bdd , i feel ugly

Falkor

Falkor

1
hi,
so today i feel no energy, i again.. feel ugly as hell.
i disgust my face, if i look in the mirror i feel like so ugly like sloth from the goonies ::(: i really feel so ugly like that much.
i wanted to hide my feelings about bdd, but again, i deal so much with it.
i disgust my arms, they are too skinny, i want to gain some calories, i try to eat at least 2300 calories. but it is so hard to do.
today i couldn't say a word to my mom in the morning, i just sat in the kitchen with scared eyes and felt like a monster who is eating my bread.
i feel so weird about myself, i always feel like i am so self concious about my ugliness that i feel like i'm a weird company with people.
it makes me feel like crying.
i feel dirty too, even though i shower everyday, it's not enough for me.
i think i'm the most ugly person alive. my face is just so damn ugly.
only thing that makes me feel good is dress up cool.
but today nothing helps me .

everyone in my eyes is beautiful, instead of me. :S i think everyone knows how ugly i am in real life, bcuz i look like a person who didn't sleep for a month.
because i look so damn tired, i just hate it.

and i hate caring about it :( it makes me feel stupid
 
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Mickery

Mickery

Well-known member
You can buy shakes with huge amounts of calories, like this. That's 1200 calories from 3 drinks a day and it's not too expensive for about 3 weeks worth.
 
IGotSeoul

IGotSeoul

Well-known member
cheer up, saskia. you're one of the most beautiful people, both in spirit and outside, that i've had the grace of knowing.

I feel helpless in advice, but I do hope things get better.
 
lunarla

lunarla

Well-known member
Saskia, you are not ugly. And I wouldn't need to see your face to tell you that. (Though, knowing what you look like only makes it even more clear that you aren't ugly in any way). But I realize that kind of negative thinking is so hard to get out of. But hopefully it will pass very soon for you.
 
Toomuchfear

Toomuchfear

Well-known member
I understand how you feel. I look at my face- it doesnt compare to all those chisel-featured manly men! I look pale, my eyes have dark marks under them- who would find me attractive? The majority of women in my area have been brought up to believe beauty is the be all and end all, so they only suffice for men with sixpacks abs, high confidence and footballer looks. Where do I fit in?

I am what they call an ectomorph. I'm skinny, and I can't gain weight nor muscle. I can't wear tshirts as it means my long arms are viewable. Sure being tall and skinny is good...but for a female model, not a man! I try to eat more stuff, but I get bored of food so easy and lost my appetite.

You're not stupid, and if that is your picture, you're not ugly Saskia. I know it seems hard to believe...but maybe if you work on eating, working out and improving sleeping habits you may think so too one day. Good luck
 
Dark_Angel

Dark_Angel

Well-known member
i understand how u feel about the feeling ugly , i feel too in that way , but sometimes u feel in this way because u pretend too much on u , because u exalt every lil lack of u and decrease ur good things . for example u said that u feel better when u dress up thats a nice thing! =) i m bad at dressing my self , its not an easy thing but u know how to , dont always see the negative things , try to be more positive , i ve read some posts of u around and u are a nice person too . about that u wanna gain some weight well dont get obsessed by it , just to it bit by bit i have see that if u eat at every time of the day it could help u to gain some weight , u know what u can eat for the weight and just try to do bit by bit if u have some difficulties . and btw dont feel ugly because u aren't and believe more in u , i know its not any easy , i''m very insecure kind of person but we have to try to improve it always bit by bit and trying to be more positive =)
 
Falkor

Falkor

1
@mickery: Looks nice, although It is very expensive, can I also try to make own shakes? What includes it (the weight nutrisport shake?)

@dark_Angel: thanks for the tips. I sometimes forget to eat, so that is my own mistake, i eat more now often but like u said i get a little obsessed over it, because i want to gain weight really quick, i dont see much improvement so i feel dissapointed again, but it's a slowly process , and it is hard to keep myself motivated to keep eating more since my stomach hurts if i eat more than usual, but that is the trick.. soo :) u seem a nice person too btw, D_A =)

@Toomuchfear: I can relate to your story, although i don't compare myself to the most girls here in town, i mostly compare myself to athletic women or sometimes guys too i just like to be sporty and stuff. but i just don't look sportive at all! I am good at sports though, but i just wish i could look like it too. My therapist just adviced me to do sports more often because it will make me feel better because i do something what raises up my mood a little.
So I'll think about what sports I could do, any advice?
i'm sorry to hear about your story btw, one of my friends is like that too, he can't gain weight and he is too thin(he doesn't have anorexia but he looks like that). But he still enjoys life as much as he can.
so wonderful how people can have a mind-set like that.

i'll eat more stuff indeed, i will work out, and improve my sleeping habits. (yesterday i went to bed on 10:30 pm which is a victory for me ::p:)

@lunarla: thank you, yes it's hard to get out of the cycle, but i just realised i'm always giving up too quick and don't fight hard enough, i should fight harder.

thanks IGotSeoul, It's funny how people can see me as looking pretty and all, while i don't see it, it's like we all see it from another view by another.
 
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thegunners21

thegunners21

Well-known member
In order to gain weight, you should start eating smaller but more meals per day(5-6 instead of the traditional 3). This way your body receives nutrition throughout the whole day.

Btw, if your profile pic is how you actually look, then you are absolutely gorgeous.
 
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dyingtolive

Well-known member
those ppl who wanna gain weight r lucky. eat all the pizza and ice cream and chocolate u want. thats not difficult.

but u may need 2 check too if u gain weight proportionally or not.. once u gain weight and maintain it for some time, the fat cells in your body become permanent. u can only gain more fat cells, u cannot lose them, which makes it easier to get fat and harder to get thin. it can become irreversible.

i got BDD too but mine isnt all in the head. My body is just not proportional.
 
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Arthur_Dent

Arthur_Dent

1
It's certainly BDD, because your perceptions about yourself differ notably from reality. YOU ARE NOT UGLY. This is not an opinion Saskia, It is a fact. I know that we never look in pictures as we look in real life, but there is no way that you always look that beautiful in the pictures and the videos if you are ugly. And is not only how you look, it's also your expression and your talent.

So as ironic as it may sound, this time the right thing to do is to ignore your beliefs and go for what everyone else knows, that you are not ugly.

As I haven't been around here as long as you, I don't know if you have tried this, but my advice would be to try Cognitive behavioral therapy. There are even software versions if you are reluctant to therapy in person.

Damn, I've just found out about this, I guess I'm trying this myself.
 
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dyingtolive

Well-known member
sorry to be offensive or to troll but if iwere told i wasnt ugly, that wouldnt help me. well thats me. how do others with BDD respond?
 
P

Patrick26

Well-known member
You aint ugly. Just think of it this way,if you were as ugly as you think you are people would be trying to get out of your sight as fast as possible because they can't stand the look of your face. You're just used to seeing your face and want to look at something else, which is fine and all...everyone wants to look like someone else every now and then. People smile at you all the time but if you don't see it it's because you're not actually looking. When people smile at you then they are satisfied with what they see or they would have a different look on their face, like an "ew" look.
 
B

Beatrice

Guest
Sorry about that :p

To actually contribute something relevant....

Saskia, I kind of know how you feel (I feel like that's all I say around here, jeez.... great "advice"). But my issue is only with one part of my body and really, compared to others, it's like nothing. But the problem with it is, I tend to blow it up to more of an issue than it actually is, in my own mind.

What makes you think you're ugly? Dark circles under your eyes and feeling too skinny? Have people commented on your smallness? My mother used to get comments on how thin she was, and she felt the same way.... But she said she felt like a walking skeleton :( She never liked the way she looked or felt pretty. I always wished I could make her see how pretty I thought she was :)
 
KnuffleBunny

KnuffleBunny

Well-known member
I don't have BDD myself, but sometimes when I feel that way about myself I try and do some things just for me. Maybe pamper a bit, bubble bath, mess around with my clothes, do my hair different, even try a little makeup; not to try and hide myself but to see if I can find something that will enhance bits of me. Watch movies that make me laugh and cheerful music. Sometimes there's something underlying my thoughts and making me feel the way I do, so I try digging in and uncovering it. I went through something like that recently and crying/talking it out to my BF helped so much that I went back to normal.

I don't know if any of that helped in the least, but I was hoping maybe it might give you an idea or something to try for yourself. :)
 
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dyingtolive

Well-known member
i think the OP makes sense. For me, i have high standards for what i want to look like. Anything less than that just makes me feel disgustipated. It's not like, on a level of prettiness, its:

Pretty
Ok
Ugly

Its just more black and white, its just

Look good
Look ugly and disgusting

There's no OK.

I understand how this can be pretty hard to stomach for people who do not suffer from the same torture. Its easy to get offended by it. In fairness, this isn't a BDD exclusive forum so if someone with BDD posts what they feel, they do have to be more careful in being raw and censoring what they really think and feel if they don't want to be made fun of.

On the other hand, i can relate with PopoLala because me, as a guy with social anxiety, feel a natural tendency to feel disgusted too at beautiful women who appear to have everything easy and who appear to seek too much attention.

Well, i guess there are positive lessons that we can get out of this thread. Peace
 
P

Patrick26

Well-known member
dyingtolive said:
i think the OP makes sense. For me, i have high standards for what i want to look like. Anything less than that just makes me feel disgustipated. It's not like, on a level of prettiness, its:

Pretty
Ok
Ugly

Its just more black and white, its just

Look good
Look ugly and disgusting

There's no OK.

I understand how this can be pretty hard to stomach for people who do not suffer from the same torture. Its easy to get offended by it. In fairness, this isn't a BDD exclusive forum so if someone with BDD posts what they feel, they do have to be more careful in being raw and censoring what they really think and feel if they don't want to be made fun of.

On the other hand, i can relate with PopoLala because me, as a guy with social anxiety, feel a natural tendency to feel disgusted too at beautiful women who appear to have everything easy and who appear to seek too much attention.

Well, i guess there are positive lessons that we can get out of this thread. Peace
Click to expand...

For me there are only 2 options. You either look good, or you look bad. I don't find an "in between". Some people will look better then others but you gotta figure out alot of women look better then they really do because makeup changes a face. Doesn't mean they will look bad without it, but makeup does alot for a woman. Looks mean alot to me anyway. I shave my head every 3 days, keep my beard in check, trim around my goatee and mustache area, shave my chest area, my armpitts, my arms. I use lots of cologne, and i always use underarm, plus 2-3 showers a day. Looks and appearance mean alot to many people.
 
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dyingtolive

Well-known member
its doable to post nice and photogenic pictures, its what we all do on some level. if i posted a nice picture of myself with a nice angle, etc, etc, i could get away with fooling people that i looked good, but i know that in reality, its just a picture and it doesn't reflect what i look like and feel like in flesh. More so, it can even give something to live up to. If i see a nice picture of myself, I would think, why can't i always look like that? Why can't that really be me? But its not, and the reality is, the human body is just imperfect. Its as ugly as it can be beautiful. I think the goal is just being OK and accepting this unstable imperfect ever changing flesh. I think we're all ugly and beautiful, but we really get obsessed about the ugly parts. Over the years of feeling the same thing over and over again, it can become unbearable and really heavy to the point that even physical health breaks apart becoz of it.

and its true, lethargy or just feeling crappy does make u feel/look uglier. anyone can look ugly, even the celebrities are photographed without make up and in crappy moods and they can look like disasters. so just to honesty say what i think and feel, i'll say yes, being human is to be ugly in some way or another, we cant escape being human.

it gets even more frustrating as the years pile up, getting older, it gets mentally heavier, and physically tougher.
Im 28 and i can't move on with my life. My life never even started. Im still stuck here just feeling trapped in myself
And no one understands what its like..
 
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