Being nice to people is a waste of time.
- Thread starter schist
- Start date
Kiwong
Well-known member
I think being honest, and good to yourself and others that matter is the way to make the world an easier place. Happiness spreads like a virus so does being helpful and positive. Being angry and unfriendly only escalates conflict. The choice is a pragmatic one, do what makes your soul feel lighter. Anger has also led to an escalation of my anxiety over the years. Lately I have tried to be postive, tried to inspire myself through my running and I feel much, much better for it.
starryeyedgirl
New member
Also, I think part of it is that (most) people today are just not "of quality". I mean, people are looking for instant gratification from everything, and if your presence isn't giving them something right away, they want nothing to do with you. There is no substance there. I'm disturbed by the direction this world is heading.
Pacific_Loner
Pirate from the North Pole
I might be wrong but isn't it you looking for instant gratification, if you considere people being "not of quality" if they don't want anything to do with you at first or after few attempts to connect with them?
WantToHide
Well-known member
Don't you think that them ignoring you - which you said in your first post - is an indication that they don't want to be around you?
Good point. I think us shy people tend to point the finger of blame to others and the outside world because we have self esteem issues. It's hard to admit our own faults because we're so used to others pointing out our faults that we've got into the habit of being defensive. That's just my opinion though.
DeepBlueSea
Member
I understand what your saying... I tried saying hello to my coworkers today in an attempt to be more friendly and social... And they just kind of stared at me and grumbled a greeting back...
WELL FINE THEN!
But I also see how it could have been me... I mumble, im not loud enough, I don't smile wide, and I don't make eye contact... Oi... Which is probably why they looked at me strangely....
I get it, Im weird :/
I just feel so embarrassed trying to force myself to speak up, smile big, and look at everyone in the room...
Its painfully uncomfortable. Which makes me want to say "F- it!"
However, I agree with some of the other posts that anger and negativity just make me more anxious and unhappy...
Then on the other hand I feel like a doormat...
WELL FINE THEN!
But I also see how it could have been me... I mumble, im not loud enough, I don't smile wide, and I don't make eye contact... Oi... Which is probably why they looked at me strangely....
I get it, Im weird :/
I just feel so embarrassed trying to force myself to speak up, smile big, and look at everyone in the room...
Its painfully uncomfortable. Which makes me want to say "F- it!"
However, I agree with some of the other posts that anger and negativity just make me more anxious and unhappy...
Then on the other hand I feel like a doormat...
vancouver24
Banned
hey omg i feel same way... i dont know whats wrong with people on here..they dont talk..and when they do talk ..they talk to each other like they know them for years ...this place is useless and when i get mad they tell me im too sensitive ***** ...add me... u have msn?
ILovePocky
Well-known member
Ha. I feel the same way right about now. Being nice gets you nowhere when you're surrounded by a bunch of *******s.
Be polite. Must try to be always polite. Stern and stubborn when time calls.
I have zero troubles with people listening to me. I am the usually the quietest of the any group. So it is a different change of pace when I do speak.
(Right with alcohol things get strange but never mind that)
If no one is listening, stay quiet and listen. No harm done.
I have zero troubles with people listening to me. I am the usually the quietest of the any group. So it is a different change of pace when I do speak.
(Right with alcohol things get strange but never mind that)
If no one is listening, stay quiet and listen. No harm done.
Hmmm ... But some of these people actually do greet me when we see eachother - and one in particular was trying to join in a conversation me and another mutual friend were having ... What is that? :/
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WantToHide
Well-known member
Well then they probably do like you. Maybe they just don’t always know what to say to you? Maybe when the conversation slows down a bit, neither of you know what to say, and it’s not that they’re ignoring you, they just don’t know what to say next. Do you say things that could easily be responded to like a question, or do you make statements that don’t really allow for discussion? I find making jokes sometimes ends discussions if nobody finds it that funny, and there’s just an awkward silence! Other times jokes get ignored if people don’t find them funny and they don’t want to embarrass the person who made the joke.
If you’ve asked a question, maybe they didn’t hear you, or maybe they really wanted to say something that wasn’t related to your question, so they ignored your question so that they could make their point.
And it could always be that people are having a private conversation and you’ve just interrupted.
Maybe they’re not being sincere, if you’re not close friends then I suppose there’s a good chance that they’re just being polite. How can they genuinely care that much when they don’t know you? This is just the beginning of potentially becoming friends. As your friendship develops, they will move from asking about your day to be polite, to asking you about your day because they genuinely care.
They do seem to like you, but if you stop being nice, they may stop liking you!
oopsiedoop
Member
Other people have absolutely no respect for niceness or kindness.
BashfulDoll
Well-known member
I find that people are going to be who they are no matter what you do, for the most part. I am so kind to stangers and have manners but ppl aren't gonna praise you for it
but you can be sure if you're nasty you'll sure here about it
but you can be sure if you're nasty you'll sure here about it
Nothing wrong with being nice to people. I'm too nice. If someone needs money i lend them 50 or less bucks as long as they are able to pay me back...no pay back no money for you. One of the guys at my work (he's 40) went through child services trouble and did not eat because he was so stressed out so i bought him lunch all the time. I been through child services crap before.....not fun stuff. I donate $500 to BC childrens charity every year. Yeah, being nice to people or being nice in general is not a waste of time if it can help others. Nobody is allowed to be sad around me, it's my rule.
I think being nice to other people is a personal reward to yourself more than anything else. If you go into a situation expecting a positive result from other people purely because you were nice, you're asking for trouble because there's always going to be that one aŝshole who trips you up and ruins your day. I do think that being friendly is generally worth it for the simple fact that it's often disarming if nothing else - but people's feelings, emotions and responses simply can't be predicted 100% of the time so it doesn't make sense to base your moods and general life outlook on those.
If, on the other hand, you enter a situation expecting nothing but being pleasantly surprised if you get a result, then you're being nice for yourself - that way you're unfazed no matter what happens and can get on with life without being bothered by people who aren't important to you anyway.
Things like forgiveness work in much the same way.
If, on the other hand, you enter a situation expecting nothing but being pleasantly surprised if you get a result, then you're being nice for yourself - that way you're unfazed no matter what happens and can get on with life without being bothered by people who aren't important to you anyway.
Things like forgiveness work in much the same way.
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Oh please none of you can think that is true. Being nice to certain people may be a waste of time, but not all, silly billies. quit getting all negative nancy-pantsy.
''Quit your negative Nancy-pantsery!''
Ha, thanks. I'm going to use that as a catch phrase now. :B
DarthMessias
Well-known member
Yep. It's the sad and unfortunate truth of life.
Everytime I try to talk to certain people, or try to join in their conversations, I'm ignored and shut out. It's bulls**t. I see also that this is a common issue for SA sufferers.
I actually thought I'd try to change my approach and try to make people feel at ease with me, but you have to have a certain look or charisma about you that draws people in, just being friendly towards them really will not help you make friends.
I'm just going to go back to being an aloof and unfriendly prick. The result will be the same either way, but now I can feel less disappointed, knowing I put no effort in to achieve the same outcome.
People can go get f**ked.
Hey Schist
First I would like to applaud you for trying to change even when you feel you failed in changing anything. You say you were ignored when trying to start a conversation. Did they just ignore you by saying nothing? Or did they mumble short answers? If they were silent the first time you said something you can point to possible explanations: 1) They didn't hear you (try again) or 2) They are plain rude or snobbish (don't waste your time. Try other people).
Now, if they mumble short answers it most likely because they are shy themselves. Every person is more or less shy when a someone they don't know very well starts talking to them. It is human nature. It is very easy to conclude that if they aren't ”excited” when you open your mouth they just don't like you but that is far from the truth. How do you feel when a stranger suddenly starts talking to you? I guess you too feel uncomfortable when that happens.
Do you think there is a particular look that automatically gives friends? If so how do think it is? Should you look like a model? Of course not. Look at the people you think are sociable people. Are they the most beautiful people you have ever seen? I guess that if you look closely you'll see that they often only look average and sometime below average but they still got friends. How is that possible if it is all about looks?
Few people actually have high Charisma though you need something very important to get it: Faith in yourself. Without it, Charisma can't exist. But as I mentioned few people has high Charisma and if that is true how come other people can get friends? Again, look at people you find sociable. Do you think they are very charismatic? Do you feel drawn to all them? Or is there some you don't feel like talking too yet? I think you the answer.
Being friendly towards people is a huge step to get friends but it is not the only step. It may only be the very first step of many. Don't simply friendship. In fact, it requries a lot of work perhaps equally as much work as getting a boyfriend/girlfriend. Friendships are built not over days or weeks perhaps not even over months but over years. The main thing it requries is patience.
No, the result will not be the same. If you are going back to be an aloof and unfriendly prick you would be like the caveman who has live inside a cave all his life until he suddenly got curious about what lied outside the cave. He stepped out but got immediately blinded by the sun and he ran inside to his safe cave promising himself that he would never leave it again. Poor guy, he never realise that as soon as his eyes got used to the sunlight he would be able to see all of the wonders of the world...
I think you should go back and try to be friendly again. Start by saying hello to people you see often. Even that is a huge step. If they don't reply try again. And if they still don't reply just go on with your life and say hello to the next person you know.
I hope this will help.