Do you think 'Bad Looks' are a big reason for Social Phobia

[CursedSoul]

When you grow up watching too much goodness on TV, see people around you enjoying with their friends and loving couples in the streets, people treated you nicely all the time when you were a kid..as no one cares about looks when you're a kid and almost everyone adores them....

All of a sudden you've grown up into an adult or a teenager... you anticipate the same acceptance and passion in society just like what you saw on TV, friends and couples in the streets..people enjoying,
you're so confident and happy because you've been adored all your childhood...

but one day you notice when you present yourself into the society this time as a grown up, you get ignored, treated rudely, deceived, joked at, bullied over, beaten up, laughed at, rejected and finally you turn into a new surprised soul who didn't know why did this happen,

then one of your colleagues or a family member tells you were a little too ugly to be accepted in public and friends, or to get a gf/bf...your dreams shatter with your confidence and happiness...everything you saw and thought of as a kid fades into the darkness of the reality of this world...

Next day you prepare for a visit out but you feel too lazy and avoiding to do that because it was too hard to tolerate that hatred...thats the day you've turned into a typical patient of social phobia....
do you relate any where near this story?

 

[Xervello]

I get where you're coming from. I think a lot of people put on a phony front in order to play the "social game" but would rather be themselves, accepted and all of that. It just takes having to tolerate a lot of bullsh*t with people - good or bad - in order to peel back their layers. I think those of us with social phobias lack the tolerance or endurance for it. Whereas other "normal" people are able to cope better. Even so-called "normal" people are shy. And it's that shyness that sometimes makes them abrasive, standoffish or impolite. Then again, there's a fair share of jerks, too. Sometimes it's difficult to tell who is what.

As for the poll, I voted no because it's not the entire reason. Sure, if I looked like Matt Bomer I probably wouldn't bo so neurotic about my appearance, lol. But at the same time I'd still have those little whispers in the back of my head of imagined critiques by people.

 

[CursedSoul]

I get where you're coming from. I think a lot of people put on a phony front in order to play the "social game" but would rather be themselves, accepted and all of that. It just takes having to tolerate a lot of bullsh*t with people - good or bad - in order to peel back their layers. I think those of us with social phobias lack the tolerance or endurance for it. Whereas other "normal" people are able to cope better. Even so-called "normal" people are shy. And it's that shyness that sometimes makes them abrasive, standoffish or impolite. Then again, there's a fair share of jerks, too. Sometimes it's difficult to tell who is what.

As for the poll, I voted no because it's not the entire reason. Sure, if I looked like Matt Bomer I probably wouldn't bo so neurotic about my appearance, lol. But at the same time I'd still have those little whispers in the back of my head of imagined critiques by people.

I didn't call it the entire reason..it may be a big reason though...

 

[Xervello]

I know you didn't. Just explaining why I voted no.

 

[CursedSoul]

just that.....come on its a cursed thread.....lmao...

 

[mikebird]

Planning for an interview tomorrow morning

I never worried about looks - it's all entirely subjective. I was raised by an obsessively loving mum who thought I was blue-eyed Superman. Days go by, forgetting to look in the mirror. I've recently been thinking that you can never know what you look like when you're talking to anyone else! I blame all my failures on my physical appearance, anxiety, stumbling in speech and any gestures - over-flamboyant, from a a tap on a table, "hmmm?", neck swivel, or :bat:. I practice eyebrows, blinking, winking and frowning, smiling, the way I'd like to look to other. I think it's impossible to do for real. I think what I say seems ridiculous to anyone, as we come from such different levels of... understanding / reality / experience.

I think my interview confidence has improved significantly over decades, but I can see myself. I wish these could be recorded on video. My psychologist suggests this, but it hasn't happened yet, and nothing will matter unless it's exactly where, when and with the real person... tomorrow

Yep. It's all the pleasantries of TV presenters with wide open eyes and constant gleeful smiles and mid-chat giggles
They can get this behaviour from street filming, probably editing all the miserable occurrences

I've managed to get some appreciation in the workplace and with girlfriends, but it's all short-term. This thread might get me in a helical downward spiral of determined effort, leading to my grave.

 

[Tuukka40]

I get a fair share of compliments on my looks. I'm pretty confident in them most of the time.

But I'm still extremely shy around strangers because I've also been told I show no emotion, I'm very awkward, and have a monotone voice. Plus I lack conversation skills sometimes. And I feel constantly judged when I'm talking to people because of it.

 

[miserablecow]

I don't believe in good or bad looks, as people see beauty differently. It's society and media that influence us on what is beauty. So, I do not believe that 'bad looks' are a big reason for social phobia.

 

[AdamE]

I get a fair share of compliments on my looks. I'm pretty confident in them most of the time.

But I'm still extremely shy around strangers because I've also been told I show no emotion, I'm very awkward, and have a monotone voice. Plus I lack conversation skills sometimes. And I feel constantly judged when I'm talking to people because of it.

When I was an intern a while back, my boss had a completely flat, monotone voice, devoid of feeling. I always thought that made him incredibly awesome.

Regarding the looks thing - I should have voted yes, why didn't I vote yes? I wish to change my vote to yes!

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

A) I've known a lot of people who looked nothing like models or actors who were very outgoing, friendly, and showed no signs of any social anxiety.

B) I've seen many, many attractive people on this site who show every sign of social anxiety. Some are aware they are physically attractive, some are not. Their level of attractiveness does not noticeably relate to their level of anxiety.

Attractiveness is one of the primary things that someone has anxiety problems will focus on. That does not mean appearance is the cause of the problem.

Social anxiety is fears about how we are perceived, and looks are a major part of perception.

 

[laure15]

Bad looks can contribute significantly to social phobia. I've seen people being called "ugly" and bullied over it (even in college). But it's certainly not the only reason for sa.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Yes i think it's a reason but also keep in mind good looking people get bullied too. Some even kill themself because mean people always find a reason to put someone down and if you're sensitive no matter if you're good looking or not can cause problems. I've been told my expressions look sad and weird so that doesn't help :s i've also been told i look good and not so good in my life so yes i would perfer to it always be "wow she's a 10" instead of "eh sometimes" or "what's wrong" lol

 

[Opaline]

I'd be interested in knowing what the statistics are for people who have had social phobia since they were children vs. those who developed it as a teenager or later.

Personally I was a very shy child. At such a young age you generally aren't aware of your looks (unless you happen to be exceptionally unattractive and children make fun of you for it).

All in all, I suppose it's possible that being unattractive can trigger social phobia as a teenager or 20-something, but as has been already said in this thread, there are plenty of people who are below average in looks and don't have social phobia. I think the inclination towards the condition is part of someone's makeup, and any little thing could potentially trigger it or become the reason "why" they have it, in their mind.

At the end of the day, social phobia is a lack of security in oneself regardless of outward appearance or personality, a constant doubting that one is good enough. Probably stems from something other than looks, but... I'm just rambling now and am not an expert.

 

[jaim38]

^I've had social phobia since childhood and it manifested in ways that make me look immature and awkward. Being unattractive sure makes social phobia a lot worse. I used to have a friend who is looks conscious and refused to befriend a girl who looked less attractive than her.

 

[Hellhound]

I was made fun of a lot in the past because I was fat. I think the constant, daily abuse at school and home was a factor, but I was also anorexic at the age of 19. Still worried a lot about my weight now a days.

I think it can be the cause for a lot of problems, but it's not the person's fault. No one's "ugly". The ones calling you ugly have probably a distorted idea of what beauty is, or they're sadistic a$$holes that do it purposely just to cause pain.

 

[neohorizon]

OF COURSE YES, ITS A HUGE REASON for Social phobia!
WTF!

 

[FollowMe]

I replied yes but it is an indirect yes. Looking good or looking bad is not to blame. It's how you think others see you.

How you see yourself doesn't matter. How others see you doesn't matter. How you THINK others see you matters.

-Sociological perspective

 

[hidwell]

Bad looks have the ability to magnify Social anxiety which can cause the person to isolate themselves. I don't believe looks cause social anxiety but it will worsen the condition.

 

[Kiwong]

The happy childhood is hardly worth your while, it doesn't prepare you for the brutal messed up world outside the bliss of a happy home and family.

I was happy until I encountered the horrors of a nightmare adolescent teen age at high school. Like a self esteem and sexual morale shredding machine, tearing you apart. I recovered, but that world damaged me.