Do you REALLY want to change?

[sullyS25]

Or are you so attached to this self-image of being shy, scared and feeling inadequate that it scares you to think about coming off as anything different?

I ask this because sometimes I wonder this about myself...I always say that I want to be more outgoing, have more friends and have the willingness to trust people but my actions do not coincide with my thoughts.

Every time I meet a new person that could potentially be a friend or more, I always convince myself that I can not trust them. I subconsciously believe that if I do trust them, I will eventually get hurt. Even with the most genuine people I convince myself of this. I do the same in social situations where I have the opportunity to meet new people.....

I know this is why they call it avoidant personality disorder and I understand the every psychological description of the "disorder" but for me it seems like I am unwilling to let go of these behaviors.

In order to change the way I am, I have to go outside my comfort zone and do things I am not used to doing. Things that make me feel uncomfortable....If I keep doing what I have been in the past everything will stay the same....But I hardly ever do these things then I complain that things haven't changed.

This is why I feel like I am holding onto these feelings because I am afraid to let them go. I am unwilling to change because deep down inside I like to feel inadequate and play the victim.....For ME, this must change and I must take risks. I truly to not enjoy the suffering and am not willing to put up with it any longer.

How do YOU feel about this?

 

[Etbow23]

I think sometimes I want to change, but really deep down inside I don't. It's weird, you always say you want to change and complain about the feelings you have, but that force within you is telling you not to. It's the same thing with depression and me. The depression sometimes seems to tell me that I want to be sad or kill myself. I don't know how to explain it.

I wish I could get rid of anxiety and over-sensitivity. Sometimes I wish I could be as I see others being; not bothered by stupid things, not full of anxiety all the time.

 

[lonely_drummer]

I personally don't want to completely change myself but learn to accept that I'm shy and would rather be alone. Don't become someone you are not, it's all about self acceptance

 

[sullyS25]

I think sometimes I want to change, but really deep down inside I don't. It's weird, you always say you want to change and complain about the feelings you have, but that force within you is telling you not to. It's the same thing with depression and me. The depression sometimes seems to tell me that I want to be sad or kill myself. I don't know how to explain it.

I wish I could get rid of anxiety and over-sensitivity. Sometimes I wish I could be as I see others being; not bothered by stupid things, not full of anxiety all the time.

I know the feeling. I used to suffer from severe depression and would wake up every day and fantasize about dying or killing myself....but I have realized life really is worth living and it is all about the journey and watching yourself grow....I still have anxiety and over-sensitivity but I do find relief when I accept what I am feeling and don't resist by thinking things were different....All that does is makes it worse....for me at least. It is easier said than done but when I just sit back and observe how I am feeling then accept it, the awareness combined with me accepting those feelings makes it disappear...it is crazy...That is easier said than done though

 

[Azael]

I don't specifically have a goal of wanting to have friends, the cliche need of a girlfriend that will solve all my problems, or becoming and Indiana Jones adventurer.... I just want to be functional. I do really want to change, it hasn't really happened. Between 2006 and 2009 I did steadily improve, but still was a very long way off the mark. I can still vividly remember what I was like before my demise, and believe me it is a lot better than effectively being a social-vegetable. Going outside of my comfort zone has rarely been fruitful for me. Unfortunately I find myself encountering the worst people and the most destructive circumstances. I would say that after this year I do not have it in me to mount another fightback, of that there is no debate. It's been too long and I'm too tired and worn down. If things mysteriously change then great, but I suppose I better get my affairs in order in preparation for what is shaping up for a very rough start to 2012.

 

[sullyS25]

I don't specifically have a goal of wanting to have friends, the cliche need of a girlfriend that will solve all my problems, or becoming and Indiana Jones adventurer

Agreed completely.....a girlfriend will not solve my problems....in fact I feel like my insecurities are magnified when I get close to women. The main motivating factor is that I got close to a girl and those feelings came up....so I couldn't agree more

 

[EscapeArtist]

The truth is sadly that want is in your actions. You are what you want to be, unless you haven' been given the choice. Also if you're working slowly towards a goal but you're working towards it every day without falter, it's clear that you want the end goal. But if you do not work towards it and say you want it, you don't. =/ At least not over what you have. What you have is filling a more important role.

Realizing this is a good step towards going towards changing what you want to fit a more fulfilling lifestyle, it's actually one of the most important steps, it's awareness. If you stay completely aware, eventually you will be able to listen to your heart and see through crutches, and feel what you want so clearly that those wants will change

 

[sullyS25]

The truth is sadly that want is in your actions. You are what you want to be, unless you haven' been given the choice. Also if you're working slowly towards a goal but you're working towards it every day without falter, it's clear that you want the end goal. But if you do not work towards it and say you want it, you don't. =/ At least not over what you have. What you have is filling a more important role.

Realizing this is a good step towards going towards changing what you want to fit a more fulfilling lifestyle, it's actually one of the most important steps, it's awareness. If you stay completely aware, eventually you will be able to listen to your heart and see through crutches, and feel what you want so clearly that those wants will change

That is exactly what I think, I am at the point where I am completely aware that in order to change I MUST take action....Getting past the way I have been programmed is difficult but I am determined....even if it is slow progress. I must have little goals like talking to someone I would usually avoid or initiating a conversation with a coworker.....Most recently I had the goal to say hello to random girls on the street but I have yet to do it so it appears, through my actions that I want things to stay the same....Thank you very much for sharing that

 

[bsebring]

I try to change everyday. In fact, the past few days I asked what people were doing for new years and I didnt get an invite.
Maybe I come off as rude or ignorant or timid, I dont know how to change how I'm perceived as I talk to people. Its hard enough getting the words out.

 

[sullyS25]

I try to change everyday. In fact, the past few days I asked what people were doing for new years and I didnt get an invite.
Maybe I come off as rude or ignorant or timid, I dont know how to change how I'm perceived as I talk to people. Its hard enough getting the words out.

It is all about practice....it may be difficult but it is worth it....I am sure you don't come off as any of those things....it is probably just in your head...that is always the case with me

 

[Kiwong]

Yes I really wanted to change and I think I have changed in some ways. Certainly physically and also emotionally. There are some things I would like to change that are very hard and they are still a battle.

 

[bsebring]

It is all about practice....it may be difficult but it is worth it....I am sure you don't come off as any of those things....it is probably just in your head...that is always the case with me

I hope so. Thank you for posting this. I'm sure it's a process, but for now I'm trying to force myself to be happy. Eventually it will come naturally.

 

[Nathália]

I try to change but when I am in the moment I can not control how my body reacts. I think naturally I have always been different and because of that I am scared of rejection. So, I may show people a little bit of me and my personality and then I may fall off of the Earth. Sometimes I do sometimes I don't. I can get too comfortable with my habits.

 

[theslowesthand]

Can't say i do; Can't say i don't.

There are 2 interpretations of the question:
a) Do you REALLY BADLY want to change?: ...no (only do if feeling REALLY BAD, which havent lately)
b) Do you TRULY want to change?: again, no

And if answer 'yes' for (a), will also be 'yes' for (b)? (& same for no's)

1st line (ellab): Even if feeling really badly, its only a 'yes' for (a), but still a 'no' for (b). Not "sitting on the fence" (am indecisive at best-of-times though) but more so that my situation is "contradictory" (a no-win, catch-22, damned-if-do-damned-if-dont situation)


Note: browser crashed ... am trying to recall my post as it was .. and better

 

[Hoppy]

I refuse to answer the question.

I'm perfect. The rest of the world must change.

 

[sullyS25]

I refuse to answer the question.

I'm perfect. The rest of the world must change.

Is that a joke? If you are perfect then why are you on this forum? I used to have that mentality and I continued to suffer....it was when I started changing MY perspective on life that things got better. But to each their own if that mentality works for you then great

 

[Azael]

Is that a joke? If you are perfect then why are you on this forum? I used to have that mentality and I continued to suffer....it was when I started changing MY perspective on life that things got better. But to each their own if that mentality works for you then great

I think he was being sarcastic.

 

[emre43]

I want to change and I won't rest from trying to achieve that.

 

[sullyS25]

I think he was being sarcastic.

Haha well that is what I thought...for me it is hard to detect sarcasm over the internet unless I really know the person.....that would make sense though haha

 

[Falkor]

Yea I do. My looks are okay now. It's getting better. ::

And I just want to change my anxiety level. I will take Prozac since next week and I really want to live my life to the fulliest. I really want to travel!!!!!!
I want to graduate school and just go for things even though I'm scared like hell.

I don't want to avoid stuff so much... I just want to go wherever I feel like going without feeling anxious. Not feel so nervous around people in a room and stop being nervous. Just feel well wherever I am!

So OFC i want to change... !


But I know there are ALOT of things that are OKAY for me now... since I am doing more fine