I have never cut or hurt myself, but my daughter has and I found through therapy that she suffers from BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Cutting and self injury is a symptom of this very painful personality disorder. Often people who suffer from BPD are in such emotional pain that they self injure, cut themselves to release that emotional pain.
Cutting
- Thread starter SplosionDude
- Start date
Yes I have cut myself. I used to do it regularly, in train tracks up and down my arm, but now I just do it every once in a while when I extremely overwhelmed
I find that I have a adrenaline rush when I see my blood, which is weird because I'm finicky and get sick if I have to give blood or see it on someone else, that type of thing.
It makes me feel good that even if I feel terrible and other people are mean to me or ignore me and everything's out of control, i can control the cuts on my arm and it's like a secret escape for me. Also if I'm feelng badly about myself I sometimes feel that I want to hurt myself.
But then afterwards I don't like it because it hurts and I have to wear long sleeves for weeks.
I find that I have a adrenaline rush when I see my blood, which is weird because I'm finicky and get sick if I have to give blood or see it on someone else, that type of thing.
It makes me feel good that even if I feel terrible and other people are mean to me or ignore me and everything's out of control, i can control the cuts on my arm and it's like a secret escape for me. Also if I'm feelng badly about myself I sometimes feel that I want to hurt myself.
But then afterwards I don't like it because it hurts and I have to wear long sleeves for weeks.
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chibiXphantom
Well-known member
I used to cut for most of high school. usually it was me 'punishing' myself for stupid things id say or do. got sent home from school and was told to take a day off of school to go see a psychiatrist. didnt help a bit. i just got worse. wrists, arms, and thighs are covered in scars. so from about 7th or 8th grade till i graduated i struggled with self-harm.
i went about a year without cutting until i slipped a few monthes ago and cut again during an issue between me and my boyfriend. i hid it from him for a while, but when he discovered it, i realized that cutting myself hurt him more than it would ever hurt me. which kind of was a wake-up call to me....
i went about a year without cutting until i slipped a few monthes ago and cut again during an issue between me and my boyfriend. i hid it from him for a while, but when he discovered it, i realized that cutting myself hurt him more than it would ever hurt me. which kind of was a wake-up call to me....
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HappySquidward
Well-known member
I used to cut about a year ago. Back then I was suffering from the worst depression I've ever experianced. I started to go through mood swings, and slightest things would set me off. I was full of rage and felt hate towards all things. Instead of expressing my anger outward, I turn on myself and started cutting. After the rage subsided I would feel tired, hopeless, and suicidal. I hated feeling this way, so would try to aggravate myself (by cutting) to feel angry again. Anyway, one night I freaked out and accidentally cut too deep. I was sent to the hospital, and now have a noticeable scar (but most shirts cover it up). I stopped cutting since because now my family knows. If I continued it would be like I'm begging attention, when honestly thats the last thing I want.
Flanscho
Well-known member
Nope, never did.
No matter how depressed I was, and whether I thought about ending my life or not, some part of mine always wanted to have a long life. I guess that's natural self preservation. And to have a long life, you have to take care of your body. You have to know what's good, what's bad, what's temporary and what lasts.
Also, somehow I always hoped that things would turn better in the long run (and they did). And I feared that scars I did to myself and that wouldn't vanish would be in future like some sort of anchor, dragging me down, preventing me from becoming happy, by reminding me on the stupid things I did when I was younger. Forever. Once things become better, do you really like tht thought of having to decide whether to hide your body or beeing stared at? People looking at the scars, having immediately made up their opinion about you? And that's not a positive opinion.
So, for me, I came to the conclusion that the price of cutting is too high. To pay a moment of relief for an entire life of additional avoidable difficulties.
I mean, people of all ages have depressions. Teenagers and adults, for many reasons. But it's nearly only the teenagers who cut themselves. I think the answer is, and I don't want to insult anyone, that they lack the wisdom to see how far into the future their actions extent. That every cut now is reducing the chance of becoming happy. And some of the youths might like that thought, but will you still like it 20 years later? You don't know that. But you're deciding upon that now.
Maybe I also dislike cutting that much, because I had friends who did that. And I wanted to help them, obviously, but couldn't, because they didn't want help. And I got angry on myself, for not beeing able to help, angry on them, for not hurting me with their actions as well. It made me feel helpless, and gave me the feeling that they also gave a **** about me, or enjoyed even hurting me by cutting themselves. And that's just messed up. Cutting hurts not only yourself but also everyone for whom you are important. And that's not how you should treat people.
No matter how depressed I was, and whether I thought about ending my life or not, some part of mine always wanted to have a long life. I guess that's natural self preservation. And to have a long life, you have to take care of your body. You have to know what's good, what's bad, what's temporary and what lasts.
Also, somehow I always hoped that things would turn better in the long run (and they did). And I feared that scars I did to myself and that wouldn't vanish would be in future like some sort of anchor, dragging me down, preventing me from becoming happy, by reminding me on the stupid things I did when I was younger. Forever. Once things become better, do you really like tht thought of having to decide whether to hide your body or beeing stared at? People looking at the scars, having immediately made up their opinion about you? And that's not a positive opinion.
So, for me, I came to the conclusion that the price of cutting is too high. To pay a moment of relief for an entire life of additional avoidable difficulties.
I mean, people of all ages have depressions. Teenagers and adults, for many reasons. But it's nearly only the teenagers who cut themselves. I think the answer is, and I don't want to insult anyone, that they lack the wisdom to see how far into the future their actions extent. That every cut now is reducing the chance of becoming happy. And some of the youths might like that thought, but will you still like it 20 years later? You don't know that. But you're deciding upon that now.
Maybe I also dislike cutting that much, because I had friends who did that. And I wanted to help them, obviously, but couldn't, because they didn't want help. And I got angry on myself, for not beeing able to help, angry on them, for not hurting me with their actions as well. It made me feel helpless, and gave me the feeling that they also gave a **** about me, or enjoyed even hurting me by cutting themselves. And that's just messed up. Cutting hurts not only yourself but also everyone for whom you are important. And that's not how you should treat people.
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EscapeArtist
Well-known member
Hey Guys!!
I've read a lot about cutting. Apparently it releases endorphins, natural pain relievers. You know what else releases these things? EXERCISE! When you tear muscle tissue, you get the same effect. I watched a whole documentary about people who cut, who decided to jog as a group every day, and they stopped cutting.
I used to cut a lot when I was 13-14, and once just a month ago. The scars are really embarrassing, but I find that exercise takes away the urge to some degree. Other things that take away the urge, take care of yourself in the day time. Wake up at a reasonable time, get dressed, make yourself look alright incase anybody comes over unexpectedly, feed yourself reasonable, don't sabotage your possiblities, and most importantly, go to bed EARLY! I usually cut in the evening when I'm depressed that everybody else has gone to bed and I'm alone. Love to you all, you deserve it. <
I've read a lot about cutting. Apparently it releases endorphins, natural pain relievers. You know what else releases these things? EXERCISE! When you tear muscle tissue, you get the same effect. I watched a whole documentary about people who cut, who decided to jog as a group every day, and they stopped cutting.
I used to cut a lot when I was 13-14, and once just a month ago. The scars are really embarrassing, but I find that exercise takes away the urge to some degree. Other things that take away the urge, take care of yourself in the day time. Wake up at a reasonable time, get dressed, make yourself look alright incase anybody comes over unexpectedly, feed yourself reasonable, don't sabotage your possiblities, and most importantly, go to bed EARLY! I usually cut in the evening when I'm depressed that everybody else has gone to bed and I'm alone. Love to you all, you deserve it. <
GraybeardGhost
Well-known member
Went out to the shops tonight, to satisfy a self-destructive urge. Felt anxious the whole time, much more than usual, because there were so many beautiful people and I'm so monstrously ugly. Bought some stuff I shouldn't have, came home, and gorged myself. I was watching TV, hating myself and the parents who bore me, when I felt another irresistible urge. So, now I have a brand new bandage on my arm, covering up a brand new bloody gash. It makes no difference. My arm already looks like a city map or an abandoned rail yard strewn with crisscrossed tracks. What's one more scar among dozens? I only regret that it didn't hurt enough to mask the pain inside.
Please disregard this post. Thank you.
Please disregard this post. Thank you.
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TailsAlone
Well-known member
I know exactly why people cut themselves, and knew a girl in high school who did it, but I don't. I'm not depressed to the point of inflicting self-harm. Plus I'm too scared even to give blood. I'm not going to go at it with a razor.
i don't think it has anything to do with "depressed to the point of inflicting self-harm" meaning your not severely depressed if you don't hurt yourself, i think some just have different ways to cope, i did a test for my the.rapist and she said that i was on the bad side of severe. i.e worst of the worst_ kill yourself point and she then when on to give me lots of reason to live yet i haven't voiced a single thing about actually killing myself. i just don't see the point in that nor the point in cutting myself "i want to live a long happy life" how does either of thos things help me... plus i hate blood
Helmaninquiel
Well-known member
I used to cut myself in high school, but that was just because I wanted attention. I actually started really cutting myself when I was out of high school because I had serious problems and they somehow made them disappear for a little while but I'm aged 22 now and haven't done it in a really long time.
mikebird
Banned
Only time I did was in hospital recovering from epilepsy and more about my condition, involving brain haemorrhage, superficial siderosis, and stroke; not all at once.
In Italy, not monitored, I got out of bed to smash face on floor and wall. I often tear up my clothes because I am unable to put 'em on or take 'em off. During the recovering phase, the best I can do is put shoes on the wrong foot, shirts inside-out. No chance of laces or using a zip. Also being unable to swallow is the most infuriating because it's a natural requirement. Horrible to see my favourite clothes ripped up
Very lucky to emerge with an iPad in one piece
In Italy, not monitored, I got out of bed to smash face on floor and wall. I often tear up my clothes because I am unable to put 'em on or take 'em off. During the recovering phase, the best I can do is put shoes on the wrong foot, shirts inside-out. No chance of laces or using a zip. Also being unable to swallow is the most infuriating because it's a natural requirement. Horrible to see my favourite clothes ripped up
Very lucky to emerge with an iPad in one piece
SilentAndShy
Well-known member
The first time I cut myself - and I did the actual act with some hesitancy as it was unknown territory - was in September 2012.
It was after I had embarrassed myself in front of family members (when trying to reverse my new car out of the drive to visit my friend, I scraped the drivers' side on the wall with my family members, annoyingly, watching and one of them having to come out and move the car out for me. After I'd hit it, I asked my brother in law to reverse it back in to the drive as I was so embarrassed/angry/humiliated that I made an excuse to my friend that I couldn't make it) and I felt so low. I cried in my room because what happened was probably minimal to some but to me it was another thing I couldn't do right and it summed me up. I cut myself and I bled abit but not much. I felt a slight weight lifted off me, my head felt abit lighter.
Last night, it was my niece's birthday and I went next door earlier in the day to meet relatives and as I have been feeling extremely low, I haven't been looking that sharp dress-wise. One of my sister's brother commented: You look like a scrubber! He was joking and I took it that way but it was just something I didn't need and in the evening, I didn't go round and enjoy the cake, dinner because there'd be so many people and I felt I'd be remarked of and judged upon whether it be my dress, beard or my lack of a job to which my family and some relatives don't know I'm jobless.
So I did it again last night, cut myself that is. My head felt heavy and I needed to do something to make it lighter. I don't want to do it but the way I feel, I just can't promise. But hopefully when my CBT training starts, it can be a spark to avoid harm.
It was after I had embarrassed myself in front of family members (when trying to reverse my new car out of the drive to visit my friend, I scraped the drivers' side on the wall with my family members, annoyingly, watching and one of them having to come out and move the car out for me. After I'd hit it, I asked my brother in law to reverse it back in to the drive as I was so embarrassed/angry/humiliated that I made an excuse to my friend that I couldn't make it) and I felt so low. I cried in my room because what happened was probably minimal to some but to me it was another thing I couldn't do right and it summed me up. I cut myself and I bled abit but not much. I felt a slight weight lifted off me, my head felt abit lighter.
Last night, it was my niece's birthday and I went next door earlier in the day to meet relatives and as I have been feeling extremely low, I haven't been looking that sharp dress-wise. One of my sister's brother commented: You look like a scrubber! He was joking and I took it that way but it was just something I didn't need and in the evening, I didn't go round and enjoy the cake, dinner because there'd be so many people and I felt I'd be remarked of and judged upon whether it be my dress, beard or my lack of a job to which my family and some relatives don't know I'm jobless.
So I did it again last night, cut myself that is. My head felt heavy and I needed to do something to make it lighter. I don't want to do it but the way I feel, I just can't promise. But hopefully when my CBT training starts, it can be a spark to avoid harm.