can someone tell me why this is ok?

[doubleM]

all my life ive tried to be a good person. but all ive ever gotten is **** kicked in my face for it.
theirs a girl in my college english class i liked. i talked to her once but she took off saying well nice to meet you blah blah. that happened last week. today i saw her, i nodded and said hi. she looked away and just texted on her phone.
im so tired of being insulted by women. it makes me angry, its not fair. this always happens to me with them over and over. why is it so creepy to say hi?? its complete bs. if shes not interested in me thats fine, theres no reason for that kind of behavior. i want to punch them in the face for that but i cant. the next one that does that to me im gonna go off i swear. its always been like that. ive tried for years, and they have bailed on me, insulted me, shunned me, responded rudely.

i try to put my anger towards people out of my life and just move on. but that just set me off again. the same thing happens over and over and over and over and over! they all act the same way! why cant people understand its not just one woman, its a hundred.
to top that off nobody understands me or wants me around. i try and try but its useless. im alone and ill always be alone.
we all grow up watching tv seeing this nice decent guy who gets the girl and the good guys always win. it just doesnt happen in real life. i mean what do we really believe in? what is their to believe? ive always believed i could change things somehow and my life would get better like on tv, but its not gonna happen. i cant take anymore.

 

[coyote]

it can be very frustrating when people don't behave the way we expect them to

but which is wrong?

their behavior, or our expectations?

 

[IF ONLY xx]

Maybe she didn't mean to come across negative.
I have to say when I'm on my phone I can sometimes be rude without meaning to be, its just sometimes my mind is totally focused on what's happening on my phone lol.

 

[doubleM]

it can be very frustrating when people don't behave the way we expect them to

but which is wrong?

their behavior, or our expectations?

my thinking is their behavior.

why is it ok to behave that way?

 

[doubleM]

Maybe she didn't mean to come across negative.
I have to say when I'm on my phone I can sometimes be rude without meaning to be, its just sometimes my mind is totally focused on what's happening on my phone lol.

she looked right at me. she saw it.

 

[Aletheia]

She may have been shy. She may have been scared. She may have been cautious.

Or she may have been looking out for you:

Women are brought up to take care of other people's emotions. If I have to disappoint someone, I try to do it as gently as possible. Perhaps she looked away to avoid getting drawn into an uncomfortable conversation that may have ended with her having to turn you down in a much blunter fashion.

 

[doubleM]

She may have been shy. She may have been scared. She may have been cautious.

Or she may have been looking out for you:

Women are brought up to take care of other people's emotions. If I have to disappoint someone, I try to do it as gently as possible. Perhaps she looked away to avoid getting drawn into an uncomfortable conversation that may have ended with her having to turn you down in a much blunter fashion.

well then, next time i dont feel like talking to somebody, ill just completely ignore them. i wont even acknowledge their existence.

 

[Kat]

Move on until you find someone that you can talked to there’s got to be someone that will talk back even if it’s in close proximity or if it upsets you so much inquire don’t under estimate the power of asking.

 

[Kiwong]

i want to punch them in the face for that but i cant. the next one that does that to me im gonna go off i swear. its always been like that. ive tried for years, and they have bailed on me, insulted me, shunned me, responded rudely.

With an attitude like that it might be a good decision that she declined to talk to you. The above is not the reaction of a decent guy in my opinion. Anyone has the right not to talk to you if that is their wish.

 

[Silatuyok]

I don't think her actions are polite by any means, but I probably would have acted the same way toward a lot of people in college. I was just utterly and completely socially inept, especially around men. I know of at least one guy that I was crazy about, and that terrified me so much that I did a really good job of pretending he didn't exist to me. He noticed, too, which only made me more desperate to look right past him every chance I got. I certainly wouldn't act that way toward anyone now, because I realize the effect that is has on people. But back then, I wasn't capable of anything more.

 

[Kinetik]

It's only okay because it's part of the game. When we're young we're taught to be good people, to always do the right thing and be helpful and forthcoming. It makes sense to be that way within our family of orientation. But people grow up, become rebellious, develop neuroses, and want options when it comes to dating and mating. That's when dysfunction rules the day and it's often wisest to put away your wholesomeness until you've found the right person - until you can safely start your family of procreation. But it's tough because we're not told to put that part of us to bed for a while; the part that's sensitive, nurturing and unconditional. Then others act gobsmacked when you've been done wrong, but it's not really surprising, it's all just human nature and very typical for that phase of life. Sometimes, that frustrating, game-playing phase lasts a very long time, and people are often forced to revisit it when their romantic relationships break down.

So at this point all you can do is accept that it's not your fault and know that everything will straighten itself out. You will meet someone who's into you and who you can be yourself with, but it'll take time and you can never force these things. Just get out there as much as possible, don't take any of it personally, and keep doing your thing.

 

[doubleM]

With an attitude like that it might be a good decision that she declined to talk to you. The above is not the reaction of a decent guy in my opinion. Anyone has the right not to talk to you if that is their wish.

its stuff like this that burns me up. how can you say that?
i did not react that way and of course i never would. i didnt say anything i just kept walking. though someone might have been able to tell by my facial expression that my feelings were hurt.
you continually make someone angry, keep doing the same thing to them, theyre gonna go off.
you have it backwards. you think my attitude is causing me to be rudely rejected. when its rude rejection that is causing my attitude. thats why i cant understand why society says this is ok.
though if this happens to me again im just ask the girl "what exactly did i do wrong?" of course i will get no answer.

 

[doubleM]

I don't think her actions are polite by any means, but I probably would have acted the same way toward a lot of people in college. I was just utterly and completely socially inept, especially around men. I know of at least one guy that I was crazy about, and that terrified me so much that I did a really good job of pretending he didn't exist to me. He noticed, too, which only made me more desperate to look right past him every chance I got. I certainly wouldn't act that way toward anyone now, because I realize the effect that is has on people. But back then, I wasn't capable of anything more.

this girl does not have SA by any means.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

If you found this girl's behaviour to be rude or obnoxious, then is she really someone you'd want to get to know anyway? She's clearly not the person you thought or hoped she'd be, so put it down to experience and move on.

 

[doubleM]

If you found this girl's behaviour to be rude or obnoxious, then is she really someone you'd want to get to know anyway? She's clearly not the person you thought or hoped she'd be, so put it down to experience and move on.

yeah. but im saying so many of them act this way. it happens to me over and over. its happened like 1000 times. ive put that down to experience.

 

[coyote]

yeah. but im saying so many of them act this way. it happens to me over and over. its happened like 1000 times. ive put that down to experience.

there seems to be one common denominator in this equation

 

[Kiwong]

its stuff like this that burns me up. how can you say that?
i did not react that way and of course i never would. i didnt say anything i just kept walking. though someone might have been able to tell by my facial expression that my feelings were hurt.
you continually make someone angry, keep doing the same thing to them, theyre gonna go off.
you have it backwards. you think my attitude is causing me to be rudely rejected. when its rude rejection that is causing my attitude. thats why i cant understand why society says this is ok.
though if this happens to me again im just ask the girl "what exactly did i do wrong?" of course i will get no answer.

For a start even thinking about punching a woman is wrong, and planning to 'go off' at someone because they didn't talk to you is also wrong. The intensity of your anger because this girl and others may not have spoken to you is the problem. That is what I think.

 

[doubleM]

For a start even thinking about punching a woman is wrong, and planning to 'go off' at someone because they didn't talk to you is also wrong. The intensity of your anger because this girl and others may not have spoken to you is the problem. That is what I think.

well what do you think caused the anger in the first place? its my fault somehow?



btw, i can think about whatever i want. im sure youve thought about doing things you wouldnt do in real life.

 

[Kiwong]

well what do you think caused the anger in the first place? its my fault somehow?



btw, i can think about whatever i want. im sure youve thought about doing things you wouldnt do in real life.

I've never thought about punching a woman.

 

[doubleM]

I've never thought about punching a woman.

thats not the point. and you did not answer my question.