Cutting
- Thread starter SplosionDude
- Start date
It is all about control and taking yourself to another place. My dad killed himself when I was 8. My mum married a guy who died a year later and my mum became cruel and abusive and so I started to cut, alone, afraid but in control of the pain and damage I could inflict on myself. Nothing else came in during those times.
Ashiene
Well-known member
There is something deeply satisfying and addictive about cutting. I used to cut a lot, then stopped for a long time, then just recently started cutting again because the urges (even when I am not in a negative mood) were too strong. That feeling of pain is very pleasurable. Once I start cutting I can not stop and I keep fantasising about cutting again.
AngelSong
Active member
I cut myself occasionally. *looks at arms and legs* a lot more than I think I do apparently there's marks all over me god I'm psycho.
Well I'm not entirely sure why I do it, but I'll try to name as many reasons I can think of.
One reason is that it's something I can do that I'm not afraid of. Other people are horrified at the thought of cutting themselves. They're afraid of the blood and the pain, but it's something I'm brave enough to do. I'm horrified of other things but not that.
Another reason is self punishment. When I say or do something bad or stupid I cut myself like crazy. It doesn't ever hurt while I'm cutting, but I know the next couple days I'll be hurting, and I feel that I deserve that.
As much as I hate to admit it sometimes I'm just trying to get attention (although when I get the attention I really wish I hadn't) But I just feel so invisible all of the time. Nobody cares what I have to say (i don't see why they should), and overall I'm a very annoying, and boring person. All these cuts make me feel special.
When I'm really down and depressed I cut myself just to see the blood. Just so I can remind myself that I'm alive.
Occasionally I think about "religious" I guess you can say, things like if I die will I go to hell, what's the point of life? etc... I start to have a mild panic attack. Cutting really helps to calm me down.
I'm not sure I've ever gotten a "high" from it before, like other people say they do, but a few days ago I cut my leg worse than I had ever done at one time. I started laughing uncontrollably as I watched the blood pool on the ground. I felt like an absolute psycho.
So yeah... but the weirdest thing is that I don't really see it as that crazy of a thing. Unless I look at it from outside of my self, but I don't want to do that. It's to scary.
Well I'm not entirely sure why I do it, but I'll try to name as many reasons I can think of.
One reason is that it's something I can do that I'm not afraid of. Other people are horrified at the thought of cutting themselves. They're afraid of the blood and the pain, but it's something I'm brave enough to do. I'm horrified of other things but not that.
Another reason is self punishment. When I say or do something bad or stupid I cut myself like crazy. It doesn't ever hurt while I'm cutting, but I know the next couple days I'll be hurting, and I feel that I deserve that.
As much as I hate to admit it sometimes I'm just trying to get attention (although when I get the attention I really wish I hadn't) But I just feel so invisible all of the time. Nobody cares what I have to say (i don't see why they should), and overall I'm a very annoying, and boring person. All these cuts make me feel special.
When I'm really down and depressed I cut myself just to see the blood. Just so I can remind myself that I'm alive.
Occasionally I think about "religious" I guess you can say, things like if I die will I go to hell, what's the point of life? etc... I start to have a mild panic attack. Cutting really helps to calm me down.
I'm not sure I've ever gotten a "high" from it before, like other people say they do, but a few days ago I cut my leg worse than I had ever done at one time. I started laughing uncontrollably as I watched the blood pool on the ground. I felt like an absolute psycho.
So yeah... but the weirdest thing is that I don't really see it as that crazy of a thing. Unless I look at it from outside of my self, but I don't want to do that. It's to scary.
Hellhound
Super Moderator
Tiercel
Well-known member
'Tis better than being a bored killer.
I did a little of this as a teen, and mostly out of depression and frustration. The only thing that ever really hurt was when I used nail clippers one time. That was not so much a cut as a pinch from hell. Other than that, it was always a relief to injure myself.
I guess it all comes down to being about control. My life seemed to be spiralling downwards faster than I could stop the damage from spreading. I felt like crap, and couldn't envision my situation ever getting much better. So while I couldn't do anything about my life (I thought), at least I could control something. And slicing up my left arm just happened to make me feel better emotionally, too.
I haven't done it in years, and for a logical reason: I don't remember the last time I had a tetanus booster shot. And as much as my life might actually suck or seem to suck, at least my jaw hasn't locked up on me.
Helmaninquiel
Well-known member
I was really sad when I was younger, I did it for attention but as I got older it made me feel better about my problems and I liked taking it out on the person I hated the most. I don't do that anymore I eventually become bored with it and came to the realization that I beat myself up enough as it is emotionally. You should stop it's not worth it.
Brokenx
1
I have never cut myself or ever had the urge too, infact i've never even thought about it.
After reading this thread i understand it is a medical condition, but even the thought of cutting my own skin scares and freaks me out, i would never want to purposly scar my skin, i think if i scared myself on purpose everytime i looked at it, it would depress me.
I feel really bad for you guys that cannot stop doing this, it must be a really hard thing to deal with, but i hope you all find a strength to stop.
After reading this thread i understand it is a medical condition, but even the thought of cutting my own skin scares and freaks me out, i would never want to purposly scar my skin, i think if i scared myself on purpose everytime i looked at it, it would depress me.
I feel really bad for you guys that cannot stop doing this, it must be a really hard thing to deal with, but i hope you all find a strength to stop.
Brokenx
1
I have never cut myself or ever had the urge too, infact i've never even thought about it.
After reading this thread i understand it is a medical condition, but even the thought of cutting my own skin scares and freaks me out, i would never want to purposly scar my skin, i think if i scared myself on purpose everytime i looked at it, it would depress me.
I feel really bad for you guys that cannot stop doing this, it must be a really hard thing to deal with, but i hope you all find a strength to stop.
After reading this thread i understand it is a medical condition, but even the thought of cutting my own skin scares and freaks me out, i would never want to purposly scar my skin, i think if i scared myself on purpose everytime i looked at it, it would depress me.
I feel really bad for you guys that cannot stop doing this, it must be a really hard thing to deal with, but i hope you all find a strength to stop.
After years of abstaining from cutting myself, I recently gave in.
I_jailed_me
Well-known member
I dont know what i should say to make you feel better but acting that way is not going to get you anywhere. Why did you do it?
It's as if I wanted to severely punish myself and a few others.
I_jailed_me
Well-known member
Did you get that book i posted? I hope you go through it and let me know your opinion. I hope it helps, it usually does for people like me and you!
I got the book just now. I'll definitely go through it. Thank you for caring, really.
x000x
Well-known member
I did try cutting myself once when my girlfriend broke up with me. I was feeling so sad and upset. I wasn't even scared to do it. It calmed me down a bit. I felt like I was dreaming and wanted to do something to bring myself back into reality. I also wanted to go further and end it all, but after cutting myself for a bit, I calmed down and stopped.
Mokkat
Well-known member
Its all about releasing endorphins in big amounts when you really need it I guess. Personally I dont cut, but Ive always had a habbit of scratching and peeling skin on the sides of my thumbs. It keeps me steady and helps to take my mind off things that bug me, and when those things are more serious, I often end up scratching untill it bleeds and hurts a bit.
I should take up smoking instead, might even loose a few pounds too ::
I should take up smoking instead, might even loose a few pounds too :
:
Silentknight
Well-known member
I am a self harmer have been for almost a year I have over 60 scars most of which have been deep enough that they will more then likely stay with me forever. I have AvPD and severe depression. I think the biggest reason I cut is because my thoughts at times get very very loud my inner voice at times will scream and drill disparaging thoughts like I'm a failure and unworthy of happiness that the only way I can make it stop is by focusing my thoughts on something stronger so I cut and I cut deeply. I've tried stopping infact I had almost made 2months without a cut but I messed that up 2 days ago so now I'm back to square one.