Hi red,
I absolutely agree with what you say. The other thing too is that as avoidants, we tend to shun people, leaving us with no friends or support system whatsoever whenever things go badly. A problem shared is a problem halved, and if you have no way to do that or diffuse the pain in any way, it becomes a really tough burden to bear. I've always gone without friends because the social events and other friend-like obligations have always scared me, so I figured if I had to be sociable, it would only be to fulfill the basic human instinct (ie. to have a partner). So, long story short, I've often had girlfriends, but never straightforward, platonic friends.
In any case, just this past week I had a break up with a girl seven years my junior (she's 18, I'm 25) so nobody would expect to take that all too seriously. Instead, I became emotionally invested over the course of our six months together, and when it all went downhill just the other day, I found myself sitting on the end of my bed, my head in my hands, having panic attack after panic attack, literally pulsing with emotion. All the while, the logical part of me was saying "she was nothing but a dumb little brat, you can do better" and other soothing mantras, but regardless, I was completely shellshocked and still am to some degree. I'm fully aware that it's not fair, reasonable, or sensible to put so much stock in something that flimsy. Nobody should put that much pressure on an 18 year old, and yet, I did exactly that, completely setting myself up for disappointment in the process.
Anyway, my apologies for the little rant there. I just thought it was a pertinent example.