bad eye contact - has anyone improved?

[MaliceInWickedland]

Not really. I've always had issues with eye contact. I have a hard time meeting people's eyes for more than a few seconds and sometimes I unintentionally glare at people when I meet their eyes because I get so overwhelmed with anxiety.

 

[TheRadicalAnxiousLefty]

I have realised that I can hold eye contact with anyone if I just focus on blinking. I don't know why, but thinking about blinking eases the stress of maintaining an eye-to-eye gaze with someone else.

You know what the good part is? People never notice it! Ever!

When I used to try and hold contact with someone, I would do other things, like lick my lips, sniff, scrunch up my cheeks, nod my head in agreement, and so on. Blinking takes the cake. You don't look like a wierdo, and you have carte blanch to blink until the cows come home!

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

Dottie: let me know if you ever find the answer. When I'm nervous (which is a lot) my eye contact is horrible! Grrr.........And, it gives people the wrong impression.

 

[ShadowCookie]

I still have issues with eye contact, I am uncomfortable when looking at people directly into the eyes.

 

[dottie]

unfortunately, no answers from me, imnotmyillness.

 

[coyote]

i tend to be very curious and inquisitive and search things out with my eyes

i worry sometimes that my gaze is too intense - all of a sudden i'll realize that i've been locking eyes with this other person for a while, and i worry that i might be making them uncomfortable, which then makes me uncomfortable, but i have trouble deciding how to break eye contact without it seeming unnatural

unless i'm in a conversation with someone where i feel like i'm "on the spot" - then i have trouble keeping eye contact, because i feel like i need the space to think of what i'm trying to communicate to get it right

(none of that probably made any sense)

 

[JackOfSpades]

I've improved at this recently. With passing strangers it's about keeping a relaxed hold and not looking away quickly, and acknowledging them by doing something with my mouth, not even a full smile. Two things I think about: don't look at people as if I'm already rejected, and don't look at women as if I want them. It seems stupid but that's been a revelation for me. The difference between day time and night time eye contact.

Many times I hold long eye contact now and because I'm managing the two emotions I just spoke about, I have significantly reduced anxiety or self concern about it.

 

[Aron]

I'm not particularly good with eye contact, but I've gotten better through the years.
There's a situation though where I have no problems with maintaining eye contact: when my colleague (a woman whom I like) talks to me. She have so beautiful eyes, that I love looking at them. Does that sound creepy?

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

I'm not particularly good with eye contact, but I've gotten better through the years.
There's a situation though where I have no problems with maintaining eye contact: when my colleague (a woman whom I like) talks to me. She have so beautiful eyes, that I love looking at them. Does that sound creepy?

Of course not Aron! The eyes are the most attractive part of the opposite sex. I love a girl with beautiful eyes.

 

[Diend]

I don't feel anxious anymore after 3 years. People say that it's increasing your social interaction, but I think it's a mix of many variables. For me, age was a big thing. I was 14-16 when I had trouble meeting eyes with people because I was intimidated by people older than me. I'm 19 now and I don't feel intimidated by people's age anymore. I also began seeing all the similarities that human beings have with each other instead of noticing the stark differences between an African American and an Asian American

 

[NeedNewAlphabet]

I have both AvPD and Asperger's (I think). Both have problems with eye contact. When I was in my twenties I was reading a book about job hunting and read about the importance of making eye contact in an interview. That was long before I was diagnosed. Anyway, I was pretty sure that blankly staring at the other person was the wrong way to do it, so I started watching what other people do. I actually studied other people's eye contact habits until I knew quite a bit about when and why people make or break eye contact. Then I copied what they did. At first it "hurt" to look people in the eye. Like some of the others here I learned tricks like not quite looking somebody in the eye. Over time I got good enough at it that I usually don't have to think about it.

My most recent therapist (yeah I know I should get back there) was sure I didn't have Asperger's and said I didn't have any of the eye contact problems they usually had. I'm not sure she believed me when I told her I had to learn it.

 

[laure15]

Eye contact does not come naturally to me. When I was a child, I don't give people eye contact a lot. When an adult talks to me, I would look at his/her neck or look at the floor, but not at the eyes. One time, my father told me that I should look at people's faces more when they talk to me. He also told me that my friend is doing a better job at it than I am. But I didn't really do what he told me to do.

Fast forward to middle school. I remember reading a book about a protagonist who is not afraid to look people in the eyes, and she gets praised for it. She even intimidates some of the characters around her. So I decide to give this a try. I started STARING at people in the eyes. I remember doing that to the librarian and she was shaken. She must have thought I was trying to be aggressive or something.

I also learned about the importance of eye contact and thought I was doing it the right way. It wasn't until many years later that I realized I was doing this the wrong way.

I actually studied other people's eye contact habits until I knew quite a bit about when and why people make or break eye contact. Then I copied what they did. At first it "hurt" to look people in the eye. Like some of the others here I learned tricks like not quite looking somebody in the eye. Over time I got good enough at it that I usually don't have to think about it.

I'm not there yet. I still need to work on this.

 

[hoddesdon]

To some degree, as a result of doing a CBT course. Although it is genuine, the feeling that it is impossible to look at someone is not actually true. It is really easy to forget, not be bothered or perhaps subconsciously forget to do it though.

 

[cocorose]

I have always been really bad with eye contact. I am just trying to force myself to do it, but it's just so wierd and uncomfortable, and I don't understand why. I hate it. I am also sometimes too honest and I hate it when people think the opposite because of this. It kind of makes me laugh, because it is showing a bit of ignorance on their part.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

A few members suggested sunglasses. I wonder if it really works. I wish we had our own tropical island and it didn't matter.