Are you good enough? For the opposite sex?

[dyingtolive]

Are you good enough for yourself? Do you think you're good enough in the eyes of the opposite sex as a partner? Do you think you're 'more than good enough'?

Do you think you're not good enough, but if you worked real hard, could become good enough? Or Do you think that you're not good enough and no matter what you do, will never be good enough?


Well me, i think i was rejected at an early age and from then on thought that I was not good enough. But if I just worked really hard, there was a way that I could become good enough for someone to like me.. And growing up thats what i tried to do.. But I also had alcohol to help myself believe that I was good enough.

Now I don't feel good enough but I believe that if i just worked really hard, then someday I will feel good enough again, and perhaps I will accept myself enough to gain confidence in myself and feel that i am good enough for someone to like me.

But nowadays its so complicated. I'm older now. But i still feel like a kid coz i can't handle things like other adults do. I can barely even order at a restaurant. That's one of my weaknesses.. and a whole lot of other things.

For the last several years, the thought of a partner really wasn't something I thought about. Things were just too messy, and I never really got lonely. There were a couple of girls that I met that I had to distance myself from because I knew I was not ready and I couldn't handle them. I was not good enough for them.

But lately, I've begun to feel lonely sometimes. Maybe its coz im getting older.. So I still have hope for myself... But i still have some work to do... and maybe one day ill be good enough..

 

[AsTimeBurns]

Nope. I don't really have anything to offer a partner, so I can hardly blame them for not wanting anything to do with me. I'd be the same in the opposite position.

 

[dyingtolive]

Sometimes people ask me if i have any plans on getting a GF and i just say that i have too many problems and i cant even take care of myself, how more can i take care of someone else..

I also feel that i have nothing to offer and if i did get one, she would be really unlucky to be with me.

 

[Hoppy]

[Joke]Opposites attract; out there is an intelligent, rich, beautiful and sociable woman just waiting for me.[/joke]

When are you going to be good enough? When you decide, or when somebody else decides?

And just another thought: do you want to go on this quest alone, or with a partner?

 

[MrJones]

I don't have much to offer to a girl. I can only give my love and my life and I would try to make her happy. Honestly, it's not much, I'd just share what I had.

I don't think I could be good enough for someone, but then again I'm depressed so I can't see reality the way it is. I guess I'm not good enough right now. In the future? Maybe, maybe not.

 

[dyingtolive]

I think another thing is acceptance, i dont know if this relates to everyone, but i cannot accept myself. I think that it would be a joke for anyone to accept me as I am now. So thats why i still have to make myself better so that i can then accept myself, and only then can i allow someone else to accept me.

 

[dyingtolive]

So Mrjones, there's nothing concrete that you think you can work on to become good enough? I guess thats quite normal'ish also how quite a few people view the idea of being good enough..

I guess its different for me because I feel like there's alot of things that I have to change and improve and upgrade in myself

 

[Gaucho]

im not good enough, in the personality aspect. I'm 19, soon 20 but i see myself as 16/17. because there was a huge gap of 3 years were i didn't do nothing productive.

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

No... I feel like I'm expected to be perfect and amazing. I hate myself so I don't see how anyone else could accept me. I'm probably better off on my own anyway. Relationships are complicated, especially the ones that involve men and romantic feelings. Trust is a major issue for me, so my paranoia would probably ruin everything.

If the desire for a partner does eventually consume me then I have a lot of work to do, physically and mentally. I'm a perfectionist so things are never good enough, at least until I receive adequate validation from others.

 

[Boby]

Well me, i think i was rejected at an early age and from then on thought that I was not good enough.

Same here mate.Also I had that "not ready,yet..." excuse but I realized that it was a mistake.I missed so many great opportunities because of that,a lot of nice girls liked me and I just played dumb,I was pretending I didn't noticed their flirts and all that because in my mind "I wasn't ready".
As for the thread question ...I don't know, I have a weird mix of inferiority and superiority feelings so I don't really know if I'm good enough for someone,maybe it depends on the person.

 

[dyingtolive]

maybe the last 2 girls that I met both were so in control socially and had full blown social lives... and it was that that made me feel like it would be a stretch to even try to fit in their worlds, i guess it also made me feel insecure weak and inferior compared to them.

@ boby, i can relate with the superiority/inferiority. maybe you are also a perfectionist? I feel like you are trying so hard and they don't deserve it, thus the superiority, but on the other hand, its so unfair becoz i have to try so hard, but others already have it without effort, thus the inferiority..

@ Flowers Of Bloom, like what u mentioned, expected to be perfect and never feeling good enough, both physically and mentally. It is not common that I hear ppl say that they hate themself.. I have been angry so long don't hate myself.. but feel anger outward.. Your non-desire for a partner has been a place i've been in for maybe the past 6 years so i think i can relate as well

 

[Opaline]

No, I am not good enough. At this point I am disgusted by myself. My physical flaw renders me freakish and pathetic (in my eyes, anyway).

I actually have a boyfriend. But I don't know how long it will last. I will probably end up sabotaging it if he doesn't break up with me first out of frustration... or disgust.

 

[dyingtolive]

@ tally, i am sorry to hear that you feel this.. i also feel disgust for myself as I also have paralyzing BDD all my life and i also am not perfect and have my own flaws so i know alittle how you feel with physical frustration.

Does your disgust with yourself get in the way of your relationship? Does he think you are ok in his eyes?
Is there any steps you plan to take or are taking in dealing or helping with this (your flaws) and/or disgust ?

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

I don't have much to offer to a girl. I can only give my love and my life and I would try to make her happy. Honestly, it's not much, I'd just share what I had.

It sounds to me like you have a great deal to offer.

 

[MrJones]

It sounds to me like you have a great deal to offer.

It doesn't seem to be good enough...

 

[dyingtolive]

its nice to hear Tally that your Bf and others u mentioned are happy w the way u look. and you can feel normal around your Bf, this is great, and it helps get you through the day forgetting about it... its great to forget... and u have a plan and you may even have options too, things can still get better everyday

 

[CrazyGirl]

im not good enough, in the personality aspect. I'm 19, soon 20 but i see myself as 16/17. because there was a huge gap of 3 years were i didn't do nothing productive.

I got along perfectly fine with the opposite sex up 'til about the age of 13. I even preferred playing with the boys as a kid. Then something happened when I turned about 13. I started shutting everybody out and was in my own little world. Between about the age of 13-late-20's I did nothing but schooling, babysitting, work and stayed home.

Then all the sudden in my late 20's I started to take an interest in the outside world and the opposite sex again, Some guys would take an interest then lose it fast. I totally suck at social skills especially with the opposite sex.

Never been on a "real" date though had 1 guy that would regularly let me tag along for awhile.

So, emotionally, I still feel about 13.

 

[Iluv]

Never been on a "real" date though had 1 guy that would regularly let me tag along for awhile.

Neither have I. At least that I considered a 'real' date. I have had a good guy friend take me out to eat, as I considered it a date but then I realized he was just doing it to make me feel better after I told him a certain thing that upset me badly. I'm always the tag-along. Anyways I hate the idea of dates. Weird and awkward.

To answer your question I am not good enough for anybody.

 

[MrJones]

I'm not smart, not beautiful, I have no self-esteem, confidence, social-skills, anything for them to desire, barely any energy, health problems and I'm not a girl they'd prefer. I think every good person deserves the best in a partner to make them happy.

I'm pretty much that. I feel like there are always tons of better choices than me.

I don't know you very well, but I do think you're very funny. That's something a partner would appreciate.

 

[Gaucho]

i remember when i was younger, many beautiful girls wanted to date me, i always rejected and made it look i didn't have interest. Was just too scared to not be good enough, what would everyone else think?, i already had SA symptoms back then.
now I'm inexperienced and can't even think of a date. damn that would be so awkward me on a date. FAIL!