Arohanui - Ake Ake KiaKaha's Journal
- Thread starter KiaKaha
- Start date
MsBuzzkillington
Well-known member
Sorry for double posting earlier I thought it hadn't posted so I typed it out again and then it would appear it posted twice.
Sorry you had a rough weekend.
Heres a picture of a cute thing for no reason. I dont know what it is but it made me smile.
Awwwwww, cuuuuuuute. I love little tiny things!
KiaKaha
Banned
Haven't had the chance to really read through the posts here but I skimmed the very first one and I like it already
Nice to meet you :
Why hello there - we probably know each other cos I changed my name as well. Nice to meet you too.
Srijita52
Well-known member
^Aww its very cuteSorry you had a rough weekend.
Heres a picture of a cute thing for no reason. I dont know what it is but it made me smile.
KiaKaha
Banned
So I have just spent the last 3 hours hosting a class on basic use of how to use a computer to recently arrived immigrants into the country.
It was a challenge - not only because of language barriers but mostly because they had absolutely zero knowledge of how to use a computer. Even using a mouse to point was extremely difficult and challenging. Single clicking, double clicking - using drop down boxes, closing a window, starting an application - typing... all of it was a very slow painful struggle.
I know that with practice it will get easier for them - but it made me think about just how very different we are and from a cognitive sense - how vastly different our minds work. Closing a window is ridiculously easy for me - but for them it was confusing and difficult - it makes me realize that everyone is different and no one single approach or philosophy is necessarily suitable for everyone.
It was a challenge - not only because of language barriers but mostly because they had absolutely zero knowledge of how to use a computer. Even using a mouse to point was extremely difficult and challenging. Single clicking, double clicking - using drop down boxes, closing a window, starting an application - typing... all of it was a very slow painful struggle.
I know that with practice it will get easier for them - but it made me think about just how very different we are and from a cognitive sense - how vastly different our minds work. Closing a window is ridiculously easy for me - but for them it was confusing and difficult - it makes me realize that everyone is different and no one single approach or philosophy is necessarily suitable for everyone.
^ Very interesting story.^
~ Sorry things didn't turn out, even beautiful people hit rocks time after time. I like how willing you are to help and learn about people. It's hard to open up after blows, it's a battle field we either retreat or keep throwing fire at what we're trying to conquer. You may seem hopeless, but you gave people hope just like those immigrants you've taught. I hope you'll be okay *Peace*
~ Sorry things didn't turn out, even beautiful people hit rocks time after time. I like how willing you are to help and learn about people. It's hard to open up after blows, it's a battle field we either retreat or keep throwing fire at what we're trying to conquer. You may seem hopeless, but you gave people hope just like those immigrants you've taught. I hope you'll be okay *Peace*
Kat
Well-known member
Yep, that's true.
haha it reminds me of my mum when she uses the computer:: her foreign language is formed from frustration. ::
MsBuzzkillington
Well-known member
I agree with this, it is why "it's all relative" is so true. I have always felt like the term "common sense" wasn't really common. Because common sense for us is knowing how to close a computer window, but it isn't for them. So what really is this "common sense" people seem to be so proud they have? Haha
Also, good job with teaching the class. That sounds great! I think it would have been a struggle. Good on you for getting through it.
KiaKaha
Banned
Yes thats exactly right - common sense is relative. I wish more people would understand this. I can acknowledge that its frustrating though when something that is so simple and sensible to you is so difficult for someone else to understand. You have to be patient - and have enough insight to try and put yourself into someone elses shoes.
But thanks - it wasnt so bad. They were pretty friendly and they appreciated my help (its things like this that dont make me feel like falling into a complete pit of utter despair, self loathing and despondency.... oops almost made it through the whole post without negativity...damn)
But thanks - it wasnt so bad. They were pretty friendly and they appreciated my help (its things like this that dont make me feel like falling into a complete pit of utter despair, self loathing and despondency.... oops almost made it through the whole post without negativity...damn)
MikeyC
Well-known member
I don't think enough people do this.
KiaKaha
Banned
Well - I just heard back from the girl I dated the other day (yes I am STILL going on about it) she sent me a nice long email about everything - and it just confirms to me yet again...
that women dont like nice guys - they like bastards.
I see it over and over and over again - its quite remarkable.
Sorry if that offends some of you - but what else am I supposed to think.
I am going to be a lot more harsh and impatient with people from now on. I mean...I will try. I am not sure if I have it in me to do so, and I probably cant afford to be anyway - but its not like I have loads of people wanting to be my friend anyway. Maybe I should become a bastard.... you know, dominate, put down, posses, interrupt, not listen - be blunt to the point of rudeness.
People seem to like that.Dominance - taking charge - in control thats what its all about. None of this ****ing sympathy crap.
Where as that ever gotten anyone? No where thats where.
that women dont like nice guys - they like bastards.
I see it over and over and over again - its quite remarkable.
Sorry if that offends some of you - but what else am I supposed to think.
I am going to be a lot more harsh and impatient with people from now on. I mean...I will try. I am not sure if I have it in me to do so, and I probably cant afford to be anyway - but its not like I have loads of people wanting to be my friend anyway. Maybe I should become a bastard.... you know, dominate, put down, posses, interrupt, not listen - be blunt to the point of rudeness.
People seem to like that.Dominance - taking charge - in control thats what its all about. None of this ****ing sympathy crap.
Where as that ever gotten anyone? No where thats where.
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MsBuzzkillington
Well-known member
No you're wrong; girls like nice guys. Girls do not like OVERLY nice guys. There is a difference. This is a random example but once I was hanging out with a guy and he practically ran me over trying to get the door so he could open it for me. It was the "right" thing to do, but it is like, if I am in front of you I can get the door myself. Especially if you have to practically run over me/passed me to get it.
If you are a doormat or you are overly nice (not really saying you are a doormat) but that shows a lack of confidence. That is one example of how the "nice guy" gets passed over. Also, I have noticed that a lot of nice guys do things that they believe to be the right thing to do. Sort of like, pampering the girl and treating her like royalty. Like she is some dainty little flower that can't be harmed. Some girls absolutely LOVE that but some girls hate it. I personally am the type of person that hates it. I am way too independent for that. I don't want to be treated like trash, but I don't want to be treated like a princess either. We are equals and things should be equal. No one should have to sacrifice more than the other, and sometimes the "too nice" guys seem to sacrifice more than their fair share. It seems weird to say that behavior like that can be a bad thing, but some girls like a guy with a backbone.
Please for the love of god don't become a jerk. Girls do NOT and I mean do NOT like that.
Some girls like the really, really nice guys. If you are a really nice guy you have to wait for that girl. The girls who are going after the jerks have other problems. Why do you want a girl who is going to like a jerk? Why not hold out for one who likes nice guys, instead of trying to change yourself for girls who aren't right for you anyway.
I don't mean this in a rude way or to put you down. Because you are a great guy with a great head on your shoulders (aside from the negative thinking) You WILL find a girl who likes you for who you are and that will be the girl will enjoy all the niceness that you bring to the table. She will be looking for those qualities in a guy and you will be her match.
You must, MUST MUST MUST MUST learn to love yourself before your can go after a girl. Once you believe that you are awesome, so will others. You can't find someone to love you for you if you don't love you for you. Also, it isn't wise to try and date or pursue relationships while depressed. If one bad thing goes wrong it kills you and knocks you down far. But if a good thing happens, it makes you feel positive (if only slightly). It is better to find happiness within yourself first, instead of your happiness depending on whether or not you can snag a long term relationship or who likes you or what kind of friends you can make.
I am sorry if this isn't what you are looking for, but I really am just trying to give you some useful advice. Please, please, please don't take what I said and put a negative spin on it and feel like a bad person or anything related to that, that is not my intention. You are right to be frustrated, and I can understand your frustrations and sadness. I just want you to be able to see what everyone here can see, and gain confidence to realize you are worth it.
Also, I just remembered. I was thinking about the whole trying to explain why girls stay in abusive relationships thing and I had an idea that might help. When you are in an abusive relationship you feel like you aren't good enough. It is, oddly enough, terrifying to leave. Now, when you are depressed, you constantly beat yourself up, you constantly say you aren't good enough. You stay in the depressed state of mind because you feel like that is all there is, that is all you deserve. In a way, letting go of the "comfort zone" of depression is terrifying. Taking chances, taking risks to beat depression/SA is terrifying.
So in a way, being depressed and being in an abusive relationship are kind of the same thing. Your abuser in this relationship is your depression and you stay with it, despite how cruel it is to you.
If anyone actually read my entire post (I always type too much) I hope that last bit makes some sense. I am not sure, it was something I was thinking about.
If you are a doormat or you are overly nice (not really saying you are a doormat) but that shows a lack of confidence. That is one example of how the "nice guy" gets passed over. Also, I have noticed that a lot of nice guys do things that they believe to be the right thing to do. Sort of like, pampering the girl and treating her like royalty. Like she is some dainty little flower that can't be harmed. Some girls absolutely LOVE that but some girls hate it. I personally am the type of person that hates it. I am way too independent for that. I don't want to be treated like trash, but I don't want to be treated like a princess either. We are equals and things should be equal. No one should have to sacrifice more than the other, and sometimes the "too nice" guys seem to sacrifice more than their fair share. It seems weird to say that behavior like that can be a bad thing, but some girls like a guy with a backbone.
Please for the love of god don't become a jerk. Girls do NOT and I mean do NOT like that.
Some girls like the really, really nice guys. If you are a really nice guy you have to wait for that girl. The girls who are going after the jerks have other problems. Why do you want a girl who is going to like a jerk? Why not hold out for one who likes nice guys, instead of trying to change yourself for girls who aren't right for you anyway.
I don't mean this in a rude way or to put you down. Because you are a great guy with a great head on your shoulders (aside from the negative thinking
) You WILL find a girl who likes you for who you are and that will be the girl will enjoy all the niceness that you bring to the table. She will be looking for those qualities in a guy and you will be her match. You must, MUST MUST MUST MUST learn to love yourself before your can go after a girl. Once you believe that you are awesome, so will others. You can't find someone to love you for you if you don't love you for you. Also, it isn't wise to try and date or pursue relationships while depressed. If one bad thing goes wrong it kills you and knocks you down far. But if a good thing happens, it makes you feel positive (if only slightly). It is better to find happiness within yourself first, instead of your happiness depending on whether or not you can snag a long term relationship or who likes you or what kind of friends you can make.
I am sorry if this isn't what you are looking for, but I really am just trying to give you some useful advice. Please, please, please don't take what I said and put a negative spin on it and feel like a bad person or anything related to that, that is not my intention. You are right to be frustrated, and I can understand your frustrations and sadness. I just want you to be able to see what everyone here can see, and gain confidence to realize you are worth it.
Also, I just remembered. I was thinking about the whole trying to explain why girls stay in abusive relationships thing and I had an idea that might help. When you are in an abusive relationship you feel like you aren't good enough. It is, oddly enough, terrifying to leave. Now, when you are depressed, you constantly beat yourself up, you constantly say you aren't good enough. You stay in the depressed state of mind because you feel like that is all there is, that is all you deserve. In a way, letting go of the "comfort zone" of depression is terrifying. Taking chances, taking risks to beat depression/SA is terrifying.
So in a way, being depressed and being in an abusive relationship are kind of the same thing. Your abuser in this relationship is your depression and you stay with it, despite how cruel it is to you.
If anyone actually read my entire post (I always type too much) I hope that last bit makes some sense. I am not sure, it was something I was thinking about.
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KiaKaha
Banned
Look before I go to sleep - with a tear in my eye I might add. I will just say this -
I am not even close to a door mat - nor do I place women on pedestals - I am not overly nice to the point of ridiculousness, I am not going to race to a door to open it for you, or place my jacket on a puddle - screw that - do it yourself, your not physically handicapped. In fact I can be incredibly selfish with my time and neglectful (which was the one reason why the one girl that actually gave me a chance for more than a month broke up with me - which by the way I have learned from and regret) - but when I see time and time again the kinds of guys you say you all say you want, and the kinds of guys you actually go for - How is that supposed to make me feel?
I am not attacking - but what am I supposed to think?
here is a couple of real life examples
- "Your such a sweet guy but I prefer emotionally distant men"
- "You will make someone really happy one day - but you are not for me"
- "You are too understanding - I like my men to put me in my place"
- "You have many admirable traits for a man"
I remember one time I even offered sympathy to a girl I dated when her uncle passed away - and I got dumped the next day. Sorry for caring.
I get really annoyed when women go out with guys that physically and emotionally abuse them - its frustrating and it makes me feel like crap.
So many times I have been passed over for someone else, over and over and over again - I am just sick of it. Yes - I am courteous, I am tolerant (believe it or not) and I am patient - I am protective and understanding. I also lack a bit of confidence sometimes and it seems that this is the deal breaker... so WHAT if I do... its not to the point where I am continually downing myself at every moment....I am unsure of myself occasionally... is that such a crime? Do you know what would grow my confidence? Not being rejected all the time.
Why does that outweigh everything else? Why is that the one thing that matters? I cant help it - and the more times I get rejected the less confidence I have.
All I want for once - is a chance - a decent shot - I am not as much of a pushover as people think. I have a lot of strength inside myself - more than people give me credit for, infact out of all the crap I have to deal with in my life I am amazed that I am as strong as I am.
I just really feel like going the other way sometimes - but I dont think I have it in me... not deep down at least. I try to be as confident, as strong and as masculine as I can - but its not enough. I never make the grade. You are all like wolves sniffing the air for blood....waiting to identify that weakness that drives you away.
Also why is being overly nice more of a put off than being an abusive possessive jerk? I mean if you had to choose between the two - why is that one more attractive?
I knew that it was too good to be true - I knew that it was going to turn out the way that it did - and I know that for some stupid reason eventually I will try again and it will turn out the same way.
btw - I am not turning into a misogynist or anything - I am just tried of it. Sick of it.
I give up. I'm done - if I ever hear someone say that there are no decent men take a look in that vast circle called the friend zone - Thyre all there....where you left them.
I am not even close to a door mat - nor do I place women on pedestals - I am not overly nice to the point of ridiculousness, I am not going to race to a door to open it for you, or place my jacket on a puddle - screw that - do it yourself, your not physically handicapped. In fact I can be incredibly selfish with my time and neglectful (which was the one reason why the one girl that actually gave me a chance for more than a month broke up with me - which by the way I have learned from and regret) - but when I see time and time again the kinds of guys you say you all say you want, and the kinds of guys you actually go for - How is that supposed to make me feel?
I am not attacking - but what am I supposed to think?
here is a couple of real life examples
- "Your such a sweet guy but I prefer emotionally distant men"
- "You will make someone really happy one day - but you are not for me"
- "You are too understanding - I like my men to put me in my place"
- "You have many admirable traits for a man"
I remember one time I even offered sympathy to a girl I dated when her uncle passed away - and I got dumped the next day. Sorry for caring.
I get really annoyed when women go out with guys that physically and emotionally abuse them - its frustrating and it makes me feel like crap.
So many times I have been passed over for someone else, over and over and over again - I am just sick of it. Yes - I am courteous, I am tolerant (believe it or not) and I am patient - I am protective and understanding. I also lack a bit of confidence sometimes and it seems that this is the deal breaker... so WHAT if I do... its not to the point where I am continually downing myself at every moment....I am unsure of myself occasionally... is that such a crime? Do you know what would grow my confidence? Not being rejected all the time.
Why does that outweigh everything else? Why is that the one thing that matters? I cant help it - and the more times I get rejected the less confidence I have.
All I want for once - is a chance - a decent shot - I am not as much of a pushover as people think. I have a lot of strength inside myself - more than people give me credit for, infact out of all the crap I have to deal with in my life I am amazed that I am as strong as I am.
I just really feel like going the other way sometimes - but I dont think I have it in me... not deep down at least. I try to be as confident, as strong and as masculine as I can - but its not enough. I never make the grade. You are all like wolves sniffing the air for blood....waiting to identify that weakness that drives you away.
Also why is being overly nice more of a put off than being an abusive possessive jerk? I mean if you had to choose between the two - why is that one more attractive?
I knew that it was too good to be true - I knew that it was going to turn out the way that it did - and I know that for some stupid reason eventually I will try again and it will turn out the same way.
btw - I am not turning into a misogynist or anything - I am just tried of it. Sick of it.
I give up. I'm done - if I ever hear someone say that there are no decent men take a look in that vast circle called the friend zone - Thyre all there....where you left them.
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Srijita52
Well-known member
I agree with this. I've had some "too nice" guys treat me like I'm a little kid who needs protection always. Now I know that they were doing it with the best of intentions and obviously because they're caring. But I'm sort of a independent person too and I need my space. Its good to a point but if they do it all the time it can really get to my nerve. But I personally know some girls who absolutely love it. I really hope you find a right girl for you Kia.
P.S I read the whole post.
1BlackSheep
Well-known member
What a cool thing to do for these folks! This will open so many new doors for them. You get an "A" for the day - make that an "A+"!!!
1BlackSheep
Well-known member
I agree with all of what Firewalk so eloquently expressed! I don't think you will find happiness being someone you're not.