bad eye contact - has anyone improved?

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tinyOctopus

Member
I used to think I was really good at this, but I've just recently come to realize that I can only look someone in the eye if they are at a farther distance away from me. If they are right next to me I have to look at their mouth or nose.

I feel eyes are a very personal area. "Eyes are the windows to the soul" kind of thing. I will only look those in the eyes that I am close to or comfortable with.

I'm in a ballroom dancing class where we have to trade off partners every minute (therefore making me very nervous), and I notice I can NEVER look them even in the face. Having to dance with an unknown guy that up close makes me feel uncomfortable. I usually end up staring at their right shoulder or their shirt.
 
EscapeArtist

EscapeArtist

Well-known member
I think i'm quite the mastermind at this. I stare maybe a little too much at their eyes.. because then it's nerve wracking looking away. I am very desperate not to look nervous, that's my main goal when i'm around people, don't look nervous. Try to act as normal as possible. Often told that it comes as a shocker that i'm SA, it's like they're living in a different world!
 
K

Kato

Well-known member
I felt compelled to go to a seminar at a university last night that was about speaking. The class was for two hours. It started off great with a thirty minute speech about how you present yourself in front of your audience.Then,unannounced to me the next hour was for groups to practice together giving speeches about ourselves. The club who put the class on They expected me to get together with perfect strangers and tell a story about me?
First I was to make a point then tell a body of info about myself and then a conclusion. I truly felt they were out of their minds somehow. There is no way or no one in hell I was going to say a damn word to any such thing. But then suddenly I began to realize that they were about to put me in group number one with several other people. It wasn't easy to get out of that room but I didn't care. I wasn't given no FN speech about me. I was gone at minute number 31. I avoided that situation rather well I think.

I have no problem staring them all in the eye. No one was keeping me in there.
 
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Acegame

Well-known member
I dont mind looking people in the eye when im in a conversation. But i do mind to look someone in the eye when im not. Like sitting in a train opposed to someone. It depends on the person, but once i came very close to a panic attack when there was a gorgeous girl sitting across form me. I hate being stared at!!!
 
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sara226

Active member
I find eye contact hard because I think people might see sadness in my eyes sometimes but I try to look at people as much as possible.

I think I've got better with practise.

Also eye contact releases PEA and oxytocin (love hormones).
 
Nitro

Nitro

Member
lyricalliaisons said:
I really wish I could understand why people want others to look them in the eyes when they're talking to them. I just don't see the point of it. As long as you're listening to the person, why does it matter if you're looking in their eyes? I think maybe it's because people think you're not listening unless you're looking at them & if you're looking at their eyes, they assume you must be listening because that takes a lot of concentration. It really annoys me, though, so I don't do it most of the time, because I just don't see the point of it.
Click to expand...

that's pretty much how I look at it. I mean we use our ears to listen not our eyes!

I still despise eye contact but I've gotten better with it. I cope by taking breaks during conversation and looking away briefly while nodding slightly. It gives the illusion that I'm thinking about what they're saying while allowing me to recover and go in for round 2. I don't know why I hate eye contact but it feels like my eyes are just naturally repelled from that area. it's even difficult for me to stare into the eyes of a person in a poster sometimes.

Oh and it's so much harder to maintain eye contact with a girl. Don't ask me why but I feel like shrivelling up inside when I have to stare into a girl's eyes for too long.
 
Kathryn.fr

Kathryn.fr

Well-known member
I cant look anyone in the eyes, I'm working on it though. If I know them, the first thing I try to do is look them in the eyes when I say hi or smething, that way it's not like "HEY you looked me in the eye!" later on, then get all shut down lol.
 
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Azunyan

Well-known member
I couldnt look people i did not know in the eyes when i was younger.
I would look for 1-2 seconds then snap away and look at something else.
Ive improved over the years tho and now its not that big of a problem.
I still have some trouble mainting eye contact in a conversation but nothing big, or noticable.

Im not sure why or how it improved but yes, there is definitely hope.
 
Phoenixx

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Since my early teens I've had pretty horrible eye contact. At one point, it was so bad I couldn't even look my own parents in the eye when I talked to them. I either looked down on the ground, kept myself occupied and pretended to be doing something, or looked elsewhere when I talked. I never got accused of being dishonest though.

I've been working on my eye contact for about a year now, and I think I've improved a lot. Sure, I still feel uncomfortable sometimes, and some days it's still hard to make eye contact. But I don't look down so much anymore. I sometimes feel like I'm staring a bit, but it feels better than looking down all the time. I don't really have any tips on how I did it. I sort of just started to force myself to make eye contact. I'm not 100% improved, but I'm still working on it.
 
C

Conspiracy

Well-known member
Only time I make eye contact is when I'm extremely furious at someone. I look at them so they back off before things get worse. Other than that, I never look someone in the eye. So I've never had positive eye contact. When I do, i get a strong surge of insecurity and shyness. It's easier when you're filled with rage.
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
fitftw said:
^ it is a distrust. It's the fact that eyes are the window to the soul. You don't want anyone to be able to see your soul, so you hide your eyes. I do the same ____ all the time. ESPECIALLY when women are in the equation
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For me, since i trust women more, it's more so with males that i avoid eye-contact.
Males, since they are generally less caught-up in emotions than females, seem the most "eager" to make eye contact, maybe as it's "more interesting" talking to a face that moves/engages?
It's a "pain in the eye" (!!!).
 
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Srijita52

Srijita52

Well-known member
I never had a good eye contact either,but it wasn't so bad.I find it lot easier to look people in the eye while listening than talking.I still hesitate sometimes but otherwise its okay.I think you should start from brief eye contacts & try to lengthen it gradually.But sometimes I find myself making too much eye contact,that's bad too.Ppl think its wierd.
 
StupidWiz

StupidWiz

Well-known member
After being verbally and physically abused in my childhood by my mother, I can't look people in the eyes anymore when I talk to them. I don't know why, maybe it's a traumatic experience. I remember being abused by her, her face was so scary that I finally turn my gaze onto the floor. After that, I could never keep an eye contact for long as that memory always comes back to me.

I've been trying hard to keep eye contact whenever I have conversation, but it's really hard. Most often I just look away from them and try to listen what they're trying to say. ::(:
 
Metal_isthe_Answer

Metal_isthe_Answer

Well-known member
I always looked at the table in front of me, but, if you want to seem more like your looking at someone directly, look at the wall or something just behind them.
Ive always had a problem with this, now that i have one eye its a little worse, I hate that I have something that seems to draw attention directly to me
 
mart22n

mart22n

Well-known member
Well, my experience: when I'm afraid to look someone in the eye, I've just flat told them "Look into my eyes!" followed by "I'm not afraid to look into your eyes!". Idk, it might help. However, what I've heard is when you cannot look people into the eyes it communicates subordination and weakness. When you've got the power, i.e. you do what you want to do, then you got no problem to look someone into the eye.
 
mikebird

mikebird

Banned
This is a very new topic to me.

The worst scenario I've had was with my boss, where I started a new job this year. 4th of Jan.

That person never looked me in the eye, once the second interview was finished. 3 months in a portakabin office with 6 people who never took anything seriously and just laughed all day long about their new expensive cars. The put me right in the middle of the room, having to play tennis, looking from one person to the other all the time. They were all happy together, spending more than the last 10 years together.

Whenever I spoke to this boss, he just looked away, at someone else, the floor, something on a wall, ignoring me. After 3 months of that, I was unable to keep body & soul together, although I had clocked that situation within a week, and would have been a lot better off walking out after a few days. That's never a simple decision, is it, once you're earning money?

I'm very glad to be out. My demeanour of eye contact is a begging puppy looking up to the person. I've just assumed that is acceptable for everyone. Seems to work OK with my growing family. I wonder if we relate properly to the outside world. Beyond the eyes, my attitude deep within is to have a sharp hatchet to hand, and see how a person feels, once their nose is gone
 
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redtear

Well-known member
I got better with eye contact after getting tired, and being embarrassed by, people asking me why I'm always looking down. It just felt easier to make the eye contact then to be called out on not making it. Now it doesn't give me problems at all, except sometimes I feel like a person is looking into both of my eyes at once, and I'm only able to focus on one of their eyes at a time. Really weird feeling. Oh and I still can't make eye contact when sharing something personal, but that doesn't happen too ofetn anyways!
 
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