Do u have some one in real life, not MSN, or anything to open up to?
- Thread starter Darker Than Black
- Start date
slapstick
Well-known member
I blurted it out when I was drinking one time to a close cousin of mine and a friend..A few years later my whole immediate family know, my closest friends, and most of my extended family.. I have a tight knit family and they try, but they will never understand, them trying not to act different in front of me makes them act different if you know what I mean..But what can you say that's family for ya
Darker Than Black
Well-known member
not anymore I don't, "friend" of mine turned out to be fake, started JKJK about my problems..
anomicdeer
Well-known member
I kind of did a few months ago. But I really didnt feel anything in the friendship to keep it. so I just stopped talking to her. Terrible me, huh?
limetree
Well-known member
I used to, but my friend thinks I'm selfish and negative for being a hermit and not following "social rules"...**** that. I admit, I'm rarely present in social situations so I don't go to lengths to accommodate people. I'm just quiet most of the time, but it never occurred to me that was selfish. I thought I was just letting people be.
It's surreal how you can go from one moment of having a best friend who once understood and clicked with you to feeling alienated that they think it's too difficult a task to try to understand you anymore.
I am not vague and indirect when trying to explain myself, with her I revealed too much and didn't sugarcoat enough. I made the mistake of telling her about my issues, and it hit me hard how much of a stigma there is against introversion in general let alone social phobia. I was just trying to explain the reasons behind my shyness because I had already acknowledged that I would eventually need to get help if things got worse but she took it as defensiveness and making excuses for my uniqueness. Oh well what can you do, people online are cooler.
It's surreal how you can go from one moment of having a best friend who once understood and clicked with you to feeling alienated that they think it's too difficult a task to try to understand you anymore.
I am not vague and indirect when trying to explain myself, with her I revealed too much and didn't sugarcoat enough. I made the mistake of telling her about my issues, and it hit me hard how much of a stigma there is against introversion in general let alone social phobia. I was just trying to explain the reasons behind my shyness because I had already acknowledged that I would eventually need to get help if things got worse but she took it as defensiveness and making excuses for my uniqueness. Oh well what can you do, people online are cooler.
Harleyq
Well-known member
Yeah! I remember my friend called me a bitch one day and it took me totally by surprise. We were shopping and he saw a bunch of his friends and stopped to talk to them. We left and he went "Sorry if that made you uncomfortable". I said "No, I'm fine, I just didn't have anything to say." He rears his head back at me, opens his eyes really wide, and exclaims "Wow! Way to be a bitch!"
I didn't even know what to say to that. And it's not just him, either. I've met lots of people who think that if you aren't outgoing and talkative, you're stuck up and you're not talking cause they're too low in your priorities or something.
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Mack_Berserk
Well-known member
I can relate, though in a different sense. I have one friend, a best friend since before my phobia that I can pretty much tell anything to. The problem is, he downplays everything I say and takes it for being shy. Which I know is total Bull****.
Tiercel
Well-known member
I used to always talk with my twin sister when we were growing up. But she's getting married next month, and I haven't found a suitable replacement yet.
Last week I went on a 4 night trip with my brother and friend, and at times I felt so lonely and isolated I probably could have cried. And that was a good trip.
So for now I hold counsel alone in the dark of night. Although when the moon is out it's not quite as dark....
Last week I went on a 4 night trip with my brother and friend, and at times I felt so lonely and isolated I probably could have cried. And that was a good trip.
So for now I hold counsel alone in the dark of night. Although when the moon is out it's not quite as dark....
limetree
Well-known member
Woah, that was pretty ignorant. I get that extraverts probably need more external cues to gauge whether their presence is valued but it's not anyone's job to socially accommodate you besides remaining civil. It seems many people aren't educated enough about SA, and this horrible website, which I can't believe even exists, doesn't help either. "I'm popular, you're not"
Many people fear rejection, uncertainty and losing control so it seems when you give people a blank slate, they're going to project their insecurities and standards of validation onto you. Social phobics do that too, but it's an injustice to others jumping to conclusions without facts or inquiry. Our guardedness probably makes others feel more vulnerable/martyr complexed as if they made all the effort for us to show "indifference." When I look at my situation, it seems I'm not the only one feeling victimised. If you try to explain and negotiate this misunderstanding only to have your friend refuse to discuss further, then that's when I decided to forget it.
limetree
Well-known member
Yeah I can see how that may seem pretty insulting, especially if he doesn't believe your corrections. It's as if they're not satisfied with your best efforts already. I have felt guilty that I couldn't give my friends more vitality and expressiveness, but you're only going to end up resenting friends who expect you to change in order to get along with them. You can only be yourself/break out of your shell at your own pace if you want others to like your authentic self rather than some fake ass personality botox version of you.
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