Cutting

[Enialis227]

I am a self harmer have been for almost a year I have over 60 scars most of which have been deep enough that they will more then likely stay with me forever. I have AvPD and severe depression. I think the biggest reason I cut is because my thoughts at times get very very loud my inner voice at times will scream and drill disparaging thoughts like I'm a failure and unworthy of happiness that the only way I can make it stop is by focusing my thoughts on something stronger so I cut and I cut deeply. I've tried stopping infact I had almost made 2months without a cut but I messed that up 2 days ago so now I'm back to square one.

One slip doesn't doesn't invalidate the time you spent before it.
People like us with psychological problems have a tendency to think in all or nothing terms, and it can take away the sense of accomplishment that you deserve for your efforts.

 

[Spike Lee]

I've never tried cutting myself. I'm assuming people do it in order to get their mind off their depression and not because they actually want to kill themselves, correct?


I may try it someday just to see if it works or not. Give me suggestions on where to cut so I won't accidentally cut a major artery and kill myself

 

[Toben]

That's a very strange reason to cut your self, I once knew some one who cut his arms allot, mainly because he used allot of meth, he ended up cutting himself a little too deep and bled to death on his front lawn, they think it took 8 hours for him to die, its not a clever thing to do, and probably pretty easy to seak treatment for, I suggest you stop it and take up another hobby that makes you interesting, like juggling man .

 

[Eden]

It's a very difficult thing to try to explain to people It's not something I do as often these days but for me, I think it's always been a way of punishing myself, when the self loathing becomes overwhelming and I hate myself and the way I am, I feel as though I deserve it I feel suicidal a lot and I can't hurt or leave my children so have to try so hard to keep up a pretense of being 'okay' and it's so tough, it's a release I guess.

 

[halen]

For me it rarely hurt during the actual act of cutting, there was too much adrenaline (I guess). It was only after the fact that it hurt, and I always associated that part of it with the punishment aspect--I did this to myself and therefore I deserve this pain, and if I wasn't so stupid in the first place I wouldn't have cut and therefore wouldn't have to feel the pain. So next time I won't be so stupid, and I won't have to cut, and I won't be in pain.

same goes for me im now recently in my recovery and i do sometimes wish to cut away the pain to punish myself lately i have lost trust in myself to be alone for the fear that i might slip up and cut to deep


............ just hope the scars stop screaming at me

 

[lonely_drummer]

I used to cut myself and harm myself in other ways too. It was usually whenever I was extremely depressed. When I would get in this rut, I feel absolutely nothing inside of me, no emotions, no feelings, just blah, nothing. I would usually always resort to drinking and thats when the self harm would kick in. I would be drunk with no sign of emotions and I would just cut myself so I could feel something at least, even if it was pain. Then afterwards I would realize what I did and I would just cry for hours. I guess I just did it so I could feel something again. Other times I would just get drunk and punch things, like brick walls or windows. Ive broken 3 knuckles just from punching walls. Then a few years ago, I had to completely stop drinking, it was destroying me. I would end up with more and more injuries each time I drank, so I completely gave it up and I havent done any cutting or other self harm things since.

 

[EscapeArtist]

I'm fascinated that you're able to admit that it makes you feel like a more interesting person. I know some people who cut themselves and I can see they do it to make themselves seem more interesting, but they don't ever admit to that being the reason. My younger sister cuts, it tears me apart to see her calling out for support to the point that she would harm herself... I know part of the reason is because she sees herself as uninteresting and it gives her a niche of some sort, I'm really glad you can see the reason behind your self-harm.

I used to hit myself really hard in the head repeatedly lol... I still do it, but rarely. I usually feel lightheaded and achy as if i've knocked off a couple of brain cells... Thank god that habit has mostly subsided. I hope you are able to realize that just being you makes you interesting enough, and that you shouldn't feel pressure to fit into anybody else's definition of 'interesting'. Those scars don't usually fade, and it's a hard thing to look back on and remember, especially when you're in a happy period of your life, it's not the kind of thing that will help somebody with SA, but I understand your dilemma. I recommend meditation, it does wonders for calming the mind and finding balance and/or peace.

Mokkat, "It's about releasing endorphins", Yes! Try running daily as a replacement for your self harm.

 

[Shadowplay]

I used to, but I don't anymore. At least not regularly. When I'm feeling particularly ****ty like I can't take it anymore, I'll do it but I'm not addicted to it like I was. It provides a temporary relief since cutting releases endorphins. That's the only reason I do it. Just makes me feel slightly better.

 

[Exposure]

I used to do it because i hated myself , like i was punishing myself for making the same mistakes over and over , usually when i was drunk , burning cigarettes into my arms and not feeling any pain was quite crazy , im glad i stopped .

 

[halen]

its become like an addiction i cant quit i try and try and it keeps coming back

 

[BlackPuma]

I've never really harmed myself in terms of drawing blood, but I do tend to nervously pinch my hand or leg (where ever it is out of sight) to inflict enough pain to distract me in social situations. It leaves a short pinch-mark, but nothing severe.

 

[hybridmoments6]

I cut myself sometimes out of frustration or anger...when nothing else seems to help and i can't get my mind out of the hell it's created. My boyfriend is 10 years older than me and considers it really it a really immature and silly thing to do. I'm trying to stop but it's hard. I hope you get some help with it someday too!

 

[Azumel]

Used to a lot, I stopped for years and started again a few months back. I tend to do it when someone close to me hurts or wrongs me in some way, as a kind of reminder of why I am the way I am. Shame I don't do something else when someone is kind to me to tell myself that I should give people a chance (even if they don't always deserve a second one)

 

[redtear]

I used to cut and burn. From 15 till 20 or so I did it on a daily basis. Then I somehow managed to cut back till the point I'm at now. Which is pretty much picking up that razor blade once a year or so. I'm hoping my last time, was indeed, my last time. When I started it was for attention. Having avpd I desperatly both want and despise attention. When I slip up now it's for release, not attention, as I've come to learn that is NOT the type of attention I want. Luckily, most of my cuts healed well and are not visible unless specifically looking for them. My two arm burns however, they are fairly apparent.

 

[MaliceInWickedland]

I used to cut myself back when I was an emotional mess of a 13 year old. Not really deep or often, just small cuts. I don't really know why I resorted to such a thing. The pain just made me feel better for some reason. Made me feel alive in a way. The pain reminded me that I wasn't as numb as I thought I was and that I could still actually feel.

Yeah, stupid right?

 

[Agent_Violet]

I cut myself for several years. I'd cut anywhere... Arms,wrists,thighs,belly... I didn't stop til I nicked a vein once and ended up in the trauma unit of the emergency room.

I did it bc it relaxed me. It put me in control of my pain for once. It made me feel alive. It made me feel I had power over myself.

I still think about doing it all the time. It's a constant struggle.. Someone frustrates me? Cut myself. Someone hurts my feelings? Cut myself.

I dont know how I keep from doing it. It's like being a recovering alcoholic or drug addict... You're ALWAYS in recovery.

 

[Conspiracy]

Don't cut yourself!!!!!
Cut me o.o

 

[Necrucifer]

I used to cut myself when I was about 16 so a pretty long time ago but did it help me not really it hurt lol. Ok maybe it isnt that funny but I did it for a lil bit then stopped...then I started smoking...

I had my first cigarette at 13 that led me to steal a couple from my mom and dad every now and then and light them with the stove top for 3 years then that led to me actually getting someone to buy me packs...I still smoke am slowing down to a pack every 3 days now...unless I get all stressed for some odd reason.

I am slowing down though close to quitting...I think I do want a beer though lol...My ex told me if I needed anything to call her but that is just stupid she left me after 2 years why would I want anything after that LOL.

 

[LostAndNotFound]

Yes I do... I have a few different reasons for why I do it. The biggest reason for me is probably to be able to be in control of my pain for a change.. Instead of others inflicting pain on me (mentally or physically), if I cut, I'm finally in control, and it surprisingly does make me feel better. Another reason is to get my mind off certain things, and sometimes I do it for a reminder of other things. For example the word "fail" to remind myself of how I fail to keep friends and just push everyone away, which probably in the long run is just hurting myself more. Or the word "secrets" implying that secrets hurt.... Sometimes I feel regretful of it, and other times I don't... Sometimes I dont know why I cut. /:

I've never told anyone any of this, but I finally feel like I kinda belong here on this site, where I'm not the only weirdo....

 

[theslowesthand]

I tried it once a few years ago. I drew a cross on my hand. I think my pocket-knife wasn't sharp enough, as didn't draw blood, and hurt far too much to cut deeper. No real reason in doing it, just hellish desperation, and maybe to see if i had the passion & guts to do it.