Could you go through college completely without dating at all?

Could you do it?

  • For a good career, anything.

    Votes: 12 92.3%
  • Not possible for me, I'd have to find a different career.

    Votes: 1 7.7%
  • I would find a different course that would allow me to date during school.

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    13

voodoochild16

Well-known member
Hey all,
Just thought I'd ask you guys what your thoughts on this are. I guess it comes down to how bad you want to pass, or whatever. In some cases, it's this scenario of having to go through school first before dating, getting into a relationship and such and such.
 

EternalIce

Well-known member
Well, considering that I don't think I'll be able to get any sort of dating at all any ways the promise if a good career would be a nice consolation.
 

Richey

Well-known member
Do you mean Uni?

If you want to focus on the study, it's not that easy to get into dating through that experience anyway. You have a lot of independent people also wanting to focus on the study. There will be some cliquey groups. some really nice groups, really busy people. It's harder to get into dating now compared to 15 years ago, because I firmly believe a lot more people are living their own heads because of technology, 15 years ago, the distractions simply were not on the scale of today, so it was a much warmer experience being around your study group. Again this is a generalisation by me, but I think it's somewhat true.

Yes you can go without dating, but the likely scenario is that at least opportunities will show up. Meaning you will bump into potential dates and you may fall into college outings just from someone saying "want to come to this or that on the weekend?", even if it's bowling or a restaurant. people may approach you and offer to be friends etc.

if you are stand offish then it will be a lot harder to maintain these opportunities. So what tends to happen is that college friends may come or go, or friendships may not last if you are behaving avoidant.

Essentially it comes down to cause and affect. People may initiate conversations with you the courage side of it means that you can keep a friendship going, by showing interest with those people each day when you see them, if they are in another class, you could make an effort to speak to them at lunch times.

People have lots of regrets about college or university, the one problem is the mindset of "cause" and "affect". "cause" is when you start to initiate friendships, you cause the start of the conversation, you cause by being the first to lighten the mood, you cause by asking the friend if they want to do something on the weekend, like "i'll come over to yours and we can play a video game" or to see a movie. Then you see the affect of that from the work you put into it.

It's very easy to go to university and to expect everything to be handed to you, we think it'll be as easy as just showing up. Now sometimes it is. But to get the most out of it, just try to be the first to show interest instead of waiting for others to. For a moment forget about anxiety and just focus on the work rate, the sweat you put into finding friends/dates is what will bring you reward for that effort.

To summarise it down into a short description, my advice? "just show interest in people". Don't let an avoidant nature completely dominate the experience.

I'd say if you just exist and study a lot, dating is plausible but it may not happen as well.

In terms of success, a lot of people say that a girlfriend motivates the guys even more with study and success, so often having that support of a date, doesn't have to be a girlfriend, it could be a couple of friends that you really care about. But something to help you motivate yourself to push through the pain of the hard times is surely worth it rather than going it completely independent, even just so you can share experiences.
 
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Odo

Banned
I did, but I wouldn't recommend it.

If you don't date during university then you won't know how to date afterwards and I think this makes your anxiety worse.

It gets harder to meet people in general when you're not in school, so I say make the most of your time there.
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
I went through college without dating. I went to a small 2-year community college though. That being said, with my particular environment it was kind of hard to even get into dating period (not that I really attract anyone anyway) because there was such a mix of students with high school seniors and juniors/freshman/young adults (by this I mean just people in their 20s; I don't think 30s - 60s is old) and then you had older adults ranging from their 30s to 60s. (and this actually made up most of the college population) A lot of them were focused on their studies, as was I, and honestly it really isn't that bad to not date. Dating was the last thing on my mind, but I can't say I didn't meet a few cute guys that I would've dated.
 
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Ithior

Well-known member
I'm a week away from doing that. Not because I wanted to stay clear of it though, but I didn't try hard enough either.

I had one girlfriend before (6 years ago) and we broke up in the beginning of highschool. After that, I started feeling like this more and more every year:

If you don't date during university then you won't know how to date afterwards and I think this makes your anxiety worse.

It gets harder to meet people in general when you're not in school, so I say make the most of your time there.

I actually tried to get close to a girl in the first semester of university, but I ended up making a fool of myself a couple of times and since then I haven't approached any girl that I fancied.
 
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coyote

Well-known member
successful careeers are built on good interpersonal relationship skills as much as anything else - we don't develop these by spending our time alone in a library

"i want to focus on my studies" is often just an excuse to avoid situations that frighten us
 
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT

Easy cake. Just study engineering and have social anxiety, the dating won't even come close to be a temptation during your studies.
 

laure15

Well-known member
Dating never came to mind. I could barely take good care of myself plus I leech off my parents. I don't want to leech off somebody else.
 

mismeek

Well-known member
im in the masters program and its grueling.. but even I can find time to go on a date or two. You just have to manage your time well.
 
Maybe I'm shallow, if my studies didn't allow time for actual dating I would have some friends with benefits. The career would be my ultimate goal, my final solution, my master evil plan for taking over the universe! :lol:
 

OceanMist

Well-known member
Having a social life is a human desire that needs to met for every individual if they want to live life in a healthy mental state. If you choose to have a social life, dating will just happen if you talk to enough people.

I think the real question here is can you go through college without having a prosperous social life? That's what drove me out of college, was I didn't have enough personal relationships with people. So I'd say I'm a walking answer to your question.
 
I did, but not by design. I don't talk to people unless they talk to me, and well, no one talks to me. No friendships or dating for me, and I don't even have the career I studied for to compensate for it, as I'm too overwhelmed and terrified of the job seeking process.
 

Labyrinthine

Well-known member
I don't talk to people unless they talk to me, and well, no one talks to me.

Sounds like me right there. Literally, I will talk to anyone.. if they start the conversation with me first.

But on the same hand I won't accept a date with someone that randomly walks up to me and asks for one, without even trying to strike a conversation with me first. Scares me that it will be another guy like my ex, and a lot of people I was friends with knew him and thought he was awesome.
 

voodoochild16

Well-known member
I'm glad theres alot of positive feedback in this thread. I expected people to say "what's the point in dating" and stuff like that. But it's just a fact of life to be with someone, to get through life too.

After high school things get even more isolated than ever before. It's such a depressing feeling, and most people I know get into relationships to break down the walls of loneliness around them. Even someone I know in their 50's who has been alone his whole life wishes he had found someone earlier on in his life, and he's always saying that "hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things".

Anyways, I understand those who prefer to stay and live alone. But that's just not what I choose to do with my life.
 

Capsaicin

Well-known member
I might be doing it. I think I need the company less than others, though, so I'm not too terribly bothered. I have so much to worry about as it is I can't imagine adding anything but the world's most laid-back relationship to my life.
 
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