Anybody else extremely shy?

[dead24]

I am extremely shy I feel like the shyest person in the world even on this site. I am so incredibly awkward with people. I never initiate conversations. Im extremely quiet. I have always nothing to say. Im always alone. I dont have friends. I hate when people take pictures of me. I can't meet new people. I make people uncomfortable and they always want to get away from me. Im even too scared to post this. etc etc etc. Im sorry for this post. Im so pathetic. :kickingmyself: Anybody else?

 

[mikebird]

Depends on the people I speak to.

I have lost my verve for putting effort into any interaction with known friends or strangers.

There is a rift between the world and living alone since 2001. Been out and about, earning money, as a principle goal. Things have dwindled

I've become quite an actor / pretender. It derides the soul.

The entire equation is quite simple for me. Every day alone digs me deeper into unfortunateness. The only realistic way out is communicating with recruiters in order to get invited to meet an employer. Days, weeks, months, years without makes things harder. I always have the urge to do it, waiting for rare approval by phone.

 

[squidgee]

I know what you mean dead24. I always seem to feel inadequate around people because of my shy, quiet personality when everyone is so outgoing. Especially so in high school where everyone seems to join their own little clique and then I just hole up in the library reading a book.

 

[laure15]

It depends on who I'm with. I can be loud and outgoing at home with my parents and best friend but shy and awkward around unfamiliar people. I don't show my true self to people very easily.

 

[O'Killian]

I never speak unless spoken to, and even then I keep it terse. Quiet is in my nature - if I don't have something worth saying, I'm reluctant to say anything (and when I do, I'm generally worried it'll require too much explanation). I'm alone and have no meatspace friends, at least.

I'm reluctant to say I'm shy, though - I usually see social encounters as more of a burden than a harrowing experience, and I'm not a huge fan of small talk beyond the bare minimums of politeness.

I'm also reluctant to post things online - even this! - but that's as much for fear of being ignored or misunderstood after the (sometimes tremendous) effort I make to give my thoughts cohesion. Is that shy? Maybe.

I'd be willing to bet, though, that you don't make people uncomfortable nearly as much as you think. We tend to project a lot of our own feelings on to others. Speaking from personal experience, I imagine I appear somewhat like you. But when I've been forced into those times when small talk is a necessity, I've done well enough despite not really having anything to say. I regaled the friend-of-a-friend with an old tale of a squirrel that fell into the truck right as my dad shut the door. More recently I discussed the group project from hell where both of my partners literally dropped the damn class with my lab partner. We've all had some experiences - no matter how mundane or silly - that we can draw on, even if we might fib a little about how far in the distant past they are. The moral here is that don't let concern about how shy/timid/cold/reserved you appear amplify those feelings in you. Most people's bar for conversation seems to be fantastically low.

It's also worth noting, in both those cases, all I had to do was drop a few tactically placed sentences to give the other person a chance to prattle on. The conversation wasn't exactly one sided, but the sheer volume award went to them, which is fair enough for people like us.

I hope that's some help - I'm fully aware it's difficult to internalize this kind of thing, but I obviously felt it bore saying.

-

Also, somewhat like laure15, I have well defined public and private personas. I'm definitely more outspoken and open with people I know, but that's because I know them and I can easily anticipate their reactions and know it's unlikely I'll waste anyone's time. I wouldn't say that one or the other is my true self; they're different sides of the same coin.

 

[LifeInternal88]

Hi. Yea...that's me.

Hey, do you think shy people would feel more comfortable around other shy people?
If I start making more friends, I want them to to equally shy.

@Mikebird, would you consider finding a roommate?
I think I want to live alone. My mom says you need people...Em, I think I'll be okay. I wouldn't go crazy. Solitutude feels good to me.

 

[miserablecow]

I find myself to be extremely shy...even online, which I find very frustrating. Even with people are are close to me and at times it gets awkward. Basically, pretty much what everyone else has mentioned.

 

[Hellhound]

In a SA forum, extremely shy people will be an easy find

 

[takeheart]

OP, you and me relate very much.l'm very shy and quite too. l'm so hopeless

 

[theslowesthand]

Yep, got that. Sometimes i forget about that fact, in my enthusisam for things (i pay for it later). Never ever have the energy for people, even when fully recharged.

 

[neohorizon]

Shyness is the desire to please and the fear of not succeed in it;

Take this steps if you want to get better:

1)Think more in what YOU want and YOU need
Dont care about the other people judgment

This is hard, cause shy people usually are perfectionist and care too much about the other people feelings and thoughts.

And we suffer so much because of it, but we have the wrong vision of the world, why there are some many people with the appearance and personality like ours (or worse) but they can live fine, go to parties, have dates, have fun or at least live???

Because they dont care like we do, our expectations are so high and we care too much, every time you open your mouth you dont need to say the smartest thing or the coolest thing, just say what YOU WANT or NEED to say, like "normal" people do, they also get awkward or some times say stupid things, this is normal, the problem is the "worries" and "expectations" that we have. And some times they came from our own minds, we are our worst enemies, we think people are judging us the way we judge ourselves, this is so wrong...

In your post you said "Im so pathetic." THAT IS WHAT >>YOU<< THINK! idk you but i can say, you are not pathetic, you just have your problems and must get over it like everyone in this freaking and hellish world. You are GOOD ENOUGH to live a good life, everybody deserves it... you are not the best but neither the worst...
You were born to be just like you are today, maybe you made some bad choices or chose wrong things but you wouldnt be much different, live YOUR life, take this as a challenge...

2) Face the fear

i know its freaking hard to face the shyness, but you'll have to do this sooner or later... I'm feeling exhausted of fighting it, i'm even taking medicines cause it raised my Anxiety and my Depression, if you can, look for professional help and open yourself to your parents or friends, they can help so MUCH, say what are disturbing you or argue about it to them, they might get worried (in a good way) and support you.

Its a war, fight the battles against the shyness and fear... if you lose some (say stupid things or get awkward) use them as experience to the next times, learn how you must act is these moments, get prepared!

Get excuses to face it, like pay the bills for your parents, walk with your dog, go to a park, say HI to new people, ask things to other people just to talk... idk what you can do, but dont stay locked inside your home or run away from other people, things only get worse... Running away dont solve the problem, only delays it.


3)Build your self-esteem and be more confident

As you see progression you'll feel better! people might praise you and notice that you changed... this is so good and make us keep going on!

but you have to move forward... idk how old are you or what you want to do for living!
just fight for it... make plans for your future, try new things, WISH things, learn things...! (not high expectations plz)

**RELIGION AND FAITH HELPS SO MUCH, try it**

GOOD LUCK, srry my english

>> I might look like the most confident guy in the world or something, but these things are what i'm trying to do, this is what i have in my mind to keep fighting for my life. Step by step...
Today i'll put a profile picture in my FB cause i dont have it yet, an HUGE step... all my friends we'll see it! ;s

 

[ShyGuy1994]

I'm extremely shy too. :sad:

 

[Srijita52]

Yeah, I can totally relate to you. I'm extremly shy as well. The only thing that I found helps though, is to try facing your fears, try intiating conversations with others, both online and irl, maybe try meeting people. I know it can be really hard but with enough practice you'll get better. You're not pathetic for being shy.

 

[hardy]

I am extremely shy I feel like the shyest person in the world even on this site. I am so incredibly awkward with people. I never initiate conversations. Im extremely quiet. I have always nothing to say. Im always alone. I dont have friends. I hate when people take pictures of me. I can't meet new people. I make people uncomfortable and they always want to get away from me. Im even too scared to post this. etc etc etc. Im sorry for this post. Im so pathetic. :kickingmyself: Anybody else?

You are not pathetic...believe me i was just like you if not worse and made decent progress. 'This too shall pass' like they say and so true.

Your English is very good...not many people in this world can write. If we can start using our simple skills like writing or driving or any other skills to help others in need....life doesn't have to be so painful. Can you do something for me? Go out there and find someone who needs help and give them a hand...could be your family or someone who is old..Please do a few random act's of kindness everyday. Things will change for sure

All i can say about improving is meditation(science of mind) has taught me a great deal about life. Still a long way to go..but i have made a start.

wishing you happiness

 

[Magaly]

quote=dead24;662830]I am extremely shy I feel like the shyest person in the world even on this site. I am so incredibly awkward with people. I never initiate conversations. Im extremely quiet. I have always nothing to say. Im always alone. I dont have friends. I hate when people take pictures of me. I can't meet new people. I make people uncomfortable and they always want to get away from me. Im even too scared to post this. etc etc etc. Im sorry for this post. Im so pathetic. :kickingmyself: Anybody else?[/quote]

Oooh thats me:blushing:

 

[Richey]

I think there is a a few simple things that tie in here...

It definitely, partly, comes down to environment, that is the BIG word...

I am shy around authority types, i feel paranoid, so if i work with personality types that really clash with me then i'll stay really quiet and placid. Because i'm not an authority type, i am really nice and like to be on the same level as others.

So if you live with parents or you work around really bossy people then you'll probably feel uncomfortable everyday which makes shyness become the usual routine.

People can really change and become different in different environments/situations though.

Ever noticed how a really positive, upbeat motivational type of person can make you mimmick them if they choose to help you out or if they want to be your friend, then suddenly you become more open and willing to take risks with conversation.

Its the same with environment. If you are home all the time and you are feeding the vicious cycle that perpetuates the lifestyle or routine that causes shyness then progress can't occur. Its better to find somewhere to spend time where you can feel relaxed and on an even level to everyone, which isn't easy, especially in the world we live in, but that's kind of what will improve self esteem.

It also could be that not relating to other people and not knowing what people are talking about. I am caught out alot not knowing anything about a topic of conversation, because i haven't studied it. And there is always 1-2 people that know everything and have an answer to everything, photographic memory? who knows. But you don't have to have an answer for everything, you don't even have to say much really.

It doesnt really matter if you are shy or chatty as long as you have some contentness and comfort within yourself. So if you are awkward then instead of focussing on being more chatty, try to focus on being relaxed, being more swift, taking simple steps, maybe slowing down the conversation, slow down the response, focus a bit more, block out everything else except the person asking you a question ....

 

[LostNAlone]

I feel like shyness has taken over my life I have no social life at all I have spent the last 4 years of my life playing mmorpg's and even then didn't have any freinds mostly cus I couldn't start a convo and in rl, well you can forget about that there is no way I could track to anyone without making the whole situation awkward and weird. Ppl tell me to just face my fear and go for it, but the thing is I don't think I no how to face it. What should I say/do where should I go to start working on the problem who should I try to befriend...how should I handle the awkwardness of my actions. I want to make friends I want to be able to make plans and follows through with them. Before anyone can face their fear they first need to learn how...but the world seems to be short on teachers.

 

[Geo]

Same I always avoid people in fear of having nothing to say. I was thinking of taking up reading or something to kind of expand my vocabulary to get a better sense of what to say but I'm not sure if that really works..I converse sooooo much better over text than talk it's unfit.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

I really hate when people take pictures of me!

 

[jaim38]

^Same here. For some reason, I don't look photogenic in other people's pictures, usually.
I am also very shy. I can speed read and write without much problems but speaking is what messes me up.