferent about my indifference (as i don't know whether it's sth i should be indifferent about) :thinking:
Fed up of being a 29 years old virgin
- Thread starter Glowbal
- Start date
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
I agree with you there, Hannalein. That'd definitely be more special certainly, the whole sex is better than no sex seems to me somethin' yer more likely to regret.
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Megaten
Well-known member
Also people will judge you for having too much sex just as quickly as not having enough. Especially if youre female.
Hannalein
Member
You are right, Graeme. To just have sex, you have to be someone who is indifferent. (And yes, I'm not. I would definitely regret it)
I' m still thinking about this whole indifference thing. Question for those who are indifferent(@theslowesthand & Bronson99) : So what are you doing? It seems like you should use Tinder. Any experience? I imagine it to be strange..to say the least.
I' m still thinking about this whole indifference thing. Question for those who are indifferent(@theslowesthand & Bronson99) : So what are you doing? It seems like you should use Tinder. Any experience? I imagine it to be strange..to say the least.
Bronson99
Well-known member
Agreed. But also consider that the social and emotional requirements of "couple-dom" exceed what some folks are able to provide. I don't think it's right to call this just "laziness," either. It's just like it is.
Deeply introverted and emotionally volatile, some inflexibility.. these things are not compatible with serious relationships. One has to realize what his/her own limitations are, and I know mine.
Online "dating" platforms only work if you can meet the high demands, which I do not. Contrary to what some will say, it is not a "given" that if someone uses these apps/sites, they'll get results. Especially not for straight men. To be honest I would tell any socially awkard/anxious guy who's straight: don't bother.
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Hot_Tamale
Well-known member
Bronson, while I respect your opinion, you type your first sentence there as if you are able to speak for every woman. I'm offering my rebuttal now because like most of you, I'm almost 30, never been on a date (nothing ever beyond a hug if we're excluding kisses from relatives), high anxiety in social situations, and by far the quietest one I know at my workplace for almost 2 years.
I created an OKCupid profile in February and just deleted it recently in the middle of June...coming from an introvert with a high propensity for avoidance in so-called "social scenes" this is what I learned:
1. I didn't need a profile pic of myself for a main pic to receive responses...I worked up the courage though eventually to post one.
2. From my conversations with women and from profile page descriptions you only need to meet several expectations to spark conversation: Don't go looking for sex or $$$, no baby momma drama (that's seriously what its called...as in no kids), and show a genuine interest in the persons profile (what she says about herself), and saying more than "hi"or "hey".
3. The vast majority of men do not smile in profiles (I was)..."c'mon men, actually smile" was an actual sentence from a woman's profile.
4. The carpet bombing strategy does not apply to messaging...reaching out to 30 profiles and receiving 2-3 responses is the quickest way to a bruised ego/loss of self esteem.
I agree Bronson that online dating isn't for everyone but I believe if we're up front about our personalities and lack of traits its the other persons loss for giving up too early. In the 4.5 months I used OKCupid I got 4 phone numbers...I was up front with them that I still lived at home and worked at a restaurant, in the end they didn't run the other direction, instead they tried changing me, telling me to speak more in the name of having more "confidence". Needless to say nothing ever lasted more than just over a month (whatever I built up quickly shattered when they figured out I was a silent mess on the phone stumbling on my words)...I hope I gave someone advice if there's anyone still sitting on the fence about online dating because I know I share a lot in common with a lot of people here about running on empty in the self esteem dept. (I've never given a formal introduction on here).
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
I agree.
Personally, I have found sex to be 1000 times better when you are with someone you love. That's when you can totally let go of your inhibitions and insecurities because the other person loves and accepts you totally.
Sex then becomes so much more fulfilling.
Hannalein
Member
@Bronson99 my question was not really about ordinary online dating. I think Tinder is in a different category... So if one is "not compatible with serious relationships" this could be a solution.
And apart from this,I wanted to say, that even if you maybe can't believe it: Someone out there could find you lovable. I know it's another thing, if one wants that...or whether one can handle it.. (Love is scary :-D ) But I just had to say it.
And apart from this,I wanted to say, that even if you maybe can't believe it: Someone out there could find you lovable. I know it's another thing, if one wants that...or whether one can handle it.. (Love is scary :-D ) But I just had to say it.
Bronson99
Well-known member
While I appreciate your post, this here is questionable. I was on OKCupid for one month, 3 years ago. The only way I could get 2-3 responses was by sending messages to 30 different women. (And if you weren't aware of this, a 10% reply ratio is considered "very good", although I didn't do quite that well...) You're correct bruised ego/loss of self esteem happens, and that's one of the reasons I hated the site, but I hear Tinder is far, far worse. So I will not be joining that, as I can reasonably expect 1000 swipes will achieve nothing. In other forums I've seen guys I'd consider "very good looking" and not only that, with damn good pictures, and they're getting paltry results.
Anyway with that one month, I was not able to get even *one* phone number, and only had 2 conversations that lasted more than 3 messages. I did not violate the "rules" you listed, although (as I've made it clear here) my desired outcome was *not* serious, longterm relationships. I was smart enough not to put that up front in the open, because there would be no congruence given my pictures (shy/autistic body language is the opposite of sex appeal.)
Of course I wouldn't be surprised if someone at this point thinks I was deceptive, or something. I would say "no" because generally, it's a poor idea for the vast majority of folks to make your intentions crystal clear UNTIL after some basic conversation/chemistry is established.
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Bronson99
Well-known member
You might suggest that guys who can't handle relationships shouldn't bother at all, then...
Hot_Tamale
Well-known member
I do apologize if it appears as if I was putting words in woman's mouths so to speak when I mentioned "expectations". Every woman is different in what they want and I just went off of what I saw people say on a whole lot of profiles.
Its incredible that 10% is a very good response rate, I didn't know that...but in the end I agree with you that dating sites are pretty horrible, people are treated like commodities on a store shelf IMO. I was tired of being ignored too but what choice is there?
Be single for the rest of my life or turn to the necessary evil I've grown tired of?
Its incredible that 10% is a very good response rate, I didn't know that...but in the end I agree with you that dating sites are pretty horrible, people are treated like commodities on a store shelf IMO. I was tired of being ignored too but what choice is there?
Be single for the rest of my life or turn to the necessary evil I've grown tired of?
Kiwong
Well-known member
Anyone looking to be in relationship would have to work at it. People who can't handle relationships with effort might be able to be in a relationship. I agree that sex with someone, just for the sake of it might be a bit empty, and could bring with it additional anxieties.
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Megaten
Well-known member
Well no, its just something to take into consideration. Ive also met people (without psychiatric problems) who are totally opposed to relationships for various reasons. Main reason I agree with Pug is because anxiety can easily transfer into the bedroom if you're A) not comfortable in your own skin and B) dont completely and totally trust the person youre with. Even guys without SA have run into performance anxiety because they feel pressured to be some top dog alpha male in the sack.
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
I might suggest many things, but that isn't one of them.
Bronson99
Well-known member
I'm aware of this as well. You do have a point.
But on the contrary, the thing that nobody seems to acknowledge is that, even if someone has difficulty with "serious" relationships, basic desires still tend to remain.
I guess I'm the only one who isn't totally PC about this. I guess I'm supposed to say something more polite--make it seem like I'm not self-centered or utterly shallow--but I think a bit of honesty, even on touchy issues, is not all so bad. And TBH I don't think what I'm saying is cut-and-dry laziness or necessarily shallow.
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Look ......love is over-rated. You just need to tell people how you feel and get things over with. There is no love ( like in fiction ) with the adult world. Most people I know met when one or the other was still in grade school, or has or had lack of education or job. The other kind was out hunting for security ( money ). There is no number one definition of that.
Besides look that r-tarded actor about back in 2014 he slept with 5000 women ( most paid off *****s ). He got aids and admitted to knowing he had aids and passing it on to people even after he had gotten aids.
All of those people having sex 24/7 are just setting them selves up for stupid.
Besides look that r-tarded actor about back in 2014 he slept with 5000 women ( most paid off *****s ). He got aids and admitted to knowing he had aids and passing it on to people even after he had gotten aids.
All of those people having sex 24/7 are just setting them selves up for stupid.
Razzlecherry
Banned
What's the point of being alive if your not gonna enjoy it?
Bronson99
Well-known member
Losers can still get action, then?