#21
iheart said: ↑From my observation, it seems like guys with SA have better luck than women when it comes to finding a partner. Generally, women are more willing to overlook shortcomings than men.
#22
State_Of_Trance said: ↑I'm curious about just how bad your social skills really are. If you don't mind my prying, would you mind giving some examples?
State_Of_Trance said: ↑I'll start! 22 years old. About to graduate college. Never made a single college friend. A few "friends" from childhood but I don't really communicate with them at all. No girlfriend ever. Every once in a while I say something dumb enough to get it permanently etched in my memory. I never really "go out." A lot of TvTropes, Steam, Netflix, etc.
List some good things about yourself as well! For my case, I work hard. Grades are fine. I read a lot of old books. I'm thoughtful even though it's hard to see from the outside.
Let's go down the rabbit hole. See where it takes us.
#24
Megaten said: ↑I dont think its so much an SA guy rejecting you as opposed to us rejecting ourselves before we get out of the gate. Even if you came straight out and told a guy with those problems that you were interested, they might flee in fear of "screwing things up". I've done this tons of times and it left me with quite a bit of shame Ive yet to get over.
#25
Bronson99 said: ↑It's interesting for me that your impression is opposite to the one I have!
#26
#27
iheart said: ↑The widely accepted standard has pretty much always been that the female is typically the more physically attractive of the pair while the male can be average-looking or physically unattractive.
iheart said: ↑I'm not saying that women have lower standards or that this scenario applies to everyone. But rather, it's an example of where dating tends to fare to the male's advantage. I mean, come on...how often (in media or real life) do you see men pursue a woman first and foremost because she has a big heart?
iheart said: ↑What's my point? I think men are too picky when it comes to dating.
I am too and I know a lot of other women are as well...but I think we're all missing opportunities for someone real in the hot pursuit of what we idolize.
#28
iheart said: ↑Oh definitely...generally, women are naturally more nurturing than men. I think there is an often too prevalent "survival of the fittest" mentality where both genders strive to be with the best partner they can get...the prettiest, strongest, etc. But far too few people look beyond their vanity for character and integrity in a romantic interest. Especially nowadays, when most news channels require a female anchor to look as much like video vixxen as possible (guess why). The widely accepted standard has pretty much always been that the female is typically the more physically attractive of the pair while the male can be average-looking or physically unattractive. I'm not saying that women have lower standards or that this scenario applies to everyone. But rather, it's an example of where dating tends to fare to the male's advantage. I mean, come on...how often (in media or real life) do you see men pursue a woman first and foremost because she has a big heart?
What's my point? I think men are too picky when it comes to dating.
I am too and I know a lot of other women are as well...but I think we're all missing opportunities for someone real in the hot pursuit of what we idolize.
#29
iheart said: ↑
What's my point? I think men are too picky when it comes to dating.
I am too and I know a lot of other women are as well...but I think we're all missing opportunities for someone real in the hot pursuit of what we idolize.
#30
iheart said: ↑Interesting. I actually seek out men with SA or at least someone who is very introverted. Let me tell you, that is no easy task! Do guys with SA assume a woman with SA might be undesirable, incompatible?
From my observation, it seems like guys with SA have better luck than women when it comes to finding a partner. Generally, women are more willing to overlook shortcomings than men.
I think I blew my chances with a fellow social phobe years ago. My last boyfriend was very extroverted and never accepted my SA as legit. I learned from that difficult experience to stick with my own kind. But finding them is almost impossible for obvious reasons. Frustrating.
#31
S_Spartan said: ↑It's all a product of living in a somewhat stable land with plentiful resources. Take those two things away and you will see the pickiness dry up real quick.
When people's basic life needs are being met then they start to focus on status.
Having a desirable mate projects a person's status or in some cases even raises a person's status.
Couple this with the fact that everyone is walking around with a biological daemon(or "service" for Windows users 😛 ) that is always encouraging us to mate with the best DNA we can get for our hypothetical offspring and what you have is the perfect storm of pickiness.
#32
Bronson99 said: ↑Not to be a pessimist, but this seems a bit at odds with the "just make her tingle" philosophy..
#33
Bronson99 said: ↑Well, I don't know if it's an example of poor social skills per se, but I'm often unable to say hello to a woman in public, even if they smile at me, or show some friendly gesture. Somehow I've gotten into this habit of just nodding my head when such things occur. It's like.. I seem to have trouble vocalizing or getting the words out, when I haven't spoken for a while. When I've tried, the result is sometimes an awkward "hello." So when I come to think of it, this is pretty darn bad.
As for major things, you have group socializing, where I just tend to shut down. In fact I mostly cannot stand group socializing, and yet I'm told that's often how people meet. Or otherwise, people meet in group atmospheres, which I can hardly stand either.. I think there is so much "fake-ness" in these situations, anyway.
For now I'll just say you've got more going for yourself. Graduating college would have been a gargantuan feat for me. But good grades in college weren't something that described me, because 1) I wasn't good academically past the 9th grade, no thanks to ADD 2) the social environment was too overbearing.. college is too heavy on the social aspect.. I had to fold.
Looks-wise, I believe I am average. But too thin, and "always planning on going to the gym," but I haven't done it yet.
#35
S_Spartan said: ↑No, because a guy who is making a woman tingle is displaying his superior DNA or at least trying to sell her the idea that his DNA is superior to other men.
S_Spartan said: ↑What has changed now though is that technology, political stability, and plentiful resources have made it so that the sexes don't need each other like they did before and it's also given people the illusion that they have unlimited options and they feel like they can afford to be picky.
So you have a lot of people not taking things seriously in the dating world and the marriage rate is dropping.
#36
State_Of_Trance said: ↑I don't know much about ADD. Does it make studying and the like impossible or just really hard?
#37
Bronson99 said: ↑Really hard. Short-term memory deficiency is common for most with ADD. I can read a sentence at the beginning of a paragraph, come to the end of that paragraph, and realize I don't understand because I wasn't paying enough attention. I wish I could tell you how slow it makes reading, compared to the average person. If the material is stimulating and/or easy reading, then sometimes I can read about "half the speed" of the average person, but most reading material is not stimulating or easy.
#38
Rawz said: ↑I fear I might be doomed forever. Permanent change is so hard. Especially when doing it all on your own.
#39
Bronson99 said: ↑Time to work on my clown game, and my day game. Night game is not going to work.. that's about the "scene," and that ain't an environment I can jell in.
#40