Do you repeatedly avoid romantic relationships?

[Katasura]

Hello Everyone

I currently have this problem. I fear so much being hurt and inevitably rejected that I avoid intimate relationships. At times I push away people that I care about, become emotionally inconsistent, distant and detached. There's just this enormous fear of trusting and being vulnerable to possible emotional pain.

Does anyone have this problem? As an avoidant, how does one overcome this? Can it be overcome?

 

[nephatitus]

how can you grow if you cannot fess up to your own fear

 

[nephatitus]

scars heal it toughens you up, i remeber when i got rejected in a relationship, lesson learned is how i would summarize it. then again i was young then so i guess it was inevitable. Even to this day i dont find the immediate attraction to girls since alot of the bore me but that doesnt mean i should give up

added: bore is too strong of a word, more like keeping my interest long enough so i can actually develop feelings (i h8 that word)

 

[decadeOfSA]

Yep.

 

[JonnyD]

when i got close enought maybe i could avoid...

 

[Generical]

It's something i think about alot, it's not so much rejection (although it would be if i ever had the idea of asking someone) but more not thinking i'm even ready or actually able...just having someone that close seems unbelievably awkward and i guess that is what makes me avoid it more than anything. No doubt i would be comfortable enough with someone before that even happens but it just seems..absolutely terrifying

But yeh like pretty much everything which involves social interaction lol, you just have to jump in only way to learn?

 

[TooShyShy]

Would it help if a girl you found attractive went after you??? Or at least let you know she liked you???

 

[aboobooboobooo]

Oh yeah I hate this problem so much. I've had a couple of chances where the girl just falls for me and i have to fuck it up. I become distant and "unavailable" all of a sudden. It drives me nuts!!!

 

[Riiya]

[o______o]

 

[Psychedelicious]

Well I don't think I have ever had the opportunity for anything like that, and I really don't think I ever will. I don't think that anyone would ever even want me in the first place. I can't even imagine that, I'm so gross. I probably wouldn't even believe someone if they said they liked me, or I just owuldn't even notice it. I'm oblivious to things like that.

I cannot be close to ANYONE. Everything is a secret. I'll hide everything from everybody, and will never let anyone know anything about me. There isn't really anyone close to me, or can I imagine someone being so, so I don't have any to push away. I think it's more them not coming in the first place, because I'm really hostile and not appealing towards others.

I don't know how to have a relationship. What to do, or how, or anything basically. I Guess I want it but I just don't know. I am so detached and distant from anyone and everything that I feel like I can never even come up to their level. I just can't understand things the way they do. I can't trust anyone either. I think they are lying, setting me up, saying things about me, or have some secret plan etc etc. That's why people tend to avoid me at all costs. Just not an approachable person I guess.

 

[Kien]

What is a relationship?

 

[lonely_world]

I have gone to great lengths to avoid having a intimate relationship with anyone for the past 6 years since I have been single. But it has left me too lonely so now i'm forcing myself to date, which I have never really done before. I have always already known the people I got into relationships with, so this is a whole new ball game for me.

 

[johnzero]

yes like the plague.

 

[Kamen]

To push someone away, you first need to allow them to get close to you. Well, I hardly allow people to get close to me. I don't like it and don't need so close relationships, so I keep distance. For example, I remember how reluctantly I replied when other students (with whom I was studying two years) asked me where I live.

However, I had a girlfriend for a while. It was a hard time to make me go out with her in the beginning. I thought there were other people behind this and they were playing games with me, lol. Not to mention the whole bunch of other paranoid thoughts. It looks like I feel better when I am single...

 

[Weirdo]

If a girl starts to like me, I just think "If you knew the real me, you wouldn't like me anymore" and that's not just a paranoid thought, but a fact.

 

[Havocan]

If a girl starts to like me, I just think "If you knew the real me, you wouldn't like me anymore" and that's not just a paranoid thought, but a fact.

Yeah. "The closer you get to me, the more you'll despise me". And that's why I almost contribute to the distancing myself, though most of the time they initiate the walk-aways themselves because they feel I'm boring and all that.

 

[TooShyShy]

Well, i don't think its that you are boring..if you push a girl away, act distant, disinterested, aloof, etc. then yeah she will go find someone else...no one wants to be treated that way - would you if you liked a girl you wanted to be intimate with????

 

[Havocan]

Well, i don't think its that you are boring..if you push a girl away, act distant, disinterested, aloof, etc. then yeah she will go find someone else...no one wants to be treated that way - would you if you liked a girl you wanted to be intimate with????

That's why I feel like I'm almost helping the girls to distance themselves from me by acting that way, for I believe I come across as boring and very shallow. Maybe this also applies for your shy guy at work? It's a very vicious circle which I'd love to stop, sadly it only escalates, and I kind of exert this behaviour on every girl I meet for I think every effort I make is futile and will fail^^.

 

[TooShyShy]

Well, he does that to a certain extent (keep his distance, stay away sometimes) but it seems to stem from fear..of what im not sure exactly but then he ALWAYS comes back around and goes out of his way to be around me, say hello everyday, etc. especially if i start to back off HE COMES BACK EVEN STRONGER..so go figure that one out.

 

[Havocan]

especially if i start to back off HE COMES BACK EVEN STRONGER..so go figure that one out.

That's because he wants to try even harder, putting more energy in it since he doesn't want to retreat again, but when he gets too close he still does it for whatever reason {probably the things I've said before, he fears that you'll reject him, that he's not good enough for you, that he'll screw things up and so on}. It still is kind of an odd behaviour, though, especially since it seems to be more or less like he's just pacing around you in circles^^.