Do you think you're ugly?

[Nathália]

I dont see it that way - I think that would be a fantastic way to be reassured of how you look. Of course nothing would change physically about yourself but, for me personally if someone told me I was good looking that much - all the time, I am pretty sure I would start to believe it - thats how good looking people know they are good looking. It's bound to give you confidence and self acceptance. Then again I am highly influenced by the environment outside of myself - I cant talk myself up - because it merely feels like I am deluding myself - I need validation - which I am sure all of us do to some extent.




I am probably going to sound incredibly superficial here, but I am not entirely convinced of this beauty is in the eye of the beholder stuff - sure people have preferences, but generally - overall, beauty is a universal concept - I am not sure exactly where it stems from or what exactly makes one beautiful, but as far as I can see from an observable perspective - it seems very contrasted. For example the post your picture thread... when you see a good looking man or woman, and you see pages and pages and pages and pages of responses of "wow you are so good looking" and then you see someone who is not so much, hardly anyone comments - you might get a "you look nice" but then the whole event is over very quickly. There are preferences of 'types' I guess you could say, but there is still a very broad and very obvious status of beauty. If there wasnt - then terms like "out of your league" wouldnt exist.

There is a difference between being shallow and being attracted to someone of course, if you are going to judge someone on JUST their looks, then of course it makes you shallow - but that doesnt change the fact that if you are unattractive, then you are.

Personally I think some discussion needs to be had on resigning and coming to the terms to the fact that one is ugly. Perhaps it would give us unattractive types some form of healing.
Sorry I dont mean to sound like an ahole - its just how I see things.

You are too stuck on "looking good" because you believe it will bring you some satisfaction. I believe it is impossible to make everyone happy with the way we look. I for one was treated like a non human by many because of the ways I looked. You go to school and get doors slammed in your face by strangers, I would get abused so badly, I could go on. Then other people would flatter me and treat me like I was the most pretty thing. I see beauty as a taught concept, if you were raised to see or got things from your surroundings that a certain things were beautiful you just followed the crowd ( some people). Most people look absolutely normal to me, although I am not sexually attracted to all people, but that does not make people look ugly. Beauty always changes along with what is considered to be beautiful. Just because a majority thinks something that does not mean that it is true. This is brainwashing people to believe what they are surrounded by because even the most regarded as beautiful people got hell about the way they looked until more people pointed out what was attractive about them. Then other things are too taboo to be considered to be beauty because people are afraid that they will be made fun of for finding "different" things or people attractive. I believe that it is all deeper than that.

 

[KiaKaha]

Looks only mean something in the immediate term. Personality will always be what ends up being the 'make or break'. That's what I think.

Yes - personality is important obviously, but looks are the gateway. People dismiss others so incredibly quickly based on the way you look. I am just saying that yes there is preference, but there is also a very obvious and a very specific idea of what constitutes as beauty - and I merely basing that fact on observable behaviour.

It doesn't make me feel very good that I feel so unattractive - it feels like appearance is part of the what I perceive as a subtle, unspoken "class" system in society. I feel extraordinarily disadvantaged - and whats more my loneliness and fear of being unwanted and unloved are a direct result of this belief. It is the only way I can rationalize how my life is.

I just wish I could get this awful poisonous thought out of my head. :'-(

Maybe its me that is just superficial.

 

[Niiña]

I do not think that I'm ugly, really I'm ugly, if I do not use a bit of makeup, I'm horrible, the makeup makes my face less ugly, but when I use it, it is not enough from my ugliness, with makeup I'm look like a normal girl but I don't look like a pretty girl. I think any guy wants to be my boyfriend for my appearance. I'm sorry for I'm being very negative with this kind of comments. But when someone have a low self- steeme the life is difficult, the shyness is product of the low- steeme.

Days ago I was on vacation in the beach and I was too complexd about my body, I can not to go to swim at the sea because I did not dare to show my body, all girls and boys at the beach looked very good with them swimsuits, but I am not, and all girls used bikinis and tops because she wants to people admire her perfect body, I can not do the things that the girls was doing.

When I'm walking on the streets guys hardly ever look at me when I'm walking by his side, them just see me If I'm look very well, but when I use a normal makeup or clothes, the boys never look at me.

 

[OceanMist]

I think there are a few big factors that have to do with many people on this site that have do with this beauty thing.

The first one is gender roles. If you take a beautiful man and let's say he is painfully shy and doesn't get out much. He will not only have more trouble making friends than his painfully shy female beautiful counterpart, but his biggest downfall is that it will be nearly impossible for him to get a woman because woman usually don't make the first move.

Then you take a beautiful painfully shy woman and you'll find that she will tend to have a much more active love life because men will find a way to talk to her because men are the ones who usually make the first move. It doesn't matter where you go, bars, parties, online dating or even at work, this woman will always have an overwhelming advantage over the shy man with equal looks as far as attaining a love life.

To contribute to the debate going on, I think KiaKaha is spot on when the person speaks of how there is a general consensus of what constitutes beauty. The beauty is in the eye of the beholder is nonsense. People have a general idea of what is good-looking.....if they didn't then you would see a bunch of random looking people acting in movies, but instead you see a bunch of very good looking people acting in movies and that never fails. It's the same thing with models. Ugly models don't exist. Even average looking models are impossible to find. It's obvious that people have a general idea of what is attractive.

I also agree that there is a class system that society has ingrained itself. This class system is based on looks, and yes, people will literally rate other people on their looks and place the person's value as a person on their looks.

Whilist I do believe there are these superficial things in society, I also know from personal experience that even if it seems like you should have a leg up on the competition with decent looks, there are other factors that can go as far as canceling out any advantage you could have had with your looks. The factors include not going out (which can make it impossible for you to use looks, hence, you gain nothing from them), shyness (once certain people find out you are shy, they don't care what you look like, there are just people that will not like the shyness and that's all they'll see) and even disappointment (This one is mainly targeted at shy men. There are many women that will go as far as hating a shy, good looking guy because they may see him as a "waste" ie they could date him if he talks but he doesn't, so he looms as 'in their way').

 

[Waybuloo]

I think I am gorgeous and my anxiety comes from a fear of other people not thinking the same.

 

[coyote]

I think I am gorgeous and my anxiety comes from a fear of other people not thinking the same.

i understand completely

 

[coyote]

the vast majority of people in the world are NOT at either extreme of "beautiful" or "ugly"

think of it as a bell curve

most of us are in that big hump in the middle

just because you don't look like a movie star doesn't mean you're hideous and repulsive

we would probably feel much better if - instead of trying to convince ourselves we're "beautiful" or trying to accept that we're "ugly" - we just allowed ourselves to be totally, perfectly, normally... average

we are what we are

what other people think of us is about them, not about us

if they don't find us attractive - it's about their preferences

no amount of hoping, wishing, or hand wringing will change that

trying to shame them or guilt them into it will NOT make them more attracted to us

why do we feel it necessary that that person in particular should find us attractive?

our need for that person to be attracted to us is about OUR preferences - not about theirs

perhaps we'd be better off letting go of that need and allow someone else to be attracted to us

or do we think we're too good for the people who ARE attracted to us? are we really judging THEM?

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

I am an Ugly Person - YouTube

::

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

the vast majority of people in the world are NOT at either extreme of "beautiful" or "ugly"

think of it as a bell curve

most of us are in that big hump in the middle

Exactly.

I don't disagree with Kia that there is a type of 'standard' beauty that most people find appealing, but that doesn't mean that only people who look that way are considered attractive.

I see it like food. Most people like chocolate, but that doesn't mean that people don't like other types of food too. Even people who find chocolate delicious can still enjoy and appreciate other foods, even foods which might taste nothing like chocolate.

 

[coyote]

I see it like food. Most people like chocolate, but that doesn't mean that people don't like other types of food too. Even people who find chocolate delicious can still enjoy and appreciate other foods, even foods which might taste nothing like chocolate.

that's why they make so many different flavors of candy

there's something for everyone

most people i know aren't the slightest bit interested in licorice - yet vast amounts are produced and sold each year by innumerable companies

so someone else besides me must like it

 

[1BlackSheep]

Everybody has different tastes.
I find Brad Pitt and the whole of One Direction unattractive

Haha - me too! I don't find them attractive at all.

I even think of my past crushes... some of whom when I first saw them I thought were not attractive at all, but once I got to knew them I started finding them attractive - even physically so, completely changing my opinion on what I find physically attractive.
Looks only mean something in the immediate term. Personality will always be what ends up being the 'make or break'. That's what I think.

It's happened to me as well! I've developed crushes after I got to know the guy even though there was no initial attraction. The reverse can easily happen as well, when the attraction disappears due to the personality! Looks can only get you so far.

As for me, sometimes I feel like I'm not all that bad, but I hate the way I look in photos so that ruins it!

 

[Gaucho]

mhhh, dificult question. i don't think I'm ugly, but at the same time i don't think a girls find me attractive. Well, many times i do think I'm very ugly.

 

[OceanMist]

I agree with Coyote when he says that the majority of the world is average looking. It's a pretty big percentage, definitely bigger than the attractive or unattractive percentages.

To anyone who doesn't believe me, I'd like you to go to the mall and take a walk down the hallways and try to glance at people (Yes, I know that's a weird task for a shy person). Either that or at a stop light, watch the people that are turning at a busy intersection when you are stopped (Remember safety first, haha). You'll find that a ton of people are just average.

The problem with much of society nowadays is that TV, magazines, internet, movies and all that media hogwash has led many people to believe that there is a giant percentage of attractive people out there and that if you aren't with or aren't one of those attractive people, that you aren't worthwile (It's the media's message, not mine).

I would like to say that I do understand why people are concerned about looks on this site. Unfortunately, many of us shy people don't get out as much and many of us tend to have less chances at personal relationships so I can see why many of you are concerned about what you look like. Life is short and there are only so many opportunities for us to impress others.

I'm just saying, I understand. The thing that sucks about the whole looks thing is that you can feel good about yourself but that doesn't mean others will think you are attractive.

All we are left is to make the best with what we've got. There are ways you can try to make yourself more attractive. For instance, I jog 3 miles every other day and I also do push ups and lift weights, and I think that helps me look more in shape. There is stuff like that that is healthy and beneficial as far as looks go that can help people with the looks thing.

 

[OceanMist]

Eh, I'd say that over 90% of celebrities are attractive. Any kind of singer, actor/actress or model got there with looks being a prerequisite. Except for the rare Kathy Bates or Tom Sizemore. I'm sure you could find many women that would tell me I'm wrong about Sizemore, so yeah.

I do think that there are overrated people with looks in the celebrity field such as Sandra Oh and Kelly Clarkson. Bill Gates is average too.

Maybe a good test would be to research and see what percentage I come up with on celebrity looks ratings, haha. For now I stick with the 90%+ for celebrities though. Especially the modeling and acting fields.

 

[CillaHasBrainActivity]

Eh, I'd say that over 90% of celebrities are attractive. Any kind of singer, actor/actress or model got there with looks being a prerequisite. Except for the rare Kathy Bates or Tom Sizemore. I'm sure you could find many women that would tell me I'm wrong about Sizemore, so yeah.

I do think that there are overrated people with looks in the celebrity field such as Sandra Oh and Kelly Clarkson. Bill Gates is average too.

Maybe a good test would be to research and see what percentage I come up with on celebrity looks ratings, haha. For now I stick with the 90%+ for celebrities though. Especially the modeling and acting fields.

I disagree. I'm attracted to about 15% of celebrities, both men and women included. I find most average or below average. (How attractive I find them doesn't effect whether I like them or not.)

 

[OceanMist]

I disagree. I'm attracted to about 15% of celebrities, both men and women included. I find most average or below average. (How attractive I find them doesn't effect whether I like them or not.)

Do you think Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt is attractive?

 

[CillaHasBrainActivity]

Do you think Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt is attractive?

Neither, no.

 

[OceanMist]

I hate Britney Spears's guts. I think she's stupid, lazy and overall, a bad person. I do think she's attractive, though.

What I'm saying is when I think, attractive, I'm strictly going off of looks and nothing else.

I realize that sounded shallow, haha.

 

[CillaHasBrainActivity]

Aah, but - if you ever met Britney Spears - would you want to marry her?

I know that most celebrities are attractive by sense of their looks, but there's a bridge between recognising somebody as being attractive, and being attracted to them.

I'm just trying to emphasise that looks only go so far. People here speak about being ugly as though it rules them out of everything in life, but even the most amazing looking people in the world aren't always guaranteed the best of everything. Personality is the deal maker or breaker.

I think about when I go into bars at night and I see men and women all dressed up looking their best. A lot of them have those 'beautiful' looks but not all of them are necessarily attractive. I'm thinking about the girls who scowl at other girls, and the guys who stand there with their arms folded looking offended if you try and talk to them and are anything less than a page 3 model. What I mean is - where's the attractiveness in that really!?

I'm not denying what's being said about the presence of a society which judges on appearance, and its true there seems to be some ingrained consensus about what's beautiful looking and what isn't - I'm just trying to reiterate that it's not as clean-cut as it somehow seems to be.

Although I'm probably sounding completely wishy-washy but I can't forget how those past crushes of mine made me realise how much all of those, what seemed liked cliches, were true - personality can change how physically attractive you are.

I agree completely.
Attraction and beauty are just incredibly ambiguous subjects. Everything about them is subjective.
Depending on perspective, any one person may be attractive or unattractive. And part of that perspective depends on the perceivers understanding of that person's personality.
Also, the person will be less or more attractive depending on who the perceiver is.
What I mean is, personality factors in as an "attraction boost" to different degrees for different people.

Like I said, ambiguous.

 

[vj288]

No, I don't. I wouldn't call myself good looking either though, not because I think I'm bad looking just because I don't really judge how I look. I'm content with it, I think some things make it less appealing like zits, a poorly shaved face, unclean teeth, bad hair cut, things of that nature. But nothing on how I unchangeably look.

I think about this beauty/ugly concept a lot, and I always have a hard time explaining it. If we were to look at it on a purely physical lever then...well we can't. Even someone you just met how they greet you how they carry themselves what they sound like what their style is their age their race their age all play a role into what you think of them right off the bat. Even pictures of people, the pose they're making, and even people they look like that you know influences what you think of them. I've thought of this metaphor below when it comes to others peoples appearances before and think it is a good one.

I see it like food. Most people like chocolate, but that doesn't mean that people don't like other types of food too. Even people who find chocolate delicious can still enjoy and appreciate other foods, even foods which might taste nothing like chocolate.

Why it is chocolate is liked by so many people is debatable, personally I think it is a cultural standard set by society, and changes more often then we think. Others will tell you it's biological and just the way the world is, chocolate is just something people like because it's the way the world works. I'm not going to try to debate that though, just recognize that the world we live in does agree on some things being beautiful than others.

I find it funny though that chocolate was used as an example, because I actually don't like chocolate. Does that make me weird, abnormal, are my taste buds not functioning correctly, is there something wrong with me? No! I just have a preference that is not what everyone else likes. And just because everyone does like it does NOT mean it is the way you must look or you are ugly. Is there anything wrong with broccoli, with raisin bran, with fruitcake?

Again, no.

Food tastes good, that is why it is food. If it wasn't, people wouldn't eat it. People are the same way, people look good, if they didn't they wouldn't be people. (and no "ohh so that makes me a moster then! ) It's mainstream culture screaming that chocolate cake is delicious and anything else is disgusting that makes the word ugly even enter the English language.

All you people who do feel you're ugly - how many times has someone said something negative about your appearance, treated you differently for what you perceived to be because of the way you look, were you told or came to understand that looking a certain way is standard and the only avenue to true beauty? Now imagine if no one had ever said that too you, any of those things, unspoken or straightforward to your face. Would a strain of doubt ever really entered you mind? It may not be individuals fault, even though those who do outwardly say mean things are pretty big d-bags I think, but that we are bombarded with all this chocolate is delicious stuff from the day we can open our eyes.

I think it's a lot like cartoons, when we're little see them and the characters frequently resist eating their vegetables because they're "gross" and "icky." Then we grow and, and realize "hey carrots aren't that bad, actually they're pretty good!" The world just hasn't grown up yet, and it's immaturity is doing horrible things. Don't let it.