Being Single vs Being In A Relationship

[worrywort]

I've decided I'd rather be single than be in a romantic relationship. Obviously I'm very aware of the attraction to being in a relationship. That level of intimacy seems really nice, but I think it comes at a price which I think people often overlook, whilst a lot of the benefits of being single are often overlooked too.

Basically I think relationships are hard work. They bring drama and distraction and attachment and absorption into the other and a loss of autonomy, whereas, being single, you're free to focus on your own pursuits and you can remain autonomous. Plus I think you value your platonic relationships more when you're single.

Also, I don't like to be controlled by my emotions and impulses. I like to be guided by what I rationally conclude to be the best course of action. And my view of romantic impulses are that they're more like mother nature enacting her will through us. At the risk of sounding cynical, it seems to me like the romantic urge is basically natures way of tricking us into procreation, because in most relationships it seems, after a year or two the honeymoon period fades away, often leaving people tied down into situations they hadn't bargained for.

I've always been content in my own company, and I just find relationships too confusing and emotionally daunting. That constant feeling of rejection and not being good enough is too hard. Trying to play that whole game of being attractive to women; to be the kind of man they want, is just too exhausting. I'd rather just be the kind of man I want.

 

[Sarah_M]

Having a relationship is great and I prefer it over being single, but it does come with it’s cons, too.

During the early stages, you are getting to know each other and they could seem perfect one day and then tell you something about themselves the next that makes you question everything. Then there’s being vulnerable, that is really hard/embarrassing. There’s also the uncomfortableness of meeting their family/friends and them meeting your family/friends and hoping that each of you fits in in the new setting and are well liked.

Something that has come up for me recently is dealing with my own clinginess. It’s like once I get attention from him, I can’t get enough and all I want is to see him/have him text me. I just want SO much attention from him, I don’t know why I’m like that. There’s also the sex part. It’s too early in the relationship to engage in that, but I have an insane libido and always want it. He, however, is a Christian (I know, I can’t believe it either lol) and is making me wait. I am dying.

So, that being said, relationships also have a down side.

 

[Sacrament]

You can have sex before marriage without getting pregnant. Besides, having sex before marriage helps you understand if you're sexually compatible with that person.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

I think I would possibly prefere to grow old with someone. But I'm too picky, I love solitude too much, and my brain is too messed up, so I don't think this plan is going to work out.

 

[lily]

You can have sex before marriage without getting pregnant. Besides, having sex before marriage helps you understand if you're sexually compatible with that person.

you can't guarantee you won't be pregnant if you have sex prior to marriage.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

You're lucky your boyfriend is a christian. He probably wants you to wait bc i think as a christian you'd have to wait to have sex upon marriage. i think God would want you to do it that way bc if you have children it's not good for your children, to divorce.

If you have children without being married, then you never have to divorce...

 

[LoyalXenite]

You can have sex before marriage without getting pregnant. Besides, having sex before marriage helps you understand if you're sexually compatible with that person.

I agree, sexual compatibility is really important, I could never wait until marriage

you can't guarantee you won't be pregnant if you have sex prior to marriage.

There are plenty of effective contraceptives out there, and theres always options if you get unlucky and fall pregnant (i.e morning after pill)

 

[LoyalXenite]

I think I would possibly prefere to grow old with someone. But I'm too picky, I love solitude too much, and my brain is too messed up, so I don't think this plan is going to work out.

There are married people who dont live in the same house because they need their own spaces, perhaps you could find something similar to that?

 

[lily]

If you have children without being married, then you never have to divorce...

Yes but you'll have children who r not husband and wife and who never made a vow with having one real family and parents.

I agree, sexual compatibility is really important, I could never wait until marriage



There are plenty of effective contraceptives out there, and theres always options if you get unlucky and fall pregnant (i.e morning after pill)

you're talking about birth-control pill right? There r side effects to it. Excuse me I'd never want to take a 'pill' and someone who loves me won't want me to take some pill! You could just get married early at a chapel or something if you really like each other.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

Yes but you'll have children who r not husband and wife and who never made a vow with having one real family and parents.

Where I live there is a lot of people who has children outside of marriage. They either marry later or they never marry because if you know you're committed to each other, there's no point. It doesn't make them "fake" families ( and of course I don't think they are all going to hell).

I guess it's a cultural thing.

 

[LoyalXenite]

Yes but you'll have children who r not husband and wife and who never made a vow with having one real family and parents.


you're talking about birth-control pill right? There r side effects to it. Excuse me I'd never want to take a 'pill' and someone who loves me won't want me to take some pill! You could just get married early at a chapel or something if you really like each other.

Theres nothing wrong with children having unmarried parents, there are many kinds of families and they are all valid.

Its different to the birth control pill, and was just one example, there are many options. I wasnt saying you had to take it, I was just pointing out there are other options. Obviously because of your religious beliefs you would require someone with the same beliefs, but in general for those who arent religious or are of other belief systems there are various options.

Well my parent's r divorced and it's not a nice feeling. it has its EFFECTS on children!

Personally my parents getting divorced was a major positive change on my childhood, they were not at all suited to being married, and were actually forced into marriage because of the old belief of if you have a child you must get married. That belief was the worst thing to happen in our personal circumstances, they were not at all suited to being a couple let alone married. Divorce was the best thing for our situation.

 

[Kiwong]

I joked with my therapist who encourages me to seek out relationships that I would then need to spend a fortune on a relationship counsellor.

I am working on getting used to the company of people just simple conversation and group situations. That is challenging enough.

 

[PugofCrydee]

Well my parent's r divorced and it's not a nice feeling. it has its EFFECTS on children!

So does being stuck in a relationship that turns bad. What if the husband is violent toward his wife after 10 years of marriage? What then?
What if the Wife becomes an alcoholic or a drug abuser?

 

[PugofCrydee]

I think the number of people living together and having children without being married is increasing.

I think the old notion of marriage, while romantic, is slowly dying out.

 

[Sacrament]

Marriage is pretty much signing a paper that says you are married. It's a concept that's slowly becoming outdated as time goes by. If two people like one another, they'll simply be together.

someone who loves me won't want me to take some pill! You could just get married early at a chapel or something if you really like each other.

I don't know what to say to this.

 

[PugofCrydee]

you're talking about birth-control pill right? There r side effects to it. Excuse me I'd never want to take a 'pill' and someone who loves me won't want me to take some pill! You could just get married early at a chapel or something if you really like each other.

 

[lily]

To kindly let other know, I'm done with this conversation and I've said an apology to Pacific_Loner up above.

 

[PugofCrydee]

Personally, I find marriage to be outdated and just full of problems. Each to their own is what I always say.. but for me, marriage?

 

[Sarah_M]

You're lucky your boyfriend is a christian. He probably wants you to wait bc i think as a christian you'd have to wait to have sex upon marriage. i think God would want you to do it that way bc if you have children it's not good for your children, to divorce.

I am not of that faith, so to me it doesn’t seem lucky. I’m learning tolerance through this, though. Sex is extremely important to me in a relationship, so we compromised.

 

[Sarah_M]

You can have sex before marriage without getting pregnant. Besides, having sex before marriage helps you understand if you're sexually compatible with that person.

I agree 1000 percent with this.