can someone tell me why this is ok?

[Felgen]

It's happened "like a thousand times" or it has in fact happened thousand times? If you frequently hit on random girls out of the blue, people are going to take notice of it and judge you because of it—regardless of what any PUA ********** tells you.

Your Average-Joe is socially awkward hitting on women he doesn't know and doesn't jump from pussy to pussy; he get's married to that special someone. At best, a guy who's actually good at getting one-night stands will sleep with five women a year unless he's a celebrity.

Don't try to be a great man, just be a man. That will at least get you into bed with someone.

 

[pinata]

"Women are brought up to take care of other people's emotions." That's a bit of a generalisation.. I wasn't brought up that way, I don't think you can say that females and males are brought up a certain way, I don't think I was treated differently from my brother. Maybe some people are though.

doubleM - you are anticipating that your next encounter with a woman will be negative. Are you just approaching women you like the look of..? It might work some of the time, but I think if you want a relationship you should sort of let fate handle it. I know not everyone agrees with waiting around, but still. Do you really need a relationship? It's cool just getting to know people, maybe you could talk to guys and work on your social skills a bit more, hey maybe they could introduce you to some of their female friends ;] When you approach a girl she might be thinking you just want sex and they could be pretty hostile or feel intimidated. I can be quite defensive sometimes when men are leering at me.. Not that I'm saying that's what you did. No offence but you don't sound like you're ready for a relationship just yet, you have some anger to you, hey I do as well and I know I'm not gonna be much good in a relationship until I'm more calm and collected in myself lol.

Just let things happen. Don't get mad because some women have been rude - it might not always be their intention, you could just be being sensitive. Don't put girls in the same boat, you are risking developing a negative and unfair image of people.. There ARE some rude, stuck-up people out there, but there are nice ones too. Be patient.. Maybe this girl is shy, or didn't feel a good vibe.

 

[RegalSin]

all my life ive tried to be a good person. but all ive ever gotten is **** kicked in my face for it.

theirs a girl in my college english class i liked. i talked to her once but she took off saying well nice to meet you blah blah. that happened last week.

College women are not into sex, they are into studies. While most people do not pass the junior highschool idea of sex, you need to realize not everybody is going to be freindly. By the time people are in college ( 17 ) most people have already associated with a group of people, or they are still immature. If you like somebody then try spending time with them. Like how somebody invited me to an event that was agonizingly painful to live threw but I enjoyed the company.

As time passes by it is extremly hard or impossible to associate your self with the people who are not as exprienced as yourself, have X priorities that you can't live with, or is unable to afford the round fair. It is like drinking wine and then going back to Apple-cider. You know what is what and who is who and now you want to have relationships with all kinds of people. In the end their is no such thing as a person who can associate themselves with the world.

today i saw her, i nodded and said hi. she looked away and just texted on her phone.

That just means the person is busy. That is not a negative remark to you.
Just talk with the person in the way you wish you could, and depending on their responce you can continue to be associated with them.

im so tired of being insulted by women.

Some women are just selfish but this is college. Not like when I was in school girls threw bricks, and stones at me. Even sent the police chasing after me.
This is college and as adults we have the right to ignore people.

it makes me angry, its not fair. this always happens to me with them over and over. why is it so creepy to say hi??

You could get away with saying almost anything, to be honest. It is like that game of inserting a quarter and you never know what you get from the vending machine. That is how all people are. Differnt kinds of people with differnt answers.

to top that off nobody understands me or wants me around. i try and try but its useless. im alone and ill always be alone.

That is not true. Their is all kinds of people.

we all grow up watching tv seeing this nice decent guy who gets the girl and the good guys always win. it just doesnt happen in real life.

The way it works is like this. Both men and women have to reasonable to each other. On the outside you have to say, "am I eqaul to that ficitonal image of a woman" then make yourself equal as fast as possible. Being a funny guy who has great sex is one thing, but being the man who is able to provide to the idiot woman who is probably going to over feed your children is another thing. I know what I mentioned is derogatory or descimitory but that is the flat fact. Not every woman is a good wife, not even man is a good husband, but in the end every moron needs another moron to take care of their corpse to wherever. Why do old people end up in homes? Because nobody is around them to defend them.

What you need to realize is that, even the good guys have to look like the bad guys in order to wanted by women. However this is college with people who believes in love, peace, and the dollar. So you should focus on your studies and keep on reeling that line.

 

[Silatuyok]

yeah. but im saying so many of them act this way. it happens to me over and over. its happened like 1000 times. ive put that down to experience.

Perhaps there is something in YOUR demeanor or approach which is apparently turning off thousands of women. Nobody but you will be able to tell you what it is, unless you ask the ones who are ignoring you. It's not normal for one person to ignore another person, and it's not usually okay, which leads me to believe that you are somehow coming across to them in a way that they don't like.

 

[Silatuyok]

its my fault somehow?

Not to be mean, but, have you ever considered this possibility?

 

[Felgen]

Not to be mean, but, have you ever considered this possibility?

Who's fault it is is besides the point. MTV, magazines and Hollywood makes the courting rules, therefore, it's necessary for a man to conform to them if he wants a girlfriend. Ranting about it won't change anything, though.

 

[Silatuyok]

Who's fault it is is besides the point. MTV, magazines and Hollywood makes the courting rules, therefore, it's necessary for a man to conform to them if he wants a girlfriend. Ranting about it won't change anything, though.

It's not beside the point. He may be inadvertently doing something to cause this behavior in others. That's my point.

 

[OceanMist]

Why is it so hard for you people to believe that there are many people out there that will place a label on people?

The women that ignored the OP are out there everywhere. It has nothing to do with the OP's approach, it's all about who he is viewed as by the women. Many women relate shyness + average or below average looks to creepiness or loserness. The minute they get any kind of hint of lower social status, these type of women will be against you. They won't just ignore you, they will literally hate you.

Guys can do this too, mostly to other guys. They will look at you and if they don't see an alpha male with high social status or high social confidence, they will label you as a freak or loser and not give you the time of day.

Before everyone starts telling me not everyone does this stuff, I'm not saying everyone does this stuff, but there a lot of people who do.

Society is mostly shallow. Many people aren't accepting of different people, especially here in the states. It's funny because we have a such a social society that is well....anti-social. All the new technology is making things worse.

As for the guys in movies who are "losers" yet they always figure out how to be superheroes of the day and get the hot chick, that's total bs. For one thing, 90% of men aren't as good-looking as the guy in the movie. Plus, everything works perfectly in movies, which has nothing to do with real life. Life is full of imperfections, especially with people.

Unfortunately, it's not about being a good or bad guy. It's all about showing a genuine interest in women through talking to them over and over again. You can be the biggest jerk in the world, but as long as you talk to women enough, you're golden.

OP, stop telling yourself nobody wants you around. That's not true, because you can't possibly know what every single person on the planet is thinking. You are just like me, we just need to find people that like us as friends. They are out there. I've had friends before, and they liked me.

I think you must accept that there will be negative, insecure people out there that won't like you. I have my fair share of enemies just because I'm shy. My friend was telling me about that. I laughed and told him that they don't even know me. I was right, as he agreed. That's the thing. These people that don't talk to you, they don't even know you. For them to not like you is ignorant on their part. They are missing out on you. That's their loss. While they ignore you, I laugh at them for their ignorance. They are missing out.

 

[OceanMist]

"Women are brought up to take care of other people's emotions." That's a bit of a generalisation.. I wasn't brought up that way, I don't think you can say that females and males are brought up a certain way

Good point. No gender has specific responsibility for people's emotions. We didn't choose our gender, therefore we aren't liable for stuff like that.

Women don't owe care of other people's emotions more than men. That'd be unfair.

Women don't owe men anything.

 

[doubleM]

why is it so hard for you people to believe that there are many people out there that will place a label on people?

The women that ignored the op are out there everywhere. It has nothing to do with the op's approach, it's all about who he is viewed as by the women. Many women relate shyness + average or below average looks to creepiness or loserness. The minute they get any kind of hint of lower social status, these type of women will be against you. They won't just ignore you, they will literally hate you.

Guys can do this too, mostly to other guys. They will look at you and if they don't see an alpha male with high social status or high social confidence, they will label you as a freak or loser and not give you the time of day.

Before everyone starts telling me not everyone does this stuff, i'm not saying everyone does this stuff, but there a lot of people who do.

Society is mostly shallow. Many people aren't accepting of different people, especially here in the states. It's funny because we have a such a social society that is well....anti-social. All the new technology is making things worse.

As for the guys in movies who are "losers" yet they always figure out how to be superheroes of the day and get the hot chick, that's total bs. For one thing, 90% of men aren't as good-looking as the guy in the movie. Plus, everything works perfectly in movies, which has nothing to do with real life. Life is full of imperfections, especially with people.

thank you!!!

 

[Invisibleman]

Why is it so hard for you people to believe that there are many people out there that will place a label on people?

The women that ignored the OP are out there everywhere. It has nothing to do with the OP's approach, it's all about who he is viewed as by the women. Many women relate shyness + average or below average looks to creepiness or loserness. The minute they get any kind of hint of lower social status, these type of women will be against you. They won't just ignore you, they will literally hate you.

Guys can do this too, mostly to other guys. They will look at you and if they don't see an alpha male with high social status or high social confidence, they will label you as a freak or loser and not give you the time of day.

Before everyone starts telling me not everyone does this stuff, I'm not saying everyone does this stuff, but there a lot of people who do.

Society is mostly shallow. Many people aren't accepting of different people, especially here in the states. It's funny because we have a such a social society that is well....anti-social. All the new technology is making things worse.

As for the guys in movies who are "losers" yet they always figure out how to be superheroes of the day and get the hot chick, that's total bs. For one thing, 90% of men aren't as good-looking as the guy in the movie. Plus, everything works perfectly in movies, which has nothing to do with real life. Life is full of imperfections, especially with people.

Unfortunately, it's not about being a good or bad guy. It's all about showing a genuine interest in women through talking to them over and over again. You can be the biggest jerk in the world, but as long as you talk to women enough, you're golden.

OP, stop telling yourself nobody wants you around. That's not true, because you can't possibly know what every single person on the planet is thinking. You are just like me, we just need to find people that like us as friends. They are out there. I've had friends before, and they liked me.

I think you must accept that there will be negative, insecure people out there that won't like you. I have my fair share of enemies just because I'm shy. My friend was telling me about that. I laughed and told him that they don't even know me. I was right, as he agreed. That's the thing. These people that don't talk to you, they don't even know you. For them to not like you is ignorant on their part. They are missing out on you. That's their loss. While they ignore you, I laugh at them for their ignorance. They are missing out.

*Thunderous applause*

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

Coming from personal experience, I pretty much try and avoid people coming up and talking to me/waving hello/smiling and nodding/anything related to that at all costs. If I feel like someone might come over and talk to me, I'll advert my eyes and pretend to text on my phone or I will start playing a game on my phone. I'll make myself unapproachable. This has nothing to do with the person who is waving hello and everything to do with my insecurities and anxieties.

Sure this girl might be a b**** but she also might be insecure and shy. She might be really anxious in these situations. You really don't know what's going on in her head.

Stop jumping to the fact that she's being a bitch and realize that some people are struggling with their own stuff inside and it's not all about you! Just because she is avoiding you, doesn't mean she hates you and it doesn't mean people are treating you badly. It doesn't mean she isn't, but it shouldn't matter. Just move on.

Let's pretend she is being rude and she is ignoring you. Why are you so concerned and upset over someone rude? Just move on from her, why do you want to talk to someone who would be that snotty and stuck up? Just move on, stop worrying about why everyone is mean to you and start looking for the ones who are nice. There are plenty of nice people out there.

I can understand being frustrated with not being able to make friends easily or to be brushed off by people, but you need to let go of your anger and resentment. People can pick up on that kind of stuff a lot easier than you think.

 

[Kiwong]

thats not the point. and you did not answer my question.

I sensed a deep intensity of anger in your reaction to someone that didn't talk to you, and what you wrote in response is inappropriate, in my opinion. I am uncomfortable with that, and the tone of some of your posts on this thread.

 

[doubleM]

I sensed a deep intensity of anger in your reaction to someone that didn't talk to you, and what you wrote in response is inappropriate, in my opinion. I am uncomfortable with that, and the tone of some of your posts on this thread.

you still did not answer my question.

its not just one person. your missing the whole point of this.

 

[Mickery]

Forgive me, but... you are on a social anxiety forum, right? So you must be aware how incredibly rude the condition can seem to other people. I have no doubt endless people have written me off as I tried to avoid engaging them, or actively tried to make them go away.

So on that basis alone, I don't think you should be so quick to discount that issues connecting with people may be a two-way street. If it's as literal as you say and there are endless people snubbing you specifically, then the common factor is you. Or they're not snubbing you specifically and it's not personal. You can't have it both ways.

I think it's more likely that you're feeling pretty emotional at the moment and not seeing things 20/20, you should take 5 and come back when your head is clearer.

 

[Fen]

Society is mostly shallow. Many people aren't accepting of different people, especially here in the states. It's funny because we have a such a social society that is well....anti-social. All the new technology is making things worse.

By States do you mean USA? If yes, well, let me tell you that you don't have to worry, because I'm not American and here is utterly the same. All over the world is the same.
Most of people think as you just said in your post (which was awesome, anyway).
Shyness, introversion and anything is not "normal" are seen as defects or somehow in a negative way.

Well, welcome to the club doubleM... someone understands you, for what matters.

 

[Felgen]

It's not beside the point. He may be inadvertently doing something to cause this behavior in others. That's my point.

You're missing my point. I'm not saying that the original poster isn't responsible for his own social life, I'm saying that the norms of society are f-ed up (and thus, what's perfectly natural from a Darwinian perspective becomes 'creepy' and 'uncool') and there's no reason to point a finger at anyone.

I've posted this link before, but many males here can benefit from it: Love Shyness .ORG | Honest Help For Loveshy Men

I'm not a love-shy nor a virgin, but I still find that site very inspirational. Both were socially awkward guys who had never had a girlfriend in their mid-to-late 30's, despite the fact that neither of them look like creepy paedophiles.

 

[Etbow23]

it can be very frustrating when people don't behave the way we expect them to

but which is wrong?

their behavior, or our expectations?

True--when we keep getting disappointed by the actions of others, I think it's time to reevaluate our expectations.

Otherwise life is very frustrating.

 

[Etbow23]

Why is it so hard for you people to believe that there are many people out there that will place a label on people?

The women that ignored the OP are out there everywhere. It has nothing to do with the OP's approach, it's all about who he is viewed as by the women. Many women relate shyness + average or below average looks to creepiness or loserness. The minute they get any kind of hint of lower social status, these type of women will be against you. They won't just ignore you, they will literally hate you.

Guys can do this too, mostly to other guys. They will look at you and if they don't see an alpha male with high social status or high social confidence, they will label you as a freak or loser and not give you the time of day.

Before everyone starts telling me not everyone does this stuff, I'm not saying everyone does this stuff, but there a lot of people who do.

Society is mostly shallow. Many people aren't accepting of different people, especially here in the states. It's funny because we have a such a social society that is well....anti-social. All the new technology is making things worse.

As for the guys in movies who are "losers" yet they always figure out how to be superheroes of the day and get the hot chick, that's total bs. For one thing, 90% of men aren't as good-looking as the guy in the movie. Plus, everything works perfectly in movies, which has nothing to do with real life. Life is full of imperfections, especially with people.

Unfortunately, it's not about being a good or bad guy. It's all about showing a genuine interest in women through talking to them over and over again. You can be the biggest jerk in the world, but as long as you talk to women enough, you're golden.

OP, stop telling yourself nobody wants you around. That's not true, because you can't possibly know what every single person on the planet is thinking. You are just like me, we just need to find people that like us as friends. They are out there. I've had friends before, and they liked me.

I think you must accept that there will be negative, insecure people out there that won't like you. I have my fair share of enemies just because I'm shy. My friend was telling me about that. I laughed and told him that they don't even know me. I was right, as he agreed. That's the thing. These people that don't talk to you, they don't even know you. For them to not like you is ignorant on their part. They are missing out on you. That's their loss. While they ignore you, I laugh at them for their ignorance. They are missing out.

Wow you made a lot of generalizations. I don't do that ever, so I guess that means I'm not a woman?

I think when people are rejected/hurt by people of certain group they start making these vicious generalizations. Whether they be racist, sexist, whatever. We all do it, and it's ok to vent your frustrations, but I think that it's also important to not generalize an entire group of people.

You're right that many people are somewhat shallow--or should I say unaware? Many people are very unaware of what's going on and often don't realize that they are hurting someone's feelings. I've had people ignore me when I have said hi, and I was offended, but then they said hi to me the next day. You never know what someone's mood or state of mind is. And if it's not a mood/state of mind, and that's the type of person they really are, well then, screw em

People with social anxiety I think are often deeply perceptive/sensitive to what others say/do to them. Unfortunately I think we often misinterpret things, while others might just not even pay attention.