Arohanui - Ake Ake KiaKaha's Journal

[KiaKaha]

^This.

I don't really think the world wants perfection at all - maybe in some quarters, for some purposes, in places where shallowness prevails, such as profit-chasing corporations. I don't think the media helps either - advertisements portraying these perfect homes and livelihoods that try and affiliate to the masses but really, are way off from the reality.

There will always be superficial people out there fixated on attaining what they consider 'perfection', if they haven't already 'got' it, and those are the kind of people who make the rest of us feel bad. The snobs. Those who like to, 'Keep up with the Joneses'. But I don't think their presentation of what life or the world is truly or accurately reflects the diverse, muddled, and quite often mundane, nature of reality. Either that, or they just feel as though they are too good for reality and select their circles carefully.

I'm not sure if this is on-topic to your thread, so I'm sorry if it isn't, I'm just going from the above comment and wanted to post.

Don't worry - I dont think there is any real theme here - mostly its a tirade of inner confusion, impracticable idealism and bewilderment that I cant get my own way.

I do wonder how superficial I really am - which may in part be part of the reason I cant attain the "standard" that I am seeking. I dont think I am shallow though - It just feels - that in order to be an acceptable part of society - you have to be the best. I mean - you see representations of the importance of status....everywhere.

Perhaps perfection isnt the right word - but lets face it we *are* pretty judgmental - we do tend to make quick snap judgements and think we know all there is to know about someone. If you come across like a complete tool on the forum - how quickly are they jumped on? Who knows what person they are *really* like.... I dont know maybe its just me. I always feel like I get judged to quickly - and I feel l do the same to others sometimes (although I try to remain vigilant) - I dont know... I would be hard to become convinced that good attributes in people outweigh the bad - or at least are more noticed.

 

[persianfan247]

Don't worry - I dont think there is any real theme here - mostly its a tirade of inner confusion, impracticable idealism and bewilderment that I cant get my own way.

I do wonder how superficial I really am - which may in part be part of the reason I cant attain the "standard" that I am seeking. I dont think I am shallow though - It just feels - that in order to be an acceptable part of society - you have to be the best. I mean - you see representations of the importance of status....everywhere.

Perhaps perfection isnt the right word - but lets face it we *are* pretty judgmental - we do tend to make quick snap judgements and think we know all there is to know about someone. If you come across like a complete tool on the forum - how quickly are they jumped on? Who knows what person they are *really* like.... I dont know maybe its just me. I always feel like I get judged to quickly - and I feel l do the same to others sometimes (although I try to remain vigilant) - I dont know... I would be hard to become convinced that good attributes in people outweigh the bad - or at least are more noticed.

I agree that people can be quick to judge and I also try not to Judge too quickly either, however I also think that sometimes we have no choice but to make snap judgements about things, because of things like time and pressure.

However I also think that people judge things based upon assumptions they make, like if you don't know how to cook things by the time your 20 you must be an idiot. They can also make assumptions based upon their own experience in life, like that they knew how to socialise by the time they were 13 and anyone who dosn't know by 20 is an idiot, that is they think they know how to socialise.

Really the worst thing about people judging other people is that they have made assumptions about what is fact despite whether it is a fact and they act on it.

 

[MikeyC]

Wonderful post, twiggle.

 

[KiaKaha]

I have come to realize that the worse thing about my life - is my mind. The constant confusion I have. The unanswered suspicions and questions that I ask myself. I wish I was the kind of person that didn't yearn or care about companionship or company. It goes round and round and round in my head - driving me more crazy with each passing moment. Its so unsatisfying thinking that you know why.... but not really knowing for absolute sure that its the truth. Its a constant cloud that hangs over my head - I always feel that people arent being completely honest with me - to spare not only my feelings - but also their own.

And this is where the cynicism begins - unproven closure. I wish people would be more honest, but not rude about it... if thats possible. I wish that I was understood... or even.... incur the desire to be understood.

Why cant people just do what I want them to do dammit... but seriously.

I am taking my time with twiggles post - hey feel free to talk it up anytime, people can say what they want - this aint no facist state - its a democracy in here. Pull up a chair, have a drink - would you like some nachos? No? More for me then.... om nom nom nom...

 

[MikeyC]

I have come to realize that the worse thing about my life - is my mind.

Our minds can play against us if we're not careful.

I wish people would be more honest, but not rude about it... if thats possible.

Sometimes this is not possible. A rude awakening is occasionally needed, even for me. Honesty does go a long way, I will admit.

would you like some nachos?

Yes, and I will be so furious if I don't get any the next time I click on your journal.

 

[Srijita52]

I have come to realize that the worse thing about my life - is my mind. The constant confusion I have. The unanswered suspicions and questions that I ask myself. I wish I was the kind of person that didn't yearn or care about companionship or company. It goes round and round and round in my head - driving me more crazy with each passing moment. Its so unsatisfying thinking that you know why.... but not really knowing for absolute sure that its the truth. Its a constant cloud that hangs over my head - I always feel that people arent being completely honest with me - to spare not only my feelings - but also their own.

And this is where the cynicism begins - unproven closure. I wish people would be more honest, but not rude about it... if thats possible. I wish that I was understood... or even.... incur the desire to be understood.

Why cant people just do what I want them to do dammit... but seriously.

I am taking my time with twiggles post - hey feel free to talk it up anytime, people can say what they want - this aint no facist state - its a democracy in here. Pull up a chair, have a drink - would you like some nachos? No? More for me then.... om nom nom nom...

I agree with Mikey our minds can play against us sometimes.
I think there're very few people who don't care about companionship, its almost unavoidable.

I think people can be honest sometimes without being rude but sometimes you need an honest rude opinion. Though it may not sound nice at the moment, I've found its usually useful in the long run.
Hey I wanted some nachos!! Are there any left?

 

[KiaKaha]

Sometimes this is not possible. A rude awakening is occasionally needed, even for me. Honesty does go a long way, I will admit.


Yes, and I will be so furious if I don't get any the next time I click on your journal.

Yes - sometimes it is, but for me personally it takes a LOT to push me that far - to the point where I have to be rude about it. I prefer firmness alongside with tact, because I dont want to hurt their feelings - Yeah, I am a dippy bleeding heart liberal. There is a fine line though - *IF* the only way to get through to someone, or if they are personally attacking you or have driven you to such frustration, sometimes an emotional response will be invoked, which is often illustrated through being "rude" - We all do it - we all have our limits, although I am sure most of us wouldnt want to show it so often. Keeping our cool is part of the facade of confidence.

You know I swear to god I can smell bull**** - I believe you can be honest while being respectful about how a person feels, but most of us are so self serving and afraid to do so that we dont - instead we sugar coat, we avoid and we ignore. Its a difficult balance - I am probably not making any sense - it sounds mildly hypocritical. Its like instead of making me guess... be honest, be firm, stand your ground - explain how you feel - but dont be a dick about it. Meh.

And the nachos are gone - I was hungry. Maybe I will make some tortillas next time....

You gotta be quick around here.... *licks fingers*

 

[MikeyC]

You know I swear to god I can smell bull**** - I believe you can be honest while being respectful about how a person feels, but most of us are so self serving and afraid to do so that we dont - instead we sugar coat, we avoid and we ignore. Its a difficult balance - I am probably not making any sense - it sounds mildly hypocritical. Its like instead of making me guess... be honest, be firm, stand your ground - explain how you feel - but dont be a dick about it. Meh.

I am guilty of not being forthright in favour of not getting into conflict. I would like to be firmer and stand my ground but I don't have enough confidence in myself. I would imagine I'm not the only one.

 

[KiaKaha]

I dont know - maybe I have it wrong. I just think - you know if someone looks at me like a piece of garbage. Instead of making me go through the anguish of wondering why... why dont they just come out and say "You know what - I dont like you, I dont know why I dont like you, but I dont - you look like a prick - I dont like your clothes, the way you walk and your face - thats why I look at you like the biggest pile of crap I have ever seen "- Then I could do something about it - I actually find that more straight up and respectful than pussy footing around.

But on the flipside - its good to be straight up, but not be - well as obviously not quite as rude as THAT - but be I dont know - tactful... I guess.

Ok Its an extreme example, and kind of a lame one too. No - Instead, we show our contempt in ways that convey the message well enough, but without the reason - without giving an excuse to retaliate. Because its anti social to behave this way. Instead - all we have is confusion and questions without answers.

Its a fine line - I just dont want to jump to any more conclusions - I am tired of filling in the gaps without conclusive evidence.

It really depends on the situation and who it is - and how they are responding. Its not an easy thing to do - I think most of us do it to keep the peace - and to not make us feel like we are being mean. I do it too.

Anyway - I am babbling..

 

[KiaKaha]

I think there're very few people who don't care about companionship, its almost unavoidable.

I think all of us deep down are vulnerable and we are all want to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance. I think this is one of our fundamental drives of being alive.

 

[MikeyC]

Being that rude wouldn't be good at all! But I see what you're trying to say. It would be a lot easier if someone just came out and said it so you can heal.

 

[Srijita52]

I am guilty of not being forthright in favour of not getting into conflict. I would like to be firmer and stand my ground but I don't have enough confidence in myself. I would imagine I'm not the only one.

I'm exactly the same too. I hate conflicts and try to avoid them. But sometimes we need to push ourselves I guess.

 

[KiaKaha]

Being that rude wouldn't be good at all! But I see what you're trying to say. It would be a lot easier if someone just came out and said it so you can heal.

Yes...heal - I want peace inside my mind.

You have hit the nail on the head, but I cant - not unless I know why, not unless I can rationalize and understand....and yes, it does matter knowing this - it would make me feel better thank you very much. How am I supposed to learn if I dont know? I will just keep making the same mistakes over and over again. Its like someone who has a piece of toilet paper hanging out of their fly and no one tells them and everyone is laughing.

Conflict - I dont like conflict either... but I dislike bull**** even more.

But yes - thanks to well....everyone for posting in my little thread. You are very kind to share your thoughts with me. It helps.

 

[kilojoule]

Something I've learnt this last few years

The joy of life is in facing seemingly impossible difficulty and complication and winning through on the rare occasion depsite of it.

Life is a battle, then you die. But when you fight and win, even for a moment, it feels so much sweeter.

^ well said

 

[kilojoule]

I know what you mean kia.

I share your sentiments I wish people would just be straight about what they think. ..But they're not and there is no way to change that. Can really only change how we respond and react to how they behave toward us.

 

[persianfan247]

When people are being polite they ae in most cases not doing it for your benefit but just to avoid conflict. However if people were brutally honest without trying to be a dick about it then I would at least know how they regard me and understand their interactions with me. I would not hold it against them and if I thought they were wrong about me I would try to show them how they are wrong, which is probably something else they would want to avoid, being proven wrong, or having to devote time to arguing with someone.

 

[1BlackSheep]

I dont know - maybe I have it wrong. I just think - you know if someone looks at me like a piece of garbage. Instead of making me go through the anguish of wondering why... why dont they just come out and say "You know what - I dont like you, I dont know why I dont like you, but I dont - you look like a prick - I dont like your clothes, the way you walk and your face - thats why I look at you like the biggest pile of crap I have ever seen "- Then I could do something about it - I actually find that more straight up and respectful than pussy footing around.

But on the flipside - its good to be straight up, but not be - well as obviously not quite as rude as THAT - but be I dont know - tactful... I guess.

EXACTLY!!!! Sometimes I'd just like to know the truth instead of having to wonder, especially when it's something that happens over and over again.

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

Why do you want to try and change yourself for someone that hates you for no reason? A person that judges you solely off of your looks? I say a person that looks at you and decides they hate you can get lost. Sounds like they are the ones with the problem, not you. Just a thought.

 

[KiaKaha]

Why do you want to try and change yourself for someone that hates you for no reason? A person that judges you solely off of your looks? I say a person that looks at you and decides they hate you can get lost. Sounds like they are the ones with the problem, not you. Just a thought.

I dont know - maybe I am just soft. Maybe I just care about what other people think a little too much. I wish I could turn it off, but I cant.

Yep - I'm full of cants.

Its not necessarily about changing yourself - although sometimes that might be necessary - its about what it is that their problem is. Do you have any idea how often people look at me like I am the biggest loser they have ever seen? Thats right - they can get lost, I know that if someone is going to treat me that way they can get stuffed - but it also makes me feel paranoid and insecure, especially seeing as it happens over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. Would that not strike some degree of curiosity as too why? I would like to know from an objective point of view how I come across - maybe I can change something about myself to appear more confident or attractive or whatever, or maybe it would just give me an excuse to tell them where to go.

 

[Srijita52]

I dont know - maybe I am just soft. Maybe I just care about what other people think a little too much. I wish I could turn it off, but I cant.

Yep - I'm full of cants.

Its not necessarily about changing yourself - although sometimes that might be necessary - its about what it is that their problem is. Do you have any idea how often people look at me like I am the biggest loser they have ever seen? Thats right - they can get lost, I know that if someone is going to treat me that way they can get stuffed - but it also makes me feel paranoid and insecure, especially seeing as it happens over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. Would that not strike some degree of curiosity as too why? I would like to know from an objective point of view how I come across - maybe I can change something about myself to appear more confident or attractive or whatever, or maybe it would just give me an excuse to tell them where to go.

I can be wrong but changing yourself is sometimes necessary. It doesn't mean you change completely and sell out for the sake of others, but doing some changes here and there never hurts. I think very few people are going to tell you straight what they want you to change. They might be too polite or too busy with themselves. Its something you've to figure out yourself. Maybe you can observe the people around you to find out what they prefer, do a little experiment, find out what you're doing wrong, what might make you better. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being yourself, but if learning something new can make you more acceptable and if that's something you want then go for it. Of course it doesn't mean you stop being who you are, you just try to polish yourself more. Does this make sense? Or maybe I'm rambling again