Are you bad at taking your turn (knowing when to speak) in conversations?

[tooshytosay]

I've noticed that in most conversations, people are really, really good at turn-taking.

That is, people seem to know exactly when to say something, without interrupting another person mid-sentence, yet allowing almost no silence to come in between them either.

Now I know sometimes a person ends up interrupting another person, speaking at the same time, etc. but that seems to be the exception not the rule.

Unfortunately I almost always end up interrupting or speaking on top of another person :: - I just can't seem to find that right timing to speak. To avoid this I might actually wait for there to be a true "silence" before I say something. But all this usually ends up doing is making the conversation really "broken" and stilted - not the seamless conversation I observe other people having.

It's either that or if they're a talkative person, they would just keep talking and talking, probably because they don't like silence. Then at the end of it all they'll be like "why don't you ever say something?" (And I'll be like "... because I didn't want to interrupt you!" :

It only gets worse with group conversations, I can never "squeeze" myself in because everyone is so good at knowing when to speak.

 

[NathanielWingateSpaghetti]

LOL I used to have a bad habit of interrupting people a whole lot. Basically because I was so impatient about saying something. Now if someone is babbling for 10 mins and nobody can get a word out, then I nowadays I might be more inclined to interrupt your babbling ass, hahahaha. ::

 

[Newtype]

I'm horrible at it. What's worse is that I studied human sciences some time ago and often there were debates, one team against another, and during those debates I never spoke!

 

[Phoenixx]

Yeah I'm pretty bad at this too. I always end up interrupting at some point. But I've noticed that I've been improving a little bit at this. How exactly? I have no idea.

 

[Nanita]

If I am in an uncomfortable situation and I feel nervous and shy, yes I am really bad at the whole conversation thing. REALLY BAD. I will just sit and be quiet and wonder "when should I speak, and what exactly will I say"... It feels horrible.
So, of course I avoid these kinds of situations...

When I´m comfortable, I have no problem participating in a conversation.

I guess my social anxiety comes when I am with people I don´t know well, or people that I feel are very different than me. Or people that are not very kind. The worst thing is being in a group and everybody else than me are talking and having a good time, and I just feel like an outsider.

 

[popolala]

its part of this social phobia thing u have.. social phobia makes me nervous and i struggle with talking at the right time, saying the right thing.. and think quickly because im so nervous, i am so speechless and blank.. the only time when i can give a proper reply is on messenger.. as sad as it is.. Best thing to do is to think quickly and listen carefully and speak slowly.. always wait after the person finish talking before talking, because its rude.

I try not to think of myself but what they saying.. also try increase your memory by taking up a hobby, something productive that keeps your mind functioning.. i think it will help.

 

[lurknomore]

I definitely have this problem. The times when I've actually thought of something to say, I get so anxious to say it, that I either interrupt the flow with it, or hesitate waiting for a definite opening, and by the time I say it the conversation has changed to a different topic and it's no longer relevant. It's really frustrating.

 

[dottie]

for the most part i can get a sense of when i am supposed to jump in. the anxiety comes because i don't have anything to say. some people are really good at coming up with filler BS on the fly. not me.

then there is always that person you have bad/awkward chemistry with and you always seem to speak at the wrong time.

 

[Sial Axetder]

since when did conversing become a game? don't worry so much speak up or not.

 

[HeadFace]

Yeup. Definetly know what you mean. It's one of the reasons I dread groups/hanging out with multiple people.

 

[xLindziex]

Yeah. Sometimes I think that's why I don't participate in conversations. What's the point if no one's going to let you get your voice in, right?

 

[ILovePocky]

I'm horrible at talking to other people. Last year in my sociology class we had weekly discussions that everyone was suppose to participate in and I never knew when to talk because people would just jump into the conversation. Every time I opened my mouth someone else would start speaking, so I usually didn't contribute anything.

 

[HeadFace]

I'm horrible at talking to other people. Last year in my sociology class we had weekly discussions that everyone was suppose to participate in and I never knew when to talk because people would just jump into the conversation. Every time I opened my mouth someone else would start speaking, so I usually didn't contribute anything.

Yeup. In psychology, our teacher opens up a question that we're supposed to discuss in our "groups" (another thing I hate. When desks are in groups of four.). I'm usually the last talk because the other three girls in my table are always talking, and at the end - sometimes- one of them may ask me "what about you" or something. And because I'm always afraid to answer truthfully, I say something extremely generic.
For example this one time we had the "last day of your life - what are you going to do?" thing
To be honest I'd probably try weed, hang out with the love of my life, eat everything, and be my non-shy/SA/SP/quiet self for the day. But my real answer went something like...
"oh.. Uhh.. Not sure. Probably hang out with my best friend since they're close to me... probably eat a lot..."

 

[Plunket]

I do take part in conversations and talk a lot more in general discussions and then i reach at the conclusion that it really helps a lot in increasing knowledge and make you more confident.

 

[slowmotiondaydream]

hey at least you got things to say in a conversation

 

[hoddesdon]

Firewalk is absolutely right - there are non-verbal cues. Possibly Phoenixx has improved by subconsciously picking up what the cues are. Everyone learns this subconsciously, which is why no-one can explain it if you ask them, and why Phoenixx has no idea why she has improved. If someone has social phobia, they are not paying enough attention either to learn the cues or recognise them if they do know them.

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

Firewalk is absolutely right - there are non-verbal cues. Possibly Phoenixx has improved by subconsciously picking up what the cues are. Everyone learns this subconsciously, which is why no-one can explain it if you ask them, and why Phoenixx has no idea why she has improved. If someone has social phobia, they are not paying enough attention either to learn the cues or recognise them if they do know them.

Non-verbal cues are it. We communicate 60% is it through body language, much of that unconsciously. Ppl with SAD, I know me, are so enraptured in their heads, with worry, self-consciousness, etc. to LISTEN outside - which includes paying attention to such non-verbal "cues" etc. My best is when well comfortable of course, but also a topic I have something to say on and my mind and thus body relaxes, and I am more aware. However this is quite rare. =D

 

[Psychedelicious]

Done

I don't know if I'm bad at it, I say literally nothing. I'm bad at taking turns if it means never taking one at all. If I do try to speak a word or two I KNOW someone is probably going to interrupt or talk over me. I just feel like, what is the use? It's just easier not to say anything. I wish I knew when it was my place to speak, but I don't.

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

Also, I believe convo's aren't so organized like you go around in a circle waiting turns to speak. Not my experience. There's courtesy not interrupting ppl constantly which ppl still do. Also how you speak too. I get walked over a lot but I usually mumble or sound unsure. Just doesnt grasp ppl's attention/interest clearly. =)

 

[Kiwong]

Not every one is good at it. There are quiet people, there are people who dominate the conversation.