catrin87
Member
Hi everyone. I was just wondering about something - do your families know that you suffer from SA? I am asking this because I have been basically living a lie for the past 4 or 5 years while I've been suffering from this condition, so much so that I am starting to realise that I have got so used to lying that I don't even notice that I do it anymore. I feel like I am hiding behind a massive wall and that one day I will just crumble underneath all the built-up lies that I have weaved over the years.
My mum knows that I am not particularly happy and that I have had panic attacks but she doesn't know anywhere near the extent of what I go through. She thinks I lead a normal life, go into Uni every day, have a normal social life and just sometimes suffer from the normal everyday stresses of being a young adult. But the reality is that I have avoided all my seminars at Uni for over a year, my tutors don't know who I am and neither do any of my coursemates. I have realised that I actually hide my entire personality from my parents, which means there is a distance between us that only I am aware of. I am going between several different personalities all the time and it is getting to be too much for me to handle.
The thing is, I know my parents attitude will be one of unacceptance. They will think I am making excuses for poor attendance at Uni, and they will just tell me to dig my heels in and get on with it. But I can't carry on like this, I feel like I need to completely break down all my barriers - with family, friends, everyone i know - and then start building myself back up again, with no dishonesty this time.
So I was wondering if any of the rest of you hide yourselves as deeply as I do? Do your friends and family know of the severity of your situation? My friends just think I'm a bit shy and introverted because I'm not always chatty with new people but they don't know what lengths I go to to avoid interaction with people. They don't know that I get nervous even when I'm meeting up with one of them - my friends of about 15 years! I am constantly lying and hiding from those closest me and I don't think I can carry on like this. Any advice?!!
My mum knows that I am not particularly happy and that I have had panic attacks but she doesn't know anywhere near the extent of what I go through. She thinks I lead a normal life, go into Uni every day, have a normal social life and just sometimes suffer from the normal everyday stresses of being a young adult. But the reality is that I have avoided all my seminars at Uni for over a year, my tutors don't know who I am and neither do any of my coursemates. I have realised that I actually hide my entire personality from my parents, which means there is a distance between us that only I am aware of. I am going between several different personalities all the time and it is getting to be too much for me to handle.
The thing is, I know my parents attitude will be one of unacceptance. They will think I am making excuses for poor attendance at Uni, and they will just tell me to dig my heels in and get on with it. But I can't carry on like this, I feel like I need to completely break down all my barriers - with family, friends, everyone i know - and then start building myself back up again, with no dishonesty this time.
So I was wondering if any of the rest of you hide yourselves as deeply as I do? Do your friends and family know of the severity of your situation? My friends just think I'm a bit shy and introverted because I'm not always chatty with new people but they don't know what lengths I go to to avoid interaction with people. They don't know that I get nervous even when I'm meeting up with one of them - my friends of about 15 years! I am constantly lying and hiding from those closest me and I don't think I can carry on like this. Any advice?!!