being a tomboy, is it wrong?

[Falkor]

Hello,

I thought I'd make a topic about this.
I like to wear comfy clothes, and casual style or sportive, baggy.
But my invironment doesn't support me, so many people bullied me, just because I like to wear guy clothes, baseball caps, sneakers, and since 3 weeks I got short hair, but I do like to wear some feminine things as well, because I know it looks good on me. But lately I've been having the urge of not listening to all the beauty fashion society, bcuz lately I've been pissed off about this. I started to observe how people are focussed on the beauty aspect, Since I focus on this, I started to be irritated about all the judges.
In the past my best friend is a female-to-male-transgender, everyone was joking about me and making fun out on us, I would never want to transform to a guy like she does, but bcuz I used to hang out with her, my family got the wrong ideas, they tell me ''It's wrong to be a girl in guy's clothes, it's not right''
My parents rather want me to be a feminine girl with long hair , wearing make up and skirts and heels. (ok, maybe no heels, but that's the ''image'')
I don't want to be like that, and i'm afraid it's the only way society works to find girls attractive, I've been so confused about this, that I even dated only feminine girls in the past, and ignored the tomboys. because I was afraid of coming home with a girl which isn't the right image. Now, I have a girlfriend whose sportive/casual as well, and since I'm with her, I started to realise it's not bad to be this way, comfy clothes are very nice to wear, and people should have respect for this. But Ok, a little feminine is attractiv, but the barbie doll, please no paris hilton. I like girls with ambition that's what i wanns see. (p!nk - stupid girls) In the past I used to wear guy clothes everyday, ok maybe that's a little too much, but now I do in combination. But still I love the tomboy look, I can't help it. I also like the feminine rock chick attitude, just a little combination now and then. But I'm tired of all the comments. I just bought a baseball jacket, I weared it, and people called me ''Dyke'' on the streets. Guys asked me, If I was a guy or a girl, they were laughing in front of my face, how mean is that? People's opinions are too bad.

This keeps my mind busy all day long, because I cannot be what I wanna be.
I don't like to be the stereotypical mega butch, but I just want to be dressed casual, Do you think it's wrong to be a tomboy?

Soo.. that's it. So much left to say,
But that's for another topique because it's another subject.

greetings!

 

[mmmm]

Mean people will be mean no matter what you wear. It's just a sad fact. If you leave the house looking like a Barbie, odds are there will be some evil tomboy who makes fun of your clothes. I think your life is being made just a little harder by the fact that fashions this year are super-feminine (except for all the short hair, which I find feminine anyway). But take heart, fashions change very easily. I remember the baggy surfer look from the mid 90's, so your style will come back in and then everyone will be like "that Saskia was way ahead of her time." Style is completely subjective. There's no right or wrong. If you're still sensitive, why not buy a few supporter T Shirts for your favourite teams. At least then you can say to those horrid bullies " What, do you have a problem with the Dutch cricket team just because they lost?" That should shut them up!

 

[Falkor]

Mean people will be mean no matter what you wear. It's just a sad fact. If you leave the house looking like a Barbie, odds are there will be some evil tomboy who makes fun of your clothes. I think your life is being made just a little harder by the fact that fashions this year are super-feminine (except for all the short hair, which I find feminine anyway). But take heart, fashions change very easily. I remember the baggy surfer look from the mid 90's, so your style will come back in and then everyone will be like "that Saskia was way ahead of her time." Style is completely subjective. There's no right or wrong. If you're still sensitive, why not buy a few supporter T Shirts for your favourite teams. At least then you can say to those horrid bullies " What, do you have a problem with the Dutch cricket team just because they lost?" That should shut them up!

Thanks for your reply, Yeah this generation the fashion is super feminine, I do like to wear feminine clothes, but ''not too much''. For example I hate heels. kick of the heels, or smash them on the floor. xD, I just don't like them. But I do like a feminine t shirt, with some jeans. I just like to combine it a little.
I stopped wearing make up and people should accept me being naturally.
I'm not gonna cover my face, and I don't wanna be obsessed about looking good, I've been bullied about my looks and this make me change for the society, to be accepted. But now it's time for people tho change and not judge me anymore, I still feel judged when I tell people I like to wear guys clothes, bcuz people made fun of it, but now I just tell ya, i've had enough of people not accepting me for being different.

 

[kihira]

There is nothing wrong with being a tomboy, there is a lot wrong when people are intolerant. Its interesting that you mentioned girl>guy transgender, there was a fascinating look at this on a local tv show. Here's a link to it if you're interested, maybe a web proxy will work if it is country specific.
TRANS GUYS DISCLOSE | Hungry Beast

 

[LonelyWonders]

People just like to be dicks. People find it fun to try and intentionally hurt others for their amusment. People are sick animals. Nothings wrong with the tomboy look at all, although im the kind of person that hates how people dress now-a-days anyway. (Im a kid and I use that phrase, yes.) The tomboy look is a great look, all the others who think different can go to hell! Although that place would be pretty full already...

 

[Hastings & Main]

Well, first off, nothing you do is wrong. Some things you do may be 'wrong' to different people, but that is only their business and has nothing to do with you .

Your parents telling you this: ''It's wrong to be a girl in guy's clothes, it's not right'' - now that's wrong. Tell them you need support, not condemnation.

This may sound like too much (or possibly dangerous if your community is very intolerant), but the next time someone asks if you're a 'dyke', just say matter-of-factly, "Yes." and keep going. Don't smile, don't frown, look right in to their eyes and make sure they understand you won't be feeling any hate today or any other day.

Whenever I get really angry, I usually 'step out' of my SA and get into people's faces: a long time ago on a bus some kid was staring at me and asked if I was a f*g. I wasn't dressed different or anything, and I'm hetero (so far), so he was just trying to get a raise and start something.
I just stared back, and said, "Yes. Yes, I am." quite loudly, and kept staring til he got very uncomfortable and left the bus.

 

[Falkor]

@Hastings & Main;

Well, first off, nothing you do is wrong. Some things you do may be 'wrong' to different people, but that is only their business and has nothing to do with you .

Thanks, that's better to think, but still it's hard to not be afraid of people's reactions and thoughts about me, I should learn to be assertive.

Your parents telling you this: ''It's wrong to be a girl in guy's clothes, it's not right'' - now that's wrong. Tell them you need support, not condemnation.

Yeah it sucks, It's just the wrong image, but since I'm 18 I can chose my own clothes, in the past my mom bought my clothes (because they didn't like my style) i'm so glad that's over now.

This may sound like too much (or possibly dangerous if your community is very intolerant), but the next time someone asks if you're a 'dyke', just say matter-of-factly, "Yes." and keep going. Don't smile, don't frown, look right in to their eyes and make sure they understand you won't be feeling any hate today or any other day.

Whenever I get really angry, I usually 'step out' of my SA and get into people's faces: a long time ago on a bus some kid was staring at me and asked if I was a f*g. I wasn't dressed different or anything, and I'm hetero (so far), so he was just trying to get a raise and start something.
I just stared back, and said, "Yes. Yes, I am." quite loudly, and kept staring til he got very uncomfortable and left the bus

HA HA, that's funny, Yeah it's better than my mad face, feeling affected by their comment, I'll say yes next time, Good advice!

 

[Phoenixx]

Being a tomboy is never wrong. I used to be quite a tomboy back in elementary/middle school. I would always wear my brother's clothes he outgrew, I loved guy's shoes (Still do, but it's hard to find one's that fit me right ), I never wore make-up, nail polish, etc. My hair was either up in a ponytail or down, never had clips or barrettes in, and I never wore heels, skirts, or dresses. Yeah, I got made fun of, but I liked what I liked and that's all that matters.

I'd be lying if I said the teasing didn't affect me, because it did. That's probably a little bit of the reason why I changed. But, I also changed because I wanted to. I wanted to try these other girly things, and some of them are not too bad. So now, like you, I wear a combination of stuff. I wear a little bit of makeup (I keep it VERY neutral, you can't even tell I'm wearing any really), I love heels but hardly ever wear them, and I love girl's clothes and guy's clothes all the same. I have a combination of guy's and girl's clothes in my wardrobe. I wear what I want, I now I'm finally figuring out to just ignore what other people say. Just worry about yourself and wear what makes you happy.

 

[Aussie_Lad]

I can't see it, but if it makes you happy then go for it.

ps. long dresses are super sexy.

 

[geekyloaner]

I look at it like this way I am a Brain with eye balls and my body is just a tool and cloths keep my tool warm. If people believe that people should be evaluated on how they look then do those people judge books by there cover yes, yes they do are they not like us and the answer is yes they are not like us. We are your friends we do not care what you wear.Also be happy who cares what people see you as; its more do you like wearing cloths like that then yes keep going. I also like relaxing cloths and sporty stuff and am a total geek. I do not get dressed to go to school or go any were people just have to deal with who I am. A Geeky person who loves to be in his pjs all day long. Like Eisenstein said wear what you feel comfortable and be the most comfortable for the problems we as humans have. I don't know if he said that, but i do know he never did his hair, tied his shoes, or dressed correctly(by society standards). So I like to think so. So just remember we are your friends and we like you for who you are not what you wear. =)

 

[LonelyWonders]

I look at it like this way I am a Brain with eye balls and my body is just a tool and cloths keep my tool warm. If people believe that people should be evaluated on how they look then do those people judge books by there cover yes, yes they do are they not like us and the answer is yes they are not like us. We are your friends we do not care what you wear.Also be happy who cares what people see you as; its more do you like wearing cloths like that then yes keep going. I also like relaxing cloths and sporty stuff and am a total geek. I do not get dressed to go to school or go any were people just have to deal with who I am. A Geeky person who loves to be in his pjs all day long. Like Eisenstein said wear what you feel comfortable and be the most comfortable for the problems we as humans have. I don't know if he said that, but i do know he never did his hair, tied his shoes, or dressed correctly(by society standards). So I like to think so. So just remember we are your friends and we like you for who you are not what you wear. =)

I wish there were more people in the world that would believe the same thing.

 

[geekyloaner]

I agree with you not many people do because of outside factors not going to name names cause I would have a major problem on my hands think the movie airplane and the part with the fan.

 

[Danfalc]

No I don't think being a Tomboy, or dressing like one is wrong at all. We all have different tastes and feel comfy wearing different things.

If anything it's kind of cool you don't conform to what everyone else thinks is fashionable. I don't think there is anything wrong with following trends, thought it's slightly amusing when something becomes so fashionable..everyone looks like clones. But I have always admired people who have a unique style of their own.

Like other people have said, some people are just intolerant and mean anyway, if you dressed feminine they would likely still try to find something to criticize. Some people are just haters. So yeah I don't think it's wrong or anything to be ashamed of, I think you should be proud. Some people follow trends and some people forge their own or even set them.

 

[EscapeArtist]

Wow. People can be so cruel. I find it unbelievable that you're treated like that for simply looking different than the fads.
I think it's time you move to the west coast of NA, where individuality is respected and admired for the most part rather than bashed.
Try not to let them get to you, you're doing what's right by sticking to your truth and that's what matters. There will be people who tease you and then there will be people who really see you for what you are and respect you for it. Normally, the more teasing from one side the deeper the respect and admiration from the other.
In the end, those who tease you are merely afraid of the possibility that they may be what they make fun of you for. It's a means of projection of their deepest fears and really has nothing to do with you, you merely represent what they fear about themselves. Maybe they fear that they're gay, or too feminine, and you become a scapegoat. Try to remember that you are stronger than these people

Your family wanting a classic feminine girl, I'm not sure what's up with that. I don't know why families can't love others for the people that they are. Eventually they will accept it quietly, or they won't. They are more likely to keep quiet about their own unusual standards it if you voice your hurt.

It's not wrong to be a tomboy, comfort vs. conformity all the way. To wear uncomfortable clothing for the satisfaction of others is delusional. It means that the person needs the approval of others because they're not good enough for themselves. If anything, I'd be more embarrassed to walk around doing that

I respect you for it, but am sorry to hear it's so tough for you to simply be yourself.

 

[geekyloaner]

I have a lot of respect for people who go against the grain and make decisions based on what they believe in and not what society deems right. Not too long ago, people were dressed like this:

Normal is just defined by what the majority is doing, aside from that it really doesn't hold merit. Dressing like a tomboy (comfortable and practical) is supposedly weird while wearing elevated pointy toed shoes that cause permanent foot damage isn't. Where is the logic?

wow i remember having kids cloths in that growing up then grudge and never left

 

[Pacific_Loner]

I would say being a tomboy is as wrong as driving a blue car or eating bananas.

 

[Dani.F]

Hi Saskia,

well there is nothing wrong in be who you are, im kinda of a tomboy too i like the casual/sportive style and I use it most of the time although sometimes i dress more girly(but I do it now cuz I want it) and I used some type of clothes before cuz its was what girls are "suppose" to wear. I live in a village and people can be quite some narrow minds and they are gonna judge now matter what even my lil sis (9years) ask me if im going outside with what im wear sometimes and its depends of where you live some places are gonna better than the others. I know im judge sometimes for what I wear I even got judge by my family cuz of the that sometimes its tiring "argue" and listen ppl tell you to change who are (like you should use heels and not sneakers or wearing make up)

But the thing is no matter what you do people always gonna try to find something to criticize you if its not the clothes its gonna be something else, some people just like to judge others without even know them.

So be who you really are cuz there is nothing wrong it that even if sometimes its get hard.

 

[BlackPuma]

I think you know what I'm about to say. ;3

No, it's not wrong to dress like you want. ''Tomboy'' is a stereotype in itself. Rather then seeing it as; ''a girl wearing guy's clothes'', I like to look at it as ''a person wearing clothes its comfortable in''.

But I know it's difficult when a lot of people tell you to change something you personally like. I went through the same thing with long hair, not a single person gave a compliment, yet there were dozens that made ''funny'' barber jokes constantly. Some people are just jerks like that. So swallowed up by peer pressure and unawareness of their own dependence on it, that they can't appreciate individuality.

You're not doing anything wrong by wearing clothes you like. You're actually one of the few that are doing it right the way I see it.

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

I think you know what I'm about to say. ;3

No, it's not wrong to dress like you want. ''Tomboy'' is a stereotype in itself. Rather then seeing it as; ''a girl wearing guy's clothes'', I like to look at it as ''a person wearing clothes its comfortable in''.

But I know it's difficult when a lot of people tell you to change something you personally like. I went through the same thing with long hair, not a single person gave a compliment, yet there were dozens that made ''funny'' barber jokes constantly. Some people are just jerks like that. So swallowed up by peer pressure and unawareness of their own dependence on it, that they can't appreciate individuality.

You're not doing anything wrong by wearing clothes you like. You're actually one of the few that are doing it right the way I see it.

I agree. I live in/close to San Francisco and let me tell you ppl dress crazy here. lol. BUT - they wear it proudly and it shows and I cant help but admire that and think nothing of it later. Its THEM. When they wear it like it's just who they are, its great. Doesnt matter if I wouldnt dress that way or not.

Always be ppl initially who think stuff... usually those as Puma said, peer pressured themselves and lemmings to conformation.

 

[Newtype]

I really don't care about what a girl is wearing. The majority of girls seem to be wearing the same thing anyway, at least where I live. When something becomes popular, it doesn't take long before everyone is wearing it, even if it's ugly. I think it's good that you wear the clothes that you like. If there are people around you judging you, whether it's on clothes or anything else, you should stay as far away as possible from those people.