Daily Adventures with Weirdy

WeirdyMcGee

WeirdyMcGee

Well-known member
Not trying to be vain...
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Is it really vain to think I'm a hideous, terrible creature inside and out?
Someone said once that it was self centered that I think this way; although I'm not sure how to begin to reverse it.

So... it's self centered to love yourself and also to hate yourself?
Is that... true?
Maybe in one way-- to think of yourself and be so concerned with outside appearances; good or bad-- it is vain.

I don't want to be this concerned with my outside appearance-- but I DO hate my insides as well.
My health, mentally and physically-- filled with diseases... although I am still alive and I can WALK and even RUN and many sick people cannot, so I should be CELEBRATING and taking advantage of that every day and being THANKFUL.
It's hard to be when you're stuck in this cycle of self-doubt-self-deprecation-self-destruction.
I want to be able to like who I am as a person on the inside and appreciate how unique I am inside AND out; but it's so difficult.

My therapist asked me to think about WHY I hate myself; where that comes from.
I always had assumed it was from years and years of being told I was ugly and sucked and no one liked me... but I'm an adult now and I don't specifically care what some stupid children said to me a million years ago... so why do I still think this way?
Is it really just as simple as that or have I just gotten used to the idea that I hate myself and can't see any other route?
Or is it something else entirely?
I'm still thinking about it.

So... as per Doctor Blank's advice-- I will create 2 lists; right now;on the spot.
Things I like about the inside (of me/not literally):
  • I am kind
  • I have a sense of humor
  • I am spontaneous
  • I have varied interests
  • I am an individual

Things I like about the outside (of me/literally):
  • I have an athletic bodytype
  • My hair and nails grow quickly and are strong and healthy(ish)
  • I have most of my teeth
  • I have green eyes

What are things you can say you like about yourself?
(well... in my case; things you don't necessarily hate...mostly)

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MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
WeirdyMcGee said:
I don't want to be this concerned with my outside appearance-- but I DO hate my insides as well.
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I agree with Srijita. You may not listen to us, but you really are a great unicorn inside and out.

Okay, positive lists are not something I am good at or do very often, but here we go, on the spot:

  • I am good at drumming
  • I am compassionate
  • I am a good listener
  • Even when I'm depressed, I try to comfort others
  • I make a wicked chicken schnitzel
 
WeirdyMcGee

WeirdyMcGee

Well-known member
KiaKaha said:
You know weirdy... call me crazy, but I am beginning to think that you may have a thing for unicorns.
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I figured I should explain this at some point...

I don't post photos of myself but for awhile, after I had joined, I managed to post a picture that would last anywhere between 10 seconds to 3 minutes before taking it down.

The comment; 'you're harder to catch than a unicorn' seemed like fun to me.
Thus began my life as the SPW unicorn.

And I haven't posted a photo since.
Someone also commented that it was unfair that only 2 or 3 people may actually catch the small window I had my photo posted for... and I don't want people to feel bad for not seeing it, so I'll just not post it anymore.
I didn't want anyone to see, anyways.

Unicorn-Under-A-Rainbow-unicorns-5783490-350-350.jpg
 
D

da_illest101

Well-known member
WeirdyMcGee said:
I figured I should explain this at some point...

I don't post photos of myself but for awhile, after I had joined, I managed to post a picture that would last anywhere between 10 seconds to 3 minutes before taking it down.

The comment; 'you're harder to catch than a unicorn' seemed like fun to me.
Thus began my life as the SPW unicorn.

And I haven't posted a photo since.
Someone also commented that it was unfair that only 2 or 3 people may actually catch the small window I had my photo posted for... and I don't want people to feel bad for not seeing it, so I'll just not post it anymore.
I didn't want anyone to see, anyways.

Unicorn-Under-A-Rainbow-unicorns-5783490-350-350.jpg
Click to expand...

I think you should re do that, there is not a day that goes by without me wondering how you look like lol.
 
WeirdyMcGee

WeirdyMcGee

Well-known member
STORY TIME!
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My grandfather was born in the 1930's, during the great depression.
He was also born to a Metis family who were forced to live outside of tribal lands due to their mixed heritage.
When he was 13, in order to escape his abusive parents-- in hopes of finding a new life with proper shelter and food to eat and work to make money; he and his younger brother (who was 6 years old) hopped a train to travel to the city.
His brother died from starvation and frostbite before reaching the city but he continued alone, a 13 year old native boy.
He struggled and worked-- with no education.
By the time he was 18, he had become the top salesman at a heavy machinery company.
Bought his first car at 16, his first home at 19, married at 22.
He wasn't the best husband-- a good provider; but abusive and neglectful.
He wasn't the best father, either.
But he was a good grandfather, especially to me.

He used to tell me that I was going to do something great with my life; that I could do whatever I wanted if I could just forget about what other people think-- ignore their judgements and do what I pleased.
Now he's gone and I still can't just ignore people's judgements.
I've no idea where to start.
I feel like I've let him down and whenever I think back to my childhood; doing things together, listening to his stories, waking up at 4 in the morning to eat breakfast with him in silence while everyone else slept-- I wonder if I'll ever be the person he thought I could be or if I'll always just be this?

Everyone goes through their own trials in life.
Everyone has struggles.
But we all choose to deal with them differently.
Where he worked harder - I shut down.

I've been told I can't look at it that way.
That I should think of it as; 'my time will come eventually'
Like, I'll find my calling 'someday'


...something a bit less gloomy, perhaps:
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Two little mice fell in a bucket of cream.
The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned.
The second mouse, wouldn't quit.
He struggled so hard that eventually he churned that cream into butter and crawled out.
I'm the third mouse who came along after the first mouse died and the second mouse escaped; and ate the butter.
Yum! butter! (avec mouse corpse)
haha, although it may not be about unicorns or old people-- or even about old unicorns... it makes sense, doesn't it?
As gar as movie quotes go, I think it's a pretty relevant one.
 
Phoenixx

Phoenixx

Well-known member
WeirdyMcGee said:
I wonder if I'll ever be the person he thought I could be or if I'll always just be this?
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^ Weirdy, don't feel bad. I'm sure you haven't let him down in the least bit. I think he'd still be proud of who you are now.

Who says you still won't do something great? Who knows what will happen within a year's time? Within five years? Even ten? A lot can change. Keep your head up, Weirdy, and hang in there. Your time and your calling will come eventually. :)
 
Srijita52

Srijita52

Well-known member
I'm sure he'd be proud of you Weirdy. Who says you've to act in a particular way to be great? You're a great person with a kind heart and I want to be an amazing person like you someday. I agree with Phoenixx, you never know what will happen in the future, don't give up.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
Srijita52 said:
I'm sure he'd be proud of you Weirdy. Who says you've to act in a particular way to be great? You're a great person with a kind heart and I want to be an amazing person like you someday. I agree with Phoenixx, you never know what will happen in the future, don't give up.
Click to expand...

Phoenixx said:
^ I'm gonna say it: Awwwww. ::p: Seriously though, you ARE a great person Srijita. No need to wish or want, you're already there. :)
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I couldn't agree more with both of these statements. :)
 
WeirdyMcGee

WeirdyMcGee

Well-known member
Here's a story about the olden days!
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...not really.

My great grandmother had a rough life.
Her father and youngest brother drowned one winter-- falling through the ice.
She raised her 5 remaining siblings while her mother lay in bed, suffering from depression.
When she was old enough to leave home, she became a school teacher in another province.

There was an older man who fancied her and asked for her hand but she wasn't interested in men.
Her mother wrote to her for months, begging her to marry and come home so that her new husband (who was very wealthy) could take care of the rest of her family.
After 2 years of her mother pleading with her, she agreed-- married-- and moved back to Ontario to live the rest of her life with a man she didn't care for. They managed to have 4 children.
Her husband/my great grandfather sexually abused all of his children and had them put into mental institutions if they ever spoke of it.
What a catch, right?

I suppose I should be thankful, though... if it weren't for her marrying him-- no matter what kind of man he was; my grandma wouldn't have been born and neither would my mother and neither would I.
I don't feel thankful though... because I constantly feel like a mistake.
But she would have been forced to marry a man no matter what because back then; a woman couldn't be a lesbian.
A man couldn't be a homosexual.
A person couldn't tell the authorities that they had been raped by a well respected person without being tossed into the loony bin and given shock therapy.
...those were the days.


In other news------ I made a cake.
My fever isn't breaking, so I'm staying hydrated; drinking lots of water... bruising my ankles. awesome.

I'm thinking of getting a haircut friday or sometime next week, maybe.
My sister is hosting her baby shower in the city next month.
Most of her guests are musicians, models and reporters... so I'm going to try and not look too terrible. :rolleyes:
 
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