Are you a Virgin?

[MikeyC]

21 year old kissless virgin here.

Maybe it's all those cigarettes in your mouth. ::

The pick-up artists that spend all their time chasing and bedding women disgust me. Why would you want to make that your life's purpose - to hunt down and bang as many hot pieces of ass as you can? I'm saying that from a woman's perspective of course, maybe it is every man's fantasy But it just seems so empty to me.

For men it's a way of "conquering" women. Some men feels that the amount of women they've bedded constitutes how cool they are. Some keep tallies. I'm not particularly into that sort of "competition" myself, nor do I know any good pick-up lines, assuming they still work.

That doesn't mean I don't want to "bang" a "hot piece of ass," as you call it! Maybe one day.

 

[Invisibleman]

Well its certainly interesting to see all of the different opinions and obviously thats all it comes down to but uh...WOW I guess im the lone minority for mine Honestly I care so much about sex and losing my virginity because im HORNY AS F***!!!! I have the sex drive of a raging,frothing African jungle beast in mating season. Ive whacked my weasel a record of 14 times in a single day and I wasnt even finished Id be an Ox in bed...I mean..*cough*...ANYWAY as I said its all about opinion and while im a firm disbeliever in no sex until marriage I still highly respect those that are willing to wait until then and are proud virgins

 

[MikeyC]

Ive whacked my weasel a record of 14 times in a single day and I wasnt even finished

Whoa. Whoa!!

 

[BlueDays]

Ive whacked my weasel a record of 14 times in a single day and I wasnt even finished

Your going to have either a very grateful or exhausted wife Invisibleman.
LOL

 

[Invisibleman]

::..Yup hehe,I need to LOSE it to KEEP my sanity::

 

[MrJones]

21 year old kissless virgin here.

To be honest though it doesn't bother me that much.

*high fives*
Same here buddy

I don't care about being a virgin, I'm not worried about sex tbh. I do want to find someone to really love and who loves me back, and I'd be more than happy just to give a hug to that person.

 

[CursedSoul]

really poster number 1

 

[OceanMist]

Using someone and leading someone on in order to get what you want and build your confidence is not a good idea, it's an extremely selfish and inconsiderate thing to do. I'm sorry but it sounds more like she is the one who lowered her standards, what a terrible mindset to have.

So what is the shy guy supposed to do then? Just keep waiting until he's 50 to lose his virginity? By that time getting back into the dating scene is extremely hard and so many more people are married.

People use people for sex all the time, and yes, there are many women that will use men for sex too. Go to your local watering hole and you'll find hundreds of people going home with a partner and many of them are just using that stranger they found for sex.

Using a person for sex to gain confidence is no different than getting drunk, going to a bar and trying to have a one-night-stand. In fact, trying to get confidence is being more proactive about the entire thing as opposed to just using the person for sex by itself.

If you think I'm selfish and a bad guy, then you must think like millions of other people that go to bars to get laid are all bad people and selfish people too.

 

[Opaline]

So what is the shy guy supposed to do then? Just keep waiting until he's 50 to lose his virginity? By that time getting back into the dating scene is extremely hard and so many more people are married.

People use people for sex all the time, and yes, there are many women that will use men for sex too. Go to your local watering hole and you'll find hundreds of people going home with a partner and many of them are just using that stranger they found for sex.

Using a person for sex to gain confidence is no different than getting drunk, going to a bar and trying to have a one-night-stand. In fact, trying to get confidence is being more proactive about the entire thing as opposed to just using the person for sex by itself.

If you think I'm selfish and a bad guy, then you must think like millions of other people that go to bars to get laid are all bad people and selfish people too.

The difference is that at bars people are usually aware they're being used and are themselves using others. Otherwise, they're just sort of... stupid, or naive. In a relationship, the girl is going to think you actually care about her, not using her for sex. Unless she specifically agreed to that sort of thing.

Pretending to be in a relationship just for sex, and going to a bar for a one-night stand, are two completely different things. It's the deception here that is cruel.

Unless you're only talking about one-night stands or friends with benefits, where the woman is aware of and wants it to only be about sex.

 

[user deleted]

I don't believe in one night stands. I don't believe in casual sex. I think that it's practised far too frequently and does nothing for self-esteem. If anything, for a lot of people it perpetuates negative self-esteem. Some people begin to rely on sex as a way of affirmation, and it's pretty obvious that our sense of self should only come from us, and nobody else. Becoming reliant on that for self-confidence is a whole other prison.

But yes, using someone else for sex (or anything else for that matter) is abhorrent. Having problems ourselves doesn't mean we should negatively impact the lives of others just to get ahead. I don't believe in stepping on other people.

If I were in any situation, I'd rather retain virginity ad infinitum than treat other people like that.

 

[OceanMist]

The difference is that at bars people are usually aware they're being used and are themselves using others. Otherwise, they're just sort of... stupid, or naive. In a relationship, the girl is going to think you actually care about her, not using her for sex. Unless she specifically agreed to that sort of thing.

Pretending to be in a relationship just for sex, and going to a bar for a one-night stand, are two completely different things. It's the deception here that is cruel.

Unless you're only talking about one-night stands or friends with benefits, where the woman is aware of and wants it to only be about sex.

According to the definition of what I think a relationship is, the women I used for sex for weren't a relationship. I only saw these women an average of two times which def doesn't qualify as a relationship in my mind.

If they think I cared about them so much after I dated them two nights then that's their problem. They shouldn't have made themselves so vulnerable for a guy they saw like 2 times.

Not sure where you think I got into a relationship with the women I've spoke of?

Anyways, there is no contract here. A person has the right to leave the person they are dating whenever they please. Nobody should stay with someone just to be "nice" or just to try to prove that "you aren't using them." We only have one life to live. Might as well enjoy every second by trying to be with people you want to be with.

Not sure why bars get a bad rep by so many people on this site? People can have real relationships and get married eventually from people at bars. It happens all the time. If you look up the best way to a get a date you'll see sites that have bars as the #1 place.

 

[OceanMist]

But yes, using someone else for sex (or anything else for that matter) is abhorrent. Having problems ourselves doesn't mean we should negatively impact the lives of others just to get ahead. I don't believe in stepping on other people.

I don't see how using someone for sex is always seen as a bad thing?

How do you know that these women don't enjoy the sex?

I mean at least they got to have sex with a guy on that night as opposed to not having sex and being alone. Many of these using the person for sex cases benefit both parties because they both get laid.

 

[Psychedelicious]

*sigh*

It's the fact that you're using someone for sex, it's that the knowledge of it is not mutual, and the other girl surely doesn't know your intentions. That's certainly what I got from reading your posts on the other thread. You can't lead someone on into thinking about a relationship when all you want to do is use them. Do whatever you want but at least be up front about it. This kind of thing really pisses me off.

 

[user deleted]

I don't see how using someone for sex is always seen as a bad thing?

How do you know that these women don't enjoy the sex?

I mean at least they got to have sex with a guy on that night as opposed to not having sex and being alone. Many of these using the person for sex cases benefit both parties because they both get laid.

In my opinion, Using someone for anything is a bad thing.. it shows a disregard for the feelings of others. It's selfish and cruel.

I think a lot of people that go to bars and have sex with strangers are lonely. I don't really see having a one night stand as a benefit. The next day, that person is gone, and they're back to being lonely, and possibly having regret.

I'm sure there are people that are perfectly capable of having sex with strangers and not feeling emotional attachment. I'm also sure there are people who have one night stands who aren't lonely or emotionally vulnerable. I do however know that a lot of people are emotionally vulnerable, I almost feel like it's predatory to take advantage of that fact. You sound so cold in your posts.. "It's not my problem if they end up emotionally involved." Well.. I don't know. Are you responsible for their feelings? No. Should you have a basic level of empathy, and the forethought to consider their feelings? I believe so.

As someone that presumably suffers social anxiety, if you met the picture-perfect girl of your dreams, and she used you, discarded you, how would you feel?

It's ideation like this that I think perpetuates my social phobia. Maybe I'm too sensitive, I don't know.

 

[Niiña]

Yes I'm & I'm 19 years old!!!

 

[MikeyC]

I don't believe using people for sex is a bad thing, unless both are of the knowledge that it's just a one-night-stand.

I'm not against one-night-stands. I would like a few of those myself one day (night).

 

[Opaline]

Exactly what psyche and amp said is what I was saying.

 

[1BlackSheep]

As someone that presumably suffers social anxiety, if you met the picture-perfect girl of your dreams, and she used you, discarded you, how would you feel?

That's what I was wondering!

 

[OceanMist]

QUOTEAmp;652968In my opinion, Using someone for anything is a bad thing.. it shows a disregard for the feelings of others. It's selfish and cruel.

I think many people believe that because they just see the person who is using the other person as the person who is the only one benefiting, when in fact the both parties benefit from the sex because in most cases sex feels good for both people.

Having sex with someone isn't all selfish because you are often the pleasuring the other person in most cases.

In fact, sex can be a very selfless act.

I think a lot of people that go to bars and have sex with strangers are lonely. I don't really see having a one night stand as a benefit. The next day, that person is gone, and they're back to being lonely, and possibly having regret.

How exactly are they lonely when they are having sex with someone like every weekend or even more than that for some people? They are with people in a bar and then going to have sex is constantly being around people that entire time which means they are the opposite of lonely.

Being around people all night definetly isn't being lonely.

I'm sure there are people that are perfectly capable of having sex with strangers and not feeling emotional attachment. I'm also sure there are people who have one night stands who aren't lonely or emotionally vulnerable. I do however know that a lot of people are emotionally vulnerable, I almost feel like it's predatory to take advantage of that fact. You sound so cold in your posts.. "It's not my problem if they end up emotionally involved." Well.. I don't know. Are you responsible for their feelings? No. Should you have a basic level of empathy, and the forethought to consider their feelings? I believe so.

Look at the context in which I wrote what I said. I meant if they get emotionally involved after seeing me just 2 times, then that's their problem. I don't see what's so bad about what I said?

2 nights of hanging out with a guy isn't very much at all, and it shouldn't be enough to start worshipping the guy enough that they get emotionally involved to a high degree. Therefore, if they get feelings that are enough to not be able to handle rejection, then that's on them.

They chose to have sex that early on while dating, they made that choice.

As someone that presumably suffers social anxiety, if you met the picture-perfect girl of your dreams, and she used you, discarded you, how would you feel?

I'd be beyond ecstatic if I just got spend an hour with the girl of my dreams. I wouldn't be surprised if I was to get rejected. I'd be able to handle rejection from her, in fact, better than I would from other women because I'd be expecting the rejection because she'd be the best looking woman I've gone out with.

Honestly, I've gotten pretty used to rejection by now. In the past year I've gotten rejected after date(s) with like at least 6 different women.

 

[user deleted]

Exactly what psyche and amp said is what I was saying.

Haha, sorry to re-hash you. I should have just put "I agree" but I can't help rambling sometimes.

Okay, I think it's worth making a distinction of what 'using' someone actually equates to. For me, it has decidedly negative connotations. It isn't a mutual thing by any means. I don't know too much about ethics but from the limited amount I've read, I agree with Kant's second categorical imperative. I'm going to post this from another site because it says it a lot better than I ever could.

According to Kant, every rational being has intrinsic and not merely instrumental value. That is, every rational being exists as an end-in-itself and not merely as a means to an end.

Categorical Imperative II. Act so that you treat humanity, whether in your own person or that of another, always as an end and never as a means only.

Kant here stresses the rational nature of humans as free, intelligent, self-directing beings. In saying they must never be treated as a means only, he means that we must not merely “use” them as means to our selfish ends. They are not objects or instruments to be used. To use people is to disrespect their humanity.

Notice that Kant does not say that there is anything wrong with using someone as a means. We have to use people as a means in any cooperative scheme of action. I cannot, for example, cash a check without using the bank teller as a means. This is acceptable because each side consents to the transaction and thus both sides are respecting the humanity of the other person. Categorical Imperative II does not prohibit using a person as a means; it prohibits using a person only as a means. As long as we are also respecting a person as an end-in-itself, we may permissibly regard them as also having instrumental value."