Do you blame your parents?
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Razzlecherry
Banned
I mean, in a way I suppose. They had me at a fairly young age, which caused my mother to drop out of high school. They never were financially stable and yet had 4 children. They aren't very responsible and never prepared me for the world. Every situation I experienced was a train wreck because I had no idea what I was doing. I was a huge *******, something that haunts me every day of my life. Probably why I have terrible self esteem and am terrified of social interactions.
I can't say they don't try, because I know it can be tough for them. My mother got her GED and extended her education and is having trouble, but is pushing through and getting experience, looking for jobs. It bothers the hell out of me when my dad bitches at her about getting a job. My dad is a huge dick and a baby.
He whines like a jackal when he doesn't get his own way. He judges people all the time. (Probably why I'm so terrified that people are always judging me, because I was brought up with that notion.) He is terrible with money and even pawns my mother's belongings (video camera w/ baby footage) which is terrible. Honestly can't believe she hasn't left him, even though she has threatened it and probably thinks about it all the time, but I think she might be afraid of losing stability, considering my dad has a decent position. And my dad is one manipulative son of a popsicle.
I'm sure my mother deals with depression, not positive.
I can't say they don't try, because I know it can be tough for them. My mother got her GED and extended her education and is having trouble, but is pushing through and getting experience, looking for jobs. It bothers the hell out of me when my dad bitches at her about getting a job. My dad is a huge dick and a baby.
He whines like a jackal when he doesn't get his own way. He judges people all the time. (Probably why I'm so terrified that people are always judging me, because I was brought up with that notion.) He is terrible with money and even pawns my mother's belongings (video camera w/ baby footage) which is terrible. Honestly can't believe she hasn't left him, even though she has threatened it and probably thinks about it all the time, but I think she might be afraid of losing stability, considering my dad has a decent position. And my dad is one manipulative son of a popsicle.
I'm sure my mother deals with depression, not positive.
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Briars_Luck
Member
My Mom was extremely passive-aggressive and was afraid to let her children learn the consequences of bad decisions/behaviour. Subsequently, if anything ever went wrong in my life, I always ran back home.. the instant there was trouble. She basically raised us to remain children. I'm 38 years old, and it's only been in the last 2 years or so that I feel I've begun to learn proper coping skills, without wanting to run back to my mom to make everything bad go away.
"Hush now baby, baby don't you cry
Mama's gonna make all of your
Nightmares come true
Mama's gonna put all of her fears into you
Mama's gonna keep you right here
Under her wing
she won't let you fly but she might let you sing
Mama will keep baby cosy and warm
Ooooh Babe Ooooh Babe Ooooh Babe
Of course Mama's gonna help build the wall"
PINK FLOYD LYRICS - Mother
I love my Mom, and know that it's the only way she knew how to be. Her Mom.. her Grandmother.. it's a trait that's been passed down. I don't blame her though, no. Her issues came from a place of fear, so I forgive her for that. There are times still though that I feel like a 14 year old.
As an aside, she must have a completely different perspective on Grandchildren, because I see a healthy, functional relationship there. She completely respects my parenting style, and we address things as they come up. I'm actually quite proud of her for that.
"Hush now baby, baby don't you cry
Mama's gonna make all of your
Nightmares come true
Mama's gonna put all of her fears into you
Mama's gonna keep you right here
Under her wing
she won't let you fly but she might let you sing
Mama will keep baby cosy and warm
Ooooh Babe Ooooh Babe Ooooh Babe
Of course Mama's gonna help build the wall"
PINK FLOYD LYRICS - Mother
I love my Mom, and know that it's the only way she knew how to be. Her Mom.. her Grandmother.. it's a trait that's been passed down. I don't blame her though, no. Her issues came from a place of fear, so I forgive her for that. There are times still though that I feel like a 14 year old.
As an aside, she must have a completely different perspective on Grandchildren, because I see a healthy, functional relationship there. She completely respects my parenting style, and we address things as they come up. I'm actually quite proud of her for that.
Earthcircle
Well-known member
Relentless sadism from my father, but I also feel that being bullied by people outside the family was an added factor.
Bugs
Active member
I do when I was younger, but as time passes and I get older and more mature, I think I already have the ability to cope with what I went through as a child and somehow change... for the better.
I am in control with my life now and not my parents. I should deal with all the things that happened to me and move on. Yes, it maybe their fault but I can't keep blaming them forever, I should move forward now with my life and be the person that I want to be no matter how hard.
*Doing my best to be optimistic :bigsmile:
I am in control with my life now and not my parents. I should deal with all the things that happened to me and move on. Yes, it maybe their fault but I can't keep blaming them forever, I should move forward now with my life and be the person that I want to be no matter how hard.
*Doing my best to be optimistic :bigsmile:
Even today with all the problems I'm having with finding a job, trouble with school and such, they're very supportive and try to help me in any way, and I'm very grateful for that. But I do think my upbringing indirectly caused my shyness. They were never abusive (though my dad was sort of a jerk to me as a kid, he got nicer the more I matured), but it had more to do with environment. We lived out in the middle of nowhere, so I was rarely able to go hang out at a friends house or something, unless my mom was able to drive me. So aside from school I was pretty much at home all the time. I think that's party what made me so socially awkward later on. All of a sudden at 16 I was able to drive and go hang out with people, and then it was easy to notice my differences with others.
Articulate
Banned
I've read many times that the single biggest indication of parents failing their children is if those children are clinging to their parents for company into adulthood. If you're not taught to function on your own socially or given the capability to really 'grow up' and become your own person with your own relationships then it's often the fault of the parents.
Lots of people online, and in counselling, have repeatedly told me my parents are to blame for my problems. This does have alot of sense in it I suppose. Nevertheless, I don't personally believe that my parent's neglect created my problems. I feel this way because had I not been so isolated outside of my family in childhood and adolescence, and had I not failed to find attention anywhere else then regardless of my parent's failings I think I would be ok today. If I had connected to other people and made friends as a teenager I think that would have counterbalanced my traumatic childhood. I blame the longevity and severity of my isolation for my problems. Yes my parents are a part of that, but they didn't beat or starve me! Lots of children are taken into care, hell lots of children don't have families. Maybe I'm in denial? I prefer to blame how other people treated me.
Lots of people online, and in counselling, have repeatedly told me my parents are to blame for my problems. This does have alot of sense in it I suppose. Nevertheless, I don't personally believe that my parent's neglect created my problems. I feel this way because had I not been so isolated outside of my family in childhood and adolescence, and had I not failed to find attention anywhere else then regardless of my parent's failings I think I would be ok today. If I had connected to other people and made friends as a teenager I think that would have counterbalanced my traumatic childhood. I blame the longevity and severity of my isolation for my problems. Yes my parents are a part of that, but they didn't beat or starve me! Lots of children are taken into care, hell lots of children don't have families. Maybe I'm in denial? I prefer to blame how other people treated me.
spearhunter
Well-known member
Yes , I also blame a bit my parents,but most of my SA was developed thru my own action,thoughts, behavior, so blame more myself then others.
anomicdeer
Well-known member
I could.
I definitely can.
I definitely can.
AdamE
Active member
It's the same with my father.
miserablecow
Well-known member
My parents are a factor, but I do not blame them.
My parents are very cultural, so they are controlling amongst other things.
My parents are very cultural, so they are controlling amongst other things.
BamanPiderman
Well-known member
Not really. I would never fully blame someone else for something that is wrong with me, because it's up to me how I choose how to deal with it. I think both my parents have done as well as they can to raise me. They've evidently caught wind of my situation, but I think they both believe I just have an incredibly shy and introverted nature, not that I have a mental condition. I haven't thought about telling them about it because, while I have told mum a bit and she seems to be fairly understanding, I think my dad wouldn't take me as seriously.
He also makes me feel bad sometimes calling me a freak or abnormal or whatnot just because I don't like to socialise/I'm not very good at socialising. His words hurt, but I'm also glad because according to him, to be normal, I have to be like everyone else. I'd rather be myself.
He also makes me feel bad sometimes calling me a freak or abnormal or whatnot just because I don't like to socialise/I'm not very good at socialising. His words hurt, but I'm also glad because according to him, to be normal, I have to be like everyone else. I'd rather be myself.
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Saga
Well-known member
No, I don't. I blame myself, for letting it get like this. My mom wanted to help me with how quiet I was back when I was in around the 6th grade, but I didn't let her. She tried to encourage me to go to more catch-ups and birthday parties with friends but I didn't want to. It's all my fault I've let myself end up this quiet and socially awkward. Pfft. :/