bad eye contact - has anyone improved?

[Quiet Angel]

I've had the issue of staring too much at people in conversations--and it would make them uncomfortable...I'd very rarely look away from them. I'm trying to work on that.

Enough of about me... Best of luck!

 

[Darryl]

Bugga....Another issue I didn't know I had!

 

[jaixo]

I used to not make eye contact with anyone for more than a few seconds. Now I tend to look at them once they look away and just stare. I think I went from not enough eye contact to too much.. >.> But I've heard that prolonged eye contact seems more intimidating (true?) and I feel more comfortable thinking that I'm the one making someone else feel nervous than them knowing that I'm the anxious one. Plus the short replies make me feel more like they think I'm not as interested than I'm completely blank, which I also makes me feel a little better. I'm not sure if that makes sense or if it's of any help but that's just my two cents worth.

 

[Skog]

If I am talking directly to someone, I don't have trouble looking them in the eye. I just don't hold it very long. Besides the feeling of unworthiness which can be related to how attractive I think the world perceives the other person (yes, the ulgier the person is, the longer I can maintain eye contact), I also understand it is rude to stare. So it's wrong to have no eye contact and wrong to have too much eye contact. As a result, I try to look at someone in the eye until I sense they are looking back at my eyes, then I look away for awhile, then I let my eyes wander back to theirs and repeat the process.

 

[p i a n o♬]

I don't look at people in the eye at all. Sometimes, my Dad yells at me for not looking at him in the eye. I can't help it. Doesn't anyone else feel awkward looking them in the eye while talking?

Usually my eyes dart off some where else. It gets especially bad when a teacher is talking to me.

 

[Lionheart]

I cant talk and look somebody in the eyes at same time and i cant look somebody in the eyes and talk.I just cant do both at same time,does it means i have avpd?

 

[Aussie_Lad]

This is one of the things that I became aware of a while back. Most of the time I have no idea what I am looking at, but I am sure it is not the eyes. Some of the things I have tried:

- Concentrate on eyes of people you see on TV.
- Same as above, but with photos
- Practise looking at eyes with people you know best.

Poor eye contact for me, I believe, comes from an a deep sub-conscious general distrust of people, even when my rational brain knows that there is nothing to worry about.

 

[fitftw]

^ it is a distrust. It's the fact that eyes are the window to the soul. You don't want anyone to be able to see your soul, so you hide your eyes. I do the same **** all the time. ESPECIALLY when women are in the equation.

 

[Solitude]

I wish I could look people in the eyes when I speak to them. Certain people, like people that I know, I can no problem most of the time. But if I don't know them, or we're on a subject I'd rather not talk about, I just can't do it. I catch myself looking at the ground a lot... then during the conversation people start to notice that I have a problem with eye contact and they start to get uncomfortable and it makes the whole situation worse. Actually, it has been recently pointed out to me that I don't look people in the eyes when I talk to them... that was embarrassing.

 

[Overload]

In a conversation, people hold eye contact 70% of the time. When I learned that, it became easier to improve my eye contact issues.

Thanks for posting this. I either barely look people in the eye, or stare at them the entire time. It's weird.

 

[vj288]

I can't exactly look people in the eyes, but I can usually lock on to their face. My way of thinking is "where else can I look and what would they think." If I look at the floor I'm being rude which is worse then the eyes. Down but not the floor = me looking like a shallow pig if a girl or inappropriate if a guy. Looking up would be rude + view of my huge adams apple which is not good at all. If I look left or right may think I'm not listening which would just require me to turn. Closing my eyes, just weird. All that's left is their face, so the face it is.

 

[Minty]

once when i was younger my best friend's mother told her that she would never trust me because i seem dishonest for never looking her in the eye.

I'm sorry that happened to you. My mom used to tell me that people who don't look you in the eye have something to hide, too. So I try to give people eye contact when talking to them and am usually pretty good at it. Except with a guy friend I talk to on occasion; he has issues with eye contact and he stutters. I pick up on his nervousness and it makes me nervous.

I have a really hard time looking strangers in the eye though, like when I'm walking around. I pretend I'm spacing out and I'm in my own little world so they don't get offended. lol

 

[beals]

I now stare them straight in the eye too scared to look away lol! When I'm staring at them, directly, my mind wanders in panic and I can't hear a darn thing they're saying. I almost want to go back to having shy-away eyes.

Omg, I do the same thing! I literally can't hear a thing the person says because I can't tear my eyes away from theirs and my mind goes blank. Sounds kind of funny actually. They must think I am getting lost in their eyes or something, ha!

 

[Solo Dolo]

i use to have bad problems with eye contact. it was very difficult for me. ever since i started taking paxil/pexeva the improvement is UNREAL. i can literally like stare ppl down. its amazing.

 

[Anti Matter]

Well for me it's a sense of guilt I've carried since a few years back, don't think it's improved much but I am trying.

 

[chickenmaryjane]

once when i was younger my best friend's mother told her that she would never trust me because i seem dishonest for never looking her in the eye.

People can be so shallow some time. I know someone who treats me the same way. Because I don't make eye contact and act nervous (thanks SA) she assumes that I'm dishonest. Don't the world know that liars will look you directly in the eyes to inorder to appear honest!

 

[Pookah]

Making eye contact gives me an unpleasant jolt. It just doesn't feel right and I look away without even a thought to it.

 

[Kiwong]

At the moment I can barely talk to anyone. I hold whole conversations with people while looking at the wall, computer screen or floor.

 

[N0D]

If I can't make eye contact I look at the person's mouth, it's easier than eye contact but I use it to work my way up to eye contact. If you find yourself staring focus on their mouth again so you don't get anxious and stop listening/talking.

 

[fuzzylogic]

I've noticed gorden Ramsy has really bad eye contact abilities in an interview.